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CALHOUN WEEKLY TIMES. B y D. B. FREEMAN. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. hr.e Year §2.00 Six Months 1.00 Ton copies one year 15 00 •-$“ Subscriptions payable in advance, aM ,I at the expiration of the time paid for; unless previously renewed, the subscriber’s n:ime will be stricken from our books. Communications on matters of pub lic interest solicited. The Tramp. 11Y LON IIODJKd. On a morn in dreary Wirite^., Chine a worn and weary printer, With his bundle on a splinter O’er liis back ; Travel-stained, lie was, and needy, And his appetite was greedy For a “ snack.’, For the printing office steering Till within tlie door appearing, Where he bowed, as ohe revering, . , When he spoke, Saying, in a voice as solemn Asa gratis lluchu column, “ I am broke 1^ In your city I’m a stranger, pusty, seedy as a Granger— For 1 slumbered in the manger Of a barn— -1 desire a small donation And some easy transportation For my corn Boat! 1 tried to work ;ny. passage, Moving freight, and rough expressage— Living on bologna sausage, Dry and poor— But they found l was a printer \nd they Hustled meinstanter To the shore. Then 1 sadly recollected Dny s when printers were respected For their skill. Now I’m ejected Fore and aft, Just, because some have by drinking Set the steamboat-men to sinking All the craft. Tims and ) sober workmen suffer By the vices of the loafer, Till indeed whene’er I go for . Work I shrink Lest another’s imposition Throws ou mo a foul suspicion That I drink. Deeply does it wound and grieve nie When a man will not believe itle, But, dear sir, if you will give me Fifty cents, I will, by its proper using, Show you I’m above abusing Confidence.” By his doleful conversation Housed he our commiseration And we made the “small donation,” Which he sunk; But while going to our dinner Wc observed that, hardened sinner Beastly drunk ! Thus do sober workmen suffer By the vices of the loafer— Beast coin will often for Purest stamp, Kin lest ones who most have trusted \rc must thoroughly disgusted With ttie Tramp. [ For the Calhoun Times.] Southern Prospects. We portray the prospects of our country by comparing the favorable omens of the present, with those heart rending realities during the dark period of her civil dissension. And how over whelming is the tide of sadness that swells the devotional heart of the true patriot, when he calls to min i the iur pervious gloom that gathered around the political and social horizon of the South at the close of the late “ United States War.” That glorious sun of liberty that once emerged from the op oppression of British tyranny, eliciting the admiration of the civilized world, in subverting the hoarded prejudices of antiquity to freedom of thought and Democracy of government, finally reached the zenith of his glory and sunk beneath a sea of fraternal blood Populous cities, whose lofty domes and spires once towered in architectural grandeur unsurpassed, were deserted by their unfortunate inmates, and scarcely naught survived as a monument ol their existence, serve the blackened chim nies and burning ashes of their smoul dering ruin. Proud ships of com merce, whose sails were fanned by every gale that swept the ocean, and which had stamped our political and enter prising spirit upon the hearts of for., eign nations, were robbed of their la 'lened cargoes, and their entire commu nication molested, lleligious and educa tional institutions, the only hope of a nation’s triumph, were completely de molished and numbered among the things that were. Our fertile /ales over which had waved the golden har vests of niuety summeis, and which once resounded with the melody of the plowman’s song, were converted in to fields of blood-shed and carnage, up on which bleached the martyred re mains of our country’s hope. Impend ing ruin had swept over our entire bor ders till there was no song of triumph to welcomo the returning hero. And in all the assemblies of the true and the brave, from the crystal gates of the i‘ *tomac to marshes of the llio Grande, '“we heard the mournful hoops of bounded liberty wailing the melancholy r ge of the “ Lost Cause.” And ih or der that no vestige of hope might re main to tell of better fate or coming iestiny, avarice and pretended sympa % for the negro, which had been gath -1 r ' n g for years in the halls of Northern and which nothing’could