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Elmer Gantry
Revisited
Ily WII.I.ARI) CLUTCHMYER
My friend and fellow traveler Maynard Crunch and 1 tipped ever
to Roberts Hall last f riday to see Norman Vincent Cnich, boy mini
sterial student. Quite a crowd had gathered to see Cnich. who, after
sweating a vendetta against sin and evil, had locked himself in a Sam
sonite overnight bag and threatened to stay until the rule allowing
coeds to smoke in the Student Center was abolished. It should be noted
that sin and evil, above referred to, are not to be confused with two
sorority pledges by the same name.
Cnich had distinguished himself in this area while still a freshman
when he courageously turned in a coed for smoking in the co-op. He
was later quoted in the Cluster as saying. "The fact she was on fire
is no excuse.”
As we entered his dingy cubicle we found his roommote, Hwcet
Daddy Sforza, reading a special edition of the Cluster commemorating
the Sammy Davis-May Britt nuptials. On the gramophone the ever
popular Wally Fowler was singing Justice Called and Mercy Answered.
This was followed by the Blackwood Brothers quartet with Leroy Aber
nathy playing the esophagus tube and their version of 1 \\ ant A Cirl
Just I.ike The Cirl That Married Dear Old Dad by Oedipus ReX. All the
while we could hear Cnich keeping time on the inside of the overnight
case.
"Reverent Cnich,** I said, for he was just that—having been
ordained upon his graduation from the sixth grade, ' why are you
subjecting yourself to the slings and outrages of your fellow
students?”
"My reasons,” he saitl, “can be found in the history of my fellows.
Ministerial students as you probably know, were invented in 1911.
They almost starved to death until Jesse Jewell invented fried chicken
in 1921.”
“They were few in number until the year 1910 when they
thronged onto various campi about this great land of ours in great
multitudes. I forget the exact date of the influx but it was, coin
cidentally, the day on which the Selective Service Draft laws went
into effect. From that great day to this we have gone about doing
battle with the devil and his lieutenants—fraternity men!!”
“Amen!” screamed Sforza as he began to pitch a tent for his lab
assignment in Revivals 101.
“Yes brother," shouted Cnich, “Mercer can be proud of its gradu
ates in this field, e.g: Calvin Chautauqua, who now preaches in front
of the Bibb Theatre every Saturday afternoon, except when Bessie
Tift p'ays at home. Need 1 tell you brother that it was Rev. Chautau
qua who wrote. How Would You Like Your Daughter To Marry A Raw
Student? Can History Professors Be Christians? Will Kennedy Abolish
Foreign Missions? New Hope For Methodist, I Made a Million Dollars
Belling Funeral fiome Fans In My Spare Time, and 1 Was a Catholic
For The B.S.F."
"Yes brother, it was the Mercer Ministers who used to go down
to the City Jail and sing to the prisoners every weeek end. Brother
we’d still be doing it if the head jailer hadn’t been convicted for violat
ing the constitutional provisions against allowing cruel and unusual
punishment.”
By this time the fever of Cnich's forensic frenzy had drawn
a small hut dedicated group of fanatics from the halls and cor
ridors w ho noddl'd and proceeded to set up a hue and cry of aniens
the likes of which Tatnall Tech has yet to see.
From the group bolted a frothing sophomore who shouted “I’m
Oral Jeter brother! I work wonders, tell your future, conjure warts,
and call your friends and enemies by name!”
As if to prove his claim he fell upon me with alacrity (I Inter
found out that alacrity was his younger brother) and wrenched my
head in concentric circles as he shouted “Be Healed!”
I wrested my misshapen but handsome head from his grasp in time
to hear Cnich exclaim, "And that's not all brother, this year the
ministerial students are going to stop drinking at Mercer."
“Next thing you know," said Maynard, “They'll try to stop the
rest of the students too.”
As Maynard and 1 broke out into the hall we could hear Cnich
screaming "Yes brother, you go to yo’ drive-in-movies and smoke yo’
filter tip cigarettes and date them Methodists at Wesleyan—Well I tell
you—you going to wake up one morning around a big campfire and
smell something burning, and BROTHER, it's gonna be YOU!”
As we walked into the chill night, breathing the fragrant Macon
air charged with the electric scent of mules being roasted to a golden
brown, we heard the ministerial choir softly singing in the background,
“When The War Breaks Out In West Berlin, I Want To Co To Louis
ville.”
SPORTSCOPE
By CHARLIE ETHERIDGE
Dear Sportscope,
What would be the possibilitiei
of Mercer ever getting a decent
place to play basketball and/or to
hold a half-white physical educa
tion program? It would be as good
for Mercer as it would for the
students. (Signed) An avid but dis
gruntled fan.
It would really be nice if some
one were interested enough to write
about this but as I am no good at
secrets, I must confess. I wrote
the letter and will answer it Who
attends Mercer’s
games? About
half the students
and a few bas
ket b all lovers.
