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j3\ r RICE & FREEMAN.
Be Considerate*
011 1 If y°" knew w,lftt K ' m F lc H*mg*
on cheer the hearts of others,
We ,1 frequent find our spirit-springs
Brimful of Miss, my brothers.
\ cheer fill smile, n pleasant, word,
Wh ch vie can always give, .
Perchance eoWe drbbping soul hath stirfred
stVeiijfth lo love and live'.
Art act may he by ds unmarked,
But kenned by wfit'chehs hear;
The song which we unheeded sing
May strike ahbther’s car.
If wc but j*iVe our “widow's mite,”
To aifi the general weal,
tc help along the cause of right,
How angel dike we feel.
JAKE’S LUCK.
“Whatever will Mr. Squimps say?
Oh. girls, to think of it —pd >r, washed
out’ Amanda Liza, with check aprons
and faded calicoes—to think of her
turning out an heiress! Whew . it
takes my breath away. What’ll Jake
do now, 1 wonder ‘if”
JvLss Jennie 8m til was su acknowl
edged leader in the Squimps academy.
She had maintained her rotund person
and round, good nalured face in spite of
6our bread and scant rations. • We thin
and starveling girls looked up to her as
a star of the first magnitude: We clus
tered around her in high conclave, as
she sat on a de.-k in the school room du
ring the temporary absence of our
Worthy preceptor.
“Oh, she’ll never think of Jake
again,” cried a sharp-faced girl in the
Corner;
“ I’ll bet she will,” rejoined Miss
Smith, slapping her hand energetically
on her old grammar. Miss Smith had
“big brothers,” which may partly ac
count for the vim with which she was
wont to express herself. “ But oh !
don’t I wish it was me! To think that
Amanda Lina, that I used to lend my
old fiullalS to—”
‘ Young ladies, Miss Bimm !” cried a
warning voice, whereat Jennie, with
more haste than dignity abandoned her
lofty position, and there was a general
stampede for seats as Miss Bimui, the
teacher, came sailing in, followed by
Mr. Squimps, tlie principal, black, tall
and solemn as the shadow of a lamp
post. Now for stricter rules, longer
lectures on propriety, and a general sur
veillance founded on “ certain recent
occurrences.”
What would Mr, Squimp* say? Ay f
to be sure that was always a question of
importance, and Mr. Squimps always
said a good deal, Here was an especial
theme for his eloquence ; for this case of
poor Amanda Liza, who had been his
bond slave for ten years, culled and cor
nered, making no sign, and at last turn
ing out to have relations of her own and
a heap of money, and leaving his es
tablishment ‘‘ for good and all ” in his
absence was a leetlc too much for hu
man nature, as he declared. Once giv
en a little rope, a small vexation, an ac
cidental jarring ot arrangements, and
Mr. Squ imps flowed out into limitless
rivers of rhetoric, lie argued hie point
down to the last whittle, wound up
splendidly, touched up his side whiskers,
looked round lor applause, turned over
his wristbands, and, before you knew it,
began again.
This was a splendid opening, this of
Amanda Liza's—h girl whom he had
taken out of “ pure ” charity when her
bilks died of fever, a girl w hom he had
educated, brought up in his family, and
—and--and—Mr Squimps felt himself
possessed on this occasion of all the
stock in trade necessary for an orator.
“And Mr. Squimps like a father to
her too!” cried Mrs. Squimps, elevating
her shrivelled little hands.
Mrs. Squimps was a small, wrinkled
lady, rustling about of an afternoon i’
a stiff, voluminous silk, so little, so
Hirivcllcd, she seemed to rattle in it as
she walked like a withered kernel in a
walnut shell. She had had the benefit
of Mr. Squimps’ eloquence the greater
part of her life, and was much like a
worn-out text —thin and thumbed and
faded.
The good lady was humbly aware of
ber deficiencies. A mere bit of quartz,
she did not attempt to shi.ieeven in her
husband’s refulgence. All real author
ity in her department was delegated to
Miss Bimm, who carried things with an
■air, taught the “higher branches,” and
look the lead.
Mrs. Squimps meekly took the kitoh
'cn, eminently fitter, a« her husband de
clared, for that department, which was
the foundation of all others. The foun
dation prepared under Mrs. Squimps'
supervision was not very substantial.—
But elegance was the aim. gentility the
law, at the academy, as Mr. Squimps
observed, and no one asked twice lor
the same dish. An army of hungry
girls, he remarked privately to Mrs.
