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CALHOUN WEEKLY TIMES. D §k FREEMAN, - - Publisher. Oho y.-ar $2.00 i'ix Rontha 1.00 V, a copies one year 15 00 SuC,sori P tions P ft y able in advance, at the expiration of the time paid for, unless previously renewed, the subscriber’s name will be stricken from our books. Communications on matters of pub lic interest solicited. sdmtuU. westemi & Atlantic railroad. PAY PASSENGER TRAIN—OUTWARD. Pmyc Atlanta 8:40 a. m At rive Calhoun 12:40 p. M. “ Chattanooga... 360 p.m. DAY PASSENGER TRAIN —INWARty. LeaYC Chattanooga s:io p. M. Arrive Calhoun.... 8:31 a. m, << Atlanta 12:35 p. m. NIGHT PASSENGER TRAIN—OUTWARD. Leave Atlanta !... 1LL.5:65 p. m. Arrive Calhoun 9:41 p. m. •< Chattanooga 12:30 a. m. PASSENGER TRAIN INWAKO. Leave Chattanooga 4:00 p. m. Arrive Calhoun 6:38 p. m. Atlanta 10:15 p. m. ACCOMMODATION TRAIN —OUTWARD. Leave Atlanta 3:50 p. M. Arrive Calhoun 10:28 p. m. ' (i Dalton 11:55 r. M. ACCOMMODATION TRAIN—INWARD. Leave Dalton 1:00 a. m. Arrive Calhoun 3:00 A. M. •* Atlanta 10:08 a. m i’vofcssionat & Easiness Cards. TT* J. KIKEIt & SON, attorneys at law, Will practice in all the Courts of the Cher okee Circuit; Supreme Court ol Georgia, and the United States District Court at Atlanta, |>a. Office : Sutheast corner of the Court House, Calhoun, Ga. pAIN & MILNER, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, CALHOUN, GA Will practice in all the Superior Courts of of Cherokee Georgia, the Supreme Court of the State and the United States District and Circuit Uourts, at Atlanta. RANKIN & NEEL, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, CALHOUN, GA. Office : Court House Street. J D. TINSLEY, Watch-Maker & Jeweler, CAL 6 UN, GA: All styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry rcatly repaired and warranted. j7utL WALDO THORNTON, D. D. ST. DENTIST. Office over Geo. W. V/ells & Co.’s Agricul tural Warehouse. gry M. BOSWELL, * * ’ PHOTOGRAPHER, Calhoun, Ga. 1 respectfully cull the attention of those desiring good pictures to the fact that they cad be supplied at my gallery. TyjHSS. o.’ A. IIUDGINS, Milliner & Mantua-Maker, Court House St., Calhoun iGa. Patterns of the latest styles and fashion f<sr ladies just received. Gutting and Making done to order. J 11. ARTHUR, DEALER IN GENERAL MERCHANDISE, RAILROAD STREET, Calhoun , Ga. MUSIC! MUSIC! A large variety of new and select music direct from Philadelphia kept constantly on hand and for sale by Mrs. J. E. Parrott.— She also gives notice that she will instruct in music at her residence. Terms, per month,’ $1.00; use of instrument, 50 ennts. Recep tion days, Tuesdays and Thursdays. ZT. GRAY, • CALHOUN, GA„ Is prepared, to' furnish the public with Etfgglesand Wagons, bran new and Avar runt ed. Repairing of all kinds done at short notice. Would call attention to the cele rated “Fish Brothers’ Wagon which he fuv nidies. Call and examine before buying elsewhere. NEW GROCERY STORE. T. "W". Marshall, RAILROAD STAND OF FRESH GOODS, SOUGHT FOR CASH, AND WILL BE SOLD FOR CASH AT THE VERY LOWEST PRICES. Would respectfully ask his numerous friends in (JoTdfifi county to come in and see him before making purchases elsewhere. Fall and Winter Goods ! MRS. ANNIE HALL is now in stone tier fall anil winter stock iashionable Millinery and Straw Goods, consisting in part of Bonnets, Ladies and •hildren’e' Efats, White Goods, Ladies’ Un rvvear, Ribbons, Laces, Flowers, &c , with l 1! endless variety of trimmings of all kinds. Cutting, fitting and making dresses a spe cialty. All work done with care, neatness and dispatch. Prices reasonable. Give me Ca ll. MRS. ANNIE HALL. Boas cfc Barrett Are Agents for metalic burial cases. Al>,o WOODEN CASES with Rosewood finish. Will keep on hand a full range of sizes. VOL. Y. The Last Serenade. He sat upon an oaken stump, His fiddle in his hand, And gazed upon the window-sill, To see her small white hand, That rested there so lovingly— It made his great heart stand. * He murmured, “My Mary, love? Art thinking, sweet, of me? Would I had wings, now, as a bird— Like a little bird s< free— I’d fly up to thy window, love. And sing a song for thee.” lie placed his fiddle neath his chin, And straightened up to play; And “ Mo.lie Darling ” was the song— But nqt upon that day Was heard along those bottom lands That sweet affecting lay. lie heard the window slowly raise ; His bow he gently prest,, And then looked