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CALHOUN TIMES p. B. FREEMAN, Proprietor. circulates'extensively in Gordon and Adjoining Counties. Office: Wail St., Southwest of Court House. RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION. One Year $2.00 Six Months 1.00 %Itulfo ad Western & Atlantic Railroad AND ITS CONNECTIONS. ‘ • KENXBSA W HO TJTE.” The following takes effent may 23d, 1875 NORTHWARD. No. 1. Leave Atlanta 4.10 p.m Arrive Cartersviile 6.14 li Kingston 6.42 “ “ Dalton 8.24 “ “ Chattanooga 10.25 “ No. 3 Leave Atlanta 7.00 a.m Arrive Cartersviile 9.22 ~ “ Kingston 9.56 “ Dalton 11.54 “ Chattanooga 1.56 r.M No. 11. Leave Atlanta 3,30 p.m Arrive Cartersviile 7.19 “ “ Kingston -v 8.21 “ “ Dalton 11.18 “ SOUTHWARD. No. 2. Leave Chattanooga 4.00 p.m Arrive Dalton 5.41 “ “ Kingston 7,28 “ “ Cartersviile 8.12 “ “ Atlanta 10.15 “ No. 4. 1 er ve Chattanooga 5.00 a.m Anive Dalton 7.01 " “ Kingston 9.0', ‘ “ Cartersviile . .... 9.42 “ “ Atlanta 12 06 •’.m No. 19. I •ft've Dalton 1.00 a.m Ari e Kingston 4.19 '• ‘ Cartersviile 5.18 “ “ Atlanta 9.20 “ nil nan Palace Cars run o i Nos. 1 and 2 bet vcci New Orleans and Baltimore. I oilman Palace Cars run on Nos. 1 and 4 bet . een Atlanta and Nashvilie. } ullmm Palace Cars run on Nos. 2 and 3 itweer Louisville and Atlanta. No change of cars between New Or lears, A )b : le, Montgomery, Atlanta and Baltimore, and only one change to New York. Pissengnrs leaving Atlanta at 4.10 p. m., arm e in New York the second afternoon ther after at 4.00. E\cursion tickets to the Virginia springs and various summer resorts will be on sale in N w Orleans, Mobile, Montgomery, Co lumbus, Mac >n, Savannah, Augusta and At lanta, at gi catly reduced rates, first ot June Parties desiring a whole car through to he A irginia Sorings or Baltimore, should address the unlersigned. Pa ties contemplating travel should send f,,r a copy of the Kennesaw Route Gazette, ■jontn ning schedules, ete. Ask for Ticket* *ia “ Kennesaw ' ° U,( B. W. WRENN, G. P. & T. A., Atlanta, Ga. i’votcssionat & gnsiiwss ©arils. J I>. TINLTEY, Watch-Maker & Jeweler, CALHOUN , aA. All styles of Clocks, Wat ekes and Jewelry jicatlr repaired and warranted. K. 31A 1 31,13. PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, Having permanently located in ( allioun offers his professional services to the pub lic. Will attend calls when not profession ally engaged. Office over B. M. & C. C. Harlan’s. a P r^ BarbeiT shop. hair-cutting, SIIAYING, SHAMPOOING, Hair-dyeing, and ail work in my line done in a manner sure to give satisfaction at my shop in rear of 11. M. Jackson’s store. MACK LAW. .T. 8. McCBKARY, JACKSONVILLE, ILL., Breeder and shipper of the celebrated POLAND CHINA HOGS. OF THE BEST QUALITY. Send for price list and circular, feblti 6m. Fisk’s Patent Metalic BURIAL CASES. Having purchased the stock of Boaz & Barrett, which will constantly be added to a full range of sizes can always be found at he old stand of Reeves & Malone. declo-Gra.. T. A. EO TER. Brick-Layer & Contractor. THE undersigned most respectfully begs leave to inform the citizens of Calhoun aad surrounding country that, having pro inured the aid of Mr. Hilburn as a number owe bricklayer and Barrey u’Fallon as a number one rock-mason, .3 prepared to do all work in t is line in the most satisfactory manner and on moderate terms. The pat ronage of the public generally solicited. HENRY M. BILLIIIMER. Calhoun, Ga., November 9, 1875. All orders addressed to me as above will receive prompt attention. novlO-ly To the Pubic. HAVING purchased the establishment pre viously owned and conducted by D. T. r’.s;y, I am prepared so do all kinds of work in the BOOT AND SHOE LINE in the style and at pricos as*onishingly low, on short notice. Repairing also done with neatness and dispatch. I respectfully solicit the patronage of my friends and the üblic generally. Terms invariabl* cash, especially. W. C. DUFFEY. piayl7-tf. Successor