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]3Y FREEMAN & BEG.
flie (falhoun (Mints.
Feet Os SiK<*.
Take them up tenderly,
Lift them with care—
Fashioned so tenderly—
A beautiful pair.
Look at those number “twelves,”
A sight of themselves!
Made from *vo ox hides,
The truth shall I tell?
Made for a young bride,
A Terre Haute belle.
Touch !hem not scornfully,
Think of her mournfully
tVho has to wear them ;
To naught on land or sea,
Under the canopy,
Uan we compare them !
llow were her father’s feet ?
How were her mother’s?
How were her sister’s feet?
llow were her brother’s?
tVlrnt had the maiden done
That she should merit ?
Was it a judgement,
Or did she inherit it ?
Alas ! for the rarity
Os Christian charity—
Scarcer than pearls
Oh ! it was pitiful
To see a whole city full
Os big-footed girls.
Ah ! those huge bridal shoes,
Look at their soles!
Laces like clothes lines
Pass through the holes.
Take them up tenderly,
Lift them with care—
Fashioned so slenderly—
A beautiful pain
'lf such her slippers,
What were her stogas ?
Fabrics of leather, like
Two “Saratogas.”
Droves of horned cattle
While passing around,
Look at her brogans,
Then paw up the ground ;
Bellowing all the while
Knowing full well
The leather required
For a Terre Haute belle !
She has a good understanding,
That’s morally certain ;
Her footing is proper—
And pledge in bumper
With proper solemnity,
A health to fair bride’s
Pedal extremity
NELLIE’S WEDDING.
I declare, I could no more realize that
our Nellie was about to be married,than
I could account for the white hairs that
Kitty points out to me in my hair and
whiskers. I do not know where the
years have gone. Kitty and I very of
ten speak of these years, but not as if
they had passed away from us; they are
more like old friends who are just as
dear to us as when first we knew them;
just as securely nestled among the good
things in our hearts.
Yes, God has been very good to us.
This thought is never out of my mind,
lie has guided our so loving
a hand that the years have passed away
and left no signs.
Not that they were all sunshine and
laughter. Nay, there were many days
of weeping, and there is’a tremor ev4»i
now in Kitty’s voice whenever she
speaks of two little hearts that were
taken to Heaven before they had reach
ed their tenth year. All laughter ? No,
thank God, no, truly and heartily, for
the sadness that came to us, just as tru
ly as I thank Him for all our happi
ness.
Death has no terrors for us when it
will but take us from our children on
earth to bur children in Heaven, and if
we had not known what it was to suffer
we could not have understood how to
sympathize with others who mourn.
Aud yet, as I said before, I could not
realize that all these years had passed
over me, and that our Nellie, our dar—
linj;, was old enough to leave us.
To be sure I saw that Tom Baron was
a constant visitor at oui* house, but he
played and sang a great deal more with
grace than he did with her oldest sister,
Nellie, and he always had some ques
tion to ask mo, and was sure to find some
occasion to have a chat with Kitty; so
that I had no reason to think that the
hoy had any idea of marrying, and es
pecially of marrying our Ne'lie.
Kitty saw it all, and supposed I did ;
and then Kitty is much quicker to see
the bottom of things than 1 am.
I was quite taken back when Tom
told me that he wanted to marry Nel
lie.
“Marry Nellie!” said I; “why,bless us,
Tom, you are only a couple of chil
dren. ’
Tom laughed as he answered, “I am
twenty-four and Nellie is twenty.”
I know,” I said; “but what is
twenty? Why, the girl is but a child
yet.”
“We are old enough to love each oth
er," said he, with a quiet dignity that
made me respect him more.
“ You have spoken to Nellie ?” I
asked.
“Yes, sir ; I have told Nellie that I
love her.”
“And what did she say ?”
“She consented to become my wife if
you and her mother consented.”
“ But she didn’t say that she loved
you! Come now, she didn’t say that she
loved you, did she ?”
“ There was no need of saying it. I
&aw it in her face.”
Just then Kitty came into the room,
aud I must say I felt relieved when I
saw her.
“What do you suppose Tom has been
telling me ?” I asked.
“ Krem the puzzled look in your face
I should imagine it was something very
strange.”