up to catch her smile, And watch her heaving breast, When—splash ! —sv<*nt water on his face, And on his Sunday vest. She gazed awhile, and heard a sigh, Then slowly went below, And smote hei breast, and faltered out, “Alas! I didn’t know!” All that was left of that serenade Was a lonesome fiddle-bow. He never came to sing, again > To please ’Squire AsOton’s daughter; lie staid at home and fiddle not Until he had forgot her ; And thus the romance o' his life Was ended by cold Avater ! A MINER’N vision. BY DICK FELTON. “We camped for the night in Ore gon Gulch,” said Jim Fosdick, the mi ner. “Pour in number, and a mighty rough set we were too. You see, we’d struck a streak of b. and luck in the begin ning of the the year and it followed us like grim Death, night and day. Once we made our pile and was taking it homo to the States; but I hope *1 may never strike another pocket if the road agents didn’t meet us above Marysville, and clean out the entire party. Then we went to quartz mining, but bless your hearts we wasn’t the kind of chaps fur that work ; and we got mules when the wet season came on, and started out on a ‘prospect.’ There was Digger Jack, Slim Townly, Ned Daggett, and ‘yours truly;’ and if you will believe- me, boys, there wasn't enough good clothes in the whole party to dress up f. Piute Indian for a mas querade. But miners are a happy-go lucky lot of fellows anyhow, and all of us were in the best of sperrits ’cept Dig ger Jack ; and who ever knowed him to do anything but grumble at his luck ? He sot there and smoked his pipe and told as he’d had a dream, and we were going to be rubbed out, smooth and comfortable, before sun-up Now as a gin’ral rule I aint easy skeered, but it made me mad to have him set there and tell us, in that smooth, easy way of his, that we was all bound to go under. ‘You don’t set up for a prophet. I hope,’said Ned Daggett. ‘Ef you do, I calculate you are the raggedest old seed of a prophet on this side of the Rockies.’ ‘All right, boys,’ said Digger Jack. ‘Keep blowing—do. Tt kinder keeps yer eourridge up, and you won’t feel so bad when you know you’ve got to go. I’ll keep camp to-night, and you chaps can lay down and git a little rest. It’ll be a massy if it only takes you asleep’ ‘cause you’ve got to go anyhow.’ Now without being given to narvous ness, I may say that this sort of talk un hinged me, somehow. I couldn’t help it, for it was just awful to set there and see Digger Jack with that solemn old face drawed down, telling that death had drawed his bee on us sure, and we couldn't get away. I don’t know what possesed the old thief to talk in that way, because he didn t believe in it him self; but he got us narvous, and when we wrapped our blankets around us and lay down, not one of us was sartin he’d ever get up agin. And there sot Dig ger Jack, with the same stony look up on his grizzled old face, calmly waiting, or pretending to wait, for death. I tried to sleep, but, boys, it were no sort of use. Every time I turned over in rny blanket I saw old Jack, smoking as if he meant to have a good time ot it while life lasted, and looking as wild as an owl. It just driv me crazy, and the rest of the boys were just as bad. and not one among us but would have given a hundred ounces— if he’d had them—to get back among the quartz rock agin, even if we didn’t have pay rock. ‘See here,’ said Ned Dagget, sitting up on the stone floor of the gulch, I or ter git up and lick that old thief.’ He certainly desuwes it. ‘You’d, better thlrifc of your sins,’ said Jack. ‘You won’t have tuch time.’ Ned lay down again with a groan, and kept quiet. Two hours passed, and still Jack sat and smoked his pipe, and we tossed about in our blankets, and wished that the father of all evil had Jack in his clutches. We dropped asleep one by one, and forgot our troubles. How long we slept I don’t know, but all of a sudden I heard a yell from Jack, and every man grab bed his rifle and leaped up, for we be lieved the Indians were upon us, sure; but it wasn’t that. Old Jack stood pointing up the moun tain, with a shaking finger, and we all looked, and saw such a sight as I have never seen before nor since. From the place where we stood the mountain sloped up an angle of fit ty de grees, and coming down the mountain was what looked like a great cloud, with stones, trees and bushes leaping about in the centre. A loud continuous roar sounded in our