-Squimps, would devour all before them
*it not properly restrained. Und r this
•aspect sour bread and chill pancakes
Were judicious.
Amanda Liza, the good girl about
Whom we were all just now in a furore,
had assisted M rs. Squimps and the maids
in the kitchen of a morning, likewise
of an evening; between these she gen
erally sandwiched the thin hour of study
which was denominated her “education.”
She was a slim, drooping eyed little
thing, who never spoke up for herself;
and if Jake hadn’t spoken up for her
once in a while, I think she would
scarcely have held her own even under
Mrs. Squimps’ motherly sway.
‘ Old Jake,” as we called him, was a
black-eyed, ragged lad of eighteen, the
factotum of the school, geuer al fog .boot
black, and boy-of- til-work to the estab
lishment, with an occasional elevation to
Coachman. Jake was subject to a state
“f chronic dutbreak, restive, forgetful
M rules, and “ dreadful sassy,” the
tnaids decl red. But Jake had his ideal,
R nd that ideal was “Miss Mandy Liza.”
Her pale, patient face, her soft, quiet
voice were potent with him. The girl
was really poorer than Jake, lower in
the scale, and with no apparent chance j
of rising from her bondage; but she
recited with the young ladies, and it
Was Jake’s high ambition to help her
through with her chores and get lmr
iuto class. Jake’s guardianship of the
girl was an accepted fact in the school
and village roundabout. No buy dared
play any tricks on Amanda Liza.
“Jest you wait til! I get my luck, an’
I 11 teach you,” was Jake’s admonition,
accompanied with a clinching of his
sturdy fiat thr t ably seconded the argu
ment.
The girl took it all very quietly in her
gentle way, and seemed to have a kindly
regard for Jake—mending L l3 coat oc
casionally or darning bis stockings— a
thing Jake gallantly declared “ she
shouldn’t do never again ; he wouldn’t
have no ladies waitin’ on him.”
Ladies ! The girls used to nudge each
other and smile; but for all that they
were very good to Amanda Liza, whose
faded dress and meek ways set Sier
apart from the noisy youth fulness of the
rest of us. Wc never begrudged the
extra polish which Jake, in his capacity
of boot black, bestowed upon Lei shoes,
and we did not laugh when those same
siloes made their appearance one day
adorned with a resplendent pair of steel
buckles, which were afterwards discov
ered to have been abstracted from the
coachman’s rig in which Jake occasion
ally did duty, and to which, I am sorry
to add, he was ignomiaiously obliged to
restore them.
Occasionally, on some rare holiday,
we girls had the the privilege of a drive
out into the country,when the Squimpses’
superannuated sorrel, covered with an
elaborate netting to conceal its deficien
cies, and pricking up its tasst lied ears
with quite a show of spirit, would set
off on a brisk trot, animated, no doubt,
by the prospect of a grassy nibble along
the road. Gay times were those. Jake
was at his jolliest, and we all—old Dub
bin included—forgot our “ short com
mons” and long lectures, and grew hila
rious together. Even poor Amanda Li
za, quietly stowed away in the back seat,
brightened up in the sunlight, and was
meekly merry. Once I remember old
Dobbin cantered along so frLkily that
he upset the whole party on a mossy bit
of rising ground, and whisking his long
tail facetiously j quietly betook himself
to pasture, while we picked ourselves up
as best we could.
“ We might have had worse luck,”
said Jake, as he plucked Amanda Liza
out of the neap, shook her out, and
wiped the dust from her black apron,
leaving the rest of the party to look out
for themselves. Which we did, scold
ing and laughing by turns, and giving,
quite by accident, the front seat beside
Jake to Amanda Liza the rest of the
way. Ah ! the twilight that summer
evening was warm and mellow, the fields
were gilded, the meadows fragrant, and
wc heard a refrain of the grand eter
nal poem on the jolting seat of the old
wagon, thoiigh Jake was silent the rest
of the way, looking furtively now and
then at the girl beside him, and being
very attentive to old Dobbin. Door
Jake ! Amanda Liza had shot up clean
out of his reach since then, and what
we wanted to know was whether the
girl would remember him now in the
days of her elevation.
A wealthy uncle, a splendid
and money on her own ageount—ah !
uo wonder we had not seen Amanda
since.
“ They touched her off like a sky
rocket, and she vanished,” said Jake
ruefully.