“ W’hy,” said I, dashing into the sub
ject at once, “ the boy wants to marry
Nellie.”
‘‘Well,” said she, in her tonderest
J a y, “we haven’t any fault to find with
Tom, have we ?”
“ Fault,” said I, more puzzled than
ever at the cool way she took it. “ But
they are a couple of children yet !”
“ Just such children as you and I
were, Dick. We can certainly trust
our Nellie with Tom, Father, and 1 am
glad and thankful that she has won so
good a man’s love.” She stepped over,
as she said the words, and kissed Tom,
and I knew she had taken him into her
heart of hearts where she held me and
the children.
Os course there was no use of saying
anything more except to give him fath*
erly counsel, and then to call Nellie in
and kiss them both.
As she came into the room I acknowl
edged to myself that she was a woman,
and I had no fears but that she would
he a good wife; for a better or more
loving daughter never lived.
It seemed to me Tom Was very impa*.
tient to be married, but whenever I said
this to Kitty, she laughed and recalled
some of the speeches 1 had made in our
young days.
Nellie was not so constantly sewing,
hut that she and I had long walks and
talks together, and the dear child was
so like her mother, I could fancy I was
young again and chatting with Kitty.
And Tom and I were often together,
too. I found him as full of hope and
ambition as he could well be, but with
a thoroughly good heart, and a desire to
bo happy and comfortable rather than
rich and styish.
At last the day came when we were
to give our Nellie into the hands of an
other It was a lovely day in June,and
I hope it was a foreshadowing of what
their lives were to be.
It seemed to me too solemn an occa
sion for theatrical show or flourish.—
They were married in the church, of
course A ceremony that is bound by
God’s ordinance,vows that reach beyond
the grave, should only be given under
the roof of God’s house.
There was no bridesmaid or grooms
man. Nellie, dressed in a simple white
dress and with a few orange, flowers
in her hair, walked up the aisle leaning
on Tom’s arm, and there, in the solemn
quietude of the church, with the voice
of God’s servant sounding their hearts,
they were made one. %
I knew that I had lost my daughter
—I knew that her love was mine, that
day, to-morrow, forever, just as it was
when she sat on my knee ; but still,
perhaps I am growing childish, I could
not keep back the tears.
“ Not crying, Dick !” said Kitty, and
her own voice was not too steady.
“Yes,” said I, “hut I don’t know why.
I am certain we have not lost our
child.”
There was no party after the ceremo
ny, Tom’s people and our family made a
goodly number to gather around the ta
ble, and we lingered long over our din
ner as if we dreaded to part. But the
hour for parting came; Tom and Nellie
were obliged to hurry to catch the train
that was to carry them to a quiet place
by the sea side, where they were to
spend—not all, please God —but the
first two weeks of the honeymoon.
Such pleasant letters as came to us
from them both in those days ! Nearly
every day Grace brought me one and
calling all the family around that they
might hear what Nellie said.
When they came home they found
that Tom’s father and myself had not
been idle. We had bought them a
handsome, cozy little cottage, and fur
nished it enough so that they should g >
into it at once.
I met them at the depot, and, as we
hid arranged beforehand, drove them
to their own house.
“We must get out here a moment,”
I said, and they both stepped out of the
carriage at once, though with somewhat
wondering faces.
“ Will we go in ?” Tom asked.
“Yes, for a moment.” and we walked
to the door. Kitty and our children
and Tom’s people were all standing in
the hall to receive them, and such shout
ing and kissing and explaining I never
heard before.
I took Tom and Nellie to one side af
ter they had greeted every one; my
heart was too full for a speech before
them all.
“This is your house, children,” I said,
“and it is for you to make it a home.—
I pray God that you may find in it all
the peace and happiness you desire, and
that your children may be as great a
joy to you as you have been to us.”
Kitty placed Nellie at the head of
the table. “It is your table and your
house,” said Kitty, “and your place is
here always.” And we sat down to the
first meal in our children’s house.
That is the house on your left as you
go down the road. There is Nellie now
playing with a little boy in the yard
That is young Dick; he and I are
capital friends and companions. And
we have not lost our daughter ; no, she
is our Nellie to-day as she always was,
and I think she will be our daughter
just the same when we are gathered
around the throne of God.
