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BY FREEMAN & BRO.
She Calhoun fhnes,
Criminal.
ITANtAS, BY A CONVICT IN THE CHARLESTON
STATE I’RISON.
I'yc wander’d from thee, mother,
Far from our happy home ;
I’ve left the land that gave me birth,
In other climes to roam ;
And Time, since then, has rolled his years,
And mark’d them on my brow;
Yet, still. I’ve thought of thee :
I ni thinking on thee now.
I’m thinking on those days, mother,
When, with such earnest pride,
You watch’d the dawnings of my youth,
And press’d me to your side ;
Then love had fill’d thy trusting heart
With hope of future joy,
And thy bright fancy honors wove,
To deck thy “ darling boy.”
I'm thinking on the day, mother,
I left thy watchful care,
When thy fond heart was lifted up
To Heaven : thy trust was there.
Ami memory brings thy parting words,
When tears fell o’er the cheek ;
Cut thy last loving, anxious look
Told more than words could speak.
I’m far away from thee, mother;
No frie id is near me now,
To toothe me with a tender word,
Or cool my burning brow.
The deaiest ties affection wove
Arc all now torn from me ;
They left me when the trouble came ;
They did not love like thee.
I would not have thee know, mother,
How brightest hopc.-t decay ;
The tempter, with his baneful cup,
Has dashed them all away,
And shame lias left its venom’d ding
To rack with anguish wild :
’Twould grieve thy tender heart to know
The sorrows of thy child.
I’m lonely and forsaken now,
Unpitied and unblest;
Yet still 1 would not have thee know
How sorely I’m distressed.
I know you would’st not chide, mother,
Thou wouldst not give me pain,
But cheer me with thy softest words,
And bid me iiope again.
I know thy tender heart, mother,
Still beats as warm for me
As when 1 left you, long ago,
To cross the broad, blue sea.
And 1 love thee just the same, mother,
And Hong to hear thee speak,
And feel again thy balmy breath
Upon my careworn cheek.
But, ah ! "there is a thought, mother,
Perhaps ay beating breast,
That thy freed spirit may have flown
To its eternal rest ;
And,’as I wipe a tear away,
There whispers in mine ear
A voice that speaks of thee,
And bids me . eek thee there. ~
A SIIRHT ACQUAINTANCE.
Cressy Mitehell and John Martin uict
at a little picnic party in a country vil
lage, where she was passing a few weeks
of the intolerable hot summer, and he
- well he was reading law for the pres
ent with Esquire Morgan, the village
oracle, and working about the Squire s
farm to pay his board.
John Martin was a handsome young
man, and as good as he was handsome.
So said Mrs. Morgan and all the ladies
of the village, as also did the children,
who loved him dearly for his kind acts,
and the cheerful words which he had
for every one.
The young ladies all seemed to have
a great deal of regard for him, for they
each and all foresaw that such a good
young man must make an excellent hus
band ; and besides, they felt assured
that he would become very rich as well
as influential; for was he not reading
law with 'Squire Morgan, who had
gained riches and influence in the prac
tice of his profession?
But somehow John had failed to ap
pree ate the regard of any young lady
until he met Oressy Mitchell; and from
that time he felt that hia heart was no
longer his own
Cressy was a beauty, and she knew it.
She doted on it. It was passing strange
that she should feel willing to deprive
herself of the homage of her many
suitors and brnish herself to a country
village, even for a limited period. But
she had planned on making her appear
ance at the summer resort of her fash
ionable friends, when the season was
half over, coming fresh and hearty from
her country retreat, while the belles of
fashion would have become already worn
and weary with fashionable dissipation.
This was the reason of her seclusion,
and with a swift, comprehensive glance
she scanned the face and features of
John Martin, inwardly rejoicing that
such a handsome and agreeable young
man was to be her companion during
her stay in the village.
She did not have one though that he
woald fail to present himself as a can
didate for her favor. She knew her
power and felt sure that John Martin’s
love would soon be hers.
It was even as she had anticipated.
At every picnic, pleasure excursion or
party gotten up in the village, John
Martin was her escort and companion,
and ere the time which she had allotted
herself to stay had passed, she was sure
that she possessed all the love of John
Martin's generous, noble heart.