Had she vanished for good ? Then
poetical justice was a myth, and Aman
da’s patched shoes and faded dresses
were not more worthless than she. We
waited. We watched the windows fur
tively. We pricked up our ears at ev
ery ring of the door-bell, but weeks
passed, and the go’den coach-and six in
which our Cinderella was to arrive did
not rattle up the drive to the Squimps
Academy
I think we had almost given it up,
and Amanda Liza’s base forgetfulness
and ingratitude were becoming an old
storv, when one dav at noon Jake came
rushing in Among us, hot and shining,
and holding between his thumb and
forefinger a dainty billet, lie looked
like au embodied “hurrah” at that
moment.
But, to tel! the truth, Jake could not
quite make out the writing, for with all
his “ opportunities.” as our worthy prin
cipal designed his vicinage to wisdum
and learning in the capacity of shoe
black, the lad was unable to decipher
manuscript—“ hadn’t the patience,” he
declared
Jennie Smith rend the letter for him
amidst general applause. Justice and
righteousness had triumphed, it ap
peared. and Amanda Liza had proved
herself a “regular brick,” as Jennie,
with beaming eyes, observed, handing
back the precious scrap of paper to
Jake, who carefully wrapped it in his
ragged handkerchief. The letter con
tained a brief invitation to the lad, urg
ing him to see his old friend—a day
was appointed for the visit, and the
street and number where she was to be
found were written out in a round,
school girl hand. A fashionable and
wealthy quarter of the city, where Jake
was not likely to be very familiar.
Jake set himself to work without
loss of time about blacking his boots,
albeit the appointed day was somewhat
about a week ahead But it would take
a deal of fixing, he explained confiden
tially, to get ready, and he hadn’t much
to fix with. Jake’s normal condition
was not that of a dandy, certainly. He
could only, as a general thing, be lured
by the prospect of a drive to “ red him
self up,” as Mrs. Squimps said. To
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10,1873.
be ragged and let alone was his heaven.
But this time he rose to the greatness
of the occasion—he brushed and scour
ed, washed out, his sole white shirt,
dusted and straightened his battered
old hat, and mended his trousers.
Deeply interested in Jake’s fortunes,
we watched the proceedings.
“ But, Jake,” said Jennie Smith one
day,” “ what are you to do for a coat ?” i
Unhappy suggestion ! Jake looked
aghast, lie hadn’t thought of that.—
Certainly he couldn’t make his appear
ance in that overgrown coachman’s rig,
in which he was wont to illustrate the
academical respectability on the road.
And he had nothing else. No neces
sity had ever before developed itself
for anything save shirt sleeves and a
woolen jacket.
An awful pause came over our delib
erations for Jake. Miss Smith whis
tled, and finally suggested her water
proof—we were ail ready to fling ours
at his feet—but Jake couldn’t go muf
fled like an Italian brigand. He shook
his head.
Night closed without any solution of*
of the difficulty, but wc trusted that
somehow the lad’s quick wit would find
a way out of it.
The next morning, however, anew
sensation turned us from the contem
plation of Jake’s disasters. The house
had been robbed. We were all terri
bly scared, and Mr. Squimps was in a
fever of declamation amT wrath. His
coat —his best blue black coat, in which
lie was wont to dignify trustee meetings,
ornament bis pew of a Sunday, and pay
visits of state to his patrons —his coat
had been stolen. His coat, a man so de
voted to the interests of education that
he scarcely had time to go to the tail
or’s; to think that an ungrateful, inap
preciativc, idle world should have per
mitted him to be robbed ! He raved,
he stormed, he threatened vengeance,
he lectured us on the degeneracy of the
times, and forgot our Latin.
Vague forebodings of lurking assas
sins, masked robbers, and frequent skir
mishes into the iv ardrebe and dormito
ries about this time kept us all in a
nervous flurry, to Hie confusion of ail
thought of Jake. But late one twi
light afternoon as e sat huddled in the
windows of the long school room wait
ing the supper bell, we saw him issuing
from the outhouse. Oh, horror ! Oh,
apparition of terror! For with its tails
nearly touching the ground, his long
sleeves overlapping his hands, Jake wore
without a doubt the missing coat, boldly
marching in his stolen finery down to
wards the road, in sight of us all.
In sight of sharper eyes too, it
seemed, tor not far from the house
Mr. Squimps himself pounced upon
him.