Whisky as a Medicine. —A gen
tleman in Washington, apparently in
decline, called in one of the most emi
nent physicians, but as he uid not rap
idly recover he told the physician that
whisky had been recommended to him
and asked if it would do any good.—
« Y r es,” said the doctor, “ it would help
you.” “ Why, then do you not give
it?” said the sick man. “Because 1
have given it to a dozen gentlemen,
and all have become drunkards.”
—* is—
On Wea Prairie, near Lafayette, Ind.,
is a little hut four feet high, with a for
ty foot lightning rod on it. The pro
prietor being asked if he was afraid of
the lightning, replied : “ Not a bit ; but
it keeps those cussed lightning rod fel
lers from striking.”
CALHOUN, (IA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 20. 1874.
Dot Crainge Pizness.
I vant to be Grainger,
And mit the Graingers stand,
I’ll sell mineleedle grocery,
Or drade him on for land,
For Craingers buy derShapan tea
Mooch shoaper by der pound,
As 1 could got it by dcr shest.
To hunt der country rouni.
Ffry bo.dy has gone loonatic mit der
crainge fever. Mine frow has been
gone croug mit it for more as a month,
I knowed I should got it mineself, for
it goes the covntry through all ofer like
der den cbommand ments through der
Sunday school.
1 keeps von leedle crocery sthore.—
My name ia on der sign. 1 sells goots
at pancake prices, but I uond could
combeet mid der craingers briees. My
drade is loosiu himself efry day, and all
der gusdomer vat I got now is a few
what never pays, und a few ole maids
vat never vill have noding to do mid
husbandry nohow.
Der vas heaps of druhle on der ole
man’s mind. Vot to do I give it up. —
So I gounsels mine frow. She’s goot
lawyer, as she work mit a lawyer’s
family dree years vonce. Says I,
“ Gretchen, I must sold more goots or
panic, dots vots der matter mit me.”—
So I popped der question to her, “ Vat
shall Ido to bin safe ?” She say, “vy
you ole fool, shut up der shop und go to
he a pattorn —of —a husband —dry,
shoin der crainge und
Then shall all dcr sorrow cease,
Und drubble all knock under ;
We’ll “ sell der house und buy a farin,
Let der grocery go to grass.”
Says she, “ shoost look at ole Doozen
berry ; dree months ago he had to bor
ry fife tollar to shoin der crainge mit,
and now he has got prussel carpet on
efry room, a piano in der kitchen, a
new spring bed for the hired girl, und
anew Mansard roof on der pig pen. —
He’s paid der mortgages off on der
farm, bought fifty more und has
"made der crainge to
put a leady made hedge all around in
der spring. His girls go to the high
school, he pay fife tollar for der town
clock, and his frow has got a pair of
dwius. Chris, dcr is shoost two tings
too bin done—keep grocery store und
go to der poor house or shoin der
crainge und be happy!” Veil, as der
hatent medicine men say, I feels “ re
lief in den tuinits,” so I start for der
shop mit my mind mavle up to shoin
der crainge. Der first man vat I met
vas der shiaf justice of der crainge.—
Says he, “ Goot uiorniu’, Chris; how’s
pizness ?” Says I, “ none of your piz
ness.” You see I don’t feel pretty
goot mit dese crainge fellers to leave me
before dor bill vas settle. Says he,
“ Hold on. I vant to speak mit you.—
We wants you to shoin us und keep a
crainge store.” Den I vas all good na
tured in a ruinit, shoost like a Yankee.
l r ou know, Mr. Brinder, dot ole saying
vat says, “ shoost pefore daylight is al
ways the dark mornin’,” and just wile
got der blood der most, der daylight
broke open. De-sheef justice says. —
“ Chris, shoin us, und you can got
your goots at crainge briees sold it to
the craingers at cost, aud make a clean
profit of 50 per cent, to order gus
tomers.
So I slioin dor crainge der same
night, und vot vas done in der room
vas none of your pread and butter, un
less you know how it vas myself. I
am goin’ to sell off any goots at auc j
tion, tear down der ole sign and put
up “ Graingers Exchange, Down mit
der monopoly I Down mit der agent’s
brofit!” Yours for cash,
Chris Sweitzer Ease,
P. S.—l gif a splendid, bootiful, chro
mo mit efry fifty tollars vot you buy,
uud dond got trusted for.
