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MAKE HOME HAPPY.
Thoucb we may not Change the cottage
F or a mansion tall and grand,
Or exchange a little graesplot
For a boundless stretch of land—
Yet there is something brighter, dearer,
Than the wealth we'd thus command.
Though we haie no means to purchase
Costly pictures rich and rare—
Though we have no silken hangings .
For the walls so cold and bare—
We can hang them over with garlands,
For flowers bloom everywhere.
We can always make home cheerful,
If the right course wo begin;
We can make its inmates happy,
And their truest blessings win ;
U will make the small room brighter,
It will let the sunshine in.
We can gather round the fireside
When the evening hours are long;
We can blend our hearts and voices
In a happy social song;
We can guide some erring brother,
Lead him from the path of wrong.
We may fill our homes with music,
And with sunshine brimming o’er,
If against all dark intruders
We will firmly close the door—
Yet, should evil shadows enter,
W'e must love each other more.
Thsr6 arc treasures for the lowly
Which the grandest fail to find ;
There is a chain of sweet affection—
Binding friends of kindred mind—
We may reap the choicest blessings
From the poorest lot assigned.
♦‘BUY MY STRAWBERRIES.”
There were people enough to envy
Millicent Houghton when she was mar
lied to Radcliffe Gates. She was only
a district school teacher, at so much a
month, without home or parents. He
was a wealthy banker, who seemed to
have nothing on earth to do but to in
dulge his whims and caprices to their
uttermost bent, and the world in gener
al announced its diction that Milly
Houghton “ had done uncommonly well
for herself”
But Milly did not look happy upon
that golden July morning; with Jthe
sunshine stre-ming through the oriel
* window of the vreat breakfast r 3Olll at
Gates place, and scattering little drop*
of gold and crimson and glowing pur
ple on the mossy ground of the stone
colored carpet.
She was dressed in a loose white cam
bric wrapper, looped and buttoned with
blue and single pearl arrow upheld the
shining masses of her lovely auburn
hair. Her eyes were deep, liquid haz
el ; her complexion as soft and radiant
as the dimpled side of an early peach ;
and the little kid slippered foot that
patted the velvet ottoman was as per*
feet and tapering as a sculptor could
have wished it.
Mr. Gates, from his side of the dam
ask-draped table, eyed her with the
complacent gaze of proprietorship She
whis wife. He liked her to look
well just as he wanted his horses prop
crly groomed, and his conservatories
kept in order; and he troubled himself
very little about the shadow on her
I brow.
•‘l’m in earnest, Radcliffe,” she said,
1 with emphasis
•• So l supposed. Mrs. Gates,” said
the husband leisurely folding his paper
—a sign that the news within was
I thoroughly exhausted —“ so I supposed.
But it isn’t all worth while to allow
| yourself to gC excited. When I say
Ia thing. Mrs. Gates, I generally mean
I it. And I repeat, if you need money
I for : ny sensible ami necessary purpose.
I 1 shall be most williug and happy to
[ accommodate you.”
Millicent bit her full, red lower lip
I and drummed in patiently on the table
I with her ten restless fingers. “ And 1
I am to come meekly imploring yon
I for every five cent piece I happen to
I want ?”
“Ye*, Mrs. Gates, if you prefer to
I put the matter in that light ”
“ Radcliffe,” she coaxed, suddenly
I changed ber tone, “ do give me an al~
I lowance ; 1 don’t care how little. Do
I not subject me t the humiliation of
I pleading for a little money half a dozen
1 times a Jay. You are rich.”
1,. Exactly, my dear,” nodded this
I Benedict; '• ana >uc way i made
■ my fortune, by looking personally af-
S ter every penny, and l mean to keep it
I U P ”
“ But think how I was mortified yes
■ terday, when Mrs Armour came to ask
Ime if l could subscribe fifty cents to
■ ward buying a hand carriage for our
■ washer-woman’s lame child—only fifty
■ cents—and I had to say I must ask my
■ husband to give me some money when
1 1% returns from the city, for I have not
■ even fifty cents of my own.”
“ All very right —all very proper,”
■ said Mr. Gates, playing with the huge
■ rope of gold that hung across his chest
■in the guise of a watch chain.
“ Other ladies are not kept penni-
Hless.”
“ That rests entirely between them
■ and their husbands, Mrs. Gates.”