sati. * Jlsav the humiliation of Southern • pr " Je > in the .extermination of every ClVl ' and eclesiastical right, were wreak 111' 1 • O 7 1 ‘r-, then- unpalliated vengeance upon our hopes. When we take an ! J tr: ) ct v ‘ ow of their unparalleled ca jmities, we would naturally conclude ( j ' L l * 1(! naf ional glory of Southern in- Mdence, were lost in the shades of 11 b oblivion. And when we gaze 1,1 ‘"boat ashes of those who fcU VOL. V. a saciificc in the cause of freedom, our conclusion receives an apparent confir mation. But that civil revolution, with all of its horrors, as well as those which have hurled monarchs from their thrones, and crumbled empires and kingdoms into dust, proclaims, in tones of thunder, the sunerruling agency of Providence in the vic ; situdes of a na tion. And from that martyred dust where the star of Southern hope went down, me-thinks I hear the breathless' tones of their departed spirits whisper, “ Fear not men of the brave and land of the free; though your constitutional rights have been utterly disregarded,and disappointed hope, furious with rage breathes her stupendou o fiat over you, you shall rise and flourish again, like tho fragrant rose when autumnal frosts and wintry snows are gone !” Months andyears have flown, but look around us, to-day and what a striking fulfill ment of these words meets tho eye of the proud beholder ! Contrary to all human expectations, we again find our selves the happy denizens of a glorious clime, the agriculture and mineral re sources of whose soil, and intelligence and progressive spirit of whose people without a parallel in the annals of mod ern history. Magnificent cities have emerged from desolation into newness of life, beauty, and grandeur. Ships of commerce, whose shattered plank and broken timbers were borne upon every billow, arc now far superior in struct urc and number and have unirtterupted communication with the remotest na tions of the globe. The spread of our population and extent of civilization arc scarcely bounded by the coasts of the Pacific-Animosity and civil commotion, the baneful upas of society, that so re cently threatened to sap the foundation of our social and religious fabric, are gradually yielding to the claims of ed ucation and rcl gion. Our high school, colleges, and universities which were comparatively few, are now the laudable characteristics of the South. From their classic halls are proceeding men of talent and culture whose Nestorian eloquence is making ignorance and su perstition tremble upon their thrones of despotism. Our religious institutions, too. are coming forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun and as terrible as an army with banners.— When wc review the history of our country and reflect how prosperous hitherto has been her career, it is rea sonable and right to entertain glowing hopes of the future mingled with grati tude to Providence who rules and sways the destinies of people. And if we stand firm to the principles of truth and virtue, we may look forward with no groundless assurance for one of the grandest political renovations ever ex perienced by an oppressed people, yes, we will then witness our beloved coun try emerge from the social .Crisis into which a pretended “ amalgamation of the raoes ” is endeavoring to drift her, and hail the approach of a better gov ernment than has ever been established by the swords of despots or republics. Then will the old ship of the South, that has been cabled so long to the shores of tyranny and oppression through the jealousy, and inordinate ambition of the Noith, again unfurl her glorious ensign and with a song of freedom and a shout of triumph out strip the storms of persecution that have so long impeded her progress. Omega. August 28, 1874. *■- Smoking Statistics, We copy the following statement from a fine work entitled, “ Smoking and Drinking,” by James Par ton : “ It is gravely asserted, in Messrs. Ripley and Dana’s excellent and most trust worthy cyclopedia, that the consump tion of cigars in Cuba —the mere con sumption —amounts to ten cigars per day for every man, woman and child on the island. Besides this, Cuba exports two billions of cigars a year, which vary in price from twenty cents each (in gold) to two cents. In the manufac ture of Manilla cheroots —a small item in the trade —the labor of seven thou sand men and twelve hundred women is absorbed. Holland, where much of the