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The Calhoun Times. Volume T. THU CALHOUN TIMES. ; r mt MtiiTH Vt'huV «; ..ILWDMT, of .Subscription. v . • • : : $2.00 One ienr • • _ . i os gix Months • • Kates of Advertising. crVT ri'il VkllMo*. 0Mot(. I 1 year. --- |i*.Oo "sls.<X) $25.00 J"® „ 8.00 12.00 26.00 40.00 "column 10.0 0 18.00 36.00 45.00 rr moo 30:00 50.00 76.00 ' .< 30.00 50.00 75.00 140.00 All eubacril'tions are payable strictly iu ,j TH nce: ami at the expiration of the time r or which payment is made, unless pre viously renewed, the name of Hie subscriber will be stricken from our books. Kur each square of ten lines or less, for the jj r «t insertion, sl, and for each subsequent insertion, tilty ceupL Ten lines of solid lUevicr, or its equivalent in space, make a cash, before or on demand after the first insertion. . , _ . . Advertisements under the head of “ Special Notices,” twenty cents per line for first in sertion, and ten cents each subsequent inser °All communications on matters of public iaterest will meet with prompt attention, and concise letters on general subjects are re spectfully solicited from all parts of the country. _■ IfAILKOAI >S. > Western & Atlantic. momt passenger train— outwaro. I.etve Atlanta p ' M ' Arrive atSCathoun 11-21 a. m. Arrive at Chattanooga a. m. DAT PASSENGER TRAIN—OUTWARD. Leave Atlanta 3 1(1 A M Arrive at Calhoun p ' M> Arrive at Chattanooga o-«s<> «*• «• ACCOMOI) TIOK TRAIN—OUTWARD. 1,..-,v» Atlanta 5550 p. m. Arnvo at Dalton 3-50 P. M. sight passenger train—inward. Leave Chattanooga 7.50 p m. Arrive at Calhoun.. 11.21 P. M. Arrive at Atlanta 4 00 a. m. , DAT TRAIN—INWARD. Leave Chittanoo/a 5.30 A. m. Arrive at Calhoun 944 A. m Arrive at Atlanta 8.00 P. M. ACCOMODATION TRAIN-INWARD. Leave Dalton 200 p M Arrive at Atlanta 1100 a. m. - ■■ " PROFESSIONAL CARDS. >V. S. JOHNSON, Attoimey LVt Law, CALIIOEX, GEORGIA. ft#'- Office in Southeast corner of the f >"rt Douse. Aug 11 1 If I. C. r.MN. JOS. m’coxnei l. fun and McConnell, A.l/oriie,vs sit Law, ra j.noi wtr geonaiar m " fiafT' Office in the Court House. Aug 11 1 5 *W U M. TAKVEHi Attomoyat Ijo-tv, CA LUOI X. GEORGIA. tnr Office in the Court House. Aug II 1 ts W J. ( VNTKKI L, Altorne.v _A.t Law. ( 1 VI. HO IN, GEORGIA. WILL Practice in the Cherokee Circuit, in I . 8. District Court, Northern Dis trict Af Georgia, (at Atlanta); and in the Su preme Court of the State of Georgia. EL JL KIKEB, Attorney I^aw, CALIIOEX, GEORGIA. [t tjfu'e ct the Old Stand of Cantrell .j - Kiker. J \\ r ILI, practice in all the Courts of the m Cherokee Circuit; Supreme Court of Georgia, uml the United States District Court at Atlanta, Ga. nugl9'7oly Bov, A. Martin, A TTORXEY A T LA W, D All LONEG A, - - - GKO. Nov 10 1870 ts HI!. W. I REEVES, Suryeon X Physician, CALHOUN, - - - GEORGIA, MAY be found at his office, in the Brick Store of Tsoaz, Barrett & Cos., day or night—when not professionally engaged. jan2o’7ltf RUFE WALDO THORNTON,' DENTIST, Calhoun, - - - G. asgia. fPIIANki'VL for Yvmer patronage, solicits 1. a continuance o f the same. Office at Residence. scplo DR. P ,G. HUNT, Physician and Druggist, CAL HO EX, GA. New Manajieinentl CALHOUNHOTEL. E. It. SASSEES, [ Fonnerh; of Allnnta, Ga. ] RESPECTFULLY’' announces to the travel i ling public, that he has refurnished and lent ted the above hotel, ami is now ready to •ccoinmedate all who may stop with him. Pates mod< rate; and table furnished with the best the market affords. Calhoun, Ga., August 19th, 1870—ts JTd. tjnsleT WATCH-MAKER AND- - JEWELER, '■ A Lit OCX, ! ; . ; GEORGIA. ,—o X styles of Clocks, YYutches and Jewelry neatly repaired and warranted. *ugt9’7otf R^ett& Son, Borne, Ga., will always : *•’ !,iCV:ir J highest market price for Coun- Tr y Produce. r ROME ADVERTISEMENTS. “Home Again.” J. C. RAWLINS, Prop'r. CHOICE HOTEL BROAD ST., ROME, GA. Passengers taken to and from the Depot Free of ('barge. cctfi7otf TENNESSEE HOUSE, ROM Jfc, OEORGIA, J. A. STANSBLKY, Proprietor. f I HIE above Hotel is located within Twenty I Ste t >* of the Railroad Platform Bug^age handled free of Charge. o Hs’7otf ALBERT O. PITIIER. HKKRY 11. SMITH. PITNER & SMITH, Wholesale and Retail (Grocers & Commission Merchants AND DEALERS IN PURE KENTUCKY WHISKIES, Sc." No. 25, Corner Broad A Howard sts., ROME , - - GEORGIA. octO,l 870-1 y COLCLOUGH, • : HARKINS & GLOVER, Homo, Ga., GALL the attention of dealers to the fact f j that they have just received the largest stock of Dry Goods, Boots, Shoes, &e., ever offered in the Cherokee country, anL. can furnish them at exactly New York prices. Cull anil be convinced. sept 22'70-1 y Bones, Brown & Cos., J.