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CALHOUN WEEKLY TIMES.
by and. b. freeman.
CALHOUN TIMES
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ffoitoati Schedule.
Western & Atlantic Railroad.
BAY PASSENGER TRAIN —OUTWARD.
Leave Atlanta ;8:40 A * M
Airive Calhoun 12; 40 p. m
u Chattanooga 300 P. M
PAY PASSENGER TRAIN —INWARD.
Leave Chattanooga 6:15 p. m.
Arrive Calhoun Yoor A '
u Atlanta 12:35 p. m.
NIGUT PASSENGER TR AIN —OUTWARD.
Leave Atlanta P- m.
Arrive Calhoun “•
< Chattanooga a. m.
NIGHT PASSENGER TRAIN —INWARD.
Leave Chattanooga 4:00 p. m.
Arrive Calhoun ir P ' M *
ACCOMMODATION TRAIN —OUTWARD.
Leave Atlanta >.50 P. M.
Arrive Calhoun AOJB **
“ Dalton P. M.
ACCOMMODATION TRAIN —INWARD.
Lwve Dalton 1; *■
ArriTO Calhoun V?;?? *■ •
“ Atlanta a. m.
TTkiker & SON,
attorneys at law,
Will practice in all the Courts of the Cher
ekeeCircuit; Supreme Court ot Georgia, and
the United States District Court at Atlanta,
Ga. Office: Sutheast corner of the Court
House, Calhoun, Ga.
attorneys at law,
OALHOUN, GA
Will practice in all the Superior Courts of
of Cherokee Georgia, the Supreme Court of
the State and the United States District and
Circuit '..ourts, at Atlanta.
J D* TINSLEY^
Watch-Maker & Jeweler,
CALHOUN , GA.
All styles of Clocks, Watches and Jewelry
neatly repaired and warranted.
WALDO THORNTON, D. D. S..
DENTIST.
Office over Geo. W. Wells & Co.’s Agricul
tural Warehouse.
jypss C. A. HUDGINS,
Milliner & Mantua-Maker,
Court House St., CalliotimGa.
Patterns of the latest styles and fashion
for ladies just, received. Gutting and
making done to order.
ZT. GRAY,
• CALHOUN, GA„
Is prepared to furnish the public with
Buggies and Wagons, bran new and warrant
ed. Repairing of all kinds done at short
notice. Would call attention to the cele
rated “Fish Brothers’ Wagon which he fur
ni-lics. Call and examine before buying
elsewhere.
J H. ARTHUR ~~~
DEALER IN
GENERAL MERCHANDISE,
RAILROAD STREET,
Calhoun , Ga.
CHEAP GOODS.
RICHARDS & ESPY,
(OLD STAND OF Z. T. OKAY.)
Dealers in
Confectioneries,
Crackers,
Fancy Groceries, &c*
Tobacco, cigars and snuff a specialty.—
Highest market price paid for country pro
duce of all kinds. Give them a call and
they will give you a bargain. mar3l-3m
J. W. MARSHALL,
RAILROAD ST.. OLD STAND OF
A. W. BALLEW.
Keeps constantly on hand a superior stock of
Family & Fancy Groceries,
Also a fine assortment of Saddles, Bridles,
Staple Hardware, &c, to which especial at
tention is called. Everything in my line
sold at prices that absolutely defy competi
tion.
ONLY Send Twenty-Five Cents to
0 THE KENNESAW GAZETTE,
Atlanta, Ga.,
CF'NTTfI an<l sent you month-
J.O, one y ear . Richest thing out
THE COTTAGE.
BY JEfFIiKY GIFFORD.
Where the cosy cottage stands.
By the silver streamlet bright—
Graceful hills and meadow lands
Mark a region of delight;
On the warm slopes light does
Rosy footed all the day.
Rural paths lead here and there,
Fringed with leafy colonnades,
While children, free from Btrife or 6ar£,
Frolic on the velvet glades ;
Further down the village spire
Is all ablaze with crimson fire.
Still further on, the stream winds round
At the foot of yondex- wood,
And the bordering edge of ground
Serenely glows for many t. rood,
Where the placid brook flows deep,
Rich pastures feed large flocks of sheep.
Milk-white lambs here sport and play
’Till in gambols weary grown,
As slowly fades the Waning day
And the fields look drear and lone ;
Yet, the glens are flecked with foam,
Where the dancing waters roam.
