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13Y FREEMAN & BRO.
Ihe (falhoun times.
The Shortest Way Home.
«'T!?o r’.io. fcr.t yry b j hate mile—
-1 cons r,o rr *y o .eu V
Is up * he road, across the sf-le,
And ■o. ougb ije meat ow. fc'iiJi v . j 1? ’
Tie dr-.ys aof w'teoa a chtrin
VNiicn .1. ’a}, i»o'i f v<". : <re* "’£ s ‘y,
M;; tor® t i. I w JL?c. r ai-‘s-Lcra,
Aud I wc c lea: Law»e u woreo '1 7 .
fouTu’ ' 0 many to pay
Tn‘ ; ,? w, y: In r ac ij weFter,
We 'ook . ic—w.ll, lie tuorier way,
Tc be a lovre .nc og- aer.
We rpoln about (au f . L ror,”
Oar topics o' co 1 ;.oi ou) —
About w.ic wea i ! oppose.
The c o_tht te 7C-t, t .i.. tfio n . on.
At oil treats, elihsugfa the (alk
Was neither wise no* wl ly,'
We ended each nuccetteve w,- lk
With “Home already—w.xai a V j ? ’
We n*g’ ' * ar» tea 1 ’le ground
Through coarng by ’iio road selected,
But both agreed taat w. had found
The jovrney cl o .ipec rl.
Ci;a lirc’ft expcr'ro'T support
The ;v . "ox thu l ove p opoerr?
Do~s a?y nr,'.a rein ve-y short,
Unless it be a pata o; rones ?
We seldom find tlio uoa/er way;
And If we hi* upon and trice If
By creep,eg on from day to day
I. seems c*a !oag as taa make it.
The road to fame ia aer'r brief.
Tie wry to wealth In duii auu dieo^y;
J err? V.y onto-, 'n i~ bclte'
A:'e Tr.ty lo"<~ t nd rc*y wra-y.
Kay —ins -lat lead, through tare aad at ; *
j! ehc- .rljn-a rrort .’s ojcc Tieghi I!;
We take he “ near cut ” oif o' life.
Althou 0 h wo tr.fia t..e *oa;,cat J it.
—: / ZS gcz \
[Por "he Crlhm u Tim
Thinks i to Myself.
IVhen I was a little girl sometimes
mother would spend the day from home,
endowing xne with the manifold office of
housekeeper and the care of the young*
er children, aad no sooner would she be
go as than schemes of fun would begiu
to be concerted by myself and next,
oldest sister. Thinks I to myself io
duck the setting heas will do for a be
ginning, which being promptly done, to
our great dismay they failed to jump
up and run off; so wc buried them in
the meadow that mother might reason
ably suppose they had made a breakfast
for some cuaning fox. After this, ty
iag a shuck to sober old Tom cat's tail and
turning him loose in the parlor was our
next work, who in wild affright broke
mirrors, pictures, upset the chairs, and
-ff a deiperato plunge through a pane
of glass made bis escape } and the re*
minder of the day wae spent in simi
lar pastimes, for thinks I to myself
“when the cal is away tho mice will
play.” Hope eomefaie* deludes Ike
the phantasmagoria of a midnight
dream, and we are convinced of its
teachery, of its powerful faucina.lons,
by the desolation of painful experi
ence!; but memory triumphant over
the wreck of time, though years hare
rolled between us and our childhood’s
golden hours, with ideal beauty grate
fully transforms the present i*to the
6unshias of a May morning. This the
yea: 1574 buds some of us having puss
ed a few, some mauy, others nearly all
°f the milestones of life’s journey, and
wheuwo look back with regret, through
its storms and cJtns, thinks 1 to my
to achieve victory o* the heart’s si
lent battle fields require mores courage
than that evinced by the Friuce of
Waterloo, the hero of Marengo, of
Austerlitz, of Jena, of Friedlund, and
Vagram, or the eouquerer of the Jauls
in a thousand conflicts.
1 have been an observer more than
SQ actor on the arena ct time, have
traveled from the frozen lakes of the
to the sunny climes of the Gulf,
have mingled with the cool deliberate
ew Englander as well as the mercuri
*l Southerner—have witnessed the pomp
* E( I parade of Broadway, New York,
Jpd the cresent city display —have
on the pinched feat ures of the
mendicant and those of the bloated sen
s^tlist; have worshipped in the costly
sanctuary of the noisy city and in the
k'g school house of the country sparse ;
We known war aud peace ; have seen
“ e ploughman, the merchant, the trar-
Uier 5 the politician, the orator, the min
lster) the soldier, the infaut, matron,
maiden, shrouded for the confines
f the tomb some gorgeously apparaled,
’■'thors in more humble dress, whilst the
; were robed in the coarsest fabrics.