ears, and we heard ex* plosiors like the crash of artillery in a geat battle. You and I know what a noise means, Tom Bowles, for we ve seed a battle or two, I reckon. The CALIIGUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 1874. whole side of the mountain seemed to have fetched loose at once, and was com ing down on us. We didn’t carry long in that vicinity, for when I see a ‘land slide’ coming. I make it a point to get out of the way lively. The other side of the gulch is almost perpondichr.bat got up it in places where I’d been apt to look twice before I tried it if foity thousand tons o.’rock, earth and timber had not been coming down upon me. It would have done your heart good to see us go up the side of that gulch. We didn’t stop to look for our traps, and we didn’t want our mules just then. Up we went, and before we had got 50 feet, the ruin came down into the gulch, groat rocks leaping about like pebbles, and crushing every thing in their wav. It was the work of five minutes and the eulch was filled to the top. and we stoe and barely ten feet above the top of the great heap. While I don’t believe in visions, yet I am willing to allow that if Digger Jack hadn’t been obstinit and insisted on keeping awake that night, his vision would have come true ; for where oir mules lay, under forty feet of earth and stone, we should be lying now. As it was, we struck for ‘Angels,’ and came in ragged and forlorn, and went to work. It was some time before any of us would hear anything about prospect ing Christmas Presents. Vefy soon all good Christians—and some pagans —will be casting about to see what they may select as Christmas presents. J ust what may be the best thing for to suit the case is what “ ev erybody” wants to know. One will buy a box of cigars, of expensive brand, to present to the man who smokes. An other will buy a costly snuff-box, filled with powdered tobacco. Another will put $3, $5, or even $lO into a richly carved tobacco pipe ; and each of the givers will congratulate himself that he is doing a handsome thing. But how much better would be a basket of fruit or a barrel of apples, in which all the family could participate ! Another will buy a basket of champagne or a case of other costly wine, and send it to his friend as a Christly—Christmas— present! Another will content himself with a demijohn of old bourbon; anoth er with a keg of lager beer. Liquor dealers count on large orders for the holidays. But are these substances the best for holiday presents ? Will God bless them to giver or to receiver? If not, then then they are inappropriate. If they do harm rather than good, then curses rather than blessings will come to them. Others, who mean well, but are not developed above the animal appetite, will go largely into confectionery. They Will buy great quantities of highly-col ored and richly-scented candies, w>*h more or less white c'ay, plaster of Paris, and real deadly poison in them, to be given to good little Sunday-school chik dren-I It will cause sickness in many families, and death in some. But the mattei of life and death is in the hands of Providence, “you know,” and we must not be held responsible. Be sides, “children will have candies, and we'ean not help it.” And is this the way you propose to treat the fubj’ect ? Will you contribute toward a fund to buy poisons to feed little children, ana then put the responsibility on Provi dence or on the wicked one ? That is “too thin.” What is reason giveu to man for except to be used ? A Ory Time. An honest old Kentucky farmer from the country gives his recollections of the late hot spell as follows: “It was so dry we couldn’t spare wa ter to put in our whisky. The grass was so dry that every time the wind blew it flew around like so much ashes There wasn’t a tear shed at a funeral for a month The sun dried up all the cattle, and burned off all the hair till they looked like Mexican dogs, and the sheep all like poodl) puppies,they shrank up so. We had to soak all our hogs to make ’em hold swill, and if cattle were killed in the morning they were dried beef at dark. The woods dried up so that the farmers chopped seasoned timber all through August, and there ain’t a match through all the country — in fact no wedding since the widow Glenn married old Baker, three months ago. What few grasshoppers are left are all skin and legs, and I didn’t hear a teakettle sing for six weeks.” The