1,1 l will not endure it,” cried Milly,
||starting to her feet, with cheeks dyed
■ scarlet, and indignantly glittering
■eyes
Mr. Gates leaned hack in his ch*ir
■with provoking complac- ncy
“ I will have money,” said Milly, deS-
Hnantly
■ “ How are you going to get it, my
wicar retorted her spouse, with an ag
lyravatiDg smile playing around the cor
wicrs of his mouth “You have noth j
H ll - of your own—absolutely nothing.—
HI he money is all mine, and I mean to
it.”
I'lly sat down again, twisting her
■ * > handkerchief around and around
was not prepared with an iuimedi
■'te answer.
H now, Mrs. Gates.” said the
■’">k“r aft er a moment or two of over
s' '“log silence, “if you’ll be good
■" 1 *' to stitch that button on my
H °ve, 111 go downtown, I have already
Cotljmm ulcchhi CiiTics.
YOL. y.
wasted too much time.’*
So the verbal passage at arms ended,
and Milly felt that, so far, she was
worsted.
She watched Mr. Gates drive off in
an elegant open baroche, drawn by two
loDg-tailed chestnut horses, all in a
glitter of plated harness, and turned
away, almost wishing that she was M'l
licent Houghton once again, behind
her d-sk iu the little rod school
house.
She looked around at Hie inlaid fur
niture, Aubusson carpets, and satin
window draperies, and thought, with a
passionate pang, how little all this
availed her.
“ It’s so provoking of Radcliffe,” she
murmured. “ I’ve half a mind to go
out to service, or dressmuking, or some
thing—for I must have money of my
own, and I will.”
Just then a servant knocked at the
door with a basket and a note.
“ An old lady in a Shaker bonnet and
a one-horse wagon left it.” said the
girl, with a scarcely a disguised flitter.
“ She wouldn’t eorne in, although I in
vited her.”
Mrs. Gates opened the note. It ran
in a stiff, ola-fashioned caligraphy, as if
the pen were an unwonted implement
in the writer’s hand :
“ Dear Milly —The strawberries in
the south medder lot are just ripe,
where you used to pick ’em when you
were a little girl; so Penelope picked a
lot, and we made bold to send them to
you, for the sake of old times, as Aunt
Araminta is going to the city to-mor
row. We hope you will like them.”
Affectionately your friend,
Marie Ann Peabody.
The tears sparkled in the bride’s
eyes. For an instant it seemed to her
as if she were a merry child again
picking strawberries in the goklen ram
of a July sunshine, with the scent of
wild roses in the air and (he gurgle of
the little trout stream close by. And
as she lifted the lid of the great basket
of crimson, luscious fruit and inhaled
the delicious perfume, a sudden idea
darted into her head.
“Now I will have money of my own!”
she cried out, —“ money that I will
earn myself, and thus be independ
ent !”
Half an hour afterwards Mrs. Gates
came down stairs to the infinite amaze
ment of Racheal, the chambermaid, and
Louisa the parlor maid, in a brown
ghingham dress, a white pique sun
bonnet, and a basket ou her arm.
“ Won’t you have the carriage,
ma’am ?” asked the latter, as Mrs
Gates beckoned to a passing omni
bus.
“ No, I won’t I” said the banker’s
lady.
When within the city limits she
alighted and set to work in good ear
nest.
“ Strawberries! who’ll buy my wild
strawberries ?” rang out her clear, shrio
voice, as she walked along —lightly bai
ancing the weight on her arui, and en
j >ying the impromptu masquerade as
mly a spirited young worn n can do.
Mrs. Prowler bought four quarts,
for preserving, at twenty five cents a
quart. n
“ Wild berries has such a flavor,
said the old lady, reflectively ; “ and
'taint often you get ’em herein the city.
I s’pose you don t come round reg lar,
young woman ?”
“ No, I don't, ma’am.”
“ Because you might get some good
Customers,” said Mrs. Prowler.
Miss Seointhia Hall, who keeps
boarders, purchased two quarts ; Mrs.
Capt. Canbury took one; and then
Millicent jumped on the cars and rode
wearily down town.
“ I’ve got a dollar and seventy-five
cents of my own uow, at all events,
she said to herself.
“ Strawberries ! Nice ripe wild
strawberries Buy my strawberries!
Her sweet voice resounded through j
the halls of the great marble building
on whose first floor the great bank w 0
to be a dull interval of
business just then, and the cashier look
ed up with a yawn.
“ I say. Bill James,” said he, to the
youngest clerk, “ I have an iifea that a
few strawberries wouldn’t go badly
Call in the woman.
Billy, nothing loth, slipped off his
stool with a pen behind his ear, and
scampered off into the hall.