/J> among none dressed for their last
thinks I to myself, have I seen a
lir 'vd with poclcett. Reader, did you
think of this ? Os those who
iu id diaseet a flea for its hide and
an d grind its bones into guano.
‘ P r " Stable, thinks I to myself, that in
‘ tlr grave habiliments there will be no
-t'servoirs necessary for greenbacks aud
|y Wt if fortunate enough to reac h
r *y of r?st, the streets are paved
Wlt h go]d, the gates are precious stones,
£ rot!es °f ivory, and we without la
j; r WI H share all the imrnuni
** *ts citizens and be heirs to its
r ei 8g wealth, and that many of those
l!a w® knew here in wretched hovels
ya grants, beggars, have gone up
through great tribulation to a gratuitous
and ample inheritance.
Mott' soit qui maVypense, if I advert
to our Southern women, who, by calmly,
energetically and adequately meeting ev
ery emergency in tho eventful years jn»t
past, deserve as much credit ia story
and song as did the Spartan dames, who
told their sons to retera from battle with
or upon their shields.
Since the swo.d has been hung up
to rei-.fc, (e. l ope.pe ua'), they have brave
ly undergone the ransition from ante
helium doygef voluptuousness and ease,
t$ dare perform the duties of cookirg,
milking, churning, ironing, sewing—in
deed, her work is never done till judg
ment day is come, adding to these mul
tifarious tasks the ability to preside in
the p.ti’or with all the grace of Ches
terfield's Manual on Etiquette.
None will withhold tribute to her
worth, not even the cynie old bachelor
refrains admiration when he con traits
his d;eary, topsy turvy abode, called
home, to one where womau’s magic
presence gives order, sunshine aad joy.
Thinks I to myself, without her, Chris*
Tan and educational enterprises would
langnVn; without her generous smile,
society would become chaos—all the ra
diaoco with which civilization has
adorned herself would b« extinguished,
a;ul man would sink from the highest
social elevation to an ignorant, impov
erished, barbarous savage.
Thinks I to myself ia moralizing on
the trifles that constitute life, if such
a greiit man as Franklin would as a dy*
ing legtfcy bequea Ji a crab apple walk
lug stick to Washington, a much great
er, why may we not say that enobanfc
:aeot is derived from the source from
which anything emanates, more than
the intrinsic worth of the object itself,
and though this world ia a small one
compared to some of i.'s sister planets,
its wealth valueless, its pleasures un
satisfying, its honors only empty bub
bles, yet its yvaftWvWas God, and we
should appreciate it enough to make it
a pleasant one. M. B. R.
Calhoun, Ga.
How to Tit oa a Corset.
.U this juncture the Coroner desired
to show to th ? jury the course taken by j
the ball, and for tb;a purpose produced j
the corset worn by Mrs. Burkhart at !
tb turn of ihe tragedy. ■“You see,”]
3aid ho—and here' he mew the corset
around his waist with the laces in front
tho ball must have gone in here
from behind. No, that can’t be, either,
for ihe doctor says the ball went in in
front. Confound 'it, I’ve got, it on
wrong. Ah ! this way," (Here the
Coroner put the corset on upside down.)
“ Now, you uee,” pointing to the hols
in the garment, which rested directly
over his hip, ks the ball must have gone
in here. Nt>, that can’t be, cither,
for—”
Here Mr. Mather, the handsomest
man on thejuiy. broke in. 41 Dr 3:111-
man,” said he. ‘‘you've got that corset
oa w'ong,” Here Fr. Stillman blush
ed like a peony. “ Well," said he,
“ I’ve been married twice, and I ought
to know how to rig a corset." £< Yes.”
said Mr. Mather, but you don’t. You
had it right ia the first place. The
strings go in front, and the ladies clasp
them together in the back. Don’t i
know ? I tbiuk I ought to ; ;'ve been
married, if you doubt it, look heie
(poiuUug to the fullness in the top.)—
How do you suppose that’s going to be
filled up unless you put it on as I sug
gest?" “That.," said Dr. Stillman.
“ why, that goes* over the hips.” “No,
it don’t,” said Mr. Mathor ; “that full
ness goes somewhere else—this way;’
and here Mr. Mather indicates where
be thought the fulluess ought to go."