Don’t Go Away from Home.
Deader, don’t go away from home to
buy your goods. Buy them from your
home merchants. Some people will run
accounts with merchants at home, and
as soon as they get money, they will go
off to a larger city and buy for cash.—
This is decidedly small,to use no strong
er term. Suppose you spend your mon
ey in Atlania or New York, will you
ever hear from it again? Do the mer
chants of Atlanta or New York care
anything about you or your town or
county ? Do they help your schools or
your churches, or pay anything towards
the improvements of your town or
county? When you pay them yout
money, is it not going from yon forever?
If you will spend it at home, a portion
of it at least, is sure to return to you
iu one way or another. The tradesman
yon patronize will patronize you in re
turn, and thus the matter becomes one
of mutual benefit.
It may be said “our home merchants
do not keep as good stocks as those in
larger cities.” If all will patronize
home merchants, they will be enabled
to keep much larger sticks and better
selections than they have at present. —
You cannot indulge in houie-pride and
love of home to too great an extent.
A MAN cannot afford to be unfaith
ful under any circumstances. A man
cannot afford to be mean at any time.
A man cannot afford to do less than his
best at all times aud under all circum
stances. No matter how wrongfully
you are placed, aud no matter how un
justly you are treated, you cannot, for
your own sake, afford to use anything
but your better self, nor to render any
thing but your better service. And,
certainly, you cannot when you consid
er that it is to the Lord you arc acting.
Y r ou cannot afford to cheat a cheater, —
You cannot afford to lie t-o altar. You
caunot afford to be mean to a mean man.
You cannot afford to do other than deal
uprightly with any man, no matter
what exigencies may exist between him
and you. No man can afford to be any
thing but a true man, living in his high
er nature, and acting from the noblest
considerations. —11 W Beecher.
He Wasn’t Ready When Called
Old Isaac was, or believed himself to
he, a very devout Christian, “ wrestled”
much in prayer, and it was his custom
at night, when his work was over, to
retire to his cabin, and devote himself
to worship until bedtime. These exer
cises were carried on in so loud a tone
as to he heard by all the persons on the
farm, white and black, and old Isaac’s
earnest ,and "frequent announcements
that he was always ready to meet his
“ Lawd” had been so often heard that
some rascally boys concluded to have a
little fun, and at the same time test
Isaac’s faith. One night, therefore whiie
old Isaac was under full headway in his
exercises:
“O Lawd !we know dy long sufn
fur dis beni'ted sinner, butO Lawd!
dat in dy love we will be sphad dy ven
gins and dy raf. We are always reddy
Lawd, at dy bidden’ to come to dee,
and to meet dy angel Gabril. Scud
him on, O Lawd! wid his shin’in trum
pit, his robes ov glory and his crown ov
life, and take dy poll sahvant into dy
vineyard—”
“ Is-a-ac ! Is a-ac !” came in a sepul
chral tone and iwn the chimney.
“ Amen !” softly said Isaac, closing
his prayer abruptly, and rising with fear
and trembling.
“Isaac! Is-a-ae” came the still
dreadful tones.
“ Who-ho-ho’s dat?” stammered the
awe stricken negro.
“ The—angel—of—the—Lord—has
—come —for—lsaac !” came in slow
solemn tones,with the measured empha
sis, from the darkness out side.
Isaac hesitated, aud then, with a show
of enforced courage, it came :
“ De Lawd bless you, dat old nigger
hain’t bin heah fur a week !”
The Condor.
We can tell you an anecdote about
the condor’s power of life, a miner in
Chili, a very strong man, once saw a
condor enjoying his feast on the moun
tains. lie had eaten so much that he
could not fly, and the man attacked
and tried to kill him. The battle last
ed a long time, and the man was nearly
exhausted. But in the end he thought
he was the victor, and left the condor
dead, as he imagined on the field. Some
of the feathers he carried off in tri>
umph to show to his companions, and he
told them he had never fought so fierce
battle. The other miners went to look
at the condor, when, to their surprise,
he was standing erect,flapping his wings,
in order to fly away. A bird with such
powers of life continues to exist years
after years. The Indian tries to catch
the condor by strategem. He employs
him to fight in a ring, at those cruel
bull fights which are the favorite amuse
ments in that part of the world. He
does not attempt to attack the condor
openly, for he knows how strong he is,
and wishes, Besides to take him alive.
