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The Calhoun Times. - # Volume 11. Ti li; CALHOUN TIMES. ""I HARD EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, liY , ,VA/V a MM! SHALL. TERMS OF SUBSCBIFVtOIf. . v.-ir : : : : : $2.00 wix Months : • •___ _£_ 1>0(J /,- i TESOF A1) VERTISINQ. . : |\| i. prvios. | 0 Mo.*. | 1 year. -—i^77Tf^ fc 'Y si2.o;_) .-520.00 : ' (i ift oo 10.00 18-00 3xoo I 0.00 1 >.OO 30.00 40.00 i .. , i >.OO 20.00 40.00 65.00 . ~ | ‘>5.00 40.00 65.00 115.00 \ ! are payable strictly in ;in ! at, tho # expuation of tUe time ,■ r which payment is ramie, unless pre v , i mi'uv 'I, the name of the subscriber J| P. stricken from onr books. . „. . , r ire of t *n lines or less, for the M-'r insertion. .81- an 1 for each subsequent - ion, fifty cents. Ten lines of solid . v r, or its equivalent in space, make a pirns cash, before or on demand after thf first insertion. Vlwrii- »ment:s under the head of “ Special > twaty cents per line for first in ani ten cents each sebsequent inser (Oll, Ml c;m ;mnications on matters of public ,i will no- t with prompt attention, and concise letters on general subjects are rc- Kj„. c .,fully solicited from all parts of the r intrv* __ RAII.ROADS. WEAVERS' cj- ATLANTIC. XKJiir IMSSa.VGKB TUVIN —OUTWARD. Irov Atlanta 1<>.30 P. M. :li V,. :it. Crtlhoim 2.50 A. M. ~ii; eat C'.tUii'iuoif-i H Ift A. M I,\v rassKNGtn n:ain -outward. 1 cv: > V inti.... 8 15 A M I, ,• Ca,111),111 12.49 P M. ~ , ;,t (j nrtniiooji.i 4.25 p. M. r\st i,:x:: TO Xtsiv Yi: K outward. |\’l inOi 2 4-3 P M Arriv ;;i U i iium H 51 P. M •• at Dillon i 7.5i P M NIGHT 1“ SSKNOBR TRAIN— IN W A KD. | iv • 1 haitanonga 520 P. M fti-d at Calhoun 907 P. m A:: ne it All mt;i 1 45 a. Mi D\r [’VS-KNOKU TRAIN —IN .VARD. 1 ..v.> Chilian,to a 5-30 a. m. Am. ■ at Ciltinu i 9 17 v. M amvo iD At hit) in 220 P. M. ACCOMODATION TRAIN - INWARD. i.iMve Da lon 225 r w Airii r at Ca'fi inn .3 2 ' p m ah ve at Atlanta ..9. lo a. m aOFESSIONiJj CARDS. W. i. JOHNSON,' Al! orncy xVt Law, CALIIOFN, GEORGIA. I 'lb’ in Southeast corner of the mu "t lonise. 1 : 1 > 1 ts . mT. jos. n coxNi.f.T.. i A!N and McConnell, ■V'onioy,s nt I^aw 9 CALHOUN, GEORGIA. , •' (tliia • in the Court llouso. Va-II 1 ts W. J. CANTRELL, iV i \ or.\t\v xY t Jd? w. Caliioun, Georgia. :y f hb I’ra-ti-' iu the Cherokee Circuit, ' ‘ ra t’. S. District Court, Northern Dis- II > i. fat Atlantal: and in the Su -I'' : 'i" Don. tot the State of Georgia. ■’ r. ib V.'. H. Baku si. \! t i- t •. v, vi i CaUivim, Ga PHILLIPS & RANKIN, .1 TTOItXVy.S AT LAW, —AND— COUtCTItW '‘QUITS Calhoun, Hu. \\T —— ft Gili practice in the Courts of (Ire 1 Urrokee Circuit. , Oiliee North side Public Square. E. J~ KIKEk, * or noy nt Ijaw, CAUIOUX. GEORGIA, at the Old Stand of Cantrell § Kilter.] \\ 'P 1 ' > i:i all the Court -of tiro >? 1 I'rok'a Circuit: Supremo Court of 1 • *• lu : Vie l uited States District Court tU V 1 in v. Ga. augl9’7oly Martin, ATTORNEY AT LA W, n.UILONECA, - - . GEO. N( >v 10 1870 ts BitTW.r~REEVES7 Sitrtjeon tC Ph ysivian, CAI. tIOU.V, . . . GEORGIA, MW I'' fou'i 1 at hi? office, in the Brick s ; r " of IJrirrett & Cos., day *. ri! w uii uoi professionally engaged in i‘l'7ltf ° h ROPE WALDO THORNTON, DENTIST, | \I.IIOUN, G. > IGIA. ' 1 ' lvl ' *- ,j for "arm >r patronage solicits 1 a continuance >* the same. () i 1 ‘e at Residence. sep ls dr. and. g. hunt, anil Druggist, caliioun ; aa. '• I'. TINS LEY WATCH-MAKER AND- ,:} EWELER, U'UOUX, : : : ; GEORGIA Arr 0 \ ■ -• styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry **"atly repaired and wan anted. 9’7otf (LSTA BLISIIEJ) IX 1856.) J.O.HATHEWSON, produck * 01IJI1SSION MERCHANT A VGUSTA % GEORGIA. 