Poor, kind, light hearted Jake ! We J
held our breath that day and tlie next,
fir Jake had been marched off to pris
on, and Mr. Squimps’s eloquence and
morality were in full flow. He said a
longer grace than ever at dinner, and we
were all glad when, hungrily eyeing the
Beauty board, we heard the visitors’ bell
him to the parlor I think we
were in better appetite than usual that
day, and we left little behind us for our
Mentor as we filed up stairs towards
the school room. Passing the parlor
door, there rushed out upon us a little
figure in a trailing silk dress and bon
net full of nodding French flowers. It
was Amanda Liza.
“ Oh, girls !” she cried, hysterically,
bewildered with an apparent desire to
embrace the whole troop. “Poor Jake!”
Air Squimps, tall and solemn, rose
with dignity, and closed the parlor door
upon their further conference. We
heard him make this consoling re
mark :
“ I always knew he’d come to no
good!”.
It seemed that Amanda had learned
of Jake’s mishap through some stray
newspaper, where the weli-known name
of the virtuous and vencraful Squimps
had met her eye. She comprehended
the situation, and came to the acade-.
my to plead for her old friend.
We waited the news of Jake’s fate
breathlessly, nodding and whispering
among ourselves For there would be
a trial or something terrible, of course,
we hardly knew what. Mr. Squimps
was away all the afternoon, the classes
were demoralized, and we stood idle ga
zing out of the window about four
o’clock, when a carriage came up the
drive. To our amazement, Jake sat on
the box, elate and erect. He sprang
down and opened the door with a flour
ish. and out stepped Mr. Squimps.
“ The girl pleaded so bard that I
have decided not to prosecute,” said
Mr. Squimps ; and if a splendid new
coat from the tailor’s and a plump silk
en purse of unknown mftfittfacture had
anything to do with it we were not in
formed ot it
“ And I’m going to live with Miss
Mandy Liza forever !” cried Jake, when
he came among us, his face lit with a
glory as if he were departing for heav
en.
Would Amanda Liza dress him in a
blue coat and brass buttons, and make
him her coachman at good wages ? Ah,
what a rise for poor Jake ! Amanda
Liza was his saint, his angel, the hem
of whose garment he touched reverent
j ly. There was no commonplace ele
ment about such love as this, and Jake
would be content to le‘ down her carri
age steps and look after her ponies all
the days of his life, we thought. And
that was the last we saw of him at the
Sqirrmpaes.’
But years after, when I was traveling
in Australia with my husband, Mr
Su ith and myself were invited to the
ranch of one of the magistrates there,
whose broad estates covered miles of
mountain and meadow, and who owned
almost literally “ the cattle upon a
thousand hills.” In the lady of the
mansion, a delicate and dainty person--
age, T recoguized with a cry of surprise
and delight my old school-aide, Aman
da Liza ; but I did not know the portly
dignitary upon whose arm she hung un
til I heard her laughing whisper—“Oh!
Jake, don’t you remember old Squimps?”
Aii Unfortunate Funeral.' *
Years ago, Albany boys entertained
a strong sectional feeling. I remember
that those who lived in the lower part
of the city were called “Creeks,” to
distinguish them from those who lived
at the upper end, who were called
“ Hills.” And I remember with strik
ing vividness that an intense enmity
existed between those boys. I was a
“ Creek” in those days, and as all the
cemeteries were in the “ Hill” country,
and as I was very fond of military fu
nerals—one of their best patrons, in
sact —I nearly lost the entire use of
one eye by constantly revolving it
around in search of the unfriendly
“ Hills.” As I had been brought up by
Puritans parents, and educated to look
upon a liar as the most despicable of
earth’s creatures, my risks were ’"ather
serious; for had I been questioned in
regard to my position, I should have
frankly avowed I was a “ Hill.” But
[ met with no mishaps and grew so em
boldened that I even had the hardihood
to patronize some funerals that were not
military or public ; but as they occur
red cn the Sabbath, I attended them
because being surrounded with Puri
tanic influence tlie Sabbath was dreary
to me. It was at one of these private
funerals that I learned how vain and
unsatisfactory is this life. It was du
ring the performance of the last rites,
and 1 was standing a little in the rear
of the immediate friends, with an ap
propriate expression of woe on my Face,
arid about to complete an arrangement
to exchange a broken top for a knife
that had seen better days, when a pug
nacious-looking youth of about my age
came up and kindly inquired —“ Are
you a Hill or a Creek?” Remembering
my mother’s teachings, I was just about
to admit that I was a “ Hill,” when I
became confused by the peculiar way
he doubled his fists, and actually claim
ed tlia, I was a “ Creek.” This is about
all there was of it, excepting that I
was knocked down and stamped on, and
lost some of my teeth, and had two or
three of my ribs fractured. But I pre
served my honesty, and eventually re
covered the top. A mao may lose home,
friends, teeth, and everything that
makes life dear, but if lie remains
truthful, people will respect him—so
they say.— Danbury Macs.