tobacco used in smoky Germany is manufactured, employs, it is said, one million pale people in the business. In Bremen there are four thousand pallid or yellow cigar-makers. In the l nited States the weed exhausts four hundred thousand acres of excellent land, and employs forty thousand sickly and ca daverous cigar and tobacco makers. In England, where there is a duty upon tobacco of seventy-five cents a pound, and upon cigars of nearly lour dollars a pound, the government derives about six million pounds sterling every year from tobacco. The Freneh government get from its monopoly of the tobacco trade nearly two hundred million francs per annum, and Austria over eighty million francs. It is computed that the world is now producing one thousand million pounds of tobacco ev ery year, at a total cost of five bundled millions of dollars,” CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 0. 1874. JEEIIS AND LIZE ON THEIR WED DING TOUR. The train from Grafton, a few days since, stopped at one of the way sta tions, to take on a couple newly married. Both were young, and both were ver dant; having been raised in the wilds of Western Virginia, neither of them had ever been fifty miles from home. They had heard of railways, steamboats, locomotives and hotels, but had never experienced the comforts of any of the aforementioned institutions. Jeems and Lize bad determined on this, the most important event in their lives, to visit the city and see the world, particu larly that portion of it known as Par kersburg. No wonder they were amused aud delighted, when the loco motive, steaming and snorting, with the beautiful, crimson cars following it came in sight. “ Those your trunks ?” said the bag gage master. “ Well I sorter calculate them’s’em,” said Jeems. The truuks(spotted hair trunk and a very old-foshioued valise) were soon in the baggage car followed by Lize and J eems. “ I’ll be darned if railroads ain’t a fine thing,” said Jeems, seating himself on his luggage and carefully holding up the tail of his tighUwaisted blue, - adorned with resplendant metal buttons, out of the dust. ‘‘Lize, sit here by. me.” “ Come out of that,” said the bag gage master, “ you are in the wrong car.” “ The hell lam ! D’ye ’spose I don’t know what I’m ’bout? These is my traps, and I calculate to stay whar they ar’. Keep quiet Lize ; they say we’ve got to fight our way through the world, any how, and if that chap with the cap on wants anything, why, I’m his man. Don,t want any foolin’ round me !” Here the captain interposed and ex plained matters, insomuch that Jeems consented to leave his traps and follow the captain. What was his delight when he surveyed the magnificence of the first-class passenger-car, into which ho was ushered. His imagination had never in its. wildest flight, pictured anything half go gorgeous. He was aroused from the contemplation of the splendor around him by the shriek of the iron horse. “ Jewhillikens ! what in the thun der’s that?” exclaimed Jeems. “ That’s the horse squealing when they punch him in the ribs with a pitchfork, to make him go along,” said a sleepy individual just behind him. “ Look here stranger,” said Jeems, “I know you think I’m a derned fool ; maybe 1 am ; but there’s one thing I know, and that is that you’ll get your mouth broke, ef you dont keep it shut. I don’t say much”—just at this mo ment they found themselves in Egyptian darkness, and then was heard a scream almost equal to that of the engine from Lize, as she threw her arms around the neck of Jeems. “ I it !’’ exclaimed the sleepy individual ; “we are lost, every moth er’s son of us. We cau just prepare to make the acquaintance of the man in black, who tends the big fire down be low.” “ Oh Lord ! Jeems what will become of us ? I felt skeery about gettiu’ on the outlandish thing at fust.” “Keep quiet, Lize, hollering won’t do any good now. Ef you know any pray er now’s your time to say it, for both of us?” “ What is the matter here ?” said the astonished conductor, coming up as the train emerged once more into the light. “ That’s just what I’d like to know,” said Jeems, when he saw that Lize and himself were still alive. “ We’ve just passed through Eaton’s tunnel,” replied our polite captain.