&S. Bones & Cos., Augusta, Ga. Rome, Ga. Established 1825. Established 1809. J.&S. BONES & CO. ROME, GA. IMPORTERS AND Wholesale Dealers IN HARDWARE, CUUm/GUNS, AC, WILL offer for sale, the coming season ; 350 Tons Swedes Iron, 75 Tons “Jenks” Plow Steel, A LARGE LOT OF Imported Cutlery and Files, Together with a full assortment of GEN ERAL HARDWARE. WE are Agents for It. HOF, & CO'S. Pat ent Inserted Tooth Circular Saws; Machine Belting, Orange Rifle Powder, and Home Iron Manufacturing Co’s. Merchant Bur Iron and Nails. All of above to compete with any House South. novl7’7o-4m W. T. ARCHER, Wholesale and Retail Dealer in IFEllilll | Mattresses, Looking-Glasses, &c. All of which lam offering at extremely low prices. S2 Whitehall st. , : ATLANTA, GA. novl7’7o-8m J. H 7 CAVAN, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALER IN Fine Wines, Liquors & Cigars, Xo. 11 Granite. Block, Broad Street, - ATLANTA, GA. AGENT FOR TIIE SALE OF THE Celebrated Cincinnati LAGER BEER and ALE sept 29 For the State of Georgia. 3m O H. & A. iv 7 FORCE, SIGN OF THE BIG IRON BOOT, Whitehall Sxrf.kt, : : ; Atlanta, Ga. 7 >OOTS, Shoes nud Trunks, a complete Stock 1J and new Goods arriving daily ! Gents’ Boots and Shoes, of the best makes. Ladies’ Shoes of a'l kind*. Boys, Misses and Children’s Shoes of every grade and make. We are prepared to offer inducements to Wholesale Trade. sept'2 ,’7O-1 v BETTERTON, FORD & Ca, WHOLESALE DEALERS IN DRAMS, WHISKIES, Wines, Tohaeeos, Cigars, &c., No. 209 , MARKET ST., No. 209. CHATTANOOGA, TENN. oct 13,1870-1 y {ESTABLISHED IX 1855.) J.O.MATHEWSON, PRODUCE COJfMISSIOX UEIU UANT A EG EETA, GEORGIA. sept 22 1870 lv Established in IHSO, T. R. RIPLEY, Removed to Peachtree Street, ATLANTA, GEORGIA.. Wholesale Dealer in CROCKERY & GLASSWARES, WILL duplicate any Bills bought in any Market, to the amount of One Hun dred Dollars, and upwards, adding Freight, P. S. All Goods guaranteed as represented from this Ileus#. - Aug 19 ly CALHOUN, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1871. POETRY. O]LD times. There’s a beautiful song on the slumbrous air, That drifts through the valley of dreams. It comes from a clime where the roses were. And a tuneful heart and a bright brown hair That waved in the morning beams. Soft eyes of azure and eyes of brown, And snow-white foreheads are there ; A glimmering Cross and a glittering Crown A thorny bed and a couch of down, Lost hopes and leaflets of prayer. • A breath of Spring in the breezy woods, Sweet wafts from the quivering pines— Blue violet eyes beneath green hoods, A bubble of brooklets, a scent of buds, Bird warblers and clambaring vines. A rosy wreath and a dimpled hand, A ring and a slighted vow— Three golden curls of a broken band, A tiny track on the snow-white sand, A tear and a sinless brow. There's a tincture of grief in the beautiful song, That sobs on the slumbrous air, And loneliness felt in the festive throng, Sinks down on the soul as it trembles along From a clime where the roses were. We heard it first at dawn of day, And it mingled with matin chimes, But yours have distanced the beautiful lay, s floweth from far away, And we call it now Old Times. Have You Seen McLaughlin? I mean to tell you the story of the M’Ljflighlin affair, which was funny in conception and provoked no ill will.— Mike Walsh, the noted politician of New York, was standing in Broadway, con versing with a gentleman of respectable, position in 'society. A most miserable wretch, in the last stages of filth and destitution, rags on his body and carbun cles on his nose, came up, spoke to Mike, shook hands and walked on. “\\ by, Mr. Walsh,” said his friend, “how can you keep such associations? Don’t you know that they detract from your respectability, even ?” with a great show of indignation—“ Why, don’t you know who that is ? 