1870 ly TIN - W ARE Cooking Stoves ! W.T.HALL&BRO., WOULD inform the public that they are prepared to fill all orders in the Tin-Ware Line, At as LOW PRICES as any similar estab lishment in Cherokee Georgia. Our work is put up by experienced work men, an l will compare luvorably with any in the country. In these days of Freedom, etery good husband should see that the “goot wife” is supplied with a good Cools±eis Stove, And we are prepared to furnish any size or style desired at the Lowest Possible Prices. Give ns a call. aull,tf A.W. BALLEW, - DEALER IN DRY-GOODS, NOTIONS, Boots, Shoss, Hats, Groceries, Hardware, Queensware, &c,, ;ITJSICAL INSTRUMENTS, FAC ORY YARNS, SHIRTINGS, AND READY-MADE CLOTHING, FAMILY GROCERIES, efco. Railroad Strut, - - CAUIOUX, GA. Has just received and constantly receiv ing, a fresh supply of BACON, LARD. FLOUR, MEAL. SUGAR, COFFEE, RICE, CIGARS. TOBACCO, CONFECTIONERIES, Canned Fruits, Nuts, Oysters, SARDINES, CHEESE, Ac Ynd, in fact, a full and complete assortment of Staple and Fancy Groceries. He also keeps one of the best Stocks of WINES & LIQUORS, in this part of the country. If you want good, fresh Groceries, or Fine Old Whiskies, Brandies, or Wines, give me a call. feblU’TlOm J. H. ARTHUR, DEALER IN STAPLE AXD FAXCY DRY GOODS, Cutlery, Notions &c. Also keeps constantly on hand a choice stock of FAMILY GROCERIES, In all of which purchasers are offered in ducements.to buy. Auglll 6m J. X. IS. COBB. JXO. W. WALKER. COBB S WALKER, AGENTS FOR nn i bakhs CELEBRATED sewing MACHINE. Every Machine Warranted to keep in good running order. ALSO AGENTS FOR GEN. LEE MEMORIAL ASSOCIATION. G. M. HUNT. Calhoun, Georgia, is author ized to transact all our business during our absence. marlG-Gm cheroketT \IA\IIFACTLiIU\G C 0„ DALTQN, GA. Manufactures ail Kinds of IP TJ XI. IST X TT XI. 23 , Os the best material this country affords, and very superior in style and workmanship, which they offer to the public and the gen eral trade, as low as can be afforded. Chairs & Bedsteads a Speciality. Blinds, Doors, Sash and Job Work, to or der, on short notice. Dr. 1). G. Hunt is our Agent at Calhoun, Ga., and keeps a good supply of Furniture on band, J. IV. WALKER, Sup’t, L. D. Palmer, Secretary. aug267o-ly liSltlliTlON MM'B. TV IE copartnership heretofore existing un -1 dor the firm name of Ballew & Marshall, is this day dissolved by mutual consent —J. W. Marshall retiring. The bools of the firm are in the hands of A. W. Ballew, who will close up all the business of the late firm. A. W. Ballew J. W. Marshall. Road Further! I propose to continue the business at the old stand, and am determined at all times to keep a full and first-class stock. feb 16,im A. W. BALLEW. (i. H. & A. W. FORCE, SIGN OF THE BIG IRON BOOT, Whitehall Street, : : : Atlanta, Ga. r) DOTS Shoes at,d Tilinks, a complete Stock ) and new Goods arriving dailv! Gents’ Boo's and Shops, of the hp-t makes. Ladies’ Shoe* of a'l kirnf* Boys. MPses anil Children’s Shoes o* every g-ade ami make. Z'2f° We :>r prepared to otfer inducements to ''holevHleTV-.de. «en*9 ’7'i-lv T ii. LAMiIOKI), Wholesale an 1 Id. Retail dealer in Stoves, Hollow ware. Tinware, cutlery, &c., Atlanta, Georgia. \ NY QUANTITY of “Fine Virginia Leaf and Manufactured Tobaccos at DeJOUHNETT & SON’S, Broad & Brioge sts., Rome, CALHOUN. GA., THURSDAY. AUGUST 3. 1871. j ALBERT G. PITXER. HENRY H. SMITH. PITNER & SMITH, Wholesale and Retail Grocers & Commission Merchants AND DEALERS IN PURE KENTUCKY WHISKIES,&c. No. 25, Corner Broad Ji Howard ms , ROME , - - GEORGIA. 0ct6,1870-ly Sasseen House 2 TTp stair3, over 46 and 4s, between W. B. U Lowe & Cos. and Lawshe and Haynes. Whitehall St., - Atlanta, Ga. » ISc-Ll hope my old friends and custosaoui will give me a trial. Terms—Transient boarders, per day, $2 single meal or lodging. >soc. E. R. SASSEEN, m»y2s-tf. Ag’t, Proprietor. TENNESSEE HOUSE ROVE, GEORGIA, J. A. STANSBURY, Prop’r. fIIHE above Hotel is located within Twenty X Steps of the Railroad Platform. Baggage handled free of Charge- oct6’7otf CmmmMVßmmmT (Central Position ot the City.) Nos. 95 and 97 Broad Street, Rome. Ga. FIRST CLASS FARE OPEN AT ALL HOURS ! BSSCUeo Omnibus to & from the Fine Bar and Billiard Saloon attached. Give me a call. J. 11. Coleman, Prop'r. April 6-1 y. -‘.'STXoi.