— “How far are you going ?” “ Well, I reckon we’ll stop at Par kersbuig.” “ Show your tickets, if you please.” “ Sartinly. Lize, you got some with you ! Let this gent look at ’em.” Lize drew a picoe of white paper from her reticule and, with a smile, handed it to our friend, the captain who read : “ The pleasure of your company is respectfully solicited,” etc “ What’s this !” said the captain. “ Why, that’s one of the tickets to our weddirr’; that’s what you asked for, hain’t it ?” said the somewhat surprised Jeems. “ Whaw ! whaw ! whaw !” was the discordant sound that arose from the seat of the sleepy looking individ ual A bland smile passed over the face of the captain, as he explained the mean ing to our verdant friend lie had no ticket, but willingly paid his fare, aud the train sped on to its destination. But wonders did not cease here —presently our pert newsboy, Billy, entered the car, and stepping up to Jeems, he ask ed : “ Have a Sun, sir ?” “ Wa’ll if I have my way about it, the fust one will be a son, sartm,” said Jeems. Lize blushed. “ Don’t count your children before they are hatched,” said Billy, as he hast ened to the next car. In due time the train stopped at the big depot, in the city. Amid the con fusion of strange noises, and the babble of discordant voices, our taiends landed oa the platform. “ Bus, sah ? Bus, sah ? free for the United States! ” said the sable porter of our up town house. Lady, taxe a bus, sar ?” f “ Wa’ll, I rather ’spose she won t from any body but me— reckon I’m able to do all in that line she wants, and more, too.” . “ Go to the Swan House, sah ? right across de street--best house in the city. This way, sir? any bagage ? Have it sent to your room in a few moments.” In a short time Jeems and his bride found themselves in one of those com fortable rooms on the second floor of that well-ordered establishment, the Swan House. The baggage was sent up with the usual promptness, and our friends were soon making their toilet For dinner. Jeems had his coat and boots off in a jiffy, and Lize’s hair fell gracefully over her shoulders. “ That’s a duced pretty torsel! ” said Jeems, eying the bell-cord—“ Wonder what it’s fur,” catching hold of it. “ Look, it works up there on a sort of a thingumbob. I’d like to have that tor sel to put on my horse’s head next mus ter day ; see how it works,” said he, giving it a pull. Presently the door opened, and the sable face of one of Africa’s sons was thrust into the room, with the inquiry of “ King, sah ?” “Ring? ring what, you black ape? if you do not quit looking at my wife and make yourself scarce, I’ll wring your head off.” ‘Stop a minnit,’ said Lize; ‘what is thename of the man that keeps this tavern ?” “Mr. Conley, inarm.” “Well, tell his lady that she needn’t go to any extra fixin on our aecouut, lor we are plain people,” said the amia ble bride. “As they used to say in our debating society,” iuterupted Jeems. “I 11 amend that motion by saying you can tell them the best they’ve got l am able to pay for, and don’t care, for expeuses.” “Tee bee ! Tee-hee ! ” was the only audible reply from the sable gent, as he hurried down stairs. Dinner came, was dispatched with a relish. Jeems and his bride took a stroll over the city, seeing the lions and ether sights, until supper time, which being over, they, retired to their rooms. The gas was lit by a servant, who re ceived a bright quarter for his services. Jeems was last in bed, and according to the rule in such cases, had to put out the light, which he did with a blast from his lungs. The noise in the street had died away, and quiet reigned in the Swan House. The young man on the watch dozed in his chair. The clerk (rather corpulent) was about to retire when he thought he smelt gas. The guests (some of them) thought they smelt gas. Much against his will, the clerk proceed ed to where the leak was. It seemed stronger in the neighborhood of the room occupied by the bride and groom. The clerk concluded to knock at the door of the room. “Who is there? camo from the inside “Open the door; the gas is escap ing.” “Gas! what gas?” said Jeems, open ing the door. “Why, here, in the room. How did you pat the light out ?” “Blew it out, of course.” “You played h—.” Our amiable clerk come very near saying a bad word, but, remembering that there was a lady in the case, rather in the bed, he choked his rising temper, and having lit the gas, proceeded to show Jeems the mystery of the burner, as follows : “You see this little thing here ? Well, when you want to put it out, give it a turn this way, and when you want to make it lighter, you give it a turn this