Forever, day and night the same.
The babbling spring is bright and clear,
And prattling child and aged dame
Here watch its ripples, year by year;
Near by. great oaks in stately pride,
Stand close together side by side.
[For the Calhoun Times.]
tltfLß THINGS.
BY MAY EBON.
There is many a battle fought and
many a victory gained which is udver
heralded by beat of drum, or bugle
note. I tell you, comrades, in life’s
struggle it takes more bravery to strive
against and overcome the petty vexa
tions, the annoying trifles of every day
life thati Was ever displayed by an Al
exander or a Bonaparte. When we are
battling for fame and an immortal name,
we can afford to be brife, to bare our
breast to the foeman’s steel, or march
o’er mountains of ice. But when it
comes to the self-denial, the work, the
weariness and pain of every day from
which there is no rest and no release.
Aye there’s the rub This is what calls
for patience, faith, and courage. This
is the crucible in which our lives are
being tried, which like the refiners
fire or the fullers soap, will either
blight or bless, if we fight bravely
against the little trials we daily meet,
and overcome the small evils which
hourly beset us, then are we heroes in
deed ? and though we go down to our
graves unknelled, unhonored and un
sung in the conservatory of the eter
nal hereafter; our wreath of Immor
telles will be awaiting us.
Sculptors of life are We as we stand
With our souls uncarved before us,
Waiting the hour when at Gdd’s command ;
Our life dream shall pass o’er us.
If we carve it then, on the yielding stone
With many a sharp incision,
Its heavenly beauty shall be our own ;
Our lives an angel vision.
-
A Western Piscatorial Phenome
non.
The Carrollton (111.) Journal gives
the following account of a remarkable
method by which immehse numbers of
fish have been caught near that rlace :
‘‘ln company With Some friends, and
on invitation of Captain James F. Law
ton, proprietor of the famous ‘Wild Moss
Hills,’ situated about two miles from
this city, we drove down to the mill
dam, across Moss creek, last Friday
evening, to witness a most extraordinary
night. Owing to the stream, which is
a mere branch, perhaps not averaging
more than thirty feet from bank to
bank, having been frozen all along its
tortuous meanderings, the fish seem to
have come down the stream in great
force to the opening at the dam for the
purpose of getting air and light. From
this place they were drawn off into the
mill race. The water is then shut off
with the gate, and the fish are left floun
dering at the bottom, an easy prey to
the ready hands which have ouly to
throw them out on the platform. From
one run only, we understood Mr. Law
ton to say, he had taken out seventy\
two bushel baskets of fish of all grades
and kinds. These are mainly bass, buf
falo, crappie, perch and a few gars. —
These fish are in splendid condition, be*,
ing large and fat, the major portion av
eraging from twelve to twenty-four
inches in length. Sixteen thousand
pounds had been taken Thursday and
Friday last, as estimated by Captain
Lawton. He has been taking them free
ly ever since, and we only guess at the
whole weight to date, when we put the
total down at twenty thousand pounds.
It may run up to thirty thousand or more.
The Captain has been disposing of his
‘catches’ at six cents a pound. He was
offered by a citizen, as we learn, three
cents a pound for all, big and little, as
he might throw them out, but we be
lieve he declined the bid, preferring to
ship them himself.
“Captain Lawton’s mill is often act
ually stopped by the multitude of fishes
which get into the wheel, and he is of
ten required to stop work until he can
clear them out and get the wheel free.
E'ch year the rush down stream gives
him the same work to do over. Two
years ago he threw out fifteen
thousand pounds from his dam.
It is no harm to shoot a cat in "V er
mont, but if you happen to miss the
cat and kill a boy, the authorities make
an awful fuss over it.
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 28. 1875.
An Irresistible Pussy.
BY MAX ADELER.
We have been trying to lose our cat.