He procures the skin of a cow, atfd
hides himself beneath it. Some pieces
of flesh are left hanging to th’e skin,and
are sure to attract the condor. He
comes pouncing on the prey, and while
he is feeding with his usual greediness
the Indian contrives to fasten his legs
to the skin. When this done, he comes
out of his concealment, and the bird
secs him for the first time. He flaps
his wings, and would fly, but that his
feet arc entangled ; and more than this,
a number of other Indians coming run
ning up end throw their mantles over
him. —Stories About Birds.
How the Eye is Swept and Washed.
For us to be able to see objects clear
ly and distinctly, it is necessary that the
eye should be kept clean. For this pur
pose it is furnished with a little gland
from which flows a watery fluid ‘(tears),
which is spread over the eye by the lid
and it is after ards swept off by it, and
runs through a hole in the bone to the
under surface of the nose, while the
warm air, passing over it while breath
ftig, evaporates it. It is remarkable that
no such gland can be found iu the eyes
of fish, "as the element in which they
live answers the same purpose. It the
eye had not been furnished with a liq
uid to wash it, and a Sid to sweep it off,
things would appear as they do when
you look through a dusty glass. Along
the edgds of the eyelids there are a
great number of little tubes or glands,
from which flows an oily substance that
spreads over the surface of the skia,
and thus prevents the edges from being
sore or irritated, and it also helps to keep
tears within the lid. There are also
six little muscles attached to the eye
which enable us to move it in every di
rection ; and when we consider the dif
ferent motions they are capable of giv<
ing to the eye, we cannot but admire
the goodness of Him who formed them,
and thus saved us the trouble of turn
ing our heads every time we wished to
view an object.
Lemons Wholesome.
When people feel the need of an acid,
if they woulci let vinegar alone, and
use lemons ot apples, they would feel as
well satisfied, and receive uo injury.—
A suggestion may not come amiss as to
a good plan, when lemons are cheap in
the market, to make good lemon syrup.
Press your hand on the lemon, and roll
it back and forth briskly on the table
to make it squeeze more easily ; then
press the juice into a bowl or tumbler
never into a tin ; strain out, all the
seeds, as they give a bad taste. De
move all the pulp from the peels, and
boil in water —a pint for a dozen pulps
—to extract the acid. A few minutes
boiling i3 enough ; then strain the wa
ter with the juice of the lemons; put a
pound of white sugar to a pint of the
juice ; boil ten minutes, bottle it, and
your lemonade is leady. Put a table
spoonful or two of this lemoa syrup in
a glass of water, and have a cooliug,
healthful drink.— Scientific American.
American Antiqmticsjn Illinois.
Mr. Thomas M. Perrine, of Ann
Illinois, has, for the last five years, giv
en his attention to the acquisition of
American Antiquities, and has dug
from the ancient mounds and burial
grounds of southern Illinois, the finest
collection perhaps, in the State. It is
composed in part of agricultural imple
ments formed out of flint; pipes, jugs,
faced and straight necked arrows, bone
and flint awls, axes, pestles, a stoae
tube, a foot long, which sounds like a
horn, and perhaps was used for calling
ancient armies to battle, idols of vari»
ous kinds, together with many curious
things hard to name or diviae the use
of. In contemplating these vestiges of
a long lost civilization, the mind is fill
ed with a longing desire to unravel the
mystery that enshrouds the centuries
prior to the discovery of America by
Columbus.
A few days since.’as Mr. Perrine was
exploring a well known mound situated
west of Anna, in Union county, he
came upon a piece of sculpture that
seems to have been a heathen god of
great antiquity. The impression it
gives the beholder is that of a man’s
head set upon an infant’s body, with its
legs bent under it, and a hand resting
on each knee. It weighs forty pounds,
and is thirteen inches high. The chin
is prominent, mouth and nose large,
and eyes full, with the perceptive large,
and the reflective faculties ouly medi
um. A braided crown, or garland,
crosses the head, terminating in front
of each ear. The rear portion of the
cranium being entirely wanting, gives
it a flat and uncomely aspect. Arouud
the head and neck it bears evidence of
considerable skill in design and polish,
though the extremities are still marked
with the sculptor’s tools. It is formed
of solid, translucent rock, foreign to
this c ntinent, and at what period it
was chiseled must forever remain a
mystery, as it has outlived the race that
may have bowed in adoration before it.