Bogus Bonds. —Some time ago, we learn from an exchange, some parties representing foreign holders of fraudulent bonds addressed Governor Smith a letter suggesting to him some sort of plan of compromise. The Gover nor, says the same authority, declined to take cognizance of the plan given Of course this was precisely what every body expect)d Gonertior Smith to do,his record on the subject of the fraudulent bonds being too clear co be inisunder stood It seems, however, that these gentry have not abandoned all hope of effecting some sort of compromise. We understand that the committee will probably visit Georgia during the ses sion of the Legislature, and endeavor to convince the members that the fraudu le n t bonds ought to be paid. It is said that they will not only offer “ liberal terms, but that thej will also sugar-coat the tax pill by agreeing to do something or other for Georgia—invest in rail roads or something of the kind—if the tax-payers will agree to'pay them sever al millions of dollars that the ISate does not owe. —Atlanta News. Bad Penmanship. The folloAviug squib illustrates the danger of bad penmanship, and we hope edituis and contributors will take warn ing : M. Quad, in the Detroit Free Press, charges an awful crime oh Bloss of the Enquire : The other day a compositor ol tjiis office got fold of a page of the ol G. M. Bloss, of the Cin cinnati Enquirer. It isn’t writing at all, butßloss seems to kick the ink bottle at a sheet of paper, and then sends the pa per dowu to the compositor as an editor rial. This part of a page Avas used as a foundation of a plot to deliberately de stroy a life. A line or two was Avritten above it. Bloss’ page was marked “sol id and it was handed to a ‘ jour ” who hud just struck the office. He claimed to be lightuing on the set ” and on reading manuscript, and he set up the introductory like a whirlwind. When he came duwn to Bloss he grabbed a cap “A, held it a second and dove into the “Y ” box, then threw that back and picked out a dollar mark. No sentence can commence with a dollar mark, and the typo paused, spit on his hands, and rested one foot on the cross bar ol his rack. After a moment he grabbed a “ ffi,” but slowly replaced if and toyed with a italic “ Z.” Then he spit on his hands some more, corrugated his, brow, and hauled the manuscript under his eyes. It was no go. He held the page farther off, close to his nose, slanting to the right, an I square before the window, but he couldn’t start it, and he knew in his soul that no oth'* er living compositor outside of the En quirer office could do it. As afternoon faded into twilight he laid the page aside.set twoor three lines outof bis head, and then slipped inio his coat, said he’d go to the depot to see a friend, an 1 he was gone. In his stick he had set up the words, “ Tell my mother that I will meet her on the other shore.” He prob ably will. He was seen last at the foot of Griswold Street, and heard to ask if death by drowning wasn’t easier th>n hanging, and it is probable that his marble form is how lying at the bottom of the cold green river, Avhile Bloss is a murderer. Claims of Labor. The workingman, as soon as he emer ges from a condition of abject iguorancc demunds an equitable share of the prof its of his industry. lie feels that in reluru for faithful and persistent labor, and the practice of strict eccoffomy and prudence, he is entitled to something mure than a bare subsistence. lie should have the satisfaction and reward of accumulation The resu't of his toils, after a reasonable length of time, should be suca as to place him in a position of comfort and independence. He does not ehildlessly aslt to be made rich by act oi legislature, but merely to be al lowed to hold what is properly his own. The farmer wants to know, when he brings his wheat and corn, his vegeta bles and fruits, into market, why he can get barely the cost of production, often less than the cost, while on every thing he buys —his tea and sugar and cloth, his tools and implements—he has to pay a profit of from thirty to one huudred per cent. The working men and wo men are acquiring the disagreable hab it of asking why the merchant, the banker, the speculator, who add not a dollar to the available wealth of the com munity, should grow rich, while the ma jority of those whose iaithful toil the world is it debted for all the wealth there is, are put to their wit’s end to get the barest subsistence. In a word, why should the creators of wealth get the smallest share of it ? This is a sim ple question, but it goes to the bottom of our social organization and touches the fundamental injustice. it is fairly la incited upon the current of public thought, and nothing can prevent its beiug carried to its logical conclusions. It involves a radical investigation of our entire system of production and ex change, of banking and currency, of land tenures aud interest; and it points to the substitution of some system of equitable co operation in place of the present absurd and ruiuuus principle of commerce and profits.