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Oh, what aordid glee I felt the other day when
beheld beety-eyed babbling Business butler,
Scrooge Mustang, escorting our own beloved
president, R.U. Serious, along the Toby and Tot
trail. Their ambling along, like-unto Siamese
twin*, followed by Tattnall Tech's Witch-In-Reai-
ilence and three Alchemy Profs, made it quite dif
ficult to discover the exact identity of each. Then
caught sight of the bloodsmeared machete with-
Scrooge’s suspenders (which so readily held up
his socks) and "upon visioning that oft-used in
strument, I deducted rather shrewdly that R U.
was happily accompanying his gestapo to a meet
ing with the faculty and good dean Boaco Shaft
The sight of these two beloved educators quick-
squelched the robust rumor that R. U had been
hired as head football coach at Tenure High, and
that Scrooge had been elected as chairman of
the famous Hilton hotel line in Russia known as
the Comrade Hilton (not to be confused with
Tattnall Tech’s "Mustang Manor” bordering
Genghis Kahn Memorial Park).
Indeed, the minds and hearts of all Tattnall
students, faculty, and alumni are again moved to
tears due to the emotional strain that ooses forth
as we realise that our leaders will not in fact be
leaving us but will be abiding here to further
punctuate their ideas and ideals on all for the
sake of “teaching by proxy, all that good old Bap
tist orthodoxy.”
As these two forms of physical development
passed doee by, I heard R U. inquire of his com
panion “Can you really go from sero to sixty in
eight seconds, Scrooge?” “Gee, I wish I could ride
a tricycle like that
I0TC
Companies
OaagaguiiuMI
Selecting sponsors
Each of Mercer’s four ROTC
companies Monday will select the
preliminary nominees who will
vie for the coveted title of company
sponsor during three weeks of
special eliminations and elections.
On Monday cadets in each com
pany will submit the names of Mer
cer girls they would like to have as
their sponsors. Photographs of all
those nominated will be posted in
the ROTC department, and the fol
lowing Monday the cadets will se
lect the top four nominees from
each company.
The nominees will appear before
the unit in a special drill cere-
lony, followed by secret ballot
lections in each company to choose
>e company sponsors.
The girls selected will be pre-
inted to the units at the formal
Sponsors Day ceremonies on Nov.
Cadets will also select and vote
secret ballot to choose the battal-
i sponsor. The winner will be an-
tunced at the annual Military Ball
•ly winter quarter.
PO Announces
ftfflnnan
Officers
Alpha Phi Omega, National Ser-
ice Fraternity, has announced its
fficere for the coming year. They
re: president. Bill Thielmann;
list vice-president, Ed Simmons;
econd vice-president, Colin Har
is; secretary-treasurer, Bob Hurt;
is to nan, Richard Hearn.
Membership in the organisation
• open to any male student enroll-
1 at Mercer who is interested in
Kving others and has at some time
(filiated with scouting or the Boy
cout movement
The fraternity’s cardinal prind-
*es are Leadership, Friendship,
ad Service.
MUSICAL INSTRUMB4TS
SUPPLIES A REPAIRS
BIBB MUSIC CENTER
317 Cotton Ave. 744-3233
Emily Post Revisited
By Wilda Clutchmyer
Slithering out of my room late Saturday last I was somewhat
surprised to stumble over the lifeless body of the CLUSTER’S Social
Editor. This was nothing unusual, even in view of the fact that I
knew she was home for the week-end, so aiming a playful kick at her
jugular vein with the pointed toe of my surplus army boots (taken
from a Japanese army colonal in the lockerroom of a Pearl Harbor
bath house, Dec. 8. 1941), I carefully ignited the fuses of a pair of
Roman candles which I had thrust beneath her toenails, stepped light
ly on her rib-cage, and yelling “Down with mystery meatl” over my
shoulder, cheerfully headed to the co-op, since only 15 minutes re
mained of the time in which coeds are allowed to wear pants and keep
them on here at Mercer.
Suddenly it occurred to me that there was some thing amiaa My
cohort and fellow-sinner in the eyes of God remained sprawled on the
floor, nor had she answered, “Just try to keep it down!" to my com
ment on lunchroom fare.
Stooping over the contorted body, I finished off the pint of stout
•till clutched in the spastic hand (another indication of fool play.
Not that the hand was spastic, but that the beer was nndninh—and so
was she. Also, neither she nor her opium pipe waa lit), and carefully
examined the pock marked, Karl Marked, and mark-marked body
before me . . . clearly the work of villains. No, the body was not harm
ed—it started off that way.
She had not met her Breaker unprepared. Searching carefully,
I found her usual assortment of small anna (some with small hands
.till attached), a pair of 38’s in a shoulder holster, and—the vilest
moat vicious weapon of all—a copy of last week’s Porter Patter, which
waa printed poat-humoroualy (or is it hnmusly?) in honor of a job
well done (i.e., the deletion of said editor.).