We are somewhat fond of her, but she
had a way of producing kittens every
few months in various portions of the
house that was verp disagreeable ; and
on the evening when her maternal du
ties were not urgent she U3ed to mount
the back fence and spit, and yowl with
a screech like a fog whistle. So she
became a nuisance, and we determined
to lose her. I had a grudge against my
wife’s aunt, and the first time she caice
to visit us I gave the cat to her, and she
took it up to Philadelphia (about thirty
miles) in a basket. There was but one
cat when my aunt started, but when she
got home there were six. The cat had
kittens in the basket on the way up.—
I believe the cat would have had kt
tens on the top of the Baptist Church
steeple, if she could have got there.—
We had peace around the house for a
couple of nights; but on the third
night we were startled by a scream from
the back yard like the yell of a Com
anche Indian with the delerium tremens,
I looked out of the window and observ
ed our oat engaged in an excited argu
ment with another cat on the smoke
house roof. She had come back. The
next day I traded her off for a bunch
of beets to a farmer from over the river
in New Jersey, and he took her home.
I knew then we had lost her finally,
and as night after night went by witlL
out noise, we felt glad that she was lost
for good. A few months afterward, as
I was goin<r up to bed, I saw a wet and
dragged animal in the hall. Upon close
inspection I found that it was our cat.
She had swam the river and come ; and
she had just had kittens on the front
stairs. The farmer subsequently made
me pay him four prices for the beets.—
That evening she resumed her vocaliza
tion on the back fence, and from the
vigor she displayed I judge she was try
ing to converse with a cat on the other
side of the river, two miles distant.—
The next day I tied a brick to her
neck and chucked her into the stream.
Two hours afterward she was in the
yard again, damp, and with a cold in
her lungs, but still inclined to be soci
able with the other cats, and still able
to work off a shriek that waked all the
babies in the neighborhood. As she didn’t
seem inclined to stay lost I took her
out next morning and hitched her with
a rope to a rear car of the express
train, and in a few moments she was
proceeding up the track with frightful
velocity, clawing and spitting and hol
lowing, as she was carried along. That
afternoon I drowned the kittens, and
just as they breathed their last, the
breakman on the railroad called and
said somebody had fastened my cat to
his train, but he had rescued her and
brought her back, for which service he
wanted two dollars. She seemed
to have an unconquerable indisposition
not to remain lost. She was not much
out of repair. One of her legs was
broken, but her voice was sound, and
while communicating with another cat
that evening, she emitted one wild
shriek which brought Cooley over to my
house with his gun to ascertain who it
was that cried “murder !”
In a few days she had kittens again
on the parlor sofa; and that night I
hitched her to a couple of skyrockets I
had bought and touched them off. She
whizzed for a while around among the
stars, and I thought I saw the corpse
fall over towards Willmingtou ; but the
next evening while coming home from
church, I saw some cats holding a synod
in the front yard. One of them was
our cat singed, and a little discouraged,
but still capable of drowning out all
the other cats in a chorus. She sGll
remained unlost.
Good Advice.
“We are a young marred couple
with two children. Before marriage
we were both fond of society. Now,
our means being reduced, I am not able
to dress, so that I have slipped out of
society. lam happy at home, but I
want, too. He is away all day except
of an evening, and occasionally all
night, so that I see very little of him,
and it grows worse and worse. During
my last sickness he was away very of
ten at young people’s parties, though I
begged him not to go. He says he gets
little recreation, but I get none. We
never have a disagreement; he is cer
tainly the best and kindest of men, and
we love each other dearly. Am I un
reasonable ?”
You do right not to quarrel. This
will not make home attractive. We
wish that it had been your husband
who asked us about the propriety of
his conduct. We should have said :
Young man, you are making one of the
greatest errors of life. are doing
what must in time wean from you one
of the most faithful of wives. Your
admiring friends do not love you; but
she woold die for you. When at last
she has crown weary of caring for your
children alone, and has grown peevish
and discontented, nervous and deject
ed, and discouraged, you will see that
no fool ever made so poor a bargain
since the world was made. You do not
mean to be heartless, but you are cruel,
and if you go on in this selfish and
cruel social desertion of your wife, you
—pleasant and witty young fellow that
you are, will commit scarcely less a
a crime. We beg pardon for harsh
words—but this answer is not
for one husband, but hundreds. We
say to every one of such men —you are
in a fair way to be a wife-murderer.—
You are killing a loving heart by inch
es. You have selfishly and thoughtless
ly betrayed the confidence of a woman
who did not marry you expecting to be
left in solitude.— Christian Union .
“ Pass on to Shun ’Em.”