That's all. 1
guess that’s all
there has ever
been. Mercer
certainly has
never gained
any support
from the city of Macon. Macon has
never supported anything in par-
t cular. That is one reason, of
a few, that Mercer no longer has
college football. Macon has lost
two high school tournaments, Class
A and A A, both boys and girls,
simply because the home of the
world's secoml largest copper
dome, the city auditorium is a
lousy place to play and watch bas
ketball. They thought they had it
made because of a central location
and the largest seating capacity
around. Don’t be surprised to see
classes B and C, who draw more
than anyone else to leave Macon
soon. Macon just doesn’t care; it's
as simple as that.
A few interested alumni can’t
do it. Dr. W. G. Lee has probably
given more to Mercer athletics than
any man or group of men, but he
can’t build fieldhouses. Bobby Wil
der can’t do it, that's for suie.
He has a hard enough time break
ing even in his scheduling every
year. Of course, it's not his job.
He is a coach, not a promoter.
Just one for instance, for what
it may be worth. Take Georgia
Tech, never a cage power but only
a SEC patsy until a few good pro
spects and a terrific need led them
to build the Alexander Memorial
Coliseum. Last year after only
four years in the "Big Dome," they
were the Southeastern Confer
ence's representative to the NCAA
Tournament, the terror of the
South and nationally ranked. The
“Big Dome” was filled for nearly
every Atlanta game and people |
November 18, 1960
THE MERCER CLUSTER
staff photo by Ward Lowraiu
Members of the Pershing: Rifles are (right row, from front t
back) All Stephenson, Carl Whelchel, Tony Keaton, And
Hammond (left row, from front to hack) Sam McKinne;
Jesse Mitchell, John Artley and Jim Pahris.
Pershing Rifles Cet Six Pledges
Company E-4 of the Pershing
Rifles will perform a practice drill
on the ROTC fields Monday to de
monstrate their fundamentals.
Among the formations they plan to
present the saber arch which they
traditionally use at the annual
ROTC ball.
The Pershing Rifles will be con
ducted during the performance by
Pershing Rifles Commander Hunt
Sanders.
Students interested in becoming
affiliated with the military grot
are invited to meet with them
.1:00 Mondny afternoon in tl
ROTC grounds.
According to S.F.C. Binion, tl
local Pershing Rifles group h»
six new pledges. They are Gat
Carter, Clifford English, Charli
Fowler Jr., Allen Henson Jr., I
mar Sheets and George Yett
All except Sheets are from Mac
and all except English are fresl
men.
came from miles around to see the
Jackets and their home. Mercer
doesn't have the colorful schedule
of Tech, nor the million population
of greater Atlanta to draw from.
They don’t even have a winning
team, but what can you expect
when Mercer (average height may
be li’-l” plays Stetson or Georgia,
whose guards are bigger than Mer
cer's front men? Why would a good
tall basketball player come to Mer
cer when he can get a better deal
somewhere else?
1 don't advocate that Mercer
build a gymnasium that scats 0100
or even 10(H). Maybe just remodel
old Porter Gym. I never realized
how old it was until 1 saw that
plaque in the lobby that reads:
"Dedicated by Jefferson Davis in
1859”. Another scoreboard was
added so that the posts wouldn't in
terfere with keeping up with the
score, l ut you still can't see the
game. Maybe (possibly, perhaps)
Mercer could work out something
with Macon’s city administration
to build a fieldhouse to be used
for Mercer's games (leaving Lanier
and Willingham in the city audi
torium or allowing neither of them
You Are Invited To Visit CHARLIE ETHERIDGE
Campus Representative, Anytime At
Phone SH 5-2801
to play there on a conflicting date
and for Macon to use during toui
nament time.
Mercer's physical education h
gotten a slight boost from Coac
Wilder; Coach Smith and Zeb Va
have worked hard. Tennis court
have been re-asphalted. Work hi
begun on the baseball field whit
Mercer reclaimed from the Ma.o
Little League. But there is much I
be done. The football fields are i
terrible shape. Someone could h
mortally wounded on the rock pile
With as much interest as there
in weight lifting, maybe a spccii
place instead of the present loci
tion and a little better equipmei
would add even more. And noi
with a professional hired to teac
wrestling during the winter ai
spring, a decent place for matm
to work out instead of the low
room in the gyn where a sprawlinj
grappler could kiss a gas heat
aad become permanenly dismeia
bered.
Well, I've had a big time spoul
ing off and now I’ll let the arg
ment go back where it came froi
nowhere.
Veal Picked
>
BearCaptair
The Mercer basketball team ele
ted Donnie Veal as captain for th
1960-61 season. Veal is a senic
economics major from Maci
Georgia. He is beginning his fourt
season for the Mercer courtmen
Last year he was leading scor
with an 18.0 point-per-game avt
age. He is a good ball handler an
playmaker.
Veal is also an outstandini
baseball player. He has playe
short shop for the last three yean
and he pitched some last year. Hi
great skill has brought him to th
attention of many profession!
scouts.
-Running the G^tfet.
YOU HAVE TO THINK FOB YOU A SELF...
AND THINK FAST!
“’TTv