4 lt is M’Laughlin. He is the best known man in town. You may turn up your nose; but I’ll bet you a basket of champagne that he’ll be more sought for during the next two days than any one else.” His friend laughed, and accepted the bet. Mike started off, and the first friend he met, he asked—“ Have you seen M’Laughlin?” “What M’Laughlin ?” “I don’t know. He comes from Cali fornia. and he has a package for you. I don’t know what is iu it. It’s very heavy.” Now this was in the height of tho gold fever. Every one nearly had some friend or kinsman at the gold fields, and every one expected a few nuggets as spec imens. So this man just saying—“l’ll bet it was from Ben Hooper,” asked where M’Laughlin was to be found. “I don’t know,” was the answer. “He said he was going to the Pewter Mug.” Mike made for the Pewter Mug by a short cut and put the Widow Lynch on the scent. She was to tell applicants he had been there, but had gone over to the City Hall. In the same way, he went to all the leading drinking saloons and public places, sending all the ac quaintances he had on the same bootless eriand, always to find that Mac had gone to some other drinking place, and thence to another, and so on ad infinitum. The whole town was exercised about M’L aughlin and his mysterious package. All day Friday it was moderate; but at length the “sell” was comprehended by the original victims, who proceeded to take in all their own circle of acquain tances. Till after midnight the drink ing places were thronged by anxious searches after M’Langhlin. Every one, on reflection, remembered him —some could describe him very accurately, though these descriptions were very di verse; and some of the seekers went home quite in liquor to renew the search the next day. So they did. and though the Sunday papers exposed the trick, the excitement continued during Monday, and only died out on Tuesday. There was a green victim or two during the vWnainder of the week. Mike’s friend paid the bet. No Home. No home. What a misfortune! How sad the thought! There are thousands who know nothing of the blessed influ ences of comfortable homes, merely be cause of a want of thrift, or from dissi pated habits. Youth spent in frivolous amusements and demoralizing associa tions, leaving them at middle age, when the physical and intellectual man should be iu its greatest vigor, enervated and without any laudable ambition. Friends long since lost, confidence goue, and nothing to look to in old aee but a mere toleration in the community where they should be ornaments. No home to fly to when wearied with the struggles inci dent to life; no wife to cheer theigF in their despondency ; no children to amuse them, and no virtuous household to give rest to the joys of life. All is blank, and there is no hope or succor except that, which is given out by the band of private or public charities. When the family of the industrious and sober citi zen gather around the cheerful fire of a wintry day, the homeless man is seeking a shelter in the cells of a station-house, or begging for a night’s rest in the out building of one who started in life at the same time, with no greater advantages; but honesty and industry built up their J home, while dissipation destroyed the other. MIBCKULANY. A Fight with a Storm. I got first to be mate when quite a youngish fellow; the owners were told somehow or other that I’d worked hard on the last voyage, and they made me mate of the ship, and gave me a good silver watch and chain; a watch that went to the bottom of the sea five years after, in ame k off the Irish coast, by Wex ford. when T and six more swam ashore saving our lives, and thankful for them For the sea swallows up a wonderful store of wealth every season; and meant to have our ship, too, that year I was made mate, only we escaped it. It happened like this. We were bound