-SjLO J. C. RAWLINS, Prop’r. CIIOICEIIOTFL BItOAD ST., RO.ME, GA. Passengers taktn to and from die Depot Fee of Charge oc’Vi'Uf <o^'t;.al.o I?oncc ! IjO to Calhoun and buy a farm right to VJ that inimitablo, economical, movable fence—the STOKER PATENT. The most practical farmers of the county have examined it, and declared it the best Portable Fence they have ever seen. Convert-able to Any Use ! Thr mart flesira/jle < f any. in point of ECONOMY OF TIMBER AND LABOR in buildiu<j. Confer w t':i cither of the undersigned: J. W r . MARSHALL. ) TIIOS. G. JONES. - Y. W. BOISCLAIR. ) Steam i3i*cAvei*y, Southern ALE, POUTER & BEER. C. A. GOODYEAR, Dec 2J ly Proprietor. DeJouunett A Son, Rome, Ga., will always pay the \ :vy highest market price for Coun try Produce. CALHOUN’ SALE AND LIVERY STABLE! 0 (x. li. BOAZ, IT E EPS FINE STOCK, and Vehicles to IV correspond, and is at all times pre pared to furnish any kind of Oonv e yan o o, AT VERY LOW RATES FOR CASH. Stock bought and sold on reasonable terms. aull.tf -I AS. R.WYLIE, WBOffilll GROCER, —AND — Cos mmis s ion Ale rcha nt, reeoht St, - - Atlanta,Goo. A good, assortment of new Mackerel W kite tish& c..foc sale by De Jonrnett & Son, Cor.Broad & Bridge Sts', Rome , Ga ~I)1L J. BRABFIELD’S Female Regulator. 'V IS one of the great t '-v w \ est biessinfis tnat has > Y~r %«. k) ev *r been given to wo . • ■*.. L% A mm. It will relieve Suppression, M o n t h ly )'~.A Pains, Rlieumatism. ri' Aq v t Neuralgia, and acer ; ' tain cure for the Whites A and Prolapsus Uteri. £" ) For full particulars, A history of diseases and certificates of its wonderful cures, the reader is referred to the.wrapper around the bottle. For sale by all Druggists. Price, 51,60 per bottle. Dll. PROPIIITT’S Celebrated Liver F^icine, (>\ h <>f ’h*' (ireau-si Rcme'h-s i, tie age. fit. all diseases of the L’ver Jaundice. Bowel Vom. phi.nl, l Dtic. Chills and F> vei and Billirus Fe cer. in fact al diseases arising from a deranget Liver ANTI-BILIOUS PILLS. These Fids hav- b-cn used for t v e last fifteen veins and ( -r 11-adac'ite, Deranged Liver, &c. are without an equal. DR. PROPIII-rrS AGUE PILLS. A sure CU"F, fix- CHILLS and FEVER DR. PR OPHJ TTYS Dysentei*y Oor*clial 9 Cures ail derangements of the BOWELS. Dr. Prophitt’s Pain Kill It, This celebrated Medicine shnu and be in everJ hons hold. It is a cert tin cure f.r all Pains, an • antidote to Bites of Poisoners insects, Sn:.k< s, Ac. \ superior remedy for Rheumatism and Neuralgia. TRY IT. All the above articles for sale bv Dr D. G Hunt- Druggist, 1 cun, Ga. Ca sept*29’7o--\ y THE CALHOUN TIMES! m A FIRST CLASS FAMILY NEWS PAPER! FOR EVERYBODY. Including Farmers, Mechanics, Merchants, Their Wives, Sons and Daughters. Only Tiro Dollars a Year ! One Dollar for Six Months f DEVOTED To Literature, Agriculture, Politics, News, Education, Humor, Art, Science, History And tli3 Multiplied interests of Nort li Georgi a * It shall be the arclent friend of every Enterprise or Project, ealculaten to carry forward the great work of Developing and Improving —OUR— “SPLENDID COUNTRY!” Now is the Time to Subcribe ! SEND IN YOUR NAMES AND MONEY! JOB PRIXTIXG I Os all kinds, executed in QOOD STYLE, —AT— very low prices. From the Nashville Union & American. THE ELEMENTARY FILL. A Million of Dollars or I’ll Set the Pacific Ocean in Flames!