to l). T. E^py. CALHOUN TIMES. Two Dollars a Year. VOL. VI. CHEAPEST AND BEST! HOWARD HVDRAIILIC MIT! MANUFACTURED NEAR KINGSTON, BARTOW COUNTY, GEORGIA. Equal to the best imported Portland Cement. Send for Circular. Try this before buying elseichcre. Refers by permission to Mr. A. J. West President of Cherokee Iron Company, Polk county, Georgia, who has built a splendid darn across Cedar Creek, using this cement, and pronouncing it the best he ever used. Also refer to Messrs. Smith, Son & Bro., J. E. Veal, F. J. Stone. J. J. Cohen and Major Tom Berry, Rome, Georgia, Major 11. Bry an, of Savannah, T. C. Douglas, Superin tendent of Masonry, East River Bridge, New \ ork, Gen. Win. Mcßae, Superintend ent W. & A. Railroad, Capt. J. Postell, C. E. Address G. H. WARING, Kingston, Ga octl3l y. Hygienic Institute i IF YOU would enjoy the fID l\!F| mos * delightful luxury; if 111 l/I Ifll you woubthespeedily,cheap iHwllill/ ly, pleasantly and perma nently cured of all Inflam matory, Nervous, Constitu tional and Blood Disorders if you have Rheumatism, Scrofula, Dyspepsia, Bron chitis, Catarrh, Diarrhoea, Dysentery, Piles, Neuralgia, Paralysis, Disease of the Kidneys, Genitals or Skin, Chill and Fever, or other Malaria] Affections ; if you would be purified from all Poisons, whether from Drugs or Disease; if you would [T|I 1)17. * have Beauty, Health and IS IVlSll Long Life, go to the Hygien *■ ic Institute,and use Nature’s Great*Remedies,the Turkish Bath, the “Water-cure Pro cesses,’* tLe “Movement cure,” Electricity and other Hygienic agents. Success is wonderful—curing all cu rable eases. If not able to go and take board, send full nccount of your case, and get directions for treatment at home. Terms reasona ble. Location, corner Loyd and Wall streets, opposite VI 1 fT)I| | Passenger Depot, Atlanta, ***■* 111 • Jno. SxAINBACK WILBON, Physician-in-Charge. Awarded the Highest Medal at Vienna. E. & H. T ANARUS: ANTHONY & CO., 591 Broadway, New York. (Opp. Metropolitan Hotel.) Manufacturers, Importers & Deal ers in CHROMOS AND FRAMES, Stereoscopes and Views, Albums, Graphoscopes an l suitable views, Photographic Materials, We are Headquarters for everything in the way of Stereoscopticons and Magic Lanterns, Being manufacturers of the Micro- Scien t ific Lan tern, Stereo-Panopticon, Un iversity-Stereoscopticon, Advertiser’s Stereoscopticon , J rtopticon, Schorf Lantern , Family Lantern, People’s Lantern. Each style being the best of its class in the market. Catalogues of Lanterns and Slides with directions for using sent on application. Any enterprising man can make money with a magic lantern. flfeg“Cutout this advertisement for refer ence.sep29-9m T. M. EX-LIS’- LIVTRY & SALE STABLE. Good >ddle aud Buggy Horse? and New Vehicles. Horses and mules for sale. Stock fed and cared for. Charges will be reasonable Will pay the cash for corn in the ear and c odder in the bundle. feb3-tf. Manhood: How Lost How Restored. jriaTWtm J'ist published, anew edition £ Dr. Colverwell's Celebra iKwr tod Essay on the radical cure (without medicine) of Si*ebmatobrh<ea or Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Seminal Losses, Impotknct, Mental and Physical In capacity, impediments to marriage, etc., also, Consumption, Epilepsy and Fits, in duced by self-indulgance orseiual extrava gance, &c. gfcgfPrice, in a sealed envelope, only six cents. The celebrated author, in this admirable essay, clearly demonstrated, from a thirty years’ successful practica, that the alarming dangerous use of internal medicine or the application of the knife; pointing out a mode of cure at once simple, certain and effectual, by means of which every sufferer, no matter what his condition may be, may cure himtelf cheaply, privately, and radi ablly. , ggjyThis lecture should be in the hands ol every youth and cvey man in the land. gent under seal, in a plain envelope, to any address, j