So Milly sold another quart.
As she was giving change for the
cashier’s dollar bill, the President him
self came in, bustling and brisk as us-
Ud “ Eh ? What? How? exclaimed
Mr. Radcliffe Gates. “Strawberries?
Well, 1 don’t care if I take a few my
se'f. Here, young woman, how do you
sell them ?”
Milly pushed back her sun -bonnet,
and executed a sweeping courtesy.
“ Twenty five cents a quart, sir, if
you nlease,” purred she, with much hu
mility.
“ Mrs. Gates !” he ejaculated.
“ My name said Millicent
“ May I venture to enquire— ’’
“O, yes!” said Milly. “You may
inquire as much as you please. 1 need
ed a little money, and I am earning it.
See how much I have already !” and
she triumphantly displayed her roll ol
crupled crumps. “The strawberries
were all my own, sent to me this morn
ing by old Mrs. Peabody, ami I’m sel
ling them to get an income of my
own.” . .„
“ You, ma’am selling strawberries .
Milße made a second courtesy.
“ Extreme necessities justify extreme
measures, Mr. Gates,” said she, satlci y,
“ I earned my own living before 1 saw
you, and I can again.”
Mr Radcliffe Gates looked uueasily
around at the crowd of gaping clerks.
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10. 1875.
“James,” said he, “ call me a hack.
My dear, let me take you home.”
“ Not until I have sold the rest of my
strawberries,” saucily retorted the young
wife.
“ I’ll take ’em—at any price !” impa
tiently exclaimed the banker
“ Cash down ?”
“Yes; anything, everything—only
come out of this crowd.”
So Mr. and Mrs. Gates went home;
and that evening the banker agreed to
make his wife a regular allowance of so
much, per week* to be paid down ev
ery Monday morning at the breakfast
table
“ But we’ll have no more selling of
strawberries,” said Mr. Gates, ner
vously.
“ To be sure not,” said Millicent
“ All I wanted was a little money ot’aay
own.”
And Mr. Radcliffe Hates respected
his wife all the more because she had
conquered him in a fair battle.
A Wonderful Ride.
A peddler uamed Jonas Marbutger
has fur many years tramped over vari
ous sections of this and neighboring
counties selling his wares; ami by a
consistent course he has won the cunh
deuce and esteem of a large number of
acquaintances. Ou Tuesday afternoon
about 5 o'clock the peddler opeueu his
pack iu the kitchen if a m. u named
Eshelstaub, in Albany township. The
farmer's wife purchased what she de
sired, and the peddler, according to the
custom of that neighborhood, was asked
to remain for supper, which he did, and
subsequently determined 10 stay ail
night.
At about 9 o'clock the peddler was
shown to a large garret under the root,
where he was to sleep. The family re
tired, and notliiug uuusual occured un
til near midnight, when the farmer was
awakened by the barking of the watch
dogs and the tramping of horse s hoofs.
He arose and looked out of the. window
toward the barn, when an extraordinary
sight met his gaze. The dugs were in
an adjoiuing held, and, strange to say,
there appeared to be a ghost iuiing
about ou one of the farmers young
horses. The farmer called the hired man,
and on going to the garret with a lan
tern they found the bed which had been
occupied empt,, and the peddler gone,
but his clothes still hanging on a chair,
where he had evidently placed them. —
The farmer aud hired man went down
stairs, aud found that ajl the doors were
locked as they were before they retired.
Going out, they found the horse still on
a full gallop under the direction of his
IXUSIcrniUH ridou. Tint hu-yd uiuu wutch
ed his chance, caught the animal, aud
upon closer examination found that the
rid r was the peddler, who sat tnere like
a statue, and was in a complete state of
somnambulism. He had nothing on
him excepting his shirt, undershirt,
drawers aud stockings, and notwith
standing the coldness of the night he
was perspiring freely when lifted down.
They could not waken him properly un
til he was led into the house, and when
he came to his senses he seemed to know
nothing of what had occurred. He
seemed startled at being out of bed and
down stairs in such apparel. Subse
quent examination showo-d that the mao,
in his strange state, had worked his way
out of a trap door to the roof and thence
down to a roof of a back bui'd/ng and
thence to the ground. —Reading Eagle.