Chicago Tribune.
Greatness of Great Men.
From a lecture iccently delivered by
the head-master of the Leeds School ol
Art: “The secret of the success of
great men is that there is no secret at
all; and this a secret which, though
proclaimed upon the house-tops before
multitudes of hearers, *will always be
believed to be a secret, and for no bet
ter reason than that it is the easiest and
most plausible way of explaining the
difference that we see to exist between
ourselves and those we acknowledge to
be great. If we would fairly and hon
estly take to the aeknowledgmeEt that
while we have slept great men have
worked ; while we have been self-indul
gent and prone to luxury they have been
self-denying and inured to hardships,
we should lose something in the good
opinion we have of ourselves ; but we
should gain a great deal in self-knowb*
edge, and dispel a mystery that should
be no mystery at all. There seems to
be common elements of character in
all great men—almost the identical ba
sis of the one as in the other, the dif
ferent vocation explaining any minor
differences that are to be found in them.
Thus I find precisely the same features
in the character of Michael Angelo and
the Luke of Wellington—two men, liv
ing three centuries apart, in different
countries—one a great artist and the
other a great w r arrior. In them as in
every instance I have yet studied, the
distinguishing feature is an intense love
of work—work of the kind that fell to
the lot of each to do. Another feature
is indomitable courage, and the last is
never dying persevqjance. I have nev
er yet come upon one great life that
has lacked these three features —love of
work, unfailing courage and persever
ance.”
About a Newspaper.
The Louisville Courier Journal has the
following remarks regarding the man
agement of a newspaper: “Some peo
ple estimate the ability of a newspaper
and the talent of its editor by the quan
tity of original matter. It is compara
tively an easy task for a frothy writer
to pour out daily a column cf words—
upon any and all subjects. llis ideas
may flow in one weak, washy, everlast
ing flood, and the command of his lau
<*ua"e may enable him to string them
together like bunches of onions, and
yet his paper may be a meagre and poor
concern. Indeed the mere writing par
of editing a paper is but a small port
tion of the work. The care, the time
employed in selecting, is far more im
portant, and the tact of a good editor
is better shown by bis selections than
anything else ; arid that, we know, is
half the battle But, as we have said,
an editor ought to be estimated and his
labor understood and appreciated by
the general conduct of his paper —its
tone, its uniform, consistent course, its
aims, its manliness, its dignity and its
propriety. Te preserve these as they
should be preserved is enough to occu
py fully the time and attention of any
man. If to this bei added the general
supervision of the newspaper establish**
meat, which most editors hive to en
counter, the wonder is how they find
time to write at all.”
Trifles are not to be despised.—
The pain in the nerve of a tooth, not
as large as the finest cambric needle,
will sometimes drive a strong mau to
distraction. The coral rock causing a
navy to founder is the work of worms.
And old bachelor says that giving
the ballot to women would not amount
to anything practically, because they
would keep saying they wern’t old
enough to vole untii they got too old to
take any interest in politics.
The Calhoun Times.]
B u tie re ups’andj Dais! ?s.
V ery simple and unpretending are
these little flowers, but from among the
many beautiful and rare plants that grace
the highly cultivated flower gardens of
to-day, we would select toe pretty little
buttercup and daisy, for their modesty
and simple, unassuming beauty. There
is no other flower that recalls bo vividly
the beautiful memories of our early
childhood as these self-same wildwood
blossoms with the crystal dewdrops
“ swelling their pretty eyes like tears.”
Wandering beside the rippling brook
let that sings love songs all the day,
watching *the.,*bright sunbeams play
“ hide and seek ” in the leafy canopy
above, gathering the golden buttercups
and meek-eyed dasies that peep from
amid the emerald grasses so innocently,
then going home in the soft, subdued
stillness of eventide, when “the charm
ed sunset lingers low adown the red
west,” were some of the delightful
pleasures of our childhood.