oat-paid, on receipt of six cents or two postage stamps. Address the publishers, F. BMJGMAN & SON St., Njw York ; Post Oflic, CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 1876. AS YE DID IT. Th rough the bleak and dreary street, Where the cold wind* keenly blow, See a child with bare, chill’d feet, Wand Ting on mid ice and snow ; Houseless, homeless—God’s own word Shall its precious comfort be, “As ye did it unto these Ye have done it unto me.” In an attic cold and bare, ’Mid the dropping of the rain, Bee a woman gaunt and wan, Stitch from morn till morn again, Fainting, famished—Christian man, Does not God appeal to thee, “Asy* did unto these, Ye have done it unto me.” When you pass the orphan by With averted look of scorn; While the lone one toils and sighs* Faint and weak from morn to morn, Think there soon shall come a day, When thy God shall say to thee, “As ye did it unto these, Ye have done it unto me.’' A KISS ON DEMAND. It was a very peculiar sound, some thing like the popping of a champagne cork, something like the report of a small pocket pistol, but exactly like nothing but itself. It was a kiss. A kiss implies too parties —unless it be one of those symbolic kisses produc* ed by one pair of lips, and wafted through tho air in token of affection or admiration. But this particular kiss was genuine. The parties in the case were Mrs. Phebe Mayflower, the newly married wife of honest Tom Mayflower, gaidenor to Mr. Augus us Scatterly, and that young gentleman himself.— Augusta was a good-hearted, rattle brained spendthrift, who had employed two or three yeais which had elapsed since his majority in “making ducks and drakes” of the pretty little fortune left him by his defunct sire. There was nothing very bad about nim, ex cepting his prodigal habits, and by these he was the severest sufferer. Tom, his gardener, had been married a few weeks, and Gus, who bad failed to be at the wedding, and missed the opportuni ty of “saluting the bride,’’ took it into his head that it was both proper and po like that he should do so on the first oc casion of his meeting her subsequent to the interesting ceremony. Mrs. May* flower, the other party interested in the case, differed from him in opinion, and the young landlord kissed her in spite of herself. But she was not without a champion, for at the precise moment when Scatterly placed his audacious lips in contact with the blooming cheek of Mrs. M., Tom entered the garden and beheld the outrage. “What are you doing of, Mr. Scatter ly 7” he roared. “Q, nothing, Tom, but asserting my rights ! I was only saluting the bride.’’ “Against my will, Tommy,” said the bride, blushing like a peony, and wiping the offending cheek with her checked apron. “And I’ll make you pay dear for it, if there’s law in the land,” said Tom. “Poh, poh ! don’t make a fool of yourself,” said Scatterly. “I don’t mean to,” answered the gar dener dryly. “You are not offended at the innocent liberty I took V* “Yes I be,” said Tom. “Well, if you view it in the that light,” answered Scatterly, “I shall feel bound to make you reparation. You shall have a kiss from my bride, when I’m married.” “That you never will be.” “I must confess,” said Scatterly, laughing, “the prospects of repayment seem rather distant. But who knows what will happen? I may not die a bachelor, after all. And if I marry— I repeat it, my dear fellow—you shall have a kiss from my wife.” “No he shan’t,” said Phebe. “He shall kiss nobody but me.” “Yes he shall,” said Scatterly.