She had learned to love him also. —
His superiority over all other men with
*h m she had associated, forced her to
yield to him the respect which was due
him, and respect soon ripened into a
Warmer feeling, which Cressy Mitchell
would not acknowledge even to her own
heart.
Ihe time drew near for her to take
her departure from the village, and
John Martin had called to say good bye.
'Without preliminaries, and with no
Words of cringing flattery such as her
former suitors had invariably made use
°f) he told her in a straighforward man
]y way, of his love for her, and asked
her to give him her hand in marriage
Bor a time there was a severe strug*
B‘ e in the breast of this beautiful crea
t'lre of fashion. She loved John Mar*
tin. She knew it, and he knew it, and
her better nature cried loudly for a
hearing in this case.
But pride and ambition whispered in
her ear, “ You must not thus flir g away
all your bright hopes and prospects for
the future ; you may form a spleudid
alliance; you may become the wife of a
millionaire, wear laces and diamonds,
and revel in wealth and luxury. Do
not listen to the promptings of heart,
but let reason guide you."
Thus importuned by the voice of self
ish ambition, she put the one love of
her heart away from her, and turning
to the man who stood with folded arms
waiting her decision, she said :
“ Mr. Martin, I cannot afford to in
dulge in romantic dreams; that I love
you I will not deny, but you are poor
and lam not rich ; consequently each
must form a more prudent alliance."
He stood for a moment, as if
fixed, while the cold, worldly
ideas expressed by Cressy were
floating through his brain. Was this
to be the end of the bright dreams of
happiness which he had so tenderly
cherished ? Alas, he felt that all the
world must he false and cold, now that
his idol had fallen, and his beautiful
Creesy, whom he had invested with all
the charms and virtues of an angel, had
changed into a cold, scheming, wordly
creature.
But he recovered his self-possession,
and extending his hand, he shook her’s
warmly, and with a “ Good-bye, Cressy.
God bless you and make you happy,"
he hurried away
The next day Cressy joined her fash
ionable friends at the Springs,and
for the time forgot John Martin and his
love.
* * * * * *
Summer passed, and winter came
with its round of metiopolitan gayety.
It was midwinter, aad the .“affair of the
season ” came off at the house of the
leader of the “ton;" none but the elite
wore there of course, and indeed they
were of the “exclusive set."
As Cressy was promenading the spa
cious saloon, leaning upon the arm of a
cavalier, her escort suddenly paused be
fore a tall gentleman, who stood leaning
against a pillar viewing a gay throng
with a weary air. “ Miss Mitehell," he
said, “ I am happy to be able to pre
sent to you a valued friend of mine,
who informs me that he had the honor
and pleasure of a few weeks’ acquain
tance with you during the past sum
mer."
Cressy raised her eyes and met those
of John Martin fixed earnestly upon
her. Iler heart gave an impulsive
bound, but she checked its mad pulsa
tions and replied coldly :
“Ah, yes; I believe I did have a
slight acquaintance with the gentle
man "
Without another word she moved on,
and as the gentleman led her to a seat,
he said:
“ Really, Miss Mitchell, you are a
wonder of your sex."
“ Indeed, sir; and why?"
“I don’t believe another young lady
present would have treated John Mar
tin, the millionaire, as coolly as you did
j ust now "
“John Martin, the Millionaire,” she
echoed."
“Aye; he’s rich as Croesus."
“ But wheu I knew him he was a law
student."
“Oh, pooh I that was one of his freaks.
[le always feared he would be valued
for his money, and not for himself."
As soon as Cressy could free herself
from her obsequious escort and admirer,
she sought John Martin and endeavored
to explain her conduct ; but he wou and
give her no opportunity to do so, and
persisted in treating her as “a slight ac
quaintance."
In a few weeks he brought his bride
to the city and introduced her to his
fashionable friends. She was only a
simple, innocent country girl, but as the
wife of John Martin, she was welcomed
to the best society.
And Cressy never ceased to regret
that she pronounced John Martin only
“a slight acquaintance."
What Breaks Bown a \oang Man.