He that strives to forge* his youth
and speaks sueeringly of its innoceat
joys is lost to all that is good and re
fining in life. It is during these de
lightful days that our feet tread the
flowery walks of Elysian bowers and we
listen to invisible music, sweeter than
an angel’s dream.
Once, while strolling through a very
secluded cemetery, ‘ we were impressed
by a tiny mound; the marble slab, was
exquisitely* wrought, and bore this in
scription : “ Little May sleeps under
the daisies.” It is a beautiful thought
that when our earthly career is over the
casket of clay from which the jewel
has flown will he sweetly sleeping uuder
the daises. Kitty Clyde.
I Wonder.
When a young man is a e’erk in a
store and dresses like a*prince, sou/king
fine cigars, drinking nice French bran
dy, attending theatres, l|lls aud the
like, I wonder if he does all upon the
avails of his clerkship ?
When a young lady sits in the par
lor with lily-white fingers covered with
rings, I wonder if her mother don’t
wash the disheß and do all the work of
the kitchen ?
When a deacon of the church sella
strong butter, recommending it as ex
cellent and sweet, I wonder if he don’t
rely upon the merits of Christ for sal
vation ?
When a man goes three times a day
to a tavern to get a draw, I wonder if
he will not by and by go four times?
When a young lady laces her waist a
third smaller than nature made it, I
wonder if her pretty figure will not
shorten her life some dozen years or
more, besides making herself miserable
while she does live ?
When a young man is dependent up
on bis daily toil for his iucome, and
marries a lady that does not know how
to make a loaf of bread or mend a gar.
ment, I wonder if be is uot lackiag
somewhere say toward the top for in*
stance ?
When a man receives a periodical or
newspaper weekly, and takes great de
light in reading it, but neglects to pay
the printer, 1 wonder if lie has soul or
gizzard ?
The Basking Shark. —An inter
esting ichthyological discovery has late
ly been made by Prof. Steenstrup, of
Copenhagen. He finds that certain
comb like bodies, which have been sup
posed to be appendages of the skin of
cer:a : n sharks, arc really shifting organs
appended to the interior of the gill ap
ertures of the basking shark ; and he
infers that this fish, the largest shark of
the northern regions, wh en attains a
length of thirty five feet or more, lives,
like the still more gigantic whales, upon
the bodies of small marine animals
strained from the water by these pecu
liar fringes. The very fine rays compo
sing the fringes are five or six inches
long, and were some year* ago shown
by Prof. Ilanover to consist of dentine,
so that each of them may be regarded
as, to a certain extent, the analogue of
a tooth. It is remarkable that Bishop
Gunnerus, who originally described the
basking shark (selarhus maximus), and
regarded it as the fish that swallowed
the Prophet Jonah, noticed "the exist
ence of these bronchial sieves more
than a century ago.
A MAN advertised for a wife, and re
quested each candidate to enelose her
carte < 7 - visite. A spirited young la*
dv wrote to the advertiser la the follow
ing terms : “ Sir, I do not enclose my
carte, for, though there is some author
ity for putting a cart before a horse, I
know of none for putting one before an
ass.”
Wkrster’s dictionary contains over
fifty thousand words. Jones says when
he came home late the other night, iu
the space of fifteen minutes his wife
applied them all to him. including some
extra ones and the fire-shovel.
Seneca says of himself that he wa3
able to repeat two thousands words up
on once hearing them, each iu its order,
though they had no dependence or con
nection upon each other.
The Pittsburg Leader prints half ts
advertisements upside down for the ac
commodation of readers who habitually
atuud on their heads.
VOLUME IV. —NO. 42.
FI N ITEMS.
In a game of cards a good deal, de
pends on good playing, and good playing
on a good deal.
An old toper being requested to define
hard drink tog, said “ It was selling on
a rock and sipping cold water.’
A man hangs himself and “no
cause” is assigned, when every one
must know that the rope was the cause.
A Philadelphia youth was recently
married to a girl who had refused hiui
eighteen times. lie wishes now h# had
not asked her but seventeen.