— “Have you got pen, ink, and paper, Tom ?” “To be sure,” answered the gardener. “Here they be, all handy.” Scatterly sat down and wrote as fol\ lows:— “The Willows, August—, 18—. “Value received, I promise to pay Thomas Mayflower or order, one kiss on demand. “Augustus Scatterly.” “There you have a legal document,” said the young man, as he handed the paper to the grinning gardener. “And now, good folks, good bye.” “Mistakes will happen in the best regulated families,” and so it chanced that, in the autumn of the same year, our bachelor met at the Springs a charm, ing belle of Baltimore, to whom he lost his heart incontinently. His person and address were attractive and though Lis prodigality had impared his fortune, still a rich maiden aunt, who doted on him, Miss Persimmon Verjuice,promised to do the haudsome thing by him on oondU tion of his marrying and settling quieU ly to the management of his estate. So, under the circumstances, he proposed, was aocepted, and married, and brought him his Deautiful young bride to reside with Miss Verjuice at *he willows. In the early days of the honeymoon, one fine morning when Mr. and Mrs. Scatterly and the maiden aunt were walking together in the garden, Tom Mayflower, dressed in his best, made his appearance, wearing a smile of most peculiar meaning. “Julia,” said Augustus, carelessly, to his youEg bride, “this is my gardener, come to pay his respects to you-^honest Tom Mayflower, a very worthy fellow I assure you.” Mrs. Scatterly nodded condescending-* •'Truth Conquers All Things.” ly to the gardener who gazed upon fier with open eyes of anmiration. Stie spoke a few words to bim, inquired about his wife, his flowers, &c., and then turned away w ith the aunt, as if to terminate the interview. But Tom could not tako his eyes off her, and be stood gaping and admiring, and every now and then passing the back of his hand across his lips. “What do you think of my choice, Tom ?” asked Scatterly confidentially. “O, splendifferous I” “lioses and lillies in her cheek—eh 7” said Scatterly. “Her lips are red as carnations, and her eyes are blue as larkspurs,” said the gardoner. “I’m glad yon like your new mis tress; now go to work, Tom.” “I beg pardon, Mr. Scatterly; but I called to see you on business*” “Well—out with it.” “Do you remember anything about saluting the bride.” “I remember I paid the ous'omary homage to Mrs. Mayflower.” “Well, doon’t you remember what you promised in case of your marri age 7” “No l” Tom produced the promissory note with a grin of triumph. “It’s my turn now, Mr, Scatterly.” “What do you mean 7” “I mean to kiss Mrs. Scatterly.” “Go to the djuce, you rascal!” “0, what’s the matter 7” exclaimed both the ladies startled by Scatterly’s exclamation, and turning pack to learn the cause. “This fellow has preferred a demand against me.” said Scatterly. “A legal demand,” said the gardeii er, sturdily; “and here’s the doki ment. “Give it to me,” said the maidon aunt. Tom handed it to her with an air of triumph. “Am I right?” said he. “Perfectly, young mao,” replied Miss Verjuice; only when my nephew mar ried, I assumed all his debts ; and I am now ready to pay all your claim.” “Fairly trapped, by Jupiter !” ex claimed Scatfceily in an eestacy of de light. “Stop, stop !” cried the unhappy gar dener, recoiling from the withered face, bearded lip, and sharp nose of the an. cient spinster; “ I relenquish my claim— I’ll write a receipt in full.” “No sir,” said Scatterly; “you press ed me for payment this mooment —and you shall take your pay, or I discharge you from my employ.” “I am ready,” said the spinster, meekly. Tom shuddered—crawled up to the old lady—shut hi* eyes—made up a a horrible face, and kissed her, while Mr. and Mrs. S. stood by, convulsed with laughter. Five minutes afterwards, Tom enter ed the gardener’s lodge, pale, weak, and trembling, sank into a chair. “Give me a glass of water Phebe!” he gasped. “Dear, what has happened 7” asked the little woman. “Happened ! why that cussed Miss Verjuice : s paying Mr. Scatterly’e debts.” “Well ?” “Well, I presented my promissory note—he handed it to her—and—and —O murder !