It is a commouly received notion that
hard study is the unhealthy element of
college life. But from tables of the
mortality of Harvard University, col
lected by Professor Pierce from the last
triennial catalogue, it is clearly demon
strated that the excess of deaths for the
first ten years after graduation is found
in that poatioa of the class of inferior
scholarship. Every one who has
seen the curriculum knows that where
Easylus and political economy injures
one, late hours aud rum punches use up
a dozen, and the two little fingers of
these are heavier than the liues of Eu
clid.
Dissipation is a sure destroyer, and
every young may who follows it is an
early flower exposed to an untimely
frost. Those who have been led into
the path of vice are named legion. A
few hours’ sleep each night, big living
and plenty of “ smashes ” make war up
on every function of the body. The
brain, tho heart, the lungs, the liver,
the spine, the limbs, the bones, the
flesh—every part and faculty ore over
tasked and weakened by the terrific en
ergy of passion loosened from restraint,
until, like a dilapidated mansion, the
“earthly house of this tabernacle” falls
into ruinous decay. Fast young men,
right about.
— H o »»■■■
No nacre truthful sentence was ever
penned by man, than the following
written by Chancellor Kent: “ The pa
rent who sends his son into the world
uneducated, defrauds the community of
a lawful citizen and bequeaths to it ft
nuisance.” These w<rds should be
written in letters of gold over the en
trance of every school in the land. *
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, MAY (3, 1874.
[For the Calhoun Times.]
SOUND AND SENSE.
The wheels of nature are never sta
tionary, for life is no treadmill process,
but a movement onward, and to-day we
stand in the front of human progress —
in the vanguard of the world’s great
march of civilization.
Malgrc the expanse of thought is ev
er widening across the broad ocean of
time until it seems to ripple upon the
sands of eternity, yet amid all tue ex
lent good sense of thinkers there seems
much egregious nonsense. Ido not re
fer to those writers whoso fancy and
imagination revel in luxuriant delight
in elysean fields, or in the soil of dreamy
idealism, who spin gossamer threads
across the deep chasms of thought, and
fondly think they span them with
bridges over which the intellects of the
world can pass, but would a
fairy foot, the arches of which are only
beautiful rainbows arising from the
mists of wild speculation. I mean the
contributors of knowledge to mankind,
who deal in high sounding and eloquent
words, which like the sheet lightning of
a summer night glimmers for a moment
then all is dark as before.
We. imagioary intellectual illumina
tors, are “great talkers but little doers,"
and not willing to submit to the intense
toil of investigation and research, in
lieu, iudulge in unnatural, ridiculous
combinations, foreign to the subject.—
We of eur democratic govern
ment, that worth gives pre-eminence,
but with us there is magic iu a name,
for let it be heralded that Wiseman, D.
I)., A. M., F. R. S., &c , is to address
us, his lucubrations, he they a mixture
of truth and trash, yet his gas and so
phistry win audiences and admirers, and
like a flying meteor arrests more atten
tion than the sun, which though ninety
five millions of miles from us, is the or
igin of our heat and light, and of all
other manifestations and energies in the
physical world. Wo have very little
respect for universal genius, who know
all things cqual'y well. They are apt
to be like General Andrew Jackson as
described by Richard Henry Wilde.who
replied to the inquiry of a Grand Duke,
that he might write to the General,then
President of the United States, in any
language, Latin, Greek, German, Span
ish, Italian, French or English, for he
understood them all equally well. Om
nitiencc is deuied us, but the semi chaos
of half-formed views may to some ex
tent, be avoided by indefatigable thought
and investigation, and thus obviate so
much sound, and excel more in sense.
Order is Heaven’s first law, aEd crimi
nals are condemned on testimony of
many years’ standing, provided the facts
are clearly delineated. to be forcL
bio, Cresar’s immortal letter of three
words, “ Veni, vidi , vici ," is certainly a
bett^ - model than on an abstruse sub
ject to state that she went into the gar
den, to cut a cabbage leaf to mike an
apple pie ; and at the same time a great
bear coming up the street, pops its head
into the shop. What, no soap? So he
died, and she very imprudently married
the barber; and there were present, the
Picisninies, and the Jobbillies, and the
Gargulies, and the grand Panjandrum
himself, with the little round button at
the top ; and they all fell to dancing
till the gunpowder ran out of the heels
of their boots.