The Sultan and SataiiV
There is an Eastern story of a Sultan
who over slept himself, so as not to
awaken at the hour of prayer. So the
devil came and waked him, and told
him to get up and pray. “Who are
you ?” asked the Sultan. “0, no mat
ter,” replied the other ; “mv act is good,
is it not? No matter-.who does the good
action so long as it is good. “Yes.”re
plied the Sultan, “but I think y*'*
satan. 1 know ™ce ; you have
so ,„. nuu motive.” “But,” says the
other, “I am a pretty good fellow, after
all. I was an angel once, and I still
keep some of my original goodness.”—
“That’s all very well,” replied the sa
gacious aud prudent Caliph, “but you
are the tempter ; that’s your business ;
and I wish to toknowwhyyou wish me
to get up and pray.” “Well,” said the
devil, with a flirt of impatience, “if you
must know I will tell you. If you had
slept and forgotten your prayers, you
would have been sorry for it afterward,
and penitent; but if you go on now and
do not neglect a single prayer for ten
years you will be sc satisfied with your
self that it will be worse for you than if
you bad missed one sometimes and re
pented of it. God loves your fault mix
ed with penitence more than your virtue
seasoned with pride.”
Who and What They Are.— Ann
Alysis is a particular girl.
Anna Lytical is very precise.
Anna Conda is good on a squeeze.
Cifrri?e Way makes a good pie.
Addie Line makes a letter longer.
Bill Yard is a gamester.
Bill Yous has been sick.
A1 Gebra is not popular with boys.
Hi Men is popular with girls.
A1 Lopathy is a doctor.
Sarah Ptaim is a religious personage.
Emma Raid is decidedly green.
Ella Pliant is a large girl.
Hi Ena tends the graveyard
Cal I. Forney is not related to J. W.
Dora Mea is studying music.
Minnie Mum is a dwarf
Mcll O’Pean is a native of Akron.
Sally Ratus is not good for the lips.
Maggie Zine is spen once a month.
She is a sister of Ben Zine.
A man in Peoria claims to have a
stone that Washington threw at a wood
I pecker on his father’s cherry tree*
Poking Fan at Them.
The Allegheny (Pa.) Mail tells the
following good story :
One of our leading cit’zens, who re
<*ently returned from Philadelphia tfelle
a little story which p oves the truth of
the o*d adage hat “ many a true word
is spoken in jest.” It appears that
some days sifice Governor Hartranft,
Bob Mackey, Russell Errett, Senator
Rutan, Secretary Quay, and some,halt
a dozen other prominent prliticiac3,
met in the city of brotherly love. The
question of how the evening shoold be
spent came up for discussion, and it
Was suggested that th* party should
visit Birch’s minstrels. This proposi
tion was readily agreed to. and a boy
wat? dispatched to buy tickets for the
distinguished party. VVhen the mes
seftgeY arrived nlf life box' office *ffie
number of tickets asked for created sur
prise, and in his curiosity the Treasurer
asked who they were for. The boy
informed him that Governor Hartranft,
Mr. Mackey & Cos., had determined to
visit the theatre that evening. Asa
matter of course seats were reserved for
them in the very front row.
The news of the intended visit of
this distinguished party was at once
communicated to the management, an fl
it was determined to have some fun at
the expense of the le. ding politicians
of the State.
Promptly at eight o’clock the party
arrived and were taken to their seats
by a gentlemanly usher. The first part
of the performance, consisting of songs
and jokes, was thoroughly enjoyed by
the gentlemen, and the curtain having
descended, was in a few minutes rung
up for the secon 1 part. As it rolled up
and the stage came into view, an aged
darkey was seen seated at a desk with
a huge rattan in his hand, and a col
lects mof books before him Across
the scene was the inscription, “ School
for Boys.” In a minute in came a
number of badly clothed, dilapidated
colored boys, who took their seats on
benches opposite the old man’s desk.—
Having rapped for order the school
master began to cab the roll. This ho
did in this wise : ‘ John F. Hartranft*
stand up,” “ B h Mackey, get up dar,”
* ‘Come ’ere, Quay,” “ Errett, come to
de front,*’ and so pn until he had called
all the names of the gentlemen who
were occupying the seats in the front
row. The audience, which was a
crowded one, soon found ou where the
cauie in, and as they picked out
one and another of the gentlemen
whose names were being called, the
applause became exceedingly uproar
ious.
When the names of all of the
tinguished visitors had been in this
way announced, there was still one per
son left sitting on the bench.
Said the schoolmaster—“ls John W.
Forney here ?”
Chorus of scholars—“ Yes, sah.”
“Where be?”
The pupils turned and pointed to tb*
colored individual still seat*-' 1 Jli
bench. ~
“ Y u Joh W. Forney, stand up.
“ No, I won’t.”