— l’ve been kissing the old tvotnan.” Phebe threw her arms about h’s neck, and pressed her lips to his, and Thom- Mayflower then and there solemnly promised that ho would nevermore have any thing to d:> with Kisses on De* mand ! More Astonished than Hart. How it feels to he treated politely for the first time in one’s life may be inferred from such an incident as this : The other evening a young lady ab ruptly turned a corner, and very rude ly ran against a boy, who was small and ragged aud freckled. Stopping as soon as she could, she turned to him and said : “I beg your pardon. Indeed, lam very sorry.” The small, ragged and freokled boy looked up in blank amazement for an instant, then taking off about three fourths of a cap, be bowed very low, smiled uutil his face became lost in the smile, said : “You can hev my pardon and wel* come mis* ; and you ean run agin, me knock mo clean down and I won't say a word !” After the voung ladv had passed on, he turned to a friend and said, half apologetically: “I never had one to ask my parding, and it kind o' took me off my feet.” A patriotio Detroiter has mapped out his prograhmme for the fourth of July and will adhere to it as striotly as cir cumstances permit. It reads: “Stay up all night to be 0. K. for a national sa'ute at sunrise. 'Bah for Lib erty ! Take a drink. “Form in front of the Hall at 10 ▲. M. and go buy some lemons for the children. Lager this time. “Grand salute with fried eggs. Le monade all arouud. Also some nice ham. Ginger beer is what makes a man love his conntry. “Lick Jim Davis in tbe afternoon.— P’leece no better’n you are on the glo* rious Fourth. Brandy is awful good. “No shoving a lawn-mower around af ter supper. Go’n sie the fire-works.— Don’t stand back for nobody. Yell some. Tate rum if anything. Holler. Don’t go home till you see the old year out. — Hah !’ - *■ AN AUSTRALIAN LOVESTOItV. Why Westley. now a Qniet Citi zen ot Sau Francisco, Became a Bushranger, aud the Result. Westley was impelled to the career ol bushranger, mainly by r desire of rev erance and love of adventure. He was brought up in Jhe saddle, and was a first-rate horseman and stock rider from the time ho was able to crack a whip Australia being overrun with cattle, a loose freedom prevailed of branding oth er people's stock, and Westley took the fatal step and branded some, too. This was his first transgression, and into it he was led by his love for his master’s daughter, a girl of som sixteen sum mers who returned his passion but was restrained from openly avowing it through fear of her parents He hoped by this unlawtul means to make mon ey and then claim her hand. “What do you think 7” she said to him one evening as they sat at supper. “What do you think 7” “What is it?” he asked. “They want me to marry old Brown.’ Westley turned pale. He put down his knife and fork. He had had sup** per for that evmi g. The ma’de smiled. “Go on with your supper,” she said; “d))0U think I’d marry a man old enough to be my father 7” “He’z rich,” gawped her lover, “and has sheep and cattle by tho thousand.” “Oh, wo shall have sheep and cattle when old Brown is dead,” she playfuli) added, as she tripped away in answer to uer mother’s call. Westley was met by a stockrider, a companion of his boyhood, who was like himself, going to muster thecatteol his employer. After chatting some time, his mate told him of a neighboring stockrider who had branded some oth er people’s cattle for himself, “ and what,” said ke “is to prevent us from doing the same 7” He had unconscious ly touched a responsive chord, for some thing of the same kind was passing Westley’s own mind not long bofore.