for Cadiz in a large, handsome, new brig, having on board a rich cargo ; for besides a heavy value in gold, we had a lot of valuable n:V machinery, thad had been made for the Spanish Government by one of our large manufactories some where inland. But besides this, there was a vast quantity of iron, in long, heavy cast pillars. A huge weight they were, and we all shook our heads at them as they were lowered down into her hold, for we thought what a fine cargo they would turn out, if we should have a heavy passage. We had about a score of passengers, too, and amongst them was a fine gentlemanly fellow, go ing out with his wife, and he was to su perintend the fitting up of the machin ery, several other passengers being his men. It was anew, well-found vessel, and fresh in her paint; and with her clean canvas, and all smart we were rather proud of that boat. But we’d only just got beyond the Lizard when it came on to b ow, juntas it can blow off there in February, with raid, and snow, and hail; and we were at last glad to scud before the gale under bare poles. Night and day, then, night and day following one another fast, with the hatches battened down, and the ship la boring so that it seemed as if every minute must be her last. She was too heavily laden ; and instead of her being a ship to float out the fiercest storms, here we were loaded down, so that she lay rolling and pitching in a way that her seams began to open, and soon every hand had to take his turn at the pumps. The days broke heavy and cloudy, and the nights came on with the dark ness awful, and the gale seemed to get fiercer and fiercer, till at last, worn out, sailors and passengers gave up, the pumps were abandoned, and refusing one and all to stay below, men and wo men were clustered together, getting the best shelter they could. “Id. L*, like to gee a good new shkp go to the bottom like this,” I shouted in one of my mate’ ears, and he shouted back something about iron ; and I nod ded, for we all know that those great pil lars down below, were enough to sink the finest vessel that ever floated. Just then I saw the skipper go bolow, while the gentleman who was going out to superintend, was busy lashing one of the life-buoys to bis wife. “That ain’t no good,” I shouted to him. going up on hands and knees, for the sea at times was enough to wash you overboard, as she dipped and rolled as though she would send her masts over the side every moment. But I got to where they were holding on, at last; and seeing that landsman-like, he know nothing of knotting and lashing. I made the life-buoy fast, just as a great wave leaped over the boughs, and swept the ship from stem to stern. As soon as I could get my breath, I looked around, to find that where the mate and three passengers were standing a minute before, was now an empty space ; while running to the poop and looking over, there was nothing to be seen but the fierce rushing waters. I got back to where those two clung together, and though feeling selfish, as most men would, I couldn t help think ing how sad it would be for a young and handsome couple like them to be lost, for I knew well enough, that though she was lashed to the life-buoy, all that it would do would be to keep her afloat tiii she died of cold and exhaustion. “Can nothing be done?” Mr. Val lunee—for that was his name —shouted in my ear. ell,” I said, shouting again, “if I was caplin, I should run all risks, and get some of that iron over the side.” “Why do!Vt he do it. then?” he ex claimed ; and of course being nobody on board that sh!f>, I could only shake my head. Just then Mrs. Yallanee turned upon me such a pitiful look, as she took tight er hold of her husband —a look that seemed to say to me: “Oh, save him. save him 1” And I don’t know how it was, but feeling that some thing ought to be done. I crept along once more to the captain’s cabin, and going down there, to the dim light, I could see him sitting on a looker, with a bottle in his hand, and a horrible, wild, stupid look on his face, which told me in a moment that he wasn’t a fit man to have been trusted with