—Phrenologi cal Journal. Won’t Do It. Don’ r expect a man to practice al! he preaches. Eminent physicians will not swallow their own nostrums. Don’t imagine that you are better than your fellows. There are no reserv ed seats in Heaven. Don’t let your wealth inflate you Rich men s metimes die of small-pox. Don’t spend your days in vain regrets. The deepest wound will leave but the faintest scar, if from this hour you do vour life well. Don't expect your pastor to be per fect. Charcoal will mar the beauty of tlie lily. Don’t eat fish for brain food. A hen never scratches for chickens before they are hatched. Don’t make a great noise in the world. A train i* not moved by the sound ot the whistle. Don’t spend too much time in adorn ing your person. A wax figure can’t repeat the multiplication table. Don’t dream that your child was born to adorn a profession. You can’t make a fence post out of a shoe peg. Don’t expect an editor to be very de votional on Sundu.. Every Saturday night there’s the “ Devil to pay ” at the office. Don’t bother your brain about the “ acute angles ” of a billiard table. Bet ter take take vour cue from an indus trious mechanic. Don’t fill your head with dime novels. Old paper is wu-th tw" cents po* pound: Tronbles of a Somnambulist. Mortimer J. Loomis, says Max Ade- Icr, is now one of the most violent of the denunciators of railway Since his last adventure on the bars, h ; hates a railway worse than an Arapahoe Indian hates a bald-headed Qua ker. Loomis has fits of somnambulism | occasionally and at such times he ha 9 an uncoutrolable tendency to wander into dangerous places. More than once he has been surprised upon waking, to find himself roosting on the comb of the roof, or hanging headforemost down the well, with one Teg around the bucket, han dle. Ite went to Pitt.Jburgh, a few days ago, and when the sleeping car the thought struck him that he might get to prowling about during the night Avhile asleep, and walk off the platform into the better world. So he went to the brakeman and gave him a dollar, with strict instructions that if he Saw him walking around the car in his steep to seize him and force him back at all hazards. Then Loomis turned in. About 2 o’clock Loomis awoke, and as the air in the car seemed stifling, he determin ed to go rut on the platform for a fresh breath or two. Just as he got to the door, that vigilant brakeman saw him, grabbed him floored him and held him down When Loomis recovered his Ireath he indignantly exclaimed, “You immortal ass ! What d’ you mean ? Lem me get up, I tell you; I’m as wide awake as you are.” But the myrmidon of a grasping corporation put another knee on Loomis’ breast and insisted that Loomis was asleep and then ca.led another brakeman and ateer a terrific struggle, during Avhich L r omis received bumps and blows enough to wake an Egyptian mummy that had been dead for 6,000 years, the railroad men jam med him into a berth, put a trunk and eight earret bags on him, ann then set on him to hold him down until morn ing The first thing Mr Loomis asked for when he arrived in Pittsburgh was a respectable hospital, where they cured the temporary insane. He thinks his reason was partially dethroned by his effort to comprehe 1 and how the brakeman could have the face to ask him for an other dollar because of the trouble Mr. Loomis gave him during the night. By And Bye. There is music enough in these three words for the burden of a song. There is hope wrapped up in them and an ar ticulate beat of a human heart. By-and bye. We heard it as long ago as avc can remember, when we made brief but perilous journeys from chair to tables, aud from tables to chairs again. We heard it the other day, when two parted that had been ‘loving in their lives,’ one to California