The following rich thing was sent iti
to us by a gentleman who has preserved
it for more than average lifetime.—
Twenty years ago it was considered Odd
of the best things of its kind floating
around in the press, always excepting,
of course, the celebrated sermon upon
the text. “ And he played upon a harp
of a thousand strings.” If you are ea
sily gulled, read, “ And he passed on to
Shun ’em.” If you are a greenhorn
and much incliued to snap at every
bait that the cunning in this world hold
out to you, read and profit by “ And
he passed on to Shun ’em.” Her 6it
is :
A HARD SHELL SERMON.
“ And lie passed on to Shun ’em.”
The words of my text, my hearers,
you will find in II Kings, iv. chapter,
verse—“ And he passed on to Shun
’em.”
Take to heart the lesson of our text,
and when temptations try you and evils
be in wait to ensnare you, “ pass on to
Shun ’em.”
When you see men of wrath fighting
and breaking heads and sticks, and hear
them cursing and swearing—mind the
words of my text, and “pass on to Shun
’em.”
And oh ! my hearers, if you should
come into our little town, and behold a
row of nice little offices with tin signs
on the doors of each, and hear men
talking of attachments without affection,
and sequestrations without quiet—ah—
and seize—yours and never theirs—ah
—it wi'l be to your interest to mind the
words of the prophet, and “ pass on to
Shun ’em.”
And if you go around where the mer
chants are—ah—and they rush out and
shake hands with you, and are espec
ially anxious to learn the condiHou of
your wife’s health and the children’s
and the worms and the crops, and offer
to sell you a little bill of goods a good
deal lower than their cost, on acccount
of their love for you and each, ah—
“ pass on to Shun ’em.”
And jf you should happen to go
around the corner and see men drinking
beer, that will bringthem to a bier, and
a giu-sling down the strongest, and
smashers that will smash a man’s for
tune faster than commission merchants
who advance supplies on the last crop
all—oh—oh, “ pass on to Shun ’em.”
But oh ! my hearers ! If you should
go down to New Yoik—that modern
Sodom and Gomorrah—ah—and when
gas lights are flashing and glimmering,
and cabs are dashing along the streets
—and obliging drivers are offering to
carry you where only steamboat captains
and the first gentlemen go —ah—-and
Broadway is on a rip and a roar —ah —
and the orass bands are crashing mu
sic from the balconies—and men in lit
tle holes are ready to sell you tickets to
go and see the Black Crook dance with
nothing to wear—and make spectacles
of themselves—ah—oh, my friends,
“ pass on to Shun ’em.”
And t)h ! if later in the evening, with
a very particular friend, you go up
stairs into a most splendidly furnished
room—ah—and see the supper table
spread with delicacies from every coun
try —‘and tea, ducks and snipe, yaller
legged pheasants, and all that fish, flesh
and fowl can afford—and champagne
and brandy Burgundy and Chateau
Lafitt?, older than Waterloo—and noth
ing to pay and all free— and a nice gen
tleman with rings on his fingers, and a
diamond breast-pin, playing with little
spotted pasteboards, and another turn
ing a machine and dropping in a little
ball that rolls round and round and stops
on the eagle bird and oftener don’t—
and where the players generally put
down more than they take up —and men
sometimes win, but mostly don’t—ah—
oh, “ pass on to Shun ’em.’,
And in conclusion, my friends, when
the world, the flesh, and the devil—ah
—lie in wait for you, “ pass on to Shun
’em.”— -Houston Telegraph.
Danger of Protracted Sleep.—
But here, as in so many other cases, the
evil of deficiency has its counterpart
in the evil of excess. Sleep protracted
beyond the need of repair, and en
croaching habitually upon the hours of
waking action, impairs more or less the
functions of the brain, and with them
all the vital powers. This observation
is as old as the days of Hippocrates and
Aretaeus, who severally and strongly
comment upon it. The sleep of infacy,
however, and that of old age, do not
come under (his category of excess.—
These are natural conditions, appertain
ing to the respective periods of life,
and are to be dealt with as such. In ill
ness, moreover, all ordinary rule and
measure of sleep must be put aside.—
Distinguishing it from coma, there are
very few cases in which it is notan un
equivocal good ; and even in comatose
state the brain, we believe, gains more
from repose than from any artificial at
tempts to rouse it into action.—Edin
burgh Review.