—More About the “Man With a Secret. Uudcr caption of A Dead Secret,” there was given in these columns, not long ago, the substance of what the Sa cramento Union had published as the written confession of the “ late Leoni- Parker. ’ a lawyer of said city, purport ing to to have been found amongst the papers of the departed attorney, and revealing his agency in the death of one Gregory Summerfield, who was sup posed to have fallen accidentally from a train of the Pacific Railroad, eastward bound, at a precipitous point known as (Jape Horn, iu Placer county, near the town of Auburn, California. It may be in the reader’s memory that the con fession in question while coolly setting forth the writer’s guilt in pushing his unsuspecting victim from the platform of the car, justified the act upon the broad ground of the physical salvation of the human race. Summerfield, a mystic and lifeJong student of elemental chemistry, had finally devised the com position of a potassium-coated ‘‘pill” which, on being cast into any body of water first took fire from its isrne-aque ous coating; and then, dissolving the waves and decomposing the same, liber ated the oxygen of the latter to main tain a combustion capable of involving ultimately a whole ocean! Through Parker, who had been a friend of his youth, the inventor of this diabolical compound offered to sell the unholy se cret of the composition, and his own right to use it, for an exorbitant sum of money. Under pledge of secrecy, a com mittee of eminent citizens, scientific men and churchmen, endeavored to raise the required amount. Failing in this, uPd rendered desperate by thought of the fearful calamity likely to befall all man kind should Summerfield be left at lib erty to use his dread power as he threat ened, the committee finally resolved to compass the early death of the incurable foe of humanity; and, by drawing of lots, Parker was chosen to execute the resolution. Uudcr pretext of coming to Eastern cities with Summerfield to secure what subscriptions could not be raised in California, Parker—as his “Confession” reads—induced the com- poser of the “ Elementary Pill ” to go out upon the car platform at Cape Horn, and from thence pushed him over a fear ful precipice to his death. Twice tried by law upon suspicion of having com mitted the murder, and twice.escaping through lack of trustworthy evidence against him, the murderer allowed “the world, which he had saved from destruc tion by fire,” to wait until after his own death before it should know the fearful truth. Such were the material points of the ingenious original story, as con densed here two or three weeks ago from the Sacramento Union : and now that same respectable journal adds a sequel equally worthy of reproduction and cre dence. From this it appears that when Parker’s confession was published in California, its suggest.on that the body of Summerfield had never been recov ered—never sought for. even, apparently —awakened the curiosity of one Charles I\ Gilson, of Auburn, who thereupon determined to descend the precipice at Cape Horn, a place on the north fork of the American River, and search tor the skeleton, at least. Upon such quest this man left a saloon of which he was pro prietor, in Auburn, on the morning of Sunday, May 14, and at a late hour of the same afternoon Was found with a pis tol shot through his body, on the edge of what had been before considered an in accessible ravine, heading down to the rocky cavities of the fatal Cape Horn. First discovered by a Mrs. Adams, wife of a miner of the adjacent Thompson's Flat, who was seeking fuel for her cabin at the time, he was subsequently helped into the cabin by persons answering the cries of the woman, and there, finding himself mortally wounded, demanded that a notary pubiic should be summoned to hear his accusation of his murderer. An Auburn correspondent of the Union, after relating the above facts, seeks to prove them (as well as the state ment before the notary, following) by rescripts of the sworn statement of Mrs. Adams as to her discovery of the mor- tally wounded man, and of a proclama tion