and the other to her lonely home. Every body says it, some time or oth er. The boy whispers it to himself when he dreams ot exchanging the stub bed little shoes for boots like a man. The man murmurs it when in life’s mid dle watch he sees his plans half finished, and his'hopes yet in bud, waving in cold, late spring. The old man says it when he thinks of putting off the mortal for immortal, to day for to-morrow. The weary watcher for the morning, whiles away the.dark hours with “by-andbye —by-andbyc.” Sometimes it sounds like a song ; some times there is a sigh or a sob in it. What wouldn’t the world give to find it in the almanac —set down sometime, no matter if in the dead of December —to know it Avould surely come. But, fairy like as it is, flitting like a star beam over the dewy shadows of the years, nobody can spare it—and when we look back on the many times these words have be* guiled us, the memory of that silver and bye, is like the sunrise on Ossian, ‘ pleasant, but mournful to the soul.” ()ul* Social Life. Some peeple never make acquaintan ces, but shut themselves up from their kind like an oyster in his shell; while others —and by far the happiest —are never at a loss for a cheerful companion ship It is not hard to make acquaintian ces if we set abuut it the right way ; but it is useless to hang back and wait for every door to be opeued ; }\e. must pu h them ourselves. Said a lady to us the other day, “ I never make any acquain tances in traveling, I wish I could. ’ Said another “ I get acquainted with everybody. 1 talk to tne woman who sweeps the ferry bo ts, and to any de cent person who happens to sit by me tii the cars. 1 find every human heart is human,’ and then I can learn some thing I didn't know b fore from every new acquaintance, or communicate in form ati n that may be valuable to them. We all are too apt to Stand at 5 d wait for advances from others; to in* du’tre a captious disposition, and criti* cise where we should con mend. The cultivation of a genial, charitable, be nevolent spirit will not injure any of us, and will benefit the community in wh.ch we live, and add constantly to the number of our friends. A bachelor thus impeaches woman : I impeach her in the name of the great whale of the ocean, whose bones are torn asunder to enable her to keep straight. I impeach her in the name of the peacock, whose strut without his permission she has stealthily and with out. honor assumed. I impeach her in the name of the horse, whose tail she has perverted from its use to the mak ing of wavy tresses to decorate the back of the head and neck. I impeach her in the name of the kangaroo, whose beautiful figure she, in taking upon her the Grecian bend, has brought into ill favor and disrepute. Figurative speech —A mathemati cian’s. Proverbs. Amos Atkins was very fond of prov erbs. lie read proverbs, wrote proverbs and spoke proverbs ; and, meet him where you would, he had always a prov erb upon his lips. When he once be gan to speak there was hardly any stop ping him. W hen I first met Amos I wan on uiy way to my uncle's. A long way it was ; but I told him 1 hoped to bo there be fore night. “ Ay, ay,” said he. “ Hope is a good breakfast, but a bad supper. Put your best foot foie most, boy, or else you will not be there. It is a good thing to hope ; but he who does nothing but hope is iu a very hopeless way. “ Have a care of your temper; for a passionate boy rides a pony that runs away with him. Passion has done more mischief in the world than all the pois onous plants that grow in it. Therefore, again 1 say, have a care of your temper. “ Remember that the fitst s; ark burns down the house. Quench the first spark of passson, and all will be well. No good comes of wrath ; it puts no money in the pocket and no joy in the heart. Angei begins with Polly and ends with repentance. Look to your feet and your fingers' boy, and let both be kept in activity ; lor he who does nothing is in a fair way to do mischief. An idle lad makes a ueedy man, and I may add, a misera ble one, too. If you put a hot Coal in your pocket it will burn its way out. Aye, and so will a bad deed that is hidden make it self known. A fault concealed is a fault doubled ; and so you will find it all through life. Never hide your faults, but cofess them,and seek,through God’s help, to overcome them. “ Now step forward bey ; and as you walk along, think of the ha;f-dozen proverbs