way. Serious consequences might have resulted if it had not been discovered It might have suffocated us all. Now, be careful next time.” “Well, Jeems, I thought it was you that smelt that way, all the time. I was jest wondering if all men smelt that way. It ’peared strange; but, then, I never slept with a man afore, in all my life, and didn’t know nothing about it,” was the response of Lize as she turned over for a nap. The red in the clerk’s face grew smilingly redder as it reflected the light from the burning jet. and a rougish twinkle lurked in the corner of his eyes, as he turned off the gas and all was dark, our friends were left in their glo<' ry. A sound of suppressed mirth was heard in the reading room for a few minutes, and then all was still. Mns. Jipes’s Healthy Work.— The Indianapolis Herald says: Mrs Jipes’ of Greasy Point, 111., after sawing a cord of wood, digging five bushels of potatoes, milking twenty cows, carrying ten tubs of water, and doing a washing of ten dozen pieces, incidentally men tioned being tired. Mr. Jipes read to her from a newspaper : I believe that nothing would tend so effectually to get rid of these creatious weariness, and that overstimulation of the emotions, as a Pair share of h'ealthy work directed to wards a definite object. Just here a can of Royal baking powder struck him in the abdomen. Following this can.e a stove lid, three pancakes, a rotton to mato, salt cellar, bowl of buttermilk, and all the dough for Thursday’s baking. It was evident that she considered her lord a “ definite object,” and the fair share of work directed toward him was a little healthier than he would have desired. A \ r ERY learned judge was once ask ed what he would do if a man owed him ten pounds and refused to pay. — His reply was worth remembering by those wlio are quick to take offense and begin a quarrel. He said : “ Rather than bring an action against him, with its costs and uncertainty, 1 would give him a receipt in fall of all demands; yea, and I Would send him (ive pounds to cover all possible ex penses.” That was his conclusion after exten sive observation ou the matter of going to law. Josh Billings on Rats. Rats originally cum from Norway and i wish they had figinally staid thare. They are about az uncalled for aZ a pain in the small ov the back. They can be domestikated direful ea zy, that iz. as far as gitting in cup boards, and eating cheese, and knawing pie. iz concerned. The best way td docestimate them that i saw, iz tew surround them gent ly with a steel trap ; yu can reason with them tu great advantage. Rats are migratorious, they niigrately wharever they have a mind to. Pizen is also good for rats ; it softens their whole moral naturs. Cats hate rats, and rats hate cats, and —who don’t ? I suppoze thare iz between 50 and GO millions of rats in Amerika (i quote now entirely from memory,) and i don’t surpoZe thare iz a single necessary rat in tho whole lot. This shows at a glance how many waste rats thare iz. Rats enhance in number faster than shoe-pegs do by machinery. One pair ov healthy rats iz all that any man wants to start the rat business with, and in ninety daze, without enny outlay, he will, begin tetv have rats tew turn oph. Rats, viewed from enny platform yu kan build, are unspeakibly cussed, and i would be willing tew make enny man who could destroy awl the rats in the United States, a valuable keepsake, say, for instance, eithur the life and suffer ings of Andy Johnson, in one volume calf bound, or a receipt tew cure the blind staggers. REMARKS. Fust appearance are ced to be every thing. I don’t put all my fathe into this saying, i think oystere and klams, for instance, will bear looking into. If you want to git a big krop, and a big yield for the seed, sow wild oat.s. Humin natur is the same all over the world, ’cept in New England, and thar it’s akordan tu satcumstances. If i had a boy who didn't lie well enough to sute me, i would set him tu tendin a retale dri goods store. Man was created a little lower than the ange's, and has biu giltin ower ev ery sinse. When a feller gits a goin down hill it dus seem as tho evry thing had been greased for the okashun. It is dredful easy tew be a phool—a man kan be one and not know it. Ignorance is ced to be bliss. This ma be so, I never tried it. The man who kan wear a shirt a whole week and keep it klean, aint fit for anything else. When a man’s dog deserts him on akount