Consistency is a more priceless jewel
than ever decked a monarch’s brow,and
to steer clear of Charybdis and Seylla,
we must do obeisance at her shrine.
Empty clouds do not thunder, and
were words all ideas, every writing and
extemporaneous address would be a rich
argosy of thought, but they are only
symbols of them, so to read and write
well are great acquirements,but to think
well is a most enviable attainment. —
Some of D.-.niel Webster’s longest and
ab’e?t speeches were in monosyllabic lau
guage. The eld lady who w& a so dis
appointed on hearing a celebrated di
viue, and said he was not half as smart
as her pastor because she understood
every word hs uttered, but her preacher
spoke in such a high-flown style as to
be unintelliglblo to many of his hearers,
would not have thought his statesman
ship worthy of American pride. The
great mind of Copernicus brooded for
forty long years over the problem of the
arrangement of the heavenly bodies,and
in the sequel asserted that by the grace
of God he would make liis system clear
er than the sun, and by profound Bieui
tation and mathematical calculation he
made it more glorious than ten thousand
suns. Kepler spent twenty years of his
life in astronomical investigations, and
when he proved that the planets move
not in circles but ellipses, he cried,
“Nothing holds me. lean afford to
wait a century for a reader, since God
has waited six thousand years for an
observer.”
Moslem Grenada flourished eight hun
dred years with pomp and glittering
pageantry, but now 7 lives only iu Castil
ian romances or legesds, and in the
crumbling walls which witnessed its
magnificence. Paris is now twenty-one
miles in circumference and contains a
popoulation of two I*lllllooß. The beau
tiful Seine flows throw it and is spanned
by thirty-five graceful bridges. Gor
geous palaces, churches, halls of science
and literature are seen in every direc
tion, intersected by baulevards, one of
which cost over six millions of dollars,
and Louvre, a grand temple of science
and art is its chef d'aeuvre , which is a
quarter of a mile long and has three
hundred apartments, one of which con
tains a thousand pictures by the finest
artists This, the proudest capital in
Europe, will one day be a ruinous pile,
and its broken arches and tumbling edi
fices will be mute records eloquent with
meaning. But thought, imperishable
thought, wi 1 live on forever. Os course
when eagles soar bats fly away and hide
themselves, and if we cannot climb as
high on the impervious, insurmountable
peak of fame ns some, we at least can
avoid ephemera effusiong, and cherish
that rarest of now-a days commodities,
common sense. M. B. 11.
Calhoun, Ga.
How He Dodged the Pledge,
In Weathersfield, Mass., a good many
years ago, the good men of the town
got together to talk up temperance, and
to canvass the desirability of organizing
a temperance society.
One man said he would sign the
pledge if he could be allowed to break
over and drink a little at Christmas.—
He did not care for liquor at any other
time; but have it at Christmas he
would.
Another one said he did not care a
snap for it at Christmas, but on the glo
rious Fourth he would have bis toddy
if he had to wade through fire and wa
ter to get it.
Still another said that, he could get
along without it at all times except
when washing sheep. He thought it
dangerous to keep his hands in cold wa
ter without something warming in
side.
So they organized a temperance soci
ety with saving clauses in for about ev
ery man present, and they all signed
the pledge, thinking they had all done
a great thing for the cause.
The very next morning Deacon D.
walked into a neighbor’s yard, who, by
the way, was Mr. L., the sheep man.
wondering;* was & btUer cold morn
ing, whether Mr. L was up yet. lie
met his neighbor coming out of the
house, aud, to his surprise gloriously
drunk,
drunk
1“ Why, L," exelaimcd the astonished
deacon, what does this mean, sir ? You
have broken the pledge and disgraced
our society !’’
“Not—hie—as you knows on, dea
con," said L.
“ Certainly you have sir, and I shall
report you to the society. You agreed
not to drink except when you washed
sheep. You cannot make me believe
you are going to wash sheep on such a
cold day as this.”
“Follow—hie—me, deacon.”
L. started for the barn, and the dea
con followed On entering the door,
the deacon saw a large wash tub stand"
ing oh the floor, and the poor animal
shaking dreadfully with the cold, and
bleating pitifully.