— That very day operations were begun, and several other men’s cattle were branded. The work wont bravely on for several months,and Westley stood a fair chance of becoming a cattle owner of some consequence, when, one day, as the hopeful young fellows were carral ing and branding, who should ride up but one Brown and one or two other settlers whose cattle were being branded. His companions escaped, but Westley was arrested and handed over into cus tody. He was duly tried and convicted, and sentenced to five years’ penal ser vitude with hard labor in hor Majesty’s jail in Sydner. In jail he worked so hard that ere long he had to be sent to the hospital. It was while a patient that Wesley formed the resolution of bee ming a bushranger. When convalescent and daily expecting to be ordered back to his gang, he contrived to make his es cape. The very first evening after es caping he happened into a cottage on Brickfield hill, Sydney, where he ob tained a changc 4 of apparel from the wo-> man of the house, a fowling piece and some ammunition t lat were suspended over the mantle piece. Promising to pay for thorn some day he started away. Before ho bad gone a mile no the road a horseman splendidly mounted ap proached. When Westly pointed his gun and ordered him to dismount and deliver, the order was instantly obeyed The brigand mounted. Tho high*met tied steed impatiently champed the bit, the rider gave him rein, and both wore forty miles from Sydney by mid night, in the dark recesses of the Blue Mountains. Of tho five years for which he was sentenced he served only eighteen months. Meantime Susan, his sweet heart, had been married to old Browu. It was hard news, and he was prostra ted for several days. She must be in formed of his escape, Jhowever, and a messenger m ist be sent to ask for him her forgiveness. This at least wa3 due to himself and might be some satisfao tion to her. Two days after this, a “swagsman” or tramp called at Brown’s and asked that worthy for a job of work. Mr. Brown had no work for him, but as it was late in the evening he hade the man stay and rest himself ail night, according to the custom of the country. The man put down his swa'g and weut into the kitch en, as invited, fcusan, Brown’s young bride, was in and out preparing supper, directing things generally lor the fami ly and one or two guest3. The old swagsman, watching his opportunity, slipped a note from Wesley into her hand, to the effect that ho was sorry for hav ing given her pain, askiug her forgive, ness before quitting that part of the country forever, and adding that if she desired further intelligence the bearer could furnish it. Half an hour after ward, Mrs. Brown returned to the kitchen. Her eyes>ere red; she had been weeping. The family were at sup. per inside. The old man and herself were alone. “Tell me about him,” she ssid. “Vot here; not now,” replied the old man. “Then in the orchard, by afid by. when I give you the signal,” she saidj and vanished inside. The signal was given when sup per was over, and his guests were drinking hot brandy an i water. The old man glided out and nret her. “I want to know if he if he thinks of old times,” she said. “You have read his letter.” “It is so short!” “Would you wish to see him ?” “Of ail men in, the world !’’ 1 fas cdd* man whistled. Iu less than five minutes Westley stood before her. t3y break of day next morning she was with Westley in the Gundngai ranges. Westley lived the life of a bushran ger for some Years, but was at length caught aud again imprisoned, and after his pardon he sailed for San Francisco, where he has ied a quiet life for a num ber of years. A Rustic Courtship. I bitched mp cher close to hern an sliet my eyes an’ sed : ‘ Sal, you’re the very gal I've bin hankerin arter fur a long time. I luv you all over from the s ul of y. ur heal to the crown of your foot, au’ 1 don’t keer who kuos’ it; an’ ef you say so wc 11 bo jiued iu the holy bounds of pad lock. Kpluribus onio: s. gloria Moo* day morniug, sick temper tartantula B non compimentus, world without end,’" sed, I, au’ I felt as tho’ I lad cd hke an alligator, I felt so reliev ed With that she fetched a scream an’ arter awhile she sed : “Peter 1” “What is it Sally?” ‘‘Yes, ’ she sed hiding her fuco in her apron. You may depend upon it, I felt orfui good. “Glory ! glory !” sez TANARUS, “1 must hoi. ler, Sal, or I’ll bust’ wide opin Hoo ray ! hooray! I can jump over a ten rail fence; I can do anything a feller could Jo.” W ith th s, 1 sorter sloshed myself down beside her and clinched the bar gain with a kiss. Talk lasses, talk about your nite-blooming serious they warn’t □o whar’; you couldn’t ’er trot me me ni”em; they would have tasted sour ar ter that. Broomßtraws with lasses on ’em ! Ef Sal’s old daddy han’t bawled out so loud: “It 4 s time all honest people waz in bed,"l do really believe I’d stayed all nite. A Frog Barometer. A police station iu St. Louis has a trustworthy weather prophet. It is a frog of the genius Hyla , induced to act as a barometer by a policeman, an old frontiersman: lie took a glass jar. and threw into it some stones and a couple of inches of water. Then he whittled out a little woodtw ladder, and put in the jar. Af ter same live’y scrambling a tree-toad was caught, chucked in, and a tin top screwed on. Tho weather indicator was complete. When it is going io be fair weather the toad rests on the. top round of the ladder silently blink . ing the hours away. Frum twelve to fifteen hours before a change of bad weather, the “ General ” as they cull him, begins to climb down, and honr3 before a storm sets in. he squats himself on a stone, and, with his head just abv>ve the surface of the wa ter, peers aloft at the coming storm. — Let the weather be changing and “shift ing,” as “Old Prob” says, and the toad goes up and down the ladder like a soared middy. \Y hen it is fair, and the toad roosts aloft, his skin is of a light grayish greeu. W hen tho change comes, the skin turns as the toad goe3 dowii the ladder, be ing a jet shining black by the time it reaches bottom. Men We Dou’t W r nnt to Meet. The man who grunts and gasps as ho gobbles up his soup and at every other mouthful seems threatened with a chok*. ing fit. The man who having by accident been once thrown in company makes bold to bawl your name out and shake your hand profusely when you pass him on the streets. The man who artfully provokes you to play a game of billiards with him though ho feigns to be a novice produ ces his own chalk. The man who can’t sit at your table on any set occasion without getting on his legs to propose some stupid toast. The man who thinking you are musi cal, bores you with his notions on the music of the future of which you know ae littio as the music of the spheres The man who with a look of urgent business when you are in a huisy takes you by the button hole to tell you a bad joke. The mau who sitting behind you at the opera destroys your enjoyment by hun rniug the air. The man who lards his talk with lit tle scraps of French and German after his return from a continental tour. “I’m babbie a heep o' trouble wid sleeplessness dese uites,” remarked an old darkey at the suburban end. of State street the other day. “Ho-ho, I reckons I knows all 'bout dat,” myself said another standing near by. “Yo’ knows noffin —dat’s what yo’ knows/’ replied the man. “Sartin Ido knows euthin’,” chuck led the other ; “ I knows well 'nuff da* you can’t sleep o’ nights, an' sides I knows dat yo’ neighbo’s can’t nebber ef dey’s got any chickens 1” A beneficial strike—striking a job. A truism : An expensive wife makes a pensive husband Ilie good Samaritan stopped at the sound ot woe : so doc# a good horse. In Advance. NO. 41. llntes of Adveritsing. *y For each square of ten lines or less for the first insertion, sl, and for each sub sequent insertion, fifty cents. No.iSq rs | 1 Mo. | 3 Mo*. J t) Mot | 1 year, fivo $4.00 $7.00 I sl2.btT] S2IXOO Four “ 0.00 10.00 | 18.00 35.00 J column . 