Matrimonial Infelicity.
A melancholy argument against the un
desirability of marriage is demonstrated
by the many unhappy couples who are
yoked together for life, and have not
the tact, or kindliness, to conceal from
the world how that yoke galls. The
truth is. that the greater proportion of
the so-called incompatibilities and un
congenialities of domestic life, which
are so often made the ground for the
disruption of matrimonial bond, are
inadmissable as a justifying ground for
any such dissolution, and could be read
ily overcome and blotted out of exist
ence if the parties most concerned had
only the will to do it.
A couple are no sooner married than
they find that differences of opinion and
mutual jars ensue, and all is not gold
that glistened ; and then one or both
straightway imagine that there is no
remedy but in ruthlessly breaking the
solemn, sacred tie that hinds them. —
A vague, restless feeling seizes upon
one cr both, producing discontent, en
gendering a certain thought of present
bondage which exists only in fancy, and
creating a feverish desire lor other as
sociations and spheres, which are sup
posed to be more fitted and providen
tially designed for the mind and heart.
No escape, it is said but in cutting the
knot. It is a delusion. The marriage
relation, in all its history, was never ex
pected, perhaps, to be entiiely free
from misunderstanding and discords.
Foolish to think that the whole mu
tual life can flow 00, like the early
stream, without a ripple or eddy. Home
is a school, a discipline where Lush rnd
and wife are to grow into each other,
getting rid of their angularities, bar
monizing their peculiar characteristics
and more becoming one in thought,
sympathy and life. The true blessed
ness of wedded souls is not insured by
a simple exchange of plighted faith
It comes though and after many a self
denial. many a crucifixion of the will,
many a scourging of the resentment,
anger, pride, vanity, and of the
heart. It is true here, as in other rela
tions that he who savetli his life shall
lose it, arid he that loseth his life shall
save it.
Catching a Mouse. —A Keokuk
ladv, while engaged iu the pursuit ot
domestic duties, encountered a mouse in
the flour barrel. Now niort ladies un
der similar circumstances would have
uttered a few feminine shrieks and then
spught safety in the garret. But this
one possessed more than an ordinary de
gree ot female courage. She summon
ed the hired man and told him to get
the shot gun, call the bull do-/, and sta
tion himself at a convenient distance.
Then she climbed half way up the stairs
and pouuded the flour barrel vigorously
with a pole. Presently the mpuse
made its appearance and started across
the floor. The bull dog at once went
in pursuit. The man fired and the dog
dropped dead. he lady iainted and
fell down the stairs, and the hired man,
thinking that she was killed and fear
ing that he would be arrested for mur
der, lit out. and has not been seen since.
The mouse escaped.
A l in the Woods
A duel without witness was fought
last Saturday m Tany county, near the
county seat of Forsythe. John Go
forth and S. Melville went out to hunt
deer. Both were armed with old-fash
ioned squirrel rifies. Goforth said to
Melville : ‘*l hear you have beeu lying
of me.”
“ What did you hear I said,” asked
Melville.
“That I had been boating tnv wife.”
“And so you have,” replied Melville.
“ Those who told it lied ; when you
repeated it you also lied ; and you
knew at the time you were lying.”
These were pretty plain words, and
they brought about some pretty plain
shooting. Both men agreed to step off
thirty yards each, Wheel at the word,
and fire immediately after wheeling.
They did so. Melville, when they had
measured off thirty steps, called out
‘wheel,’ and both men turned and fir
ed.
Goforth wasshot in the right arm and
Melville in the right shoulder. Both
wounds were painful.
They managed to walk into Forsythe
where a physician extracted both balls,
and consoled Goforth with the infor
mation that if he was not very careful
he might have ta cut his arm off.
This version of tlie case agreed in main
with the stories of both men. —St Jo
s*ph Herald.
Colorado Scenery,
To get a good view of the Arkansas
canyon in Colorado, one must take the
carriage road on the north side of the
river, and drive up a distance of ten
miles, near the head. The ascent is
easy and gradual, and after passing the
first low range of foot hills, the glories
of the Snowy Range burst on the vis
ion sixty miles away, but seemingly so
near that every gorge, precipice and
peak are revealed in all their grandeur.