Aptitudes in Men.— lt is very cer
tain that no man is fit for everything;
but it is almost as certain, too, that
there is scarcely any one man who is
not fit for something, which something
nature plainly points out to him by giv
ing him a tendency and propensity to
it. Every man finds in himself, either
from nature or education (for they are
hard to distinguish), a peculiar bent
and disposition to some peculiar charac
ter ; and his straggling against it is the
fruitless and endless labor of Sisyphus.
Let him follow and cultivate that voca
tion, he will succeed in it, and be con.
siderable in one way at least; whereas
if he departs from it he will at best, be
inconsiderable, probably ridiculous.—
Lord Chesterfield .
Niagara Falls.
There’s water enough to make them
a perfect success.
I learned from the depot master
that Nature made the Falls, but he
wouldu’t commit himself when I in
quired as to the hackmen, landlords and
relic sellers.
I thought I had strength to walk
from the depot to a hotel, a matter of
three or four hundred feet, but seven
or eight hackmen rushed at me and
yelled :
“ H—a—cks—hacks 1”
After the police had stopped the
fight, I started for the hotel, followed
by six hackmen in line. Sonde thought
it was a funeral procession, and others
took me for a lord. When I reached
the hotel the hackmen demanded fifty
cents each, saying that it was the same
fare whether I rode or walked.
“ But how could I ride up here in
six hacks at once ?”
They replied that I couldn’t bluff
them with any “ addition, division or
silence,” and ra’.her than seem penuri
ous I paid them three dollars.
The hotel clerks at Niagara are alone
a sight worth traveling from Detroit to
see. They look down upon a common
traveler as a Newfoundland dog would
gaze at a pin head. At the hotel where
I halted, I had to take off my hat, as
sume a reverential expression of coun
tenance, and address the clerk as fol
lows :
“ Most high and noble duke of the
legister, would you condescend to per
mit a poor humble worm of the dust
like me to ask you what time the train
from the west is due here ?”
If he felt like it he would take his
eyes from the ceiling, turn around on
his stool, flash his diamonds into my
eyes and point to the time-card on the
wall; but if he didn’t feel like it, he
wouldn’t pay the least attention.
The Niagara hotel waiter is only one
peg beneath the clerk. He has heard
about John Jacob Astor and the Roth
childs, but he wouldn’t compromise his
reputation by saying that he was inti
mately acquainted with them. I didn’t
know how to take him at first, and was
reckless enough to put a dollar bill be
side my plate at supper time.
“ What is that ?” he inquired as he
picked it up.
“ That ? That sir, is lucre—dross
—money —a greenback,” I responded.
“ Humph ! you’d better keep it —
you might want to buy the Falls,” he
responded
I thought some of handing him my
wallet, but as I didn’t, I had to make
my supper out of pepper, salt, celery
and crackers.
The guide is another feature of Ni
agara. The one who took me around,
showed me Goat Island from fourteen
different points, and wanted two dollars
a point, and when I growled about the
price, he sneeringly replied that if I
had come there to get a one horse view
of the Falls, I should have brought a
tent and some crackers and chese along,
and camped out on the commons.
The relic sellers came at me in a
body. lat first refused to buy Thomas
Jefferson’s arm-chair and Washington’s
cane, but the guide told me a story
about a miserly fellow who was thrown
over the Falls for refusing to purchase
relics, and I felt compelled to select
twelve Indian canoes, six Revolutiona
ry muskets, a quart of Mexican war
bullets, several war clubs and an armful
of tomahawks.
I left Niagara with only one thing
to console me. It has been ascertained
that the Falls are wearing away at the
rate of an inch every three hundred
years, and it won’t be long before the
cataract will be completely worn out.—
M. Quad.
Native Cruelty iu India.
A Baroda correspondent of the Bom
bay Gazette furnishes the following re
markable, and, if true, atrocious par
ticulars of a case of cruelty, which, he
says, has created a profound sensation,
as well it might. “It appears,” says
this authority, “ that one of Muthar
Rao’s courtiers, who was in great favor
with his highness, was looked upon with
jealousy by some of his fellow-courtiers.
So to get him into trouble with the
Maharajah, they reported to his high
ness that the favorite had been casting
amorous glances at the Queen. The
poor man was then seized under—as I
hear it will be satisfactorily proved—
the order of the Maharajah, and cast in
to prision. Special fetters and mana
cles were forged for him. I have seen
them. A great iron bar, nearly as
thick as your wrist and about eighteen
inches long, with thick heavy rings fit
ting on it for the hands to go in to se
cure his arms. These things alone
weighed twenty-five pounds.