ov his poverty, he kant git enny lower in this world, not bi land. Luv is like the measels, we kant al was tell when we ketched it, and ain’t apt tew have it severe but onst, and then it ain’t kounted much unless it strikes inly. Difference in Eyes* No branch of science has been more thoroughly mastered than optics. The principle of vision must be essentially the same in all eyes, but they differ re markably, according to the habit of the animal. Birds of lofty flight, as the condor, eagles, vultures, and the carri on seeking prowlers of the feathered race, have telescopic visions, and thus they are enabled to look down and dis cover their unsuspecting victims. As they approach noiselessly from above, the axis of vision changes—shortening, so that they can see as distinctly one foot from the ground as when at an ele vation of one mile in the air. This factexplainS the balancing of a fish-hawk on its pinions half a mile above a still pond watching for fish. When one is selected, down the savage hunter plun ges, the focal axis varying always to the square view of his intended prey As they ascend, the axis is elongated by a curious muscular arrangement, so as to see far off again. Snails have their keen eyes at the extremity of flex ible horns, which they can produce or draw in at pleasure By winding the instrument round a leaf or stalk, they can see how matters stand on the oppo site side. The hammer-headed shark has its wicked-looking eyes nearly two feet apart. By an effort they bend the thin edges of the head, on which the organs are located, so as to examine the two sides of an object the size of a full-grown codfish. Flies have immo vable eyes. They stand out from the head like half an apple, exceedingly prominent. Instead of smooth hemis pheres, they Lave an immense number of facets, resembling old fashioned glass seals, each one directing the light di rectly to the optic retina. That ex plains why they can not be approached in any direction without seeing what is coming. —4- £•— Mouse Hunt Extraordinary. —A Keokuk lady, while engaged in the pur suit of her domestic duties, encountered a mouse in a flour barrel Now, most ladies, under similar circumstances, would have uttered a few feminine shrieks, and then sought safety in the garret. But this one possessed more than the ordinary degree of feminine courage. She summoned the hired man and told him to get the shot gun, called the bull dog and stationed him at con venient distance. She then climbed half way up stairs, and commenced to punch the barrel vigorously with a pole. Presently the mouse made its ap pearance and started across the floor. The dog at once went in pursuit. The man fired and the dog dropped dead. The lady fainted and fell down stairs, and the hired man thinking she was killed, and fearing that he would be ar rested for murder, disappeared and lias not been seen since. The mouse escap ed. Deacon Panics’ Sumliy. “ Beautiful ! beautiful!” mentally ejaculated Deacon Burncs, at the close of a aeruion about heaven. “ Those are my ideas exactly.” Aud so enrupped was he with Ills thoughts as he passed out of the church, he forgot to ask lame old Mrs. Howe to ride huuie with him, as his usual cus tom. “ Perhapsit is Well,’* he th ’t, “ fur she is a worldly old woman and would probably have drawn my tho’ts away from heaven.” At the dinner table his son exclaim ed : “ Oh, father, I have a situation at last !” “ Have you forgotten that it is Sun day, John ?” asked the father, stern ly. “Don't let me hear any more such talk ” John ate his dinner in silence. How could his situation be a wrong thing to speak of on Sunday. He was so thank ful for it that it seemed to come from the hand of God. God knew all about the restless months in which he had an swered an advertisement every week. When the minister gave thanks in church for all the mercies of the j-tasi week, John’s heart gave a grateful throb, and he determined now to ac knowledge God in all his ways. John ate his dinner in silence, while his father thought about heaven. In the afternoon Mi\ Barnes’ neph ew, a stranger in that place, came over from his boarding place opposite and sat on the piazza talking with John. “ I can’t allow this, Tom,” said Mr. Barnes, coming to the door with his Bi ble in his hands ; “ you must not sit here breaking the Sabbath- Go back to your boarding house and read some good book.” Tom started up angrily, and spent the afternoon fishing and bathing with an old colored man, his only acquain tance in the place, while Deacon Burncs sat in a largo rocker ou the piazza with a handkerchief over his face, and tho’t about heaven. Presently his two little grand daugh ters came out on the piazza with a pic ture book and sat down near him.