of 11. G. Nicholson, Secretary of State, offering a reward for the arrest of the alleged murderer. Not to pause, however, upon these anticipatory ere uentials of authenticity, the reader is in vited to consider chiefly what, in legal Phraseology, is called the “ Statement and dying confession of Charles P. Gill son, taken in articu/o inort s by George Simpson, notary public.” According to this—his alleged confession—the now dying Gillson, having in his earlier days mined on Thompson’s Flat, at the foot of the rocky promontory known as Cape Horn, was familiar with the dizzy zig zag paths leading down the awful precipice, and found little difficulty, in reaching the rocky bed of the canyon, not less than one thousand feet below the grade of the railroad. Cautiously then he began his.search for the ghastly object he had come to find. The dense undergrowth of shrubs lining the inter stices of the granite rocks obscured all vision beyond a few steps, and at first baffled the searcher; but presently up on pushing aside a tail and dense man zanilla bush, he came not only upon all that remained of Gregory Summerfield, but also upon the figure of a living man bending over the mouldering skeleton ! At his involuntary cry of astonishment the other hunter of the dead looked up, and was revealed as one. Bartholomew Graham, or “Black Bart,” as he was called, an eccentric vagrant of Auburn. The same motive had drawn b >th men to the unhallowed spot —they had hoped to find upon the body of the murdered | chemist some key to the terrible “secret” i supposed to have died with him ; and | Gillsons first glance at Graham's right hand told him that the earlier comer had actually secured the bottle contain ing the potassium “pills” themselves. It is scarcely worth while to quota all the details of the ensuing altercation be tween these two birds of prey over this ominous*prize, or over a small scroll of vellum manuscript, supposed to unfold the “secret,” found amongst the decay ing garments of the dead man. Suf fice it to sny that, after much bitter con tention and a dispUy of a ptst/d by “ Black Bart,” Gills n accepted the manuscript as his share of the prey, and the two men swore each other to eternal secrecy concerning their adven ture, and determined to remain in the canyon with the skeleton until the ar rival of evening should assure their un observed escape from the neighborhood Unfortunately, however for Gillson, his dissatisfaction with his part of the plun der led him to make an effort, when he thought his companion dozing, to gain the “ pills ” also. According to his dy ing confession, he even had his hand upon the precious bottle, when, quick as thought, “ Black Bart” thrust a pistol against his stooping body, and, with the ensuing report, he lost all consciousness of the scene. Upon his subsequent re covery of sensibility under the exquis ite torture of his wound, the murderer was gone, and the manuscript as well as the bottle with him; and it was only left for him (Gillson) to drag himself up the wooded side of the ravine as far as he could, and then lie moaning until Mrs. Adams was called to his res cue. So ends the “ dying statement” of the second victim of the “ Elemental Pill;” and, as before shown, the re spectable newspaper giving it and the original story currency, publishes its Auburn correspondent’s copies of all the sworn testimony apparently needful to substantiate the whole wild tale. There being no accompanying intimation that the proclamation of the Secretary of State has yet seemed the capture of “ Black Bart,” it may be inferred that Greg« :y Snmmerfield's “ secret” is once mor in the possession of a living man, who. therefore balds the whole world's fate in Li< e mtr 1 Not to b-Arefe this is to and. sc red it all the veracious California lit erature u iw in such distinguished fash ion. “Printer Wanted." We copy the following very sensible article from the Northwest, the editor of which is sound and knows whereof he speaks: “ This heading meets our eye every few days, in both city and country ex changes. ‘ One competent to take charge ! of an office ’ is the usual specification in the country newspaper. There arc few such printers to be found. They are not ‘on the tramp.’ They seldom answer such advertisements, because they have no difficulty in finding work where they are Known. A ‘good printer.’ and one that can be depended on, is a rare animal. A boy of fifteen goes into an office, learns the boxes, and is taught the mystery of ‘ following copy/ He acquires a little speed, gets the big head, has a fus3 with his em ployer, quits the office and starts on a ‘tramp’ as a full fledged journeyman printer. The country is overrun with 1 such fellows. They meet with rebuffs, become discouraged, reckless and dissi- : pated. and thus bring odium not only j on themselves, but the art which they falsely claim to represent —for one of j those roving botches comes in contact with hundreds of people, while the stay at-home, competent workman is known J to but few—and the public have made up their verdict that printers, as a class, are a graceless set of scamps. The fault is as much with the employers as the employes, When publishers resolve to employ no runaway apprentices, boys will not run away after a few months at the ease, and none will start on a tramp until they are competent to take charge of an office.” A Quaker Printer’s Proverbs. Never sendestthou an article for pub lication without giving the editor thy name, for thy name oftentimes secures publication to worthless articles. hou shouldst not rap at the door of a printing office, for he that answereth the rap sneereth in his sleeves and loseth time. Neither do thou loaf about, ask questions, or knock down type, or the boys wib love thee like they do shade trees —when thou leaveth. Thou shouldst never read the copy on the printer’s case, or the sharp m l hooked container thereof, or he may knock thee down Never inquire thou of the editor for the news, for behold, it is his business at the appointed time, to give it thee without asking. It is not right that thou shouldst ask him who is the author of an article, for his duty requireth him to keep such things to himself. When thou dost enter into his office, take heed unto thyself that thou dost not look at what may be lying open and concernetb .thee not. for that is not meet in the sight of good breeding. Neither examine thou the proof sheet, for it is not ready to meet thine eye, that thou ninyest understand. Prefer thine own town paper to any other, and subscribe for it immediately. | Pay for it in advance, and it shall be well with thee and thine. — Xe%c*paper \ Reporter. Is' uml >ex’ 1 VAK lot's items. What shape is a kiss? Eliptical <a lipticle) of course. ” 1 t think, husband, you are very smart. ** No, indeed wife, but- every body krfows I £& awfully thtttctl. ” V< hy arc young hi dies fond of pastry vooks shops ? Because it is the placo to find sweethearts (sweet tarts). English belles encase themselves rtf paper petticoats. Now in case of a shower, could these belles botemny out ? Dudley, Massachusetts was once ‘‘Chftrg.iggaggoggaguianchoggagagogg” says an exchange. Once was enough. 