tho lives of forty people in in a good new ship. Then I stood half bewildered for a few moments, but di rectly after I was up on deck, alongside of Mr. Vallance. “ Will you stand by me. sir.” I says. “If I’m took to task for what I do?” “What are you going to do ?” he says. » “Shy that iron over the side.” “To the death, my man !” “Ihen lash her fast where she is,” I said nodding to Mrs. Vallance; “and in God’s name, come on.” I saw the poor thing’s arms so tight : round his neck, and though I couldn’t j heai- a word she said. I knew it meant: “Don’t leave me;” but he just pointed upward a moment, kissed her tenderly ; and then, l helping, we made her fast, and the next minute were along side the hatches, just over where I knew the great pillars to lie. 1 knew it was a desperate thing to do, but was our only chance; and after swinging round the fore-yard, and rig giqg up some tackle, the men saw what was meant, and gave it a bit of cheer. Then they clustered together, passen gers and men. while I shouted to Mr. A allance, offering him choice—to go be low with another man. to make fast the rope to the pillars, or to stay on deck. He chose going below ; and warning him that we would clap on the hatches from time to time, to keep out the wa ter, I got hold of a marlinspike, and loosened the tarpaulin a little, had one hatch off, and then stationed two on each side, to try and koep the opening covered every time a wave came on board. It seemed little better than making a way in for the sea to send us to the hot-’ tom at once ; but I knew that it was our only hope, and persevered. Mr. Yal lance and one of the men went below, the tackle was lowered, and in less time than I expected they gave the signal to haul up. We hauled—the head of the pillar came above the coamings, went higlj up, then lowered down till one end rested on the bulwarks; the rope was cast off; and then, with a cheer, in spite of the rolling of the ship, it was sent over the side to disappear in the boiling sea. Another, and another, and another, weighing full six hundred apiece, we had over the side, the men working now fiercely, with something like hope in their breasts ; and then I roared to them to hold fast; the tarpaulin was pulled over, and I for one threw myself upon it, just as a wave came rolling along, leaped the bows, and dashed us here and there. But wc found to our great joy that hardly a drop had gone below, the weight of the water having flattened down the tarpaulin, so seizing the tackle once more, we soon had another pillar over the side, and another, and another not easily, for it was a hard fight each time; and more than once men were nearly crushed to death. It was terri ble work, too, casting them loose amid the hurry and strife of the tempest; but we kept on, till utterly worn out and panting, we called on Mr. Vallance to come up, wlmn we once more securely battened down the hatch and waited for the morning. W e agreed amongst ourselves that the ship did not roll so much; and per haps she was a little easier, for we had sent some tons ovtiboard; but the dif ference was very little; and the morn ing found us all numbed with cold, and helpless to a degree. I caught Mr. Yallanee’s eye,and signalled to him that we should go on again; but it required all we could do to get men to work, one and all saying that it was useless, and only fighting against our fate. Seeing that fair words wouldn't do, I got the tackle ready myself, and then with the marlinspike in one hand, I went up to the first poor shivering fel low I came to, and half-led. half-dragged him to his place; Mr. Yallanee followed suit with another; and one way and another we got them to work again ; and, though not so quickly as wo did the day before, we sent over the side tons and tons of that solid iron—each pillar on being cut loose darting ever the bulwark with a crash, and taring no end of the planking away, but easing the vessel, so that now we could feel the difference; and towards night, though the weather was bad as ever, 1 began to feel that we might have a chance; for she seemed to ride over