Up one hill and down another, through
pinion groves and over loose masses of
limestone rock that are hurled and
tumbled in all sorts of fantastic shapes,
the adventurous traveler makes his way,
and is soon standing on the very brink
of the canyon. The grandeur of the
sight is not easily forgotten. One in
voluntarily holds his breath as he ap
proaches the awful brink. Straight
down as the plummet go the limestone
walls hundreds of feet, while the river
below looks like a mere thread of silver,
and its angry voice cannot be heard.—
It is a spectacle for the poet ami paint
er; and, in looking upon it, even Shod
dy will forget his greenbacks and paste
diamonds, and rhapsodize by the hour
The monster sea serpent which
always shows a decided preference for
fashionable watering-places, turned up
this year at San Diego, but, when dis
covered, he was taking his rest on the
shore of the bay among the cactus
plants. He is described as being fully
thirty feet long, having the general
shape of a snake, with three sets of fins
resembling those of a sea-lion ; a tail
like an eel’s and a head like an alliga
tor’s. Ilis average thickness was about
two feet The monster was discovered
by ohe of a party of three sportsmen,
who were hunting water fowl. He
politely raised his head several feet as
the hunters approached him and opened
his mouth, as if going to speak. While
the hunter went to call his companions,
the serpent found it convenient to take
a bath, and was some distance at sea on
the coming of the party. As his body
was plainly in view, the huntrrs fired
at it, but without effect. At last ae»
counts, a large party was made up to
search for the monster on the sea shore
The impress of his huge body on the
sand is said to convince all who saw it
of the truth of the hunter’s story.
Here is a little story to “point a
moral or adorn a tale” About seventeen
years ago, a young boy, residing iu W ood
county,took a black cat skiu,from which
the original tail of the cat had been re
moved, and a mink’s tail nicely sewed
on instead, and sold it to a certain buy
er of furs, not many miles from Grand
Rapids, for $1.25. It was done as a
practical joke, but the boy kept the mon
ey, grew to be a prosperous business
man. joined the church, but his con
science upbraided him so much, that a
few days ago the ex-fur dealer received
a note enclosirgS3 70. principal and in
terest. The joke is now on the fur dealer
as he put the cat skin in a lot of mink
skins and sold for 53.00. As he cannot
now find the purchaser, be proposes to
contribute the money to some benevo
lent purpose.
Dr. Simon, a physician of Lorraine,
gives anew cure for boils, by treating
them with camphorated alcohol. As
soon as the culminating point of a
boil makes its appearance he puts a
little of the liquid in a saucer, and dip
ping the ends of his little fingers
with it. rubs the inflamed surface, espe
cially the central part, repeating the op
eration eight or ten times for about half
a minute. He then allows the surface
to dry. placing over it a slight coating
of camphorated olive oil. He says
that four such applications will, in al
most all cases, cause boils to dry up and
disapnear. The application should be
made at morning and evening.
PeainNESS of features is not at all
incompatible with beauty. There is a
great difference between a person’s be
ing plain and ugly. A person may be
very plain, and yet attractive and in
teresting in countenance and manner,
and surely no one could call such a per
son ugly. There are no rules to be de
pended on for the settlement of beauty,
and still less can ugliness be defined
otherwise than by itself. It we were
asked to say what constitutes an ugly
women, wc could not reply.
Danbury News Items*
A gentleman with one leg broken in
four places, three fractured ribs, and a
hand with two fingers pointing in one
direction, was in Danbury. Friday,
mkaing arrangements for organizing a
base ball club.
A tramp who came out of a house on
West Street by tlie air-line passage,wa»
heard to observe that that was the most,
satisfactory kick be had received in
years. It reminded him cf homo.
The difference in manners was well
iilust.ated at the depot this morning
Two sisters met. “O, my dear sister 1”
said one, exhaustedly, as they embraced.
“You’ve been eating onions,” said the
other, calmly and fearlessly.
We don’t like to have people eopv
jokes from the papers and send them t<>
us as their own. A nun who will do
this will put cayenne pepper in his
grandmother's snuff, did he ever hear
of any one else doing it, and borrow
both tlie pepper and the grandmother
to do it with.
A Main Street woman doesn’t have
any trouble with her husband. When
he gets on a tantrum and she wants to
be rid of him so as to have the house to
herself, she merely observes that there
are a few skeins of yarn to be held, and
steps out of the room to get them. —
Long before she retarns, the Lightened
victim is fleeing up the street.