An iron ring of great weight was put
around his neck, and a chain was, I
believe, attached to it. Huge iron bars
with rings attached, altogether weigh
ing thirty five pounds, were fastened to
his legs, so that it must have been im
possible for the poor fellow even to walk
a yard. He could neither stand, sit
nor lie down. lam told the weight of
the iron attached to his hands must
have been almost always on his chest,
and the iron around his neck must have
bent his body down so that his suffer
ings must have been terrible.
“ But they discovered a way of ad
ding to them. For about sixteen days
they fed him on chutney made of chil
lies, and gave him salt water to drink.
At the end of this time he died. Ev
ery one who has seen these fetters feels
sick at the very thought of what this
poor wretch must have suffered. All
this time there was no charge made
against him, and there is no reason to
suppose that any notice would ever have
been taken of the circumstance if it
had not been for the inquiry which has
been ordered to be held.
A True Story of a Straightened
Fence.
A Republican paper in Ohio iell?
how Governor Wm. Allen rose up once
on a certain occasion :
Once upon a time, William left his
domicile for a short sojourn in a neigh
boring bailiwick, and before going he
gave instructions to a hired man to
straightea the line of a certain fence
about the ground? near the house.—
When he returned he found the faith
ful employe had indeed straightened
the fence, aud to do it had cut down
one of the largest and most beautiful
and valuable shade trees on the premis
es.
William saw wide o’er the field, a
waste of ruined land, just as he was
pleasantly remarking how and and glad
he was to get home, and, wildly catch
ing hold of himself, shouted : “Bring
forth the man.”
The man was brought. The future
Governor of Ohio rose up (the first time
on record) and queried :
“Why in h—ll did you do that?”
“Your orders were to straighten the
fence, and I had to cut down the trees
to do it,” replied the trembling hench
man.
William pulled himself together,
held on to himself a moment, and said !
“Sir, Joshua made the sun stand
still; Titus conquered Jerusalem ; Tam
erlane was the terror of his foes; Zjic
cheus climbed a tree ; Gallileo pierced
the stellar space with prophetic vision ;
Attila was the scourge of God ; Caesar,
Charlemagne and Napoleon were at dif
ferent t mes rulers of the destinies of
the earth ; and yet, sir, all of them,
singly or together, could not replace
that tree that you, you and and long
legged, knock-kneed, lantern - jawed,
herring-gutted, slab*sided, shoulder
bumped, ill - begotten, God - forsaken,
turkey-trodden, cock-eyed, hoof-bound,
shambling, and *d clod-hopping idiot
have cut down. Get out, or I’ll knock
your two and and blear, blinking eyes
into one, and make you swallow every
tooth in your head !”
The man was last heard from in Alas
ka, and was on his way north.
Popping tke Question.
Half a century ago and more, it was
the fashion for a suitor to go down on
his knees to a lady, when he asked her
to become his wife, which with very
stout gentlemen was an uncomfortable
proceeding. The way in which Daniel
Webster proposed to Miss Fletcher was
more modern, being at the same time
neat and poetic. Like many other lov
ers, he was caught holding a skein of
thread or wool which the lady had been
unraveling. “ Gracie,” said he (fancy
Daniel Webster saying “Gracie”), “we
have been untying knots. Let us see
if we cannot tie one which will not un
tie for lifetime.” With a piece of tape
he fashioned half a true lover’s knot.—
Miss Fletcher perfected it, and a kiss
put the seal to the symbolical bargain.
Richard Steele wrote to the lady of his
heart: “Dear Mrs. Scurlock (there
were no Elsies in those days). I am
ti-ed of calling you by that name, there
fore say a day when you will take that
of madame, your devoted, humble ser
vant, Richard Steele.” She fixed the
day accordingly and Steeled her name
instead of her heart to the suitor.
♦ t
Running For Office.
I never run for office but once. At
the earnest solicitations of some of my
friends, in an unguared moment I allow
ed myself to he announced as a candi
date for the office of Justice of the
Peace. Previous to this fool move I
had been considered a decent kind of a
man, but the next day when the Bugle
came out it was filled with accounts of
my previous history that would have
curdled the blood of a Digger Indian.