At this a pale-faced young man with
a voice like & robin, and a note book
under his arm, said ha thought the la
dies always clasp their corsets on the
side. The pale faecd young man s&id
this very innocently, as if he wished to
convey the impression that he knew
nothing whatever of tho matter. The
jury laughed the pale-faced young wan
to scorn, and one of them intimating
that he thought the young man was
not half so green about women’s dress
as he tried to appear. The young man
was a reporter, and it is therefore ex
ceedingly probable (bat his knowledge
was fully as limited as was apparent
from his suggestion, the juryman to the
contrary notwithstanding.
Here another juryman discovered that
Dr. Stillman had the corset on bottom
side up. “ Doctor said he, “ put it on
the other w?-y .”
Then the Doctor put it on in reverse
order, with the .laces in front. This
brought the bullet holes directly over
the tails of his eoat.
“ I don’t think." said Mr Mather,
“ that the bulet went in there, Doc
tor."
“ No, I don’t think it did,” was the
reply. “Confound it, N's mighty fun
ny —six married men in this room and
aot one that knews how to put on a wo
l man’s corset."
j Here the Chroaiole reporter, who
i had several sisters and always keep* bia
. eyes open advanced and convinced Dr.
, Still:,an :-cd Mr Mather, after much
’ argument, 'hat the laces of a corset go
f beh iid, and tin he garment is cktsped
liu fr nt.. After tL s explanation the
; cca:?e of th? : Met was readily traced,
; aad sou id : f -r out the explanation
1 afforded by the (wo physicians.— San
' Frrnri o-. Oh,-on VM
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29, 1874.
life’s Brightest Hour.
Not long since, I met a gentleman
who Is assessed for more th in a million
Silver was in his hair, oare upon bis
brow, 3ud he stooped beneath his bur
den of wealth. We were speaking of
that period of life when we had real
ized the moat perfect enjoyment or.
rather, when we had found the happi
ness nearest to be unalloyed, “ I tell
you," sa'd the millionaire, “ when was
the happiest hour of my life. At the
age of one and twenty I had saved up
SBOO. I was earning 500 dollars a
year, and my father did not take it
from me, only requiring that 1 should
pay for my board. At the age of tw*n
ty-two, I bad secured a pretty cottage,
just ou‘?ide the city. I was able to
pay two-thirds of the value down, and
also to furnish it respectably. I wae
married on Sunday—a Sunday in Jane
—at my father’s house. My wife had
come to me poor in purse, but rich in
the wealth of her womanhood. The
Sabbath and the Sabbath night we
passed beneath my father’s roof, and on
Monday morning I went to my work,
leaving my mother and Ester iu pre
paring my home. On Monday evening
when th* labors of the day were done,
I went not to the paternal shelter, as
in the past, but to my own house—my
own home.
The holy atmosphere of that hour
seems to surround me even now in the
memory. I opened the door of my cot
tage and entered. I laid my hat upon
the little stand in the hall, and passed
on into the kitchen —our kitchen and
dining room were all one then. I push
ed open the kitchen door and was—in
heaven ! The table wa3 set against the
wall—the evening meal was ready—
prepared by the hand of her who had
come to he my helpmeet in dead as well
as in name—and by the table, as with a
throbbing, expectant look upon her
lovely and loving face stood my wife.—
I tried to speak but could not. I could
only clasp tho waiting angel to my boss
om. The years have passed—long,
long years—and worldly wealth has
flowed in upon me and I am honored
and envied; but, as true as heaven. I
would give it all—every dollar—for the
joy of the hour of that June evening
in the long, long ago.”
Underground London.
Underground the city of London is
certainly the most wonderful in the
world. It is a labyrinth ofdm : n pipes,
water pipes, gas pipes and underground
railways, 'ifaeie aro points in the soil
of London where it would bo difficult
to aad room for aaoihov P ; r>e One
company alo.ic —the (* .?* Eight ..nd
Coke Company—supplies two dim - let:-
vri a nearly TOO miles of pipes, va yiug
iu diameter from tn;ea laches to four
feet. These are the main pipts merely,
and front them every house and street
lamp receives ob an average six cr eight
foet of small piping, in addition ta
these aad tho underground telegraph
wires there are no less r.a:u 2500 miles
of drain pipes of various dimensions.—
Less familiar lo us, but so ires impor
tant, are the lead and iron tubes —lead-
en pipes with outer casting* of iroD—
iaor.g which written messages, packed
in Hide felt and gutta ptreba cases, are
blown from station to statico. A steam
engine forces in a bluet of air, and in
about a minute it travels a distance of
380 yard*. There are at present 13
salion* on the underground railway,
and as the people walk upon the streets
of London, electricity ia flashing mes
sages above their heads, and Ht.le mis
sives are vrhlzoiug and darting just un
dor their feet. As many a* 1505 mes
sages puss to anu fro in a day. The
drainage system of London prosen e a
wsrld of underground streets some two
or three thousand miles in extent. All
the drains empty into three great eew
era running parallel with the Thames,
which sowers connect in the neighbor
baud of Victoria Park, and through
Barking creek discharge into the riv*
er. Men are constantly employed keep
ing these drains in repair. Londonoia
never pour a pail of water down a drain
but at the depths of that mysterious
aperture somebody ia making way for
it. A stranger, properly costumed, can
explore these depths, which resemble
vaulted galleries, in the sides of which
are traps forming various small chan
nels. When the storm waters come, as
they sometimes do. during a thunder
storm the torrent is fearful —so much
so that upon several occasions men have
lost their lives.