“ There hie deacon,” said L.,
pointing with triumph, “ that old—ram
has been washed s six times this—hie
—morning, and I—hie—ain’t done
with him yet."
Bo Thy Minister No Harm.
There are many wavs in which a min
ister may receive harm from his people.
He may be injured by their flattery. I
have known ministers to become so
puffed up, especially young men, that
they began to think they were popes or
cardinals, and rendered themselves ri
diculous. When this is the case, the
man’s usefulness is soon destroyed, for
the time being, while in the end it may
turn to his future usefulness, when God
has humbled him.
But, on the other hand, he may be
injured by the waut of proper appre
ciation of his ministerial abilities, by
speaking lightly of his sermons and
pastoral labors : and this is the side on
which most of tho errors are made in
this criticising age. Some heads of
families destroy all the efiect of the
sermon by their wicked criticisms in
the presence of their children. I be
lieve this is one reason why there i* so
little reverence for ministerial charter
by the rising generation. I never knew
a family where this was practiced, but
the children grew ungodly aud skepti
cal. What can we expect where pa-*
vents speak lightly of a minister's la
bors ? Ileligion will always be respect
ed by the young* in proportion to the
respect they have for those who propa
gate it. Thousands of children in this
country have been ruined for time aud
eternity by the unguaided tongues of
parents. We charge you to speak welt
of your minister, both at home and
abroad : defend his character whenev
er assailed by one in your presence. If
you cannot do this, be silent in such a
way as lo show uo sympathy with those
who would detract from his usefulness ;
avoid winking and nodding.
Another way in which youmaydohim
great harm is to keep him so poor that
he cannot buy books aud periodicals.—
To expect a man lo keep up with the
age, and be a successful preacher, with
out books, is like ordering tb« Jews to
make bricks without straw.
“ The IDiradi'st Kno wiliest Dog that
over Wore Har.’ >
He came in from Truckee Meadows
yesterday, did this level headed dog
He rode in, by the side of his master
on a load of potatoes. He was not a
pretty dog not a dog of blue blood and
high degres. He was a tall, gauut,
shaggy-haired wild-eyed looking brindle
beast of unrecorded pedigree. As the
wagon, carrying man, dog, and pota
toes, baited for a time in front of a sa
loon in North C street, one of a party
of half a dozen loungers thereabout
made some remark in regard to the ap.
pearance of the canine, when thus spake
ye homy handed, frowsy.headed tilier
of ye soil : “Fellers, that air ain’t a
purty dog, I know—lie’s like me, makes
no pretensions to nateral beauty—but
he’a just the durndest knowinest dog
that ever wore har. He’s got more in
stink, that dog has, an’ more sarey, an’
pen’tration an’ insight into human na
tur’, jist in that ugly old cabeza o’ bis
nor can be found in the heds of a whole
piaza full of yer eddicated town dogs—
poodles an’ sich. What I pride in him
for is his regular human sense, he’s
jist the darndest dog out! Now es I
come home from town perfectly sober
(when I’ve left him to see after the
ranch)it would jist do your hearts good
to see that dog show off what a sense
of appreciation he’s got of me. Fel*
lers, his gorgeous tail then stands alott;
lie skyugles about ; he runs on afore me
a scrapin’ up the yearth with his hind
feet, sendin’ the chips a flyin’ ; he holds
up his head an’ barks in a cheerful an’
manly tone o’ voice, escortin’ me for
ward an’ feelin’ prouder’n he’d holed a
woodchuck ! But let me come home
full of tangle-leg, sheepherder’s delight
and terrantiler juice, and that is the
darndest shamedest dog yer ever saw.—
He jist takes one look at me an’ he
knows it all. Down goes his tail, he
lops his years, hangs his head, squarts
his back, an’ lookin’ back now an’ then
he slinks off an’ crawls under the barn
—actually ashamed to be seen about the
premises for fear somebody’ll find out
that I own him. I tell you, fellers, he’s
the cusSedest dog for right out an’ out
human sense that ever was seed in these
parts, and Truckee Mcdders is proud
that he war pupped thar !’’— Virginia
Enterprise.
A Pillow for the Sleepers.
A friend once toid me, says Rev. 11.