“ Stau’ up directly and jine your
olaaa.”
“ No, I won't ”
“ If you don’t get up and get into de
ring yoa’ll neber git u cent as long as
you lib.”
The hint was taken in an instant by
the audience, and cheers burst forth all
over the house So general was the
applause that the act. had to be repeated
before the peeple would be satisfied.
It is said the only persons in the house
who did not enjoy it were the occupants
of that row of front seats.
A Coined Discourse.
A correspondent of the Knicker
bocker, who writes ftnm Mansfield,
sends the following “ discourse,” for
the entire authenticity of which he
vouches without reserve, having fhkcu
it down from the thick lips of the rev
erend orator himself:
“ My text, bredren and sisterns, will
be found in the fus chapter ob Genesis,
and twenty-s benth worse : ‘ And de
Lor’ made Adam ’ 1 tole you how he
made him. He make him out ob clay,
and wnen he git dry he breathed iu
him the breff of life. lie put him in
de garden of Eden, and den set him
in de corner ob de lot. and he tole him
to eat all the apples ’eeptin’ dem in de
middle ob de orchard ; deni he waut for
de winter apples.
“ Byrne by, Adam he be loneseur. —
So de Lor’ make him Ebe. I’ll tell
you how he make her ; he give Adam
loddinum till he got sound asleep, den
he gouged a rib out of his side and
make Ebe; and he tole her to eat all
de apples ’eeptin’ dem in de middle of
de orchaid ; deui he wanted f r dewin
ter apples.
“ Wun day de Lor’ he go a visitin’
de debbil he come along, he dress his—
self up in de .-kin ob de snake and he
fine Ebe, and he tole her. Ebe why you
don’t eat de apples in Je middle ob de
orchard ? Ebe says, ‘Dem de Lor’s
winter apples!’ But de debbil says.
* T tole you for to eat dem, case dey’s
de best apples in de orchard.’ So Ebe
eat de apple, and guv Adam a bite ; an’
den de debbil he go way.
“ Bvine by, de Lor’ he cum home
an’ lie call Adam. Adam he lay low.
so de Lor’ he call again—‘You Adam !’
Adam say, * Hea, Lor’ !’ An’ de Lor
say, • Who stole de winter apples?’—
Adam tole him. Don't know—Ebe he
spect So de Lor’ call Ebe. Ebe lay
low ; de Lor’ call again, * You Ebe !’
Ebe say, • Hea, Lor’ !’ de Lor’ say,
‘Who stole de winter apples?’ Ebe
tole him, * Don't know —Adam she
-pect.’ S.) de Lor’ cotch ’em b<.ff an’
trow dem ober de fence an’ tole dem,
1 * Go work for your libbin.’ ”
Tlie Way Chinese Stop an Ass Bray
ing.
In 1840, says M. Hue, we were oticc
making a journey in a wagon in the
province of Pekin Our equippage
was under the guidance of an old
schoolmaster, mounted upon a magnifi
j cent ass, so full of ardor and agility that
the two mnles that completed our team
had all the difficulty in the world to
keep up with him. This ass, however,
was so filled with a sense of his own su
periority, ard so proud of it, that
whenever he became aware of the pres
ence of any of his brethren he
failed to commence boasting of it in
such loud and sonorous tones that his
folly became quite insupportable.
When he got to an inn, instead of
trying to rest himself, the beast passed
The whole night practicing musio. set
ting all the donkeys in the neighbor
hood to singing the same tune, so that
it was impossible to sleep. One even
ing we said to the schoolmaster :
“ Your donkey is an abominable brute
—it prevents my getting a wink of
sleep.”
“ Why did you not tell me so be
fore ?” said the schoolmaster ; “I would
soon have stopped his singing.”
As the old pedagogue was somewhat
of a wag, and indulged sometimes in a
small joke, we took little notice of his
reply, but that night we slept quite
soundly.
Well, did the ass make a noise last
night ?” he asked, when we met iu the
morning.
Perhaps not, said we, “ at all events
we did not hoar him.”
“ No, I thiuk not,” said he ; “I saw
to that before I went to bed. You
must have noticed,” he continued, “that
when an ass is going to bray be always
begins by raising his tail, and he keeps
it extended horizontally as long as his
song lasts. To insure his silence you
have only to tie a large stone to the
end of his tail, so that he cannot raise
it.”
We smiled without reply thinking
this was only another piece of plasant
ry ; but he cried :
“ Come now and see ; you can easily
convince yourself.”