A Punctuation Puzzle*
The following article forcibly illus
trates the necessity of punctuation, it
can bs read in ways, making a veiy
good man or a very bad man. the result
depending on the manner in which it
is pune uated. I*, is well worthy the
study of teachers and pupils :
He is an old and experienced mna in
vice and wiekeduess he 19 never fouud
opposing the works ot iniquity he takes
delight in the downfall of his neighbors
he never rejoices in the posterity of-ucy
of his fellow creatures he is always
ready to assist in destroying the peace
of society he takes no pleasure in serv*
ing the Lord he is uncommonly diligent
in sowing discoid among his friends and
acquaintances he takes no pride in la
boring to promote the cause ol‘ Chris
tianity he has not been negligent in en
deavoring to stiginuiise aii public teach
ers he makes no ezer-.Lns to subdue
his evil passions he strives hard 10 build
up Satan's kingdom ke lends no aid to
the support of the Gospel among thß
heathens he contributes h ge’v to the
evil adversary he uo &u ot* n <
good advice he gives greet heei to
devil he will never go to beaver ha
must “O where ke will receive tbs just
recompense of reward.
Bo Kind to the Poor.
Ay. be kind to them ! Te who have
never felt the bitter pangs of hunger,
who have never passed through dreary
winter with cluttering teeth and limbs
palsied with cold, who have never pray
ed for the sweet forgetfulness of sleep,
to shut nut for a brief season the frost
whose icy breath struck a chill to youv
heart., and who have never be«n a prey
to the canker worm of grief and mis
ery, which all these sufferings entail,
wc pray von, be kind to the poor. Yes,
for the Lle.stlogs of prosperity which
Heaven has showered upon you, will
yield you no true happiness if others
are starving. Heaven has placed you,
earth, k»i evpoeed you to like chances
of want and wretchedness. In a phar
ieaical spi it rhea, thank not God ; that
you are not as other men ; but rather
with publicans saa humbly for mercy
and enhance the efficacy of prayer by
charity and kindness. A satisfied con
science sheds a peace and comfort
through the hea t and soul, w thout
which the immortal spirit cannot be
satisfied. Follow not then after selfish
oess of the world around you, unless
like Dives, thou wouldst hereafter reap
his fate and view amidst thv torment
the poor man on Abraham’s bosom. Be
k 'nd to the poor. Earth has more sor
row than the heart can contain, more
of suffering than frail nature can bear.
The widow left to toil and struggle
alone amidst the desolation of bereave
ment appeals in tones more eloquent
than words, for your sympathies and
aid. The helpless orpliaa, brought into
the world and left alone by the relent
less baud of death, claims your guardi
anship and protection. And as you ex
pect a eoatinuanoe of the mercies and
blessings of Heaven, so in this wise be
merciful to others ; then shall the gates
of plenty and honor be opf'n to thee
and the pillow of peace kiss thy cheek.
The Force of Brevity.
Be brief. Come to the point. Be
gin very near where you inteid to leave
off. Brevity is the soul of wisdom ns
well as wit. Without it you can seldom
obtain currency. Only the gems of
literature are treasured up and quoted,
aud gems are not reckoned by gross
weight.
How compact u!l (hat comes down to
j,B from the olden times ! In how few
words w e have the commandments and
the his.orv of creation—hardly embra
cing so nr-ny words as are now em
ployed to welcome an alderman, or to
make a complimentary present of a
spoon.
The efficiency and value of eompu
?on can pcarcely be over rated. The
o m ik'd rir we beat aside wLh our
b.eatb, compressed, has the free of
gunpowder and will rend the solid
rocks; so it is with our language. Elo
quence will uever flourish in a country
isbere the public taste is infantic
eooogh to measure the value of a speech
by the ho :re it occupies.