A lady asked Mr. Johnson if ho liked
children. “Don't know, ma’am,” an
swered that crabbed old gentleman;
“ never tried ’em ; am not an ogre.”
A witness iu an assault and battery
ease, in Maysvills, Ky.,fwore that Par
sons did not get mad until he had been
called a “liar” eighty one times.
An Irish magistrates censuring some
boys for loitering in the street said :
“If everybody were to stand in tho
streets, how could anybody get by V *
An lowa woman poured hot water*
down her husband’s back to cura the
toothache, and the jury held that she
was practicing without a license, and
sent her to jail six months.
A gentleman who is ashamed of his
intensely bald head, explains the ab
sence of his hair by saying that be was
born poor, and was compelled tostratcb
his way through life.
“ How many are there ov ye’s down
there ?” shouted an Irish overseer to
so»e men in a coal p it. “ Five,” was
the answer. “ Well, then, the half of
ye’s to come up here,” said he.
“ Come, don’t be timid,” said a cou
ple of foolish snobs to two mechanics;
“ sit down and make yourselves our
equals.” “ We’d have to blow our
brains out to do that,” was the reply.
The old style of combing the hair
over the ears is revived among the la
dies. What a blessing this will be to
those who Lave homely “ organs of
hearing,” and what a sacrifice for those
who haven’t!
A Frenchman is about opening att
“ hymenial academy” in this city at
which young ladies will be taught mar
riage service, with all the proper sobs,
signs, and hysterics, in three oasy les
sons.
Over the shop door of a pork-butch
er in a village in one of the Eastern
States may be seen a sign board repre
senting a man in a black coat brandish
ing a hatchet, with the inscription,
“ John Smith kills pigs like his fath
. „ 1)
er.
An Indiana lawyer used the word
“ disparagement” in his plea, and tho
judge told him if he couldn’t quit us
ing Latin words he could sit down. Tho
lawyer undertook to define his position
and was fined twenty dollars for con
tempt of court.
“ Hi ! where did you get them trou
sers?” asked an Irishman of a man who
happened to be passing with a pair of
remarkably short trousers on. I {jot
them where they grew,” was the ißdig
naut reply. “Then, by my conscience.”
said Paddy, “you’ve pulled them a year
too soon I”
At a recent pasty in the Highlands,
a young man who had been relating his
more than wonderful exploits iu various
parts of the globe, waa not a little ta
ken aback by the remark of an old
traveler : “ Young man, are you not
ashamed to talk so when there are older
liars at the table.”
A schoolteacher in Do Witt county,
Illinois, has introduced anew method
of punishment into hi» school. When
one of the girls misses a word the lad
who spells it has permission to kiss her,
The Clinton Public says : “ The result
is that the girls are fast forgetting ali
they ever knew about spelling, while
the boys are improving with woiderfu!
rapidity.”
A darkey was once attempting to
steal a goose, but a dog raised an ob
jection, and Sambo retired. The next
night during a thunder shower he at
tempted it again, and just as he was on
tho point of getting away with the
fowl, the lightning struck close by, and
the noise fnghteaed the poor fellow al
most to death. Dropping the goose, he
started away, muttering “ Peers to mo
der am mighty lot of fuss made 'bout a
common goose.”
A hurley Teuton, whose taste for
beer could not be disputed, entered an
omnibus one day with a huge meer
schaum in his mouth, and taking the
only vacant seat, proceeded to roll forth
fall volumes of smoke. The conduct
or seeirg this violation of rules, step
ped up to him, and said, “ No smoking
allowed.” The Dutchman, taking bis
pipe from his mouth with an air of as
tonishment, thus replied to the polito
conductor : “ I don't make no noise ten
I sehmokea.”
It is nn old story, but a good one,
which tells of a very negligent man
who was going on a visit to some friend.
His wife extorted from him a solemn
promise that be would abandon bis us
ual custom, and put on a clean shirt ev
ery day. So he packed a dozen in his
trunk. When he came home again his
wife was glad to perceive that he had
grown more fleshy; but she was alarm
ed when upon examining his trunk she
found there was not a single shirt in it*
He had kept his promise to mount a
clean one every day, but he always put
it on over the others; ana now he was
sporting around with the whole dozen
no his back. Soaie men will never |l«t
women have their own way.