Looking over an old ledger we see a
long array of names of former subscri
bers who are indebted to us. Some of
them have moved away, and are lost to
sight, although to memory dear. Others
are carrying the contribution boxes in
our most respectable churches, and oth
ers again have died, aud are now angels
in Heaven, but they owe us just the
same.
Dog-Ownership.
Difficult cases of dog-ownership often
crop up in the police courts, the magis
trates generally allowing doggy to de
cide the quarrel. One lady we remem
ber recovered her pet by making him
die at her command. Avery satifacto
ry instance of sending a case to the
dogs for settlement was reported in a
Jersey newspaper in 1857.
“A few days since, a son of ReV. Mr.
Beilis was passing along the street,hold
ing in his arms a pup-dog. of which he
had been made a present,when a French
woman came up to him and took the
animal from him, declaring it to be her
own. Mr. Beilis complained to Mr
Ceritcnnier du Jardin, whom he assured
that the pup hold been given to his son
by Mr. Cornish, the owner of the ani
mal’s mother. The Frenchwoman in
sisted that the pup was hers, and said
she had given its mother to an innkeep
er in Ilillgrove lane. Mr. Centcnnier
caused the two mothers to be brought
together at the innkeeper’s, arid the
pup to he placed ’equidistant between
them. The pup immediately ran to its
mother, owned by Mr. Cornish, and was
instantly covered by her with caresses.
Os course, it Was forthwith ordered to
be given up to its rightful owner.”
A less successful remit attended the
experiment tried by Judge Cush in the
belief that a wise dog must know its
own master. Finding himself getting
bothered altogether by the conflict of'
evidence adduced by the rival claim
ants for the possession of’the animal,the
Judge cried: “Stop! we’ll settle this
very quickly. You, Mr. Plaintiff, go
into the far corner of the room out
there, You, Mr. Defendant, come into
this coiner up here. Now both of j r ou
whistle; and, Mr. Clerk, let loose the
dog.” His orders were obeyed; plain
tiff and defendant whistled their loud
est; the dog made a holt of it and “scoot
ed” of Court. “ Very extraordinary;”
said the Judge; “ I can’t understand
that. Mr. Clerk, as she plaintiff could
not prove his case when I gave him the
chance, you may enter judgement for
the defendant.”
Let Us Help One Another.
This little sentence should be written
,on every heart, and stamped on every
memory. It should be the golden rule,
not only practiced in every household,
but throughout the world. By helping
one another, we not only remove thorns
from the pathway, and anxiety from the
the mind, but we feel a sense of pleas
ure in our own hearts, knowing we are
doing a duty to a fellow creature. A
helping hand, or an encouraging word,
is no loss to us, yet a benefit to others.
Who has not felt the power of this lit*
tie sentence ? Who has not needed the
encouragement of a kind fi iend ? How
soothing, when perplexed with some
task that is mysterious and bardenseme,
to feel a hand on the shoulder, and to
hear a kind voice whisper : “ Do not be
discouraged—l see yoar trouble—let
me help you.” What strength is in
spired, what hope created, what sweet
gratitude is felt, and the great difficulty
is dissolved as dew beneath the suo
shine. Yes. let us help one another by
endeavoring to strengthen and encour
age the weak, and by lifting the burden
of care from the weary and oppressed,
that life may glide smoothly on. and
the fount of bitterness yield sweet wa
ters; and He whose willing hand is
ever ready to aid us, will reward our
humble endeavors, and every good deed
will be as “ bread east upon the waters,
to return after many days,” if not to us,
to those we love.— Exchange.
A CIRCUS man on the Hud-on last
summer tied an elephant and a camel to
a tree while and express train pisssed
The poor, frightened camel fainted,
but the elephant coolly walked off with
the camel, the tree and the keeper
The king of Asiiantee has 333 living
wives, and still he is not hapj y.
VOLUME IV.—NO. 20.
FOXY PARAGRAPHS.
It is always in our power to mako n
fiienvl by smiles; what a folly, then, to
make an enemy by frowns.
A grocer in Quincv, 111., has donated
!th e city forty-one doten eggs, to be
' in keeping lecturers beyond tbo
j city limits.
A young unn at Niagara, having
been crossed in love, walked otu to the
prerip.ee, took off his clothes, gave one
lingering look at the gulf beneath him,
and then went borne //»< body was
found next morning in bet’.
A German, speaking of a severe
headache tie Had had the preVirMaH elcM*
ing. sanl to his companion : **Mtrite got!
mine head it ached an pad l couldn’t
raise it off ine pillow until I gets up
and walks around a little !”