Woodward, that, among other symp*
toms of high nervous excitement, he
has been painfully harassed for the want
of slpep. To such a degree had this
proceeded, that if, in the course of the
day. any occasion led him to his bed*
chamber, the sight of his bed made him
shudder at the idea of the wretched
and restless hours he had to pass upon
it.
In this case, it was recommended to
him to endeavor, when he lay down
at night, to fix his mind on something
at tho same time vast and simple—such
as the wide ocean, or the cloudless vault
of heaven; that the little hurried and
disturbed images that flitted before his
mind might be charmed away, or hush
ed to rest, by the calming influences of
one absorbing thought.
Though not at all a religious man at
the timo, this advico suggested to his
mind, that if an object, at once vast
and simple, was to bo selected for med
itation, no one could serve his purpose
to well as the thought of God. He re
solved to make the tri 1, and think of
Him. The result exceeded his most
sanguine hopes; in thinking of God he
fell asleep. Night after night he re
sorted to the same expedient. The
process became delightful ; so much so,
that he used to long for tho usual hour
for retiring, that he might fall asleep,
as he termed it, in God. What began
as a mere physical operation, grew, by
imperceptiple degrees, into a gracious
influence. The same God who was
his repose by night was in all his
thoughts by day; and, at the time this
person spoke to me, God, as revealed in
the gospel of His Son, was “ a 1 his sal
vation, and all his desire.” • So various
are the means and inscrutable are the
ways by which God can “ fetch home
the banished.” —Christian Intelligen
cer.
Human Lbaor. —Human labor in a
thousand little rills replenishes the
fountain of man’s earthly existence
It rends the rocks assunder to Build the
marts of commerce. It sends ita tiuy
but powerful roots into the soil, that the
crops may, in due season, fructify and
replenish and gladden the earth; it
dives into the darkened mine, where
cheering sunlight never penetrates, to
bring forth some of the most important
necessities of modern civilization , for
where would that civilization be with
out the products of labor ? As we val
ue the products of labor, how much
more should we esteem the intelligent
agencies by which they are produced !
In whatever sphere of action it may be,
labor is honorable, and there is at times
a moral heroism and spirit of self-de
nial exhibited which renders it sub
lime.
A POND in Lonsdale, R. I , lias a
floating island like those found in Geor
gia lakes. It is a quarter of an acre in
extent, and, to put it nautically, draws
six feet of water. It has been accu
mulating for twenty years, and ita soil
is so solid that it maintains a thick
growth of trees twenty five feet high.
Picnics are held on it, and romautic
lovers go there. The wind blows it
from point to point in the pond, some
times moving it with coasiderable Ve
locity. In the neighborhood it is the
subject of many superstitions, one of
them being that sweethearts who vow
fidelity upon it will never be faithful.
— y. r. Sun.
Yawed* Dumlereoop Explain??.
I vas not feel pooty veil i dis mor
nings, or I va«' dell you off dis pisness
sooner off not before home undines. 1
peen droubbled mit a bull, unt I don’t
got over it not rite away quick.
Mine trow, Frau!red Duaderemp.
vas a booty goot voomaas, put if she
vas vant anything, it vas p.tter if you
gone uut done it, or inaype dot vill
make droubble mit her house.
She spoke min ae, unt dell me dotl
gone out mit der voods usU get some
roots vat she vants. I gone out yoost
so quick, because I vas fat ash put
ter.
Dere vas a pig meadow vat I he? got
to cross, ash l gone to der voods, und
ven I git in the middle dere vas a bull,
so pig ash a house, vich come down mit
his dail up, uat a pellow vat make me
disk dot it vas petter off I stay mit der
house unt miud myself.
I ton’t run pooty much, but some
days I run petter ash I ruo udder days,
unt dis vas der day ven 1 could run.—
So I gone avay, unt ter bull he gone
after me so mad ash ter tyful.
I aefer vas so much scare in swan
zey year ash I vas den. Yell, 1 falls
town, unt I runs, unt I falls again, uni
a pig bull-tog comes unt drives avay
der bull, unt den he hunts me up a
dree, unt keeps me all tay. Yen lie
gone avay I oorne town, unt dink I vill
go home ; but I stop st Hans Phillings
unt dakes a glass lager, and ven I gouo
homo you vood dink Fraulien Dunder
eoop vas gone grazy mad, unt aothing
vat I says could stop her.