the waves more, instead of dipping under them, and shuddering from stem to stern. We’d been fortunate, too, in keeping the wa ter from getting into the hold; and one way and another, what with the feeling of duty done, and the excitement, things did not look so black as before; when all at once a great wave like a green mountain of water leaped aboard over the poop, flooded the deck, tore up the tarpaulin and another hatch, and pour ed down into the hold, followed by an other and another ; and as I clung to one of the masts, blinded and shaking with the water, I could feel that in those two minutes all our two day’s work had been undone. “God help us !” I groaned for I felt that I had done wrong in opening the hatches ; but there was no time for re pining. Directly the waves had passed on, rushing out at the sides, where they had torn away the bulwark. I ran to the mouth of the hole, for I felt that Mr. Vallance and the poor fellow with him must have been drowned. I shouted—once, twice, and then there was a groan ; when seizing hold of the tackle that we hud used to hoist the pillars. I was lowered and >wn, and be gan to swim in the rushing water that was surging from side to side, when I felt myself clutched by a drowning man, and holding on to him, we w ere dragged up together. But I did not want the despairing look Mrs. Yallanee gave me to make me go down again, and this time I seized the body of Mr. Yallanee ; but there seemed to be no life in it when we were hauled up. for the poor fellow did not move, and it was pitiful to see the way in which his poor wife elung to him. Another sea coming on board, it was all we could do to keep from being car ried off; and as the water seemed to leap and plunge down the hatch w ith a hollow roar, a chill came ov r me again, colder than that brought on by the winter weather. I was so worn out that I could hardly stir; but it seemed that if I did u r t move rm one else would; so shouting to one or two to help me, I crawled forward, and got the hatches on again, just as another wave wasted over us; but before the next came with my marlinspike I had contrived to nail down the tarpaulin once more, in the hope that, though water-logged, wc might float a little longer. It seemed strange, but after a little provision had been served round, I be gan to be hopeful once more, telling my self, that after all, water was not worse than iron, and that if we lived to next day, we might get clear of our new ene my without taking off. the hatches. We had hard w ork, though, with Mr. Vallance, who lay for hours without seeming to show a sign of life; but towards morning, from the low sobbing murmur I heard close by me, and the gentle tones of a man’s voice. I knew they must have brought him round.— You s<*c, I was at the wheel thou, tor it had come round to my turn, us soon us I could get relieved, I went and spoke to them, and found him able to sit up. As the day began to break, tho wind seemed to lull a little, and soon .after a little more, and agaiu a little more, till, with joyful heart, I told all about me that the worst was over; and it was so, for the wind shifted round to the South and west, and the sea went down fast. Soon, too, the sun came out; and get ting a little sail on the ship, 1 began to steer, as near as I could tell, homewards, hoping before long to be able to make out our bearings, which I did soon af ter. and then got the passengers and crew once more iu regular spells at the pumps. We were terribly full of water; and as the ship rolled the night before, it was something awful to hear it rush from side to side of the hold, threaten ing every minute to force up the deck; but now keeping on a regular drain, the scuppers ran well, and hour by hour we rose higher and higher, and the ship, from sailing like a tub, began to answer her helm easily, and to move through the water. It was toward afternoon that, for the first time, I remembered the captain, just, too, as he made his appearance on deck, white-looking, and ill, but not now very angry and important. I had just sent some of the men aloft, and we