A young lady from Iteorgctown canto
to this city the other day to have her
picture taken. \\ hen the artist showed
her the “prool ’ and askej her how she
liked it, she remarked that he “ put too
darned much mouth on it to suit her.”
One of the young ladies at the Elgin
watch factory, it is said, is at work up
on a patent watch which will have
hands so made ami adjusted as to-seise
the wearer by the coat collar every
evening about 10 o’clock and walk him
off home.
The poet will undoubtedly go crazy
with envy after reading these touching
Hues : “ Brokers and barbers are some
thing alike, they both for your cus
tom are craving; both of them know
how to bleed to a charm, and both take
a pleasure in shaving.”
A fine horse in California was found
suspended, one morning, from a cherry
tree by the neck, ahd dead. He lint!
been left hitched to a branch of the
tree, which had grown so rapidly during
the night that it raised him off his feet
and hung him. And they don’t thiuk
of fencing in California.
A gentleman in a reading room hap
pened to look at a person next to him
who was holding his paper wrong side
up. After observing him for some time*
he sui 1 : ‘ My friend, you’ve got yttur pa'-
per wrong side up.” “Oh !” said
hardly knowing, in his confusion, what
reply to make, “I’ui left handed.”
An Irish glaiidt ffrstf fhitllrtg a
of glass iuto a window, when a gtoortt
, who was standing by began joking him,
telling him to mind and put in plenty
of putty. The Irishman bore the ban
ter for a long time, but at last silenced
his totuienter with “Afraid tlcfff, be off
with yez, or ilsc, I’ll put a pain iii yCf
head without any putty.”
A man in Cincinnati owned a pet
panther. Last week he went off with
his wife and family for a visit of a cou
ple of days, leaving the pet panther and
his mother in law to keep house. On
his return, his grief can be imagined on
discovering that it was the pauther that
was dead, and not the uiother-indaw.-*--
The old lady had talked the poor ani
mal to death.
Some new obituary verses have been
discovered by the HamfHott (Out)
Spectator, as follows : “No more his pH
will candy bring unto his darling boy;
he loud aloft will praises sing, express*
ive of his joy; with little angels he
will stay, his rattle spring with priffe
and bless the day whefi fnratfsy he laid
them down and died. Gone t<y meet
liis grandmother.”
A good mother was tr/in£ to eiplaln
to a young hopeful in town the other
day about fighting against the devil.—
After telling the little fellow who the
devil was and how hard he was to suc
cessfully resist, he turned around And
said : “ Mamma; I’d bd Scared of th*!
old devil, but if I was to borne across
one his little devils I’d knock tbs stuf
ing out of him.”
1 1 two saw-logs, at so much a gross,
in a certain number of hours, wefe
planted in two rows running parallel to
each other and only stopping when they
get tired, produce fifty pounds of sugar
of lead, forty pounds of "Uttapercha
and a couple of pigs of iron, how many
years old is a boy whose grandfather
died while she was three years young,
and who has freckles ?
To Yo’tJNa tiorate Grffdicjr
used l) tell young men to g) West.—
Brick Pomeroy advises them in this
wise :
“ Crow up tc be the ca?-hief of some
bank, join the Sabbath school, borrow
two ir three hundred thousand dol
lars of the bank without saying any.
thing about it, go to Europe and have
lots of fan. If this way is not open to
you, go to’ Congress and get some back
pay.”
A newspaper correspondent, descri
bing a scene on one of the old stage
routes among the mountains of Virgin
ia, tells of “ a stream of cool water
tumbling over the rocks in a fall of fif
ty feet, surrounded by a grove of sugar
maples, in which a profusion of mini
wastes its sweetness on the air. with a
deserted still-house near t>y." That
cool water, that ruiat, (hose suggestive
sugar trees and that idle still-house—
was fever natural scenery in all this
world mote melancholy ?
A Justice of the Peaoe in lowa, W--
fore whom a eitizen had proseCrffcd kfe
daughter’s lover for ejecting hiui from
his own parlor the Sunday etening pre
vious, Solemnly decided as follows : “ Jfc
’pears that this young tidier was courtin’
the plaintiff’s gal in plaintiff's parlor,
and that plaintiff and was pul
out by defendant. Courfrft’ is a neces
sity, and must not be inti Erupted.—
Therefore, the laws of lowa will hold
that a pareut has no legal right in a
loom whefc courtin’ is goin’ on i
■ o the defendant is discharged and plairi-'
i iff must pay costs.”