given you by Amos Atkius.” True Piety. I called at Magruder’a the other mor ning on my way down town, and. as I knew them well, I entered the side door without knocking—l was shocked to find Mr. Magruder prostrate on the floor, while Mrs. Magruder sat upon his chest, pulling his hair, bumping his head on the boards, and scolding him savagely. They got up when I came in ; and poor Magruder,wiping the blood from his nose, tried to pretend it was only a joke. Rut Mrs. Magruder interrupted him. “Joke? Joke? I should think not. I was giving him a dressing down, lie wanted to have prayers before break fast, and I was determined to have them after; and as he threw the Bible at me and hit Mary Jane with the hymn bock, I soused down on him. If I can not rule this house, I’ll know why.— Pick up them Scriptures, sir, and have prayers! You hear me, Magruder! It’s more trouble regulatin’ the piety of this house than runnin’ a saw mill. Mary Jane, give your pa that hymn book !” A hard story is going the rounds of the clerymen’s gathering. It is told of a near sighted Dutchman, whose weak ness was not helped by the dim light of the country church where he was casu ally “filling the pulpit.” After clear ing his throat he gave out the hymn, prefacing it with the apology : The light isli bad, mine eyes ish dim, I scarce can see to read dish hymn. The clerk, supposing it was the first stanza of the hymn, struck up to the tunc of common metre. The old fellow, taken somewhat aback by this torn of affairs,corrected the mis take by saying : I didn’t mean to sing dish hymn, I only meant mine eyes ish dim. The e'erk, still thinking it a continu ation of the couplet, finished irj the pre ceding strain. The old man at this waxed wroth, and exclaimed at the top of his voice : I dink ter duyfel’s in you all Dat vash nj hymn to sing at all. Newspaper By-Laws — l. Be brief. This is the age of telegraphs and ste nography. 2. Be pointed. Don’t write all around a subject without hitting it. 3. State facts, don’t stop to moralize. It’s a drowsy subject. Let the reader do his own dreaming. 4. Eschew prefaces. Plunge at once into your subject like a swimmer into cold water. 5. If you have written a sentence that you think particularly fine, draw a pen through it- A pet child is always the worst in the family. 6. Condense. Make sure that you really have an idea, and then record it in the shortest possible terms. We want thoughts in their quintesccnce. 7. When vour article is completed, strike out nine-tenths of the adjectives. A Few Useful Figures. —A quar ter-inch rod of the best steel will sus tain 8,000 pounds before breaking; soft steel, 6,000 pounds ; iron wire, 9 000, iron, 4.000 ; inferior bay iron, 2,000; cast iron, 1,000 to 3.000 ; copper wirr, 3,000 ; silver wire, 2,000 ; gold, 2.500; tin, 3.009 ; cast zinc, IGO ; cast lead 50; milled lead, 200, Of wood, box a*d Locust the same size will hold 1,200 pounds; toughe.-t ash, 1,000; elm, 800; beach, cedar, white oak, pitch pine, GOO; che-tGUt and maple. GSO; poplar, 400, Wood which will fear a heavy weigh for a minute or two will break with two thirds of the force acting a long time. A rod of iron is about ten times as strong as hemp cord. A rope, an inch in diameter, will bear about two and a half tons ; but in practice it is not safe to subject it to a strain of more than about a ton. Half an inch in diameter the strength will be one quarter, ns much ; a quarter of au inch, one six I teenth as much, and so on. ADVERTISING R VI ES. For each square of ten line* or less, for the first insertion, sl, and for each sub* sequent insertion, fifty cents. [ l Mo. f 8 Mos. | 6 Mos 11 year. Two sl.b{T $12.00 {"120.00 Four “ (J.OO 10.00 18.00 | 36.00 1 column 9.00 16.00 26.00 I 40.00 i “ 16.00 25.00 40.00 66.00 1 25.00 40-00 65.00 | 115.00 Ten lines of solid brevier, or its equivalent in space, make a square. NO. 21. AMUSING. “ My Sunday cven'ng mail,” is what she calls him in Detroit. Canadian wives, in addition to being good cooks, can drive oxen, put up s*.? pipe, husk corn and split rails. A follow who was caught throwing stones at a child said he was merely rocking a baby. Formula of divorce used hv n noTo I justice in Desha county, Ark : “As l j ned you, so I bust you ’sunder. So go, you niggers. You go !” The Christian Itelligenccr is anxious discover how to abate, “over dress ” irv girls’ schools. We should suggest giv ing the little dears