16.00 i 26.00 40.00 \ “ | 16.00 25.00 j 40.00 05.00 l | 25.00 40 00 f | 05.10 115.00 Sheriff's Sales, eacli levy $4 00 Application for Homestead 2 OO Notice to Debtors ami Creditors 4 00 Land Sales, one square 4 oo Each additional square 3 00 Not Tliut Bind of a .llaa. liev. l)r. P. the other day found a pack of cards iu the possesion of his oldest boy and after giving lad a tluash* iu for owniug such eu. ine& ul iSatuii I he doctor placed" the cards in his uwn pocket intending to destroy them at the first opportunity. Put he forgot he abuui’em and subsequently white in the ears uu the way to the city, he pulled out his handkerchief and tlm curds came ou with it and fell upon the Hour. The doctor gathered them up with a very red face aud while he was arrang ing them in his haud he saw a ruu"b lojking man in his seat opposite to him wink at him. lie turn his bead his but upon looking around a moment later the man wPkaguiu at him. I hen he winked several times and finally lie came over aud sitting down by the side of the doctor he said : “I say parduer, what’s your little game ?” “I don't understand you sir,” replied the doctor. “Oh, you needn’t mind me,” said the: man, “I’m doirg a little at dial thing uiyscll. Now sir, how do you work it?” “ What do yon meau ? Ilow do I work what “Oh, you know well enough. What do you skin’em on ?” “Sk.n them ! Skin who ? Really sir, your remarks are incotnproheusible to me.” * ‘ 4 Now see here, understindjhe whole thing; Y ou’re hunting somebody to play seven up with, and you intend to beat en out ol thoir money. Now and n’t you.” “Your and n’t know who you arc talk** ing ta.” _Theres no man on this earth that kin turn jacks faster’n l kin ; and less me and you start up a game on some of these fellers, aud I’ll run three or four jacks up my deeves with a couple of aces maybe und when we get to town, we'll divide the profits and go down and git roaring drunk to tho tavern. Is it a bargain ? “You are a scoundrel s.r ! exclaimed the doctor. “Let me chango my seat, if y<m please.” “Won’t do it? Won’t club ia with me ard try a few games ?” “Gent.inly not sir.” “Won’t lend me them jack to nut in-* my sleeve ?” “You seen to forget that I am a cler gyman, sir?” “A cler— lOh no. \ou den t mean to say that that—you aint’ a preach er ?” “T es, sir, I am. lam the Ilcv. Dr P” “Too bad ! too bad ! Believe mo if I didn't think you was one of these fellers who play cards on the cars to gouge greenhorns out of their money. You look like one anyway, now don’t you ? And what are you doing with that pack old man, hey ? Would you mind i! I showed you how to run’ern over eo’% when you- play they can’t fool you? I’ll doit for nothing.” Then Dr. Potts went into the hind' 1 car and got off at the next station.— When he got home he gave that bov of his a couple of extra floggings iu order to ease his feelings. What a Wif© Should be. • Au elderly bachelor’s alphabet of re quisites for a wife : A wife should be. Amiable, affectionate, artloss, aflablo accomplished. Beautiful, benevolent. Chste, civil constanat. Dutiful dignified, Elegant, easy, engaging, entertain ing. Faith foi and, fruitless free. Good, graceful generous, governable'- good-humored, Handsome harmless, healthly heaven ly; minded. Intelligent, interesting industrious ingenious. J ust. Kind. Lively liberal love. Modest merciful. Neat notable. Obedient oblfeintr. O tJ Pretty pleasing peaceable. Queenly quick. Kighfceous. Bociable, submissivi sensible. -■ Temperate true U übane. Virtuous. Wei formed. . 'Xcellent. Young. Zealous. Kilpatrick was once making a speech. He -said c “I’v© got a bullet in my leg. I know the Southerners.— 1 ve licked them for four yearsj and. * I can lick them again. ■ If there is one here let.him say so. A big fellow im * mediately stepped upon the stage.— “Don’t interrupt my speech,” said K.il — Pinlls who gets half-seas-over oa> three schooners oi beer, calls himself an ameteur yachtsman.— fianburu / News. • . —_ Marriage b described by a French • critic as a tiresome book with a very fine o preface. j ■ The difference between an overcoat and a baby is one you wear and the oth- - er you were. Crusty says that the list of marri ages in the newspapers o g’lt to he put under the bead of “Bing frauds