1 a, what can I Jo, unless you get me a riding habit, up here in tbr eufta. try ?” “ Get into the habit of walking, my dear." * “ ne thing,” said an old toper, “ was seen coinin’ through the rye, an’ that s the kind o whisky ouc gets now* a days.” ” Grandma. ‘ said a shrewd child, “do you want some candy?” “Yes, dear, [ should like some.” Then buy pome i 11 give you half.” One asked his friend why he married so little n wife. “11 hy,” said he, “ I thought you knew that of all evils we should choose the lens*,.” • Mr. Post office-man, I want to pay the postage on this letter.” “ Single or double, miss ?” “ Double, sir,” (with a courtesy); “ 1 married last week.” Vi on t you take half of this poor apple.” “ No, T thank you. I would pre fer a better half. ’ Eliza blushed, and i eferred the young man to lug - papa. If small girls are waifs, are large ones waifers ? ‘ Certainly,” says sweet six teen ; “at least the boys have the habit of applying them to their lips in sealing their vows.” 6 A giddy student having got his skull fractured, was told hy his doctor that the brain was visible, on which he re marked, “ Do write and tell father, for he always said I had none.” M hen a Chicago girl quarrels with her lover she communicates the* fact to her friends in the remark that “she isn’t on squeezing terms with the fraud any more.” J A Western bummer lately put hrm sclf to bed on the steps of a church, and, trying to fold the snow flakes around him. declared every time he grasped a handful that the darned sheets always tore so. . J “ Are the jury agreed ? ” asked the judge of a court attache, w T hom he met °V he ,f tairs ) vith a bucket in his hand, is, replied Patrick; “they bate giocd to send out for half a gallon. ” Man—“M by do you look so close I v at me ? ” ' J j Sharp b<»y •• People say that your wife keeps your nose to a grind stone; and I was trying tosechow sharp it was!” | “ Tis strange,” muttered a young man ! as he staggered home from a dinner party, ; “ how evil communications corrupt good ' manners. I’ve been surrounded bv tum blers all the evening, and now I’m a j tumbler myself. “A dress composed entirely of the most delicate lace,” says an exchange vias all a Philadelphia belle wore at Cape May, recently. It was looped up with pcAfls, arxl nttractcd all bchoklcrs 99 (3, fie! ’ A lady teacher at Des Moines called a boy up and made him show how he kissed the big girls in the woodshed. After he showed her, she punished him by making him stay after school. He says he don’t want to graduate for two years yet. * . -.v - A young lady at Indianapolis was en deavoring to in.p-ess upon the minds of her Sunday-school scholars, the sin and teirible punishment of Nebuchadnez zar, and when she said, for seven years he ate grass like a cow, she was ass rr ished by a little girl who asked, « Did he give milk ?” “ What are you about, my dear ? ” said his grandmother to a little boy who was idling about the room, and casting j f* urt j ve glances at a gentleman who was IP a “ visit. “ I am trying to steal papas hat out of the room without let ting the gentleman see it, for papa wants him to think he’s out. '* A drunken fellow, with a box of j matches in his pocket, lay down on the I sidewalk in 31 uscatine, the other day, :to enjoy a quiet snooze. While rolling j over in bis sleep, the matches took fire! j Awakening, he snuffed the air corrspicu ; ously. smelt the burning brimstone, and I ejaculated, “Just as I expected, in h 1 j (hie) by hokey!” The way words are divided when set to music sometimes produces a rather ludicrous effect. A stranger was sur prised on hearing a congregation, mostly women, crying out: “Oh for a man ! Oh for a man ! Oh for a man—sion in the skies f’ While on another occasion a choir sang to the best of their ability: • We’ll catch the flee ! We’ll catch the flee ! We'll catch the flee—ting hours ?' It is hoped no body was bitten. I met her by the cellar door; the look she gave was cold and stern ; her eyes looked pitchforks into mine, mine looked pitchforks into hern. For we had loved in days gone by, amj her daddy said that 1 might take her; but alas, my dream of wedded bliss, she got up and got with a Dutch shoe-maker. No more girls for me, if I knows it; no more frauds my love to dim; in the words of the poet, “not for Joseph,” . and he might have added, “not for Tim ”