I been lauie every since dot time, but
I dinks der proometsck hurt me yoost
so much as der bull. Vat vas you dink
yourselt ?
I was sometime since walking on the
wharf where a fishing boat lay, nnd as
I wa6 passing and repaying, the mas
ter was uttering tremendous oaths. At
length I turned to hist and standing be
side his boat, said :
“ Sir, lam unacquainted with your
busiuess. What kind of fish are
these ?"
“They are codfish," s?id he.
“ llow long avo you usually out in or
der to obtain your load ?”
“ Two or three weeks," answered.
“At what prrc9 do you sell them !”
He informed me.
“ Well youhavc hard work to eblain
a living in this way i"
“ Yes, hard work," said he.
“ With what do you bait these
fish ?”
“ With clams."
“ Did you ever catch a mackeral ?’
“ Yes."
“ Well, now did you ever catch a fish
without a bait ?"
“Yes," said he, “I was out last year,
and ona day when I was fixeti’ my line
fell into the water, and the ad
fool took hold of it, and I drew him
in. *
“ Now sir, said I, I have thought that
satan was very much like a fisherman.
He always baits his hook witli the kind
of bait which different sinners like best,
but when he would oatch a profane
swearer, he does not take the trouble
to put ou a bait at all, for the fool will
always bite at the bare hook."
He was silent. His countenance was
solemn ; and after a pause, as 1 turned
away, I heard him say to one standing
by him—■
“ I guess that’s a minister.”
Never too late to Learn.
It is a great mistake to suppose that
little can be accomplished if a man has
reached the age of thirty or forty years.
Nine tenths of our eleven men have ac*
tually exhibited more vigor ol intellect
at fifty ye«rs of sge than at forty.—
Franklin was forty beforo he began, in
real earnest, the study of natural phil
osophy. The principle of one of the
most flourishing colleges in America
was a farm servant until he was past
the age when most students have com
pleted their collegiate education. Sir
Henry Spelmau did not begin the study
of science until be was between fifty
and sixty years of age. Greek was the
first foreign language which Cato, the
celebrated Roman censor, acquired, and
he did so in his old age. Alfieri, whose
writing has caused revolution in the
dramatic literature of Italy, was left
without a father in his infancy and
waited his early 'years. John Ogilby,
the author of poetical translations from
Virgil and Homer, began the study of
Latin when above forty years of age,
and Greek in his forty-fourth. Boccac
cio, one of the most illustrious writer}
that ever appeared in Italy, suffered
nearly half of his life to pass without
improvement. Handel wa6 forty-eight
befure he published any of his great
works. Dr. Thomas Arnold, of Rugby,
learned German at forty in order that
he might read Nejbuhr in the original.
Let these examples tell upon your char
acter and invigorate and cheer you in
your undertakings.
A curious calculation has been made
bv aa eccentric individual, well known
in Paris for his peculiar antipathy to
the fly. lie collected 3,01)0 die* in a
room measuring seventy cubic feet. On
the floor he spread a pounded loaf oi
sugar. At the end of four days he
went to investigate the result of his
experiment. There remained a tea
spoonful of sugar. This statistician,
therefore, calculates that, sugar being
at the rate of thirteen cents a pound, a
fly costs the oouatry twenty centa from
its birth to its demise —that is, if fed
on loaf sugai.
—— ;
A GERMAN Jew was eating a pork
chop iu a thunderstorm. On hearing
an unusual loud clap, ha laid down his
knife and fork and observed : “ Veil
did any poty efer hear such a fusaapout
a little piece of pork ?"
VOLUME IV.—NO. 40.
. .» FI S ITEMS.
Cure for a felon—Take ittolhe pen.
itentiarv.
A Western -Granger has written for
some gras*widow seed.
A Georgia editor was bitten by *
dog, “ beiug evidently mistaken for a
bone.”
llie Rrooklyn Argus is of opinion
that a kind word will always go further
than a flat-irou.
" Related sisters” tender man
ner which they allnde to old maids in
Virginia.