were making more sail, when, in a way that there was no need for, he or dered them down, at the same time say ing something very unpleasant to me. Just then I saw Mr. \ allance step for ward to where the other passengers were collected, many of them being his own men; and then, after a few words, they all came up together to where the cap tain stood, and Mr. Vallance acted as spokesman. “ Captain Johnson,” he said, “ I am speaking the wishes of the passengers of this ship, when l request you to go be low to your cabin, and to stay there uu til we reach port.” “Are you mad ?” exclaimed the cap tain. ' “Not more so than the rest of the passengers, who, one and all, agree with me that they have no confidence in } - ou as captain: and that, moreover they consider that by your conduct you have virtually resigned the command of the ship into 31 r. Jiobinson’s hands.” “Are 3’ou aware, Mr. Passenger, that Mr. Robinson is oue of the apprentic es ?” “1 am aware, sir, that he has carried tins vessel through a fearful storm, when her appointed commander left those men and women in his charge, to their fate, while ho, like a coward, went be low to drown out all knowledge of the present with drink.” He raved and stormed, and then call ed upon the crew to help him: Mr. Yallanee told them that he would be answerable to the owners for their con duct, and not a man stirred. I spoke to him till he turned angry, and insisted upon my keeping command, and backed up at last by both passengers and crew, who laughed and seemed to enjoy it; but I must say that, until we cast an chor iu Yarmouth Roads, they obeyed me to a man. 8o the}' made the captain keep for the world like a prisoner to • his cabin till we entered the Tyne, after being detained a few days only in Roads, where it had been necessary to refit, both of the top-masts being snapped, and the jib-boom being sprung, borides our being leaky, though not so bad but that a couple of hours a day after the first clearance kept the water under. Before we had passeed Harwich very far, we had the beech yalls off one after another, full of men wanting to board us, and take us into harbor, so as to claim salvage. One and all had the same tale to tell us—that we could nev er get into port ourselves; and more than once it almost took force to keep them from taking possession, for not content with rendering help when it is wanted, they are only too ready to make their help necessary, and have frightened many a captain before now into giving up his charge into their hands. But with Mr. Yallanee at my back, I stood firm; and somehow' or an other I did fuel something very much like pride when I took the brig safely into port, and listened to the praises of the owners. An editor is bothering his head over the following problem: If 4 dogs with 10 legs can catch SO rabbits with 27, in 14 minutes, how many legs must the same rabbits have to get away from 8 dogs, with 32 legs, iu 17 minutes and a half—allowing Hos) days in the year. Colfax says : “The Republican party has not lost its hold upon the people ' He meant to have said upon the pock ets of tho people. —Detroit Fr .-v / V -ws. Number 2T. The Josh Biliings Papers. HORNS In writing: the biographi ov Wax. i am astonished tew find so menny of them, and so entirely different in their pedi gree and pretenshttns. "Cope Horn.*' —(’ape Horn iz the Big gest horn known to man. It iz u native ov the extreme bottom ov South Amcrika, aud gores the oshun. Cape Horn iz hollow, and akts at a phuunell for the winds, which hurry thru it in mutch haste, eauzing the wa ters ov the sea for a grate distance tew be turn crazy, which frightens the vnr sells that go by thare, and makes thorn rare and pitch tremenjus. Tins horn iz like a sour old hull in the hi way. and don’t seem tew be ov any use, only to make folks go out ov their way tew git round-it. . “//or* of a dilemma.” —l>i lemma iz derived from the Siamese "diloss" which means a a titc spas. aud has a horn on each end of it. . • Tharc is no choice in theze two horns; it yu seize one ov them tho other may perforate yu, and if yu don't take either, both m them may pitch intoyu. I always avoid them if possible, hut when possibility gives out, mi rule iz tew shut up both eyt-s. and file both prongs with my whole grit. Nine times out of ten this will smash a dilemma, and it iz always a good fitc if yu git licked the tenth. Yu kant argy or reason with the horn ova dilemma, the only way iz tew ad vance in and fight for the gross amount. II Cow's Horn.