A gent!* stream of persuasiveness
may flow through the mind, and leave
no sediment; let it come at a blow, as
a ea aract, aud it sweeps all before it.
it. is lay t'li. magnificent compression
that Cicero confounds (Ntaline, and De
moathene* overwhelms .E-chines; by
that Mark Anthony, as Shakespeare
makes hlcrepea**, carries the heart away
with a os use
A CA-rgyman oace being asked why
he mtio IBs ter:-on so long rep’ ed that
he hadn't * rue to male i; she: er. Do
youscy it costs labor to be fe lef ? Os
course it doss. Mere words are cheap
and xdeniy, but idea* that v use and set
aiaUfiude* thinking, come as gold from
the qua*v. The language of s-rong
passion always terse and compressed.—
Genuine conviction uses few words. —
There is something of artifice in a long
speech.— A. : vc. 'e.
A SHORT time ago a discovery inter
esting to archaeologists was made while
digging iu a tumulus a few miles north
of Frederickstadt, Norway. The hull
of a vessel made entirely of oak, and
evidently of great age, was found im
bedded in aslratum of clay. It is rath
er flat aud low in the water, tapering
to a point at each end. wiife a length of
keel of 44 feet, and a breadth of beam
of 13 feet. It is supposed to have
been used as a war vessel for coast ser*
vice, being propelled by oars and sails
An ancient practice in Norway was to
place the vessel over the remains of the
captain, and fragments of dress, horse
accoutrements, aud harness have been
discovered under this. The vessel is
supposed to date from the time of the
old v kings, and the society of antiqua
rians at Christiana have caused the en
tire lot tc be couveyed to that place, to
be set up within the precincts of the
univeisitv.
The old Newspat er. —An instruct
ive lesson may be drawn from the col
umns of the old newspapers. You meet
with names that, seem once to have been
on eve y tongue, bat now are never
mentioned ; authors of new books.which
the reviewer confidently handed down
to the admiration of ail ages, but which,
somehow have faiiei to reach our age ;
popular preaohers, v hose sermons have
sent co echo to our ears; politicians,
whj fill wh >le columns of the paper but
have long since retii and to an undiscov
ered privacy; swarms >f dukes, princes,
general? and captains, who played prom
inenfc parts in tba tragedies or farces of
those days, who.: we were total
ly ignorant until we sew the oi < news
paper. What a severe critic s time I
Vi uh whit & ruthless hand he tfi. ts < a
l ! e praises of- ther jou rnallsta ! .
q.fi'i.7 he shut* down lls ex ;Ni y
upon lights that the word 5.,« * wo'o.fi
never go ext!
A Key to a Person's Name.
By the accompanying table of letters
j the name of a person or any other word
may be found oat in the folk-winr man
ner :
A B D H
C C E I Q
E F F J K
G G G K 8
I J L L T
K K M M U
M N N N V
0000 W
Q R T X -X
S S U Z Y
U V V Y Z
W W W
Y Z
Let the person whose name you wish
to know inform you in which of the up.-
right columns tbe first letter of his name
is contained. If it be found in but ouc
column it is the top letter; if it occurs
in more than one column, it is found bj
adding the alphabetical numbers of tha
top letters of those columns, aud the
sum will be the number of the letter
sought. By taking one letter at a time
iu this way, the whole can be ascertain
ed. For example, take the word Jane :
J is found in the two columns com
mencing with B and H, the second and
eight letters down the alphabet, which
added gives the tenth, which is J, the
letter sought. The next letter. A,
pears in but one column, where it stands
at the top. Nis seeit ia the columns
headed B D II; these are the second,
fourth aud eight letters of the alphabet,
which added gives the fourteenth, aud
so on. The use of this table will ex
cite no little curiosity among those un
acquainted with the foiegoing explana
tion.
A Treacherous Memory,
A story is told at the expense of a
distinguished professor at Athens, whose
usually retentive memory is occasional
ly a little treacherous on proper names.
While visiting neighboriag ci»y, some
time siace, as he stood upon tho depot
platform waiting for a train, a gentle
man stepped up accosted the professor,
shook hands warmly, aad began numer
ous inquiries in regard to members of
his fainliy and the good friends in Ath
ens The professor was puz-ted ; the
face of his cordial friend was quite fa
miliar. and he was evidently no stran
ger to himself or family, but to recall
his name was beyond any effort of mem
ory. The professor joined in a lively
conversation, disliking to make the
awkward inquiry, and hoping for some
chance word to reveal the name of his
friend- . But it came not, and as the
conversation weat on, the ignorance be
came more and more embarrassing. At
la«t a happy thought came to the pro
fessor ; he would get It without ask
ing. So with an Indifferent air he
asked,—
“ Let me see, I forgot just how you
spell your name I"
But alas for the expedient ! With a
curious smile his friend replied,—
“ Well, usually, I spell it J-o-nofs l"
Just at that moment tbs professor re
membered tli© necessity of going into
tho waiting.room to look after his trav
eling-bag. The inability to spell
“Jones," or the suggestion that there
was more than one way of spelling it.
betrayed something, certainly, rind the
professor saw it.