more under cloth* ing. It is said by a Boston contemporary that General Puller’s annoying itch for office has been much allayed by the con siderate action of voters in “ scratching” him on election day. On retiring from business a wise old man said to his son and successor *-- “ Now, my hoy, remember that common sense is the best thing yon ean bring to bear on every affair of life except love! making. A couple of fellows who were prottv thoroughly soaked with bad whisky got into the gutter. After floundering fir some time, one of them said : “ Let’s go to another house ; this hotel leaks. A packer, whose pew rent was raised to £25, exclaimed, “Great Ctcsar ! Here’s a nice stato of affairs—the Gospel going up and pork, going down. What’s to become of us?” Always acknowledge courtesies in a kindly spirit. Throw a boquet and a card of thanks to a serenading party, if not prepared to invite them in. If you haven’t a boquet or card at hand, throw a bootjack or a brick. “ Mamma, where do the cows get the milk ?” asked Harry, loking up from the learning pan of milk which he hail been intently regarding. “ Where da you get your tears ?'* was the answer.— After a thoughtful silence he again broke out : “ Mamma, do the cows havo to be spanked V* No such extensive knowledge of the Latin language as that universally pos sessed by all college graduates is needed to translate the following sentence : Mi datur du cum nex Mundi nite at ate tu yore papas tu te tu etabitur pi an sum homine. Cum prompt at time. , “ How are you getting on at your place ?” said a lady to one whom she had recommended to a situation. “Very well, thank you,/ answered the girl.— “I am glad to hear it,” said the lady. “ Your employer is a nice person, and you cannot do too much for her.” “ I don’t mean to ma’am,” was the innocent reply. A Lancaster county (Penn.) farmer writes to his local paper that, as he was g~ing past his C' rn-crib the other morn ing, he observed a rat carrying a largo ear of corn in his mouth and dragging another behind him.around whiclThistail was wrapped—and it wasn’t a good day for hauling corn either. “ Pa,” said Mrs. Sprilkins, glancing up from a perusal of last year’s speech-, es on the credit mobilier, “ what decs it mean to put your money where it will do the most good ?” “ Utilize, my dear, utilize,” replied her loving spouse, “ that’s what it means.” “ I don’t, nei ther !” screamed Mrs. S., with tears of rage; “I Dever told one in my life, you heartless wretch!” and Mrs. Sprilkins just dodged in time to let a volume of congressional debates graze his os fronth and pass through a front window pane- A wcll-dresed chap entered a jewelry store aud asked if he could see those cups in the witidow, pointing, as he spoke, to some silver cups lim and with gold. “These,” said the jeweler, hang ing him one, “are race-cups.” “ Race cups —what are race, enps ?” “ Why,” replied the jeweler, “ they are cups T had ordered to be made for prizes to the best racer.” “ Well, if that’s so, sup* pose you and me race for one,” and, with a cup in his hand, he started, the jeweler after him. lie probably won the cup. Old Dr. Twichell, of Keene, once wanted to blister someone in a farm house, far from home. lie had noth-: ing with him to do it with. lie asked the housewife to find him a hammer.— The article was brought out, put into the teakettle over the fire, and after the water steamed and bubbled well, he lift ed t out and gently touched it to his patient in a half dozen spots, over the seat of pain, with very positive effect. Boilhd hammers were for inauy years, used in that neighborhood for pleurisy; and every old lady knew nothing was, equal to the hammer, and there was a long di-pute whether it should be a claw-hammer or oot. The yeas finally conquered. These who go round with the contri bution box in California churches plead and argue the case as they go along.— One of the gentlemen recently extended the box to a rough-looking miner who slowly shook his head. Come, William, give something,” said the deacon. Can’t do it deak,” said Bill. [ “ Why not? Isn t the cause a gor.i’’ one ?” “ Yes, good ’nuff; but I ain’t able to give nothin’.” “Pooh! pooh! I know bePer. You must give me a better reason than that.” “ Well, I owe too much money.” “ Well, but, William, you owe God a much larger debt than any one else.” “ That s tme, but he isn’t pushing' me like the rest of my customers.”