*’— Two bony projeek shuns, curved, crooked or strate, worn by the cows on the apeks of their hods for ornament in times of peeee, and used when they go into war to stab with. Theze horns are a kind ov msily rcohord. At three years old a ring appears on the bottom ov the horn next to the hod, and each year after, a fresh ring iz born. In this way the cows kno how old they are. Sometimes theze rings fill up the whole horn, and grow off onto the ad joining fences in the pasture lot, but this only happens to very old cows. I never knu it tew happen in my life and I don’t think it ever did; it is one ov them venerable lies that are handed down from father to son, just to keep the stock of liea from running out. » When I waz a boy and had just begun to chew tobacca, I waa told that butter cum from cow’s horu—l have siuco found out that this iz another cussed old lie. This lieing tew children iz no evi dence ov genius, and is sowing the seeds ov decepshun in a soil too apt bi natur tow covet what nint undoubtedly so. ' Dinner Il< rn. —This is the oldest and most sakred horn there iz. It is set tew musik, and plays “home. Sweet Home” about noon. It has bin listened tew, with more rapturous delite, than even Graffula’s band haz. Yukan hear it further than one ov Mr. Hodman's guns. It will arrest a man, and bring him in quicker than a sheriff’s warrent. It ken outfoot eny other noize. It kauses the deaf to hear and the dum to shout for joy Glorious old instrument! long may yure lungs last! 44 Ram's Horn” —A spiral root, that emerges suddenly from the figure bed ov the maskuline sheep, and ramifies until it reaches a tip end. Ham’s horns are alwus a sure sighn of battle. They are used to butt with, but with out enny respekt to persons. They will attak a stun wall, or a deakon, or an established church. A story iz told ov old deakon Fletcher ov Konnektikutt State who was digging post holes in a ram pasture on his farm, and the moshun ov bis boddy waz looked upon, by the old rain, who fed in the lot, az a banter for a site. Without arrangeing enny terms for the fight the ram went incontinently for the deakon, and took him the fust shot, on the blind side ov his boddy, just about the meridian. The blow transposed the deakon sum eighteen feet, with a lieelsovcr head mo shun. Kxhasperated tew a point, at least ten foot beyond endurance, the deakon jumped up. andskreamed his whole voice * * * “you darned—old cuss,” and then all at once remembering that he waz a good, piuz deakon. he apol ogized by saying —“that iz , if / may he. allowed the cxpresnhun.” The deakon haz mi entire sympathy for the remarks made tow the ram. “ Whiskey Horn." —This horn varys in length, but from three to six indies iz the favorite size. It iz different from other horns, being of a fluid natur. It iz really more pugnashus than the ram’s horn, six inches ov it will knok a man perfekly calm. When it knoeks a man down it holds him thare. It is cither the principal or the seck ond in nu*t all the iniquity that iz trav elling around. It makes brutes of men, demons ov wirmnin and vagrants ov children. It has drawn more tears, broken more hearts and blited more hopes than all the other agencys of the devil put to gether. A good lady who had two children sick with the “measles, wrote to a for a remedy. The friend had just re ceived a note from another lady, enquir ing the way to make pickles. She changed her answers by mistake, and tho lady who enquired about the pickles, re ceived the remedy for the measles, and the anxious mother of the sick children read with horror:—“Scald them three or four times in very hot vinegar, and sprinkle them with salt, and in a lew days th€iy will b« cured ”