— There was a flutter of leaves and a great deal of buzzing as the little yel low heads bent over the book, and fi nally laughed outright. “ Children, where’s your mother sternly demanded Deacon Burnies. “ Ellen, Ellen,” he shouted. “ I think you might keep these children quiet cn the Sabbath. They won’t al low.uie to think.” Ellen had been awake all night with a fretful baby. She had hushed him, and had just| fallen asleep when her, father’s voice aroused her and awoke the baby. “ Please send them up stairs she said, wearily.” , And all that sultry afternoon she amused the three children in a close, upper room, while her father rooked and fanned himself, and thought of heaven. A Touching Incident. We heard a story told the other day, that made our eyes moisten. We have determined to tell it just as we heard it, to our little ones. A company of poor children who had been gathered out of the alleys and gar rets of the city were preparing for their departure to new and distant homes in the West. Just before the time of starting on the cars, one of the boys was noticed aside from the others, and appeared very busy with a castoff gar ment. The superintendent stepped up to him, and found that he was cutting a small piece out of the linings. It proved to be his old jacket, which, hav ing been replaced by anew one, had been thrown away. There was no time to be lost. “Come John,” said the superintend ent “ what are you going te do with that old piece of calico ? ’ “ Please sir,” said John, “ I am cut ting it to take with me. My dear moth er put. the lining into this old jacket for me. This was a piece of her old dress, and it is all that I have to remember her by.” And the poor boy thought of that dear mother’s love, and of the sad death scene in the old garret where she died, be coverdthis face with his hands and sobbed as if his heart would break. Put the train was about leaving, and John thrust the little piece of calico into his bosom to remember his mother by, hur ried into the car and was soon far away from the place where he had seen So much sorrow. Wc know many an eye will moisten as the story is toll and re told throughout the country, and will go to God for the fatherless and mother less in all great cities and placed. Lit tle ones are your mothers still spared to you ? Will you not show love by ; obedience? That little boy who loved so well surely obeyed. Bear this in mind that if you should one day have to look upon the face of a dead mother, no thought would he so hitter as to re member that you had given her pain by your wilfulness and disobedience. “An old man and his wife who came in by the Central road yesterday morn ing, saw about thirty hacks at the dmr of the depot, and about thirty hack men shouting ‘Hack !’at them. The mm took it all as a high compliment, and turning to the old lady he said, ‘I tell you, mother, they th nk we are some thing great, or they’d never had all these carriages down here to meet us. I wonder how they knew we was com in- ? ’’ —Detroit Free Press. —*- Lot’s wife would not have looked back, but a woman with anew dress passed her, and she wanted to see if the buck breadth was lulllcd. NO. 7- A subscriber asks our Commercial man to quote the wholesale price of” cp da bottles. He says he can’t afford to pay five cents apiece for them when the roof of his woodshed is the headquar ters of all the cats in the neighbor hood. “ Boy,” said a traveler to a disobedi ent youth whom he encountered, “ don’t you hear your father speaking to you ?” “Oh ! y.a-a-s,” replied the youth. “But t don’t mind what he says. Moth er don’t neither, and ’twixt she and I, we’ve about got the dog so he don’t.” This is how it happened down irf south-west Missouri : He found a. rqpe, and picked it up/ And with ii walked away; It happened th’ai to t’other end' A horse was hitched, they say. They found a troe'and tied the rope Unto a swinging limb, li happened that the other end Was somehow hitched to him. “Papa do you think Beech—” “ Hush Johnnie,” “But papa, don, t you think Beech—” “Didn’t you hear me tell you jo stop your noise, sir ? I won’t have