Aristocracy of Mind.
Intelligence is the true criterion of
greatness. We often see persons who
are styled aristocracy, with feelings of
pity, not of contempt, realizing, ns we
do, the shallowness of brain, intellect
and cuhure. Intellect is a glorious
star, that only fades when life expires.
The rich iiiud may lose by misfortune
his wealth, or he who owes his position
to the accident of birth, and invariably
he fails to support himself in the walks
of life in which the change of wcahh
places him. But the intellectual man
lias a source of never failing riches
within, which is like a good vein of
ore, the more its wrought the more it
produca. Therefore we claim there is
but one standard of greatness, and that
is intelligence, and whether in the hails
of the great, or the humble cot of the
lowly, we are proud to render it hom
age. In our land successful intelligence,
is aot confined, as in the old world, to
the lordly palace and gilded halls of no
bles, but we find it iu the workshop, at
tbe blacksmith’s forge, behind the plow,
and at the humble fireside of tbe poor
Tbe humblest schoolboy may become
the greatest statesman, the poorest stu
dent the eioquent orator.
In Charleston recently, a large dog
gave chaso to a poor little “black and
tan ’’ whose hind leg had been injured,
but, failing to overtake him, turned and
trotted slowly back. In a short time
the small dog returned, followed by a
large Newfoundland, who upon r.inch
ing the corner “ seemed to be looking
for something,” when the lame dog gave
two or three sharp barks, as much ts to
say, “That’s the big dog who chased
me," at the same time indicting by kls
actions the large black dog, who was
then at some distance. Whereupon the
little dog’s ally immediately attacked
and severely punished the aggressor,
who was giad enough to try the swift'
ness of his feat for safety. After this
little affair the small dog and his f. end
returned down the street appa.e tiy
much pleased with their part of the
late tran actum. How did the small
dog impart the idea to tbe large one ?
It is of ac advantage re have a live
ly mind if we are not just The per
fection of the pendulum is not to go
fast, but to be regular.
K rds of mode rare calibre are too
apt to Ignore eve jtLiag r L it do< s not
o . e within their own uig
FUN ITEMS.
“ Fat. do you understand French
| “ Yiss, if it's spoke in Irish."
There is a woman irt I*e Mars, loiro,
who calls the “ cerebro spinal mauio
; gitis” the “ serioas old come atu get
us."
A young lady in New York, as a uiat
t«r of penance, has cootril ated htr gold
car-rings to the charity fund. Go, sin
no more, ear-riag child.
i lady is anxious to know wbeth
; er he. new dress is bacoutiug ; but tne
most likely thing to become .» Udy is a
woll-behaved Hale girl.
Ad >zen eggs weigh a pound aad ■*
half iu Massachusetts. To the fowl*
which do not lay up to this srendard
the new law Hoys : “ Get thee to a h li
ttery. go r
“ Who cure your clothes, Tommy F’ l
asked a visitor of a carfiresiy ru fJt ;od
boy. “Weil," said ba, tagesfoteij,
“ macuts my pants tad pa tuts uty
jackets.
“ The Postmaster General h»» re
ceived a letter from Delta. lowa,’’s..yirg:
'* If you don’t git someone to ruu this
'ere poaat offus purty soon, it’ll be tiiro
*d in the river for I’m going ofl on a
bear hunt."
The Massachusetts Legislature talks
of a law prohibiting the catching of
a trout less than three isones in length.
When anglers feci a bite, will they have
to wade in aad measure the Iroui b«>
fore they land him ?
Peace is preserved iu a household iu
Elkader, lowa, by a long, withy raw
hide hung un ic the bed room of th»
juvenile portion of tho family, bearing
upon the hand)* the legend, “
please be kind to yonr mother."
A female help, who owned up to hav
ing left seven places in a year,ingenious
ly acknowledged to anew “Missis:"
I’ve been looking for a place with on
old couple with property, who would
consider me like a daughter."