And accordingly *e followed him to
the court yard, where we beheld sure
enough, the poor ass with a large stone
attached to his tail, and with the air "of
having entirely lost his accustomed
spirits. His eyes were fixed on the
ground hi? ears bung down, his whole
appearance denoting humility and de
jection. We felt quite compassionate
toward him, and begged his master to
untie the stone directly; as soon as
ever he felt his musical appendage at
liberty, the creature raised first his
head, then his ears, f hen his tail, and
at last began to bray with ail hirs wont
ed energy.
Banffs dj— .
rT ,0 a journalistic biography.
condensed from Max Ydeler in the
Danbury News : “ Colonel Bangs, ed
itor of the Morning Argus, became a
journalist because he couldn’t help it.
Shortly after he was horn, the doctor
ordered that the baby should be fed
upon goat’s milk. This was procured
from the office of the Weekly Startler,
and fed chiefly upon the exchanges
which came to that journal. The con
sequence was that young Bangs was fed
eutirely upon milk that was formed
from digested newspapers, ah‘d he
throve on it. although when the Irish
woman mixed the Democratic journals
; carelessly with the Whig papers, they
disagreed after they were eaten, and
theiTthe milk gave the baby the colic.
Old Bangs intended the boy to be a
minister ; but as eoon as ho was old
in ugh to take notice, he cried for ev
ery newspaper he happened to see. lie
ran away from school four times to en
ter a newspaper office as a devil, and fi
nally when old Bangs put him in the
house of Refuge, he started a weekly in
there, and called it the House of Ref
age Record; and one day he slid over
the wall, and went down to the Era of
fice, where he changed his name to
Whangs, and began his career on that
paper with an article on * Our Refor
matory Institutions for the Young.’—
Then old Bangs surrendered to what
seemed to be a combination of manifest
destiny and goat’s milk, and permitted
him to pursue h : s profession. But
you would hardly believe this story if
you ever read the A r gus. I often
suspect, when I am looking over that
sheet, that the nurse used to mix the
goat milk with an unfair proportion of
water.”
Pnngkin Pi.
Pungkin pi is the sass of Nu Eng
land. They are vittles and drink ;
they are joy on the haff-shell ; they are
glory enuff for one day ; and are good,
enld or warmed up I would like to
be a hoy again, just for sixty minnetts,
aod eat myself phull of the blessed
old mixtur. Enny mao who don’t luv
pungkin pi wants watchin cluss, for he
means to do somthin mean, the fust
good chance he can git Give me all
the pungkin pi i could eat, when i wuz
a boy, and i didn’t kare wliothor Sun
day Skool kept or not. And now that
i have grown up to manhood, and have
run for the Legislature, and only got
Teat 856 votes, and am thoroly marrid,
thare' ain’t nothing- r hunker for wuss,
and kan buy quickei*, than two-thi ds
of a good, old-fashioned pungkin pi, an
inch aud a haff thick, well smelt up
with ginger and nutmeg. Pungkin pi !
the oldest Auierikan beverage i know
ov, and ought to go dowo to posterity
with the trade-mark of our grandmoth
ers on it; but i am afraid it wont, for
it is tuff, even now, to find one that
tastes in the mouth at all as thoy did 40
years ago.
Reverence for O.d Hats.
It is singular how a rich man will
cling to an old hat.
It is not born of his veneration for
antiquity, for rieb men revere what is.
or may be, and not what was.
A man with millions in his coffers
vill go for months without fur >-nor;<_;h
on his beaver to furnish winter quarters
for a mosquito.
He scours it with his coat sleeve
morning and night, and is mad enough
to make his mother in law, a present,
if anybody accidentally tumbles it on
the floor
When he enters the office he care
fully hangs it up on the peg and casts
a warning look at the boy with the
duster.
When he takes it off at home in the
evening, the children pass afohnd tim
idly, and his wife surveys it as scorn
fully as if it were a poor relation.
Nothing hut the death of th®' man
or the decomposition of the hat can
pari these true friends.
And even in death he has beeji known
to go so far as to order this relic to be
buried with him.
It will probably be one of the most
exciting spectacles of the Judgment
Day when the rich approaches to beg
for mercy in a venerable tile that would
not bring four cents at auction.
Drinking for the Effect.