An exchange says that woman’s
sphere is marriage. We never saw one
yet that had any fear about it.
A jcwler advertises that he lias some
precious atones for disposal, adding that
they sparkle like the tear* of a young
widow.
The Danbury News man says: ‘‘There
is nothing that will change a man so
much as great grief, unless it is shaving
off his mustache.”
A recent critic upon Othello’had tho
following: “Tho Moor, seizing a bol
ster full of rage and jealousy, smothers
her.”
A Chicago gentleman who recently
traveled through Ohio says that every
body he met called potatoes “ taters/’
except one young lady, who called him
a “ small pertater.”
“ Think of it, Mr. Robbs, the Uni
ted States drinks £90,000.000 worth of
spititß every year!” Bubbs (excited
ly), “ How I wish 1 was the United
States !”
One-half of the world does not
know how the other half lives. There
ar3 people in Danbury to-duy who have
not a sheet of monogram j aper to their
Dame.— Danbury News.
A juvenile writer says he cannot un
derstand how auj one possessing what
is generally known as a conscience, can
counterfeit a five-cent piece, and on the
back of it “ In God we trust.”
A little gir went into a drug store
the other day, and said to the proprie
tor, in a half whisper, “If a little girl
hain’t got no money, how much chew
ing gum do you give her fer noth
ing ?”
Kansas judges are either very gen
erous or else they have little dignity.—
One of them was called “Old Skillet
legs ” by a lawyer, and he only imposed
a fine of
of court.
A little boy, carrying home son 6 eggs'
from the grocery, dropped them. “Did
you break any ?” his mother, when
he told her of it. “ No,” said the lit
tle fellow, “ but tho shells came off some
of ’em.”
A little girl asked a minister : “Do
you think*.my will go to heav
en “ Why, yes, child. Why do you
ask “ Well, because if he doesn’t
have his own way there, he won’t stay
long I was thinking.”
“ And so they go,” one of The late
Portland School Committee is roported
to have said : “ Our great men are fats
departing—first Greeley, then Chase,
and now Summer—and I don’t feel very
well myself.”
The ruling passion Btrong in danger.
An alarm of fire was, the other dty,
given in a New York hotel. “Land
lord,” said a guest, “is the house on
fire?” “Yes, sir.” “Well, give us
one more drink, if you please, and we’ll
get.”
The quickest way we know of to
make a man*believc that there's noth
ing in the world worth living for is to
excite him into chasing a cat aeross a
yard where two or three clotheslines
are innocently swaying in the evening
breeze.
A Sootchman went to a lawyer once
for advice, and detailed the circumstan
ces of the case. “ Have you told me
the facts precisely as they occurred V *
asked the lawyer. “0 ! ay, sir !” re
plied he : “ I thoot it best to tell ye
the plain truth. Yc can put the lies
into it yourself!"
Ole Bull was otce seoing the sights
at Donnybrook Fair, when he was at
tracted by the sound of a very loud vi
olin in a teat. He entered and said to
the player : “ My good friend do you
play by note ?" The deuce a note,
sur." “Do you play byl car, then 1 ?"
“ Niver anear, yer honor." “ How do'
you play then ?" “Be main strength,
be jabers.
" •
A hot-headed Buckeye saloon-keep**
er nearly lost a customer by his rash
ness the other day. A matronly woman
entered a saloon, laid her muff on the
counter. and put her hand in her pock
et. when he abruptly told her that ho
did not want any hymn-book work
there. The matron draw out a flask
and called fra pint of whisky Buying
she did not know what made some peo-'
pie so skittish.
One morning. Biddy seeing her mis
tress 10 a loose wrapper, was told it was
styled a half undress." The next mor
ning fcer master brought some tomatoes
fresh from the vines which he ordered
her to serve up in an undress state. —*
When breakfast was ready Biddy came
with the tomatoes having very few
clothes on, in fact but a single garment
decked her sturdy limbs. The master
and mistress viewed her with amaze
ment, but she made sure her position
as she placed the dish oa the table, by
saying . Arrr.b. sure I’m in an un
dressed state, as ye oidert-d me, and be
gorra. 1 11 n-*t ••-trip another rag if I get
my discharge."