A boy having complained to*Kia.fath>
er that Bill had thrown the Bible at
him and hurt him on the head tise fath
er replied: Well you are tbe dote
member of my family on whom tho Bi
ble ever made the least impression "
Dialogue from Fun : Fair damsel
putting on new gloves—“ Too tight;
Oh no, auntie, not at all ; besides, I
like them a ieetle tight l" Trouble.''
some Brother—“ Feels as if somebody
was squeezing her hand ; don’t ye see
auntie 1"
“ Here’s youT money, hoy, and now
tell me why you: aacary mas < t wrote
eighteen tea ere about tha*. e. atemp.l
-ble sum." I’m sure sir, I canfi say;
but if you’ll excuse me, sir, 1 sort o’
reckon 'twas because seventeen didn’t
fetch it."
The following is from a rnoderu clas
sic monthly. “Bob Loagley I with
modest fervor). —‘0 Jack ! O, lor a
woman’s love ! 0 for a true hearted
woman oa..e—once in one's life—io
throw her arms around one’s neck, aim
tell one sho loves one !' "
“I suppose,” ssid a physician smil
ing and trying to be witty white feeling
the pulse of a patient, who had reluc
tantly siiDmitted to solicit uis advice:
“ I suppose you thiuk »ao a bit of a
humbug." “ iSir.’ gravely replied the
sick mao, “ i was not aware that you
could discover a man's thoughts by
merely .oeiiDg Me pulse."
A Nebraska journal invitingly says :
“ Who says farmers cannot get riehrifi
this State? Fifteen yaara ago & young
man came to the State warn.nt a dollar
in tbs world. Last week he went on:
of ;ke ota.e carrying with him tho tux
of one dollar ami thirty-eight cents
the savings of fifteen years of fiugai
lifd. Come West, youug mec. cvw'i
West."
A gentleman was vniking down Has
sau street, behind two English swci.a,
when he overheard the following con
versation : “ Arry, my boy.’ says on*.
“ what’s o’clock ’(" The other felt f r
bis watch and exclaimed : “by Jove.
h’Fve left L it h’at’ome." Then, turn
ing to a boot-black standing by. he
said: “My lad. what’s o’clock?"
“What's a o’oek ?’’ says th* ted ; ‘-why,
you darned fool, it’s a as big a*
your head, with hands on It."
Here is *n ium. It is from a Wes
tern paper: “ A few wicked hoys tied
the tin can on a sleepy looking dog
this morning. But tbe dog had teen
there before and he concluded that he
would show the j ivenilcs ihat be wasn’t
at all veidant. Instead of .Hehiag off
at though he had ihe hydrophobia and
was running for water, he lifted up his
tail until the tin twsng cicar off the
ground and then walked leisurely »r>
the street. Tbe boys attempted to
drown their disappointment ' r throw
ing mud &i a lYuai uoo* a.ounu ihe cor
ner.
Ad Trßhmtn J Ivon to detention
| by tbe stringency o. the money M arket
and the high price of provisions, pro
cured a pistol and to'.k to tb- i *<\.—
Meeting a traveler he stopped b u>, * Yc,
money or jer life 1"
Seeing Fat was “ g-ees.’’ he said,
i “ I’ll tel! you what !’!1 do iii give
you aU mv money lor tha pi&t 1.”
j “ Agreed."
Fat received the wo y and ban.! I
| over the pistol."
“Now." said the *r voter “ h .:u!
back the money or a . b.ow yca b.aics
out. ’
•• Hi* ;e - w..y r. r te r. / ' * V. F t.
i•• niter a dsaop o pew. :..er .- ,• iI;
‘ at all."
VOLUME IV.—NO. 39.
HOUSEHOLD HINTS.
A PoULTiCE FOR IKfI.AMCD EVES,
| — Thrre is nothing hotter than the fol
» bswong i r itifl unciatory ejea:
'lake garden thyme and boil it in rain
water, and m) i w : 'h temped raw pota
to aid whites of eggs, eqn.il parts, aud
spply cold. Renew the poultice as it
i get* hot.
Pon B —Take thr<-v eggs, three pints
of milk a tablespoon‘ si of salt. iSepa
rate the yolks fr -m the whites of the
eggs, and heat them light; add the salt
snd milk a handful of corn-meal,
Knd beat all together; then beat the
whites to a stiff froth and stir them in,
<*d add sufficient corn meal to make a
stiff bat tar. Lake.
Custard Pjr.— Take the yolka of
tbroc sqgs, t#r> tablespoonffuls of 6agar
•Jid one of flour; beat hard; then fit
ter, and add twoteacupfuls of milk,and
bw-e To tho rh .es of three eggs,
boaten to a stiff fkoth, add two table
spoon .V* off sugar, aud flavor. When
the pie is done, spror*! evenly over it
set it id the ovoa for a few minutes.