He said he and dn’t care anything about
liquor only for theeffects He never liked
the taste of it, always made him “gag”
to drink it; and he made up an' awfcrl
face as he took it down. But it was
the effects that he was after. If it
wasn’t for the effects he would never
drink a drop of liquor in his. He was
a nice yonng man when we first heard
him say that. He had health, good
looks, property and a respectable place
in society. The only perceptible effects
then were the heightened color in his
cheeks, increase 1 brilliancy of the eye
and vivacity in conversation. He was
generous and liberal with his money,
too, and had a “host of friends.” Well,
he kept on drinking for the effects and
ho got them, as every man will do who
keeps at it long. The last time we saw
him he was that most pitiful object, a
human wreck. He was standing at a
bar pleading for a drink on ti3e, his
trembling fingers being unable to find
even a nickle in the pockets of his rag
gad apparel. He bad kept on gagging
over his whisky and drinking for the
effects until he hadn’t any effects Lft,
except those painful apparent ones—
poverty, disease, privation and vanished
respectability. Verily, he got the effects.
— Exchange.
A Cure for Consumption.
A correspondent writes as follows
about the power of a_^ f! lbfcieoy for’pul
monary consumption. It has cured a
number of cases after they had com
menced bleeding at the lungs, and the
hectic flush was already on the check.
After trying this remedy to my satifac*
tion I have t ought philanthropy re
quired that I should let it be known to
the world. It is the common mullen ;
steeped strong and sweetened with cof
fee sugar, and drank freely. The herb
should be gathered before the end of
July, if convenient. Y oung or old plants
ate good dr’ed in the shade, and kept
in clean paper bags. The medicine
must be continued from four to six
1 month# {recording to the nature of the
disease. It is good for the blood vessels
also. It strengthens the system and
builds up instead of taking away
strength. It makes good blood and
takes inflammation from the lungs. It is
the wish of the writer that every peri
odical in the United States, Canada and
Europe should publish this receipt for
the benefit of the human family. Lay
this by, and,keep in the house ready for
use.”— Exchange.
- *-•--*
Picking up a Wasp.— A West Hill
minister picked up a frozen wasp on the
•sidewalk, with a view to advancing the
interest of science, he carried it into
the house and held it by the tail while
he warmed its ears over a lamp chim
ney. His object was to see if wasps
froze to death or merely lay dormant,
during the winter. He is of the opin
ion that they merely lie dormant, and of
the dormantesr, kind at that, and when
they revive, the tail thaws first, for while
this one’s head, right over the lamp,
was so stiff and cold that it could not
wink, its probe worked with such in
conceivab'e' Rapidity that the minister
couldn’t grasp fast enough to keep np
with it. He threw the vicious thing
doWn th’C lamp chimney, and said he
de didn’t want any more truck with a
dormant wasp, at which his wife burst
ed into tears and asked how he, a min
ter of the Gospel, could use such lan
jrua"e, right before the children, too.
oo o 7
Didn’t Want Him — The Denver
Mirroi is responsible for the following
story :
The minister had informed his hear
ers that they c 7 >uld not expect to “ win
the heavenly stake wkh the feur aces
of faith. hsope ; Charity and viitue while
the Lora held a flush—” He got no
farther in his figure of speech, for at
this instant there was a hubbub in the
main aisle, and as the preacher de
scended with frightful velocity from
the pulpit and disappeared through the
back door just ahead of a number
twelve boot, the voice of the most prom
inent deacon was heard to exclaim :
“ We don't want nosnoozer ot ar preach
er what don’t know as four aces beats a
plain flush’.’’
It is said 7 that five thousand disgust
'ed negroes are on the books of the
American Colonuzath n Society as app’i
i cants for a passage to Liberia.
ADVERTISING R \TE£,
UST For each .square of ’v*les?
for trie first insertion, sl, and for each sub*
sequent insertion, fifty cents.
No.Sq rs j i .Mo. j .‘I At oß. | 6 Aloe j ] year.
Two $4.00 "5.1.00""' $12.00 | S2OOO
F°ur “ 6.00 10.00 18.00 86.00
l column TOO 15.00 25.00 40.<X,
t “ ,5 - (K) 25.f0 40.00 66.00
1 -”- 00 I 40,00 65.00 H 6.00
Ten lines of solid brevier, er its
equivalent in space, make a square.
NO. 28.
MISCELLANEOUS.
I
A money-making art—Stew Hk.
There is n letter in the Post-Office
for J. Ollenbaubeugrasentinershobenbi
cker.
“Am iture gentlemen,” says an old
lady, “is a pretty good description of if
certain dlass of young men
Ir was a bright boy who told hi#
teacher that-there were three sects:
The male sex, t* e female sex!, and the
insects.