‘‘Such a pity, too,” I thought “and ah# had just attained her life’s
ambition.” There, tattooed across her right nostril, waa a faithful
reproduction of the $25.00 check she had received for her motto: “I
dreamed I was CLUSTER Social Editor in my ”
(The CLUSTER being a campua newspaper financed by government
welfare checks, refuses to give public recognition of other means of
‘support’.) With the original of the check, aha, I, and Jaundice (snob
by pronounciation of Janice) Jong, daughter of the famous Ma Jong,
had intended on laying bets on tha aardvaark races to which toe fra
ternities have been taking their dates.
“Who could have done this loathsome deed?” I wailed, tlashing
my wrists with a knife stolen from the lunchroom (I didn't really
want to cut myself, you see.) Then pausing a moment in my manifes-
U tiom of grief—since I saw no one was looking—I bethought myself
of toe wild jubilation I had heard raging in the sorority suite above my
bead during toe wee hours of the aooneag At first I had credited
their wild ravings and obscene ran tings to formal pledging, bat bow
I knew the truth.
Wiping a genuine tear from bar aye, I did sty last writable duty
bv the lari Christian martyr since Martin Luther King: replacing
the quarters which weighted her lids with 1944 pennies, I crossed the
October 30, 1444
The Mercer flahr
Programs To Look
Forward To
by WILLARD CLUTCHMYER
It was last Tuesday afternoon. I was in my dingy cubicle in the
cellar of Sherwood Hall poring over toe latest issue of Looney Tunes
and Merry Melodies when I heard a rap at my door. I opened it and
in dashed my friend and fellow bird-watcher La Saza Sforxa.
La Saxa glanced furtively about toe room and aaurehsd both
dooeta. He was still shaky after befa« convinced by several fra
ternity pledges that one of the janitors was a Man Mau terrorist
“It’s alright, La Saxa,” I assured him. He was a hapless lad; the
fraternity men who live on his floor are constantly making sport of
him and his roommate Hathaway Fungi Last week they set a pair of
his cashmere socks on fire (while he was wearing them) and before
the blaze could be brought under control six pious students had turned
him in for dancing on campus. He was given 20 lashes and moved up
six rows in chapel. The six students of course were given gold stare
to put on their student activities card.
His roommate Hathaway Fungi ■ quiet boy, (partially
due to total illiteracy) accumulated 103 overcuts last quarter
after pranksters on Ms floor convinced him that two of his classes
were meeting in the belfry of the Ad Building. He became suspic
ious after noting that the teachers had failed to ahow for almost
eight weeks.
“Well, Willard,” La Saza whispered, “what are you doing in the
afternoons now?”
“Since the Howdy Doody show waa moved to Saturday morning,
my afternoons have beeome pretty gfana,” I admitted
“Well things are looking up,” said La Saza, “the Stagnant Activities
Committee has scheduled another scintillating series of programs this
year! 1”
“Do go on! !’’ I exclaimed, aroused by this exciting news.
“Weil first off they have arranged to have a special concert
by toe famous tuba soloist Igor Loose!ip"
“Ecstacy! !” I replied, remembering the musical treat we had
last year when one of the S. A. C. committeemen, Hugh Quin Nardvark
Jr., was able to engage the renown virtuoso Hugh Quin Nardvark, Sr.,
who played a stirring medley of Mesopotamian marching music on
a metronome accompanied by the ocarina section from our Mercer
R.O.T.C. Band. The committee was able to get Nardvark for the
ridiculously low price of $8,000, and the 14 students who were there
(La Saza, 12 members of the S. A. C. and I) enjoyed the program
immensely.
“And that’s not all,” La Saza screamed, as toe joyous prospects
almost became too much for him, “they have hired toe Nick Nasal
trio! !”
“Not the Nick Nasal? ?” I demanded. To think the Nick Nasal
Trio, consisting of a banjo, hurdy-gurdy and an esophagus tube, was
coming here! Nick Nasal whose classical arrangements of Guatemalaen
folk songs attracted almost 40 students and a greet horde of Macon
folk when he appeared here in 1938.
“They got him for only $12,000! !” La Saza shouted, and if
tuition Is rained next quarter and basketball and baseball are
dropped we may get a lecturer too! ! ! !
“Oh good show! !” I cried, “let’s share the good news! !”
I went immediately to the room of my good friend Maynard
Crunch and told him the happy tidings. He hit me in the mouth with
a starched sock from the Mercer laundry. I think he would have been
overjoyed upon learning of the S. A. C. plans for the coming year
had it not been for an “F" he received in a literature course for his
moving book report on Peyton Place.
At any rate, joy will reign supreme on the Tattnall Tech campi
when the Stagnant Activities Committee's dreams begin to materialize.
LITTLE MAN ON CAMPUS
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