A susceptible public was gravely in
formed that I was not fit for the office,
that I was almost a fool, besides I had
come West under very suspicous cir
cumstances. I had starved my deaf
old grandmother to death and then sold
the remains to a soap factory. I had sto
len a hand organ from a poor blind
cripple and run away with the proceeds.
I had sold my grandfather’s coffin for
fourteen dollars, and buried the old
gent in a boot box. In utter dispair
I rushed around to headquarters, with
drew my name and swore a solemn
swear that I would never again indulge
in polties again, Aud I never will.—
John Qnill.
Northern Mien in the South.
A correspondent of the New York
Tribune writes from Savannah,under the
date of the 2d of April, as follows :
1 am a Northern man, have been here
seven years, part of the time in govern
ment employ, and am known as a Re
publican. Yet I can’t see that I am
treated one whit differently from those
who were born here. lam most cordi
ally met by all classes wherever I go,
and my relation with the people of the
city are very pleasant, social, politically,
and in a business way. My partner and
myself are known as Northern business
men, and if we lose a dollar’s worth of
trade by the fact it is something un
known to us.
This is written because false reports
are continually being circulated North,
and I desire that the good people of the
South where I have made my home
shall have full justice done at least at
my hands. They are fairly entitled, in
my opinion, to far more praise than
blame. You can make any use of this
you please, only I don’t care to have my
name paraded out,, as I am ouly a plain
business man.
The home circle—-walking around
with the baby at night.
YOL. V.—NO. 80,
HOIOItOIS.
Marble-top tables are unhealthy ab
ccording to the Herald of Health, ’ but
it does not state their disease.
A boy who will yell like a tartar if and
drop of water gets on his shirt band
when his neck is being washed, can
crawl through a sewer after a ball, and
think nothing of it;
A Dubuque wife cooked the famiiy
cat for her husband’s supper and that
unfortunate man has since been unable
to resist a desire to eit on the back*
yard fence at night and yowl.
A good rhiuosceros costs $5,600, and
unless there’s a great decline in the
market most of us must be satisfied
with a five dollar parlor mat bavin" a
colored tiger stamped on it.
“No eetin appuls in schule ours,”
reads a sign on the blackboard of a
schoolhousc in enlightened old Massd
chus tts, where education is supposed to
sit on the top rail and make faces at
ignorance.
“ She is a perfect Amazon,” said a
pupil in one of our schools of his teach
er yesterday, to a companion. “Yes,”
said the other, who was better verged
in geography than history, “I noticed
she had an awful big mouth.”
A Missourian who comes home after
an absence of a week and finds that his
wife has been knitting a tidy instead of
splitting wood has a right to tell her
that her folks always did have the name
of being the laziest people in the State.
Deacon Ladue, of Wisconsin, went to
the barn the other day and hung him
self with a dog chain because his wife
playfully kicked his hat off and exclaim
ed : “1 hat s the kind of a clothespin I
am ! Mrs. Ladue, you ought to be
ashamed.
School ihSpdctor (to urchin) : “Now,
Johnny, how many can you count
Johnny : “One, two, three, four, fivC<
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.” Inspector :
“Good, Johnny, go on.” Johnny (after
a moment’s thought) : “Jack, queen,
king, ace.”
A Texas steer, animated with Cin
cinnati whisky, visited a rolling rni'l
in that city a few days ago, and
after nosing around a bit, concluded
that a gigantic fly-wheel was the only
thing about the place worthy of his at
tention. So he pranced into the fly
wheel, and his owner says that if he
can recover a piece of one of his horna
he will be satisfied.
lletroit boy§ seem to advance in edu
cation whether they attend school or not;
A newsboy whe couldn’t change a terf
cent piece a year ago, was recently heard
remarking : “William Scoot, if you ev
er corrugate your brow at me in that
Wdy again; I shall temporarily deposit
my papers on the pavement, and cause
the blood to eoaguiate under-your left
optic. Hear me, W’illiam ?”
A Texas barber draws custom by
dropping into poetry when business is
dull. I his is how he touches the pop
ular heart:
Shampooing &nd razrf honcing I will do to
perfection,
In liair and whisker dyeing, I defy inspec
tion,
I solicit gentlemen customers as
protection
To support myself, family and connection.
In the office of one of the Detroit
hotels recently a gentleman snapped