A I‘ttle boy couldn’t remember the
(ext exset *y, but thought it was some
thing about a hawk and two - pigeons.
It was, *• V hj halt ye between two opin
ions ?”
“What sort of a sermon did onr pas*
tor preach this morning, dear?”
said an invalid wife to her beloved of
her soul. “O bully ! Twas only fifteen
minutes.”
Cheerful life insurance company
“I he advantage cd our company is, that
you do not forfeit your policy, either by
being hanged or committing suic.de.—
Pray, take a prospectus.”
Mr. Dubois, of Fail River, ha.* had
the blood of a live lamb introduced int<y
his veins, as a remedy for consumption.
It is probable that will be no un
usual effects, save an abnormal fondness
for all girls named Mary.
A friend once called on President Lin
coln. He had shaken hands, observing.
“Don’t be scared, Mr. Linoln, I don’?
want an office.” “Is that so ?” asked
the President, “then give us another
shake.”
A French scientist declares that the
flesh of the Caucasian is hitter and salty,
while that of the negro is of fine flavor,
and will keep much longer. Missionary
societies will doubtless be interested in'
this fact.
“Is there no balm in Gilead?” was
the plaintive conudruui at the head of
one of Horace Greeley’s editorials. But
the compositor who made it read, “Is
there rio barn in Guilford ?” would have
heeded some balm on his head, had tfr6
irate editor caught him.
Ihe man who feels the Teutonic
phlegm curdling in his veins when
thinking ot that flower of the garden,
the cabbage, dreams of the cool winter
days to be sustained and soothed by the
odorons sour kraut. “Yaw dat ish v
goOt.”
Fourteen years ago a Tennessc father
refused to let his yogu daughter go to a
candy pull, and she disappeared. The
other day she returned entered
chjidivtfac ana took off her things as
coolly as it she hadn’ been gone over i *
day.
“Dar’sde man, Mister Speaker—dar’s
de man v?of done it,” shouted a colored
member, rising suddenly from his seat
in the Arkansas Legislature, one hand
p inting to a white man in the gallery,
and with the other rubbing the summit
of his cranium. “Dat ar cussed white
man jes done Spit down on the top o’ my
head.”
A six-year-old boj was set to work
upon what is called a “composition,” all
about water. He wrote as follows:
“Water is good to driuk. Water is good
to paddle in and swim iu, and to skate
on in the winter. When 1 was a little
wee baby, nurse used to wash me i
cold water — ugh! I have beard that
the Injons only wash themselves oroe isr
ten years. I wish I was an Injon.”
A plain-spoken preacher delivered
the following from his desk : “I would
announce to the congregation, probably
by mistake, there was left at the meet
ing house a small cotton umbrella, much
damaged by time and of an exceedingly
pale blue color iu place whereof was ta
ken a large silk umbrella of great beau
ty. Blunders of this sort, my brethren,
are getting a little too common.”
The Chetopa girls enjoy sliding on <
the ice hugely, thuugh it is pronounced
unsafe for less than a No. 8 shoe. Their
favorite mode is to squat on a barrel
stave, and cling to a stick with a reck
less tenacity while they are towed across
the river by a Tantalus team of rolick*
*ome companions, whose blithsomo
shouts echo through the woods like the
reverberating silvery notes of the Alpine
huntsman's bugle call.
Large and attractive signboards are a
great feature of Chineesc shops, and the'
words upon them are a strange mixture
of the flowery literature of the land and
the advertising instincts of a conamer*
cial people. Here are some of the signs
of Pekin: “Shop of Heaven send Luck;’'
“Tea shop of Celestial Principles;"
“The Nine Felicities prolonged “MuH
ton Shop of Morning Twilight;” “The
Ten Virtues all Complete;” “Flowed
rise to the Milky Way.”
People ought to be very
when they write such letters as the fol
lowing, to put them in the Post-Offi<e
and not drop them on the streets, where
we picked up this one :
Misses ——: Of yon dond sthnp
sthealings mine schicken bye gott im
himmel I vil ave you arrested Now I
tole a eoople times again already not to
took or stole mine schickens yesterday
movniug after dinner I lose agin a coo
kie uf spring hina Of you cuius on *
more agin look out 1 tole you dat you
got schoot mit your hed I give you 1. ts
ol notishcs n it to cum ou my properdy
tole your suns de little creepers to s*cp'
avay too L don and vont deni near mino
house N.w vatch out I vas tol l you nu
more af;in for de last you tam robber
liefs uf y u does anything else to me I*
| vill ave you arrested Vatchout J saw'