you talking about these things. Go in and get your face washed,” and Johnnie, with his eyes full of tears a k cd mother why papa wouldn’t tell him’ if beechnuts were ripe. They occasionally get hold of the’ wrong man in Kansas when they are hunting for a frorie thief, but they do the thing fair with the widow. They give her a lotfin the graveyard, buy the coffin, and march in procession, sing ing “ John Brown’s body.” After that they make up a purse, buy her a shot gun and two dogs for her to make her a iving With'. A gentleman at Ltike George, after waving his handkerchief for half an" hour or more*at an unknown lady, whom he discovered at a distant point on the shore, was encouraged by a warm res sponse to his signals to approach his charmer. Imagine his feelings, When on prawing nearei', he saw it was h:s‘ own wife whom he had left at the hotel hut a short time before- “ why how remarkable we should have recognized each other at such a distance !” exclaim <d b all in the same breath and thfctP changed the subject. ADVERTISING KATES. frST* Fur caoh square of ten lines or less, for the first insertion, sl, and for each sub sequent insertion, fifty ecu's. No.Sq’rs s 1 M.., j;; Mos. j Moc. | 1 year. Too (V*.bu"j *7.00 \ $12.00 Four “ j 0.00 ! 10.00 ■ 18.00 3E.00 1 column | U.oo U >AK l 35,00 40.00 1 “ I 15.00 25.00 J 40.00 55.00 l_ N>.) 40 I*o ! 05.00 115.00 Ten lines of solid brevier, or its equivalent in space, ittahe a square. \ ? J - M * ELLANEOt’So - t i 1 '• S “Oh ! tna. There’s an angel with wings.” “ Pshaw ! that’s only a Louis-* ville girl with her ears spread.” • A Pennsylvnia marj has dislocated his\ law in laughing at a hike i:t;a borrowed tiewspapet. The mural is obvloks ~ In Virginia City, a male Indian dressed ns a squaw, is frequently seen* He is forced to wear female attire as v, punishment for cowardice. •! .. . * The Sumter Republican tells ,of a planter on Flint river who is trying to improve the quality ot his watermeU ns by “ watering ” the vines with c ido sjrnp. The editor of tho Courier-Journal goes for abolishing church spires.— i hey do unpleasantly remind some pen-, pie of a route they can never expect to travel. It was “darling George” when a bridal couple left Omaha ; it was “ dear George ” at Chicago ; at Detroit it was “ George ” and when they reached Ni agara Falls it was “ say you.” , An exchange says : “Is there a littF boy in town by the name of Uli Dam* yer?” We are quite certain that “Uli’* lives in this city, as we hear the boys call his name very frequently.” \\ hen a stranger indicates to a Para guay belle that, 1m desires to kiss Jter 4 she removes a quid of tobacco from her mouth to facilitate the proceeding. Then he can kiss her if he chews. A little boy was asked by his .Sunday school teacher: ‘‘Who made all these beautiful green hills and charming val leys you see from tho church window ?” “I don’t knov r ma’am—wo have just moved this week !” * i f , • 1 Courier Journal , Ba),d Mountain seems to have quieted down now, and some of the people around there arebe : ginnitlg to fear that they got religious a good while before there was any ne cessity for it. A Cape May youth used the deeds of his father’s faru? for gun wads. THo, stamp on the bottom of the document, wa3n t anything like tho impression the old man made on the same part of the lad’s anatomy. “Quito a hail storm last night,’* remark-. ed a guest to a California landlord, as ho came down stairs the other morning. “No. Only a few of the boys shooting, at a Chinaman, and the balls rattled against the house.” York, Ilk, had a Maud Muller who went out to “rake t'ie garden sweet with hay.” She turned her first winrow over a yellow jacket’s nest. First jump eleven feet; distance to the house, half a mile; time, two minutes. Mrs. Partington says that Ike, having become enamored of a syren in Boston has led her to the menial altar. lie didn’t appear the least decomposed. On the back of his wedding cards wero little 6ubits with wings. When thoy tried to force Miss Gay, of Independence, Missouri, into a mar riage against her will, she kicked the minister’s hat off, knocked the young man down, and rode off on a mule, with one foot on each side of him. When a Tennessee husband wil ? horsewhip his wife for washing potatoes in his Sunday plug hat, it is time toiß. : quire whether this generation of merl isn.t getting to be too confounded high toned for the age of the country.