BurriRMTLK Yeast Powders.—
One quart of freah buttermilk made up
with corn tsoal to a stiff batter, with a
teacupful of yeast. Let it rise ; then
add enough Hour to make it a stiff
dough. Put it ou dishes or to
dry in the shade. Hub it «p and keep
in a bag. To one quart of flour put
one tablespoonful of yeast powder.
For cleaning glass a newspaper is
CDe of the best articles to nee. The
chemical operations of some of the in
gredients of printing ink gives a beau
tiful polish. Slightly moisten a picco
of paper, roll it up and rub the glass ;
‘.hen take a dry soft piece and repeat
the process. No lint will remain, as is
ihe case when cloth ia used.
The Feet.—Perspiration of the feet
and the unp’easant odors arising thcre
fiom may be successfully treated by
bathing twice or thrice a week in warm
water to which has been added a quart
of bran to a gallon of water. Whew
woolen otoekingaare worn by persons
whose feet perspire prfusely, they should
be changed every day, and the feet
washed every evenuiag in cold water,
end the solos vigorously rubbed with a
coarse towel.
Snow Rios Cream.— Put in a stew
pan lour ounces of ground rice, two
ounces sugar, a few Jdiopß eesscnce of
almonds, or any ether esaenco you
choose, with two ouneesof fresh butter;
add one quattof milk, boil from fifteen
io twenty minutes,till it forms a smooth
substance, though not too thick; then
poir : n a tnoald, previously oiled, and
serve when cold; it will turn out like
jelly. If no mould, put either in cups
or pie-dish. The rioe had better be
done a little two much than under.
To Clean Carpet.—Dusty carpet may
be cleaned by seitisg a pail of cold wa
ter out by be doo:, we the broom in
it, knock it to get off all the drops,
sweep a yard or t-c, then wash the broom
as before and sweep ng; in. beirg care
ful to .shake el! the drops c>! ibe broom,
and not sweep .hr at a time. Change
the water caeo or twice during the pro
cess Moistened corn meal sprinkled
over the carpet and swept off’, is used
with good effect by eorne housekeep
ers.
B** Kir for a Oou».~A hot lem
onade isl one of the befit remedies in the
word. for a cold. It act* promptly ami
effectually and b*e no UHpleaeaat after
effects. One lemon properly squeezed,
cot in slices, put with sugar, ;ind cov
ered vri u ha’f a pint of boiling wa
ter. Drink j ast before going to bed,
di expose yoaraelf on the following
<Uy. The remedy will ward off. an at
tack nf the chills sad fever if u*ed
properly. We give ft u the recom
mendation of owe of the judges of the
courts wlj id a ju*t man and never
takes bribe#
Tc P.iv Iv” BFa :>?d C loth er Here
i» a ue'pe which many will be thank
ful for who have f*dtd garments. It is
good. Boil three ounces of logwood iw
a quart of vinegar, and when the color
la extracted, drop ia a piece of carbon*
r.te of iron the *izc of a i.irge chestnut;
■ei it boil five minutes. Have the arti
cle to be restored we 1 ! sponged with
soap and water . lay them on the table
*nd brush the nap down with a sponge.
\ ben take the dye upon the table and
speuge them all over with it, taking
er.re to keep them smooth, aad brush
downward When completely wet with
the dye, dissolve a teaspoonful of saler
atis ia a teacup of warm water, and
sponge CYe: again with this, whieh set*
ihe color so completely that nothing
rubs off. They must not be wrung o»
wrinkled but careful y hung up to drain.
This w'-l make the most ruHy brown a
perfect black again.
\Lakt/o Soai\ —Many of our read
ers In the country may prefer making
iue’r cm soap. However, many have
trouble io getting good scap Hickory
ashes ore .he best, but those from sound
beech, maple, or »mc*t any kind of
ha:d wood save oak, will answer.—
Make a Bach by settiog boards in a
trough nV rb pe. .a this way the
strength u the o.ihes U bo.tt rcl ained,
it may b? taken tc pieces when not
in use and *p. I’ut iu the bottom
of the lefceh a few sticks; ever these
sp ead s piece ci carpet or woo.cn cloth,
which s b Uei kbaa straw j pot on a
few i iches of line; ill with ashes,
mo sicced, and damp dvWa —tramp the
firmest la the center, hake about four
gai’vij.- of lye, anti boil up thoroughly
.Lls ;we vc pound* o* clear grease,
bes acl ii .e ’ye as It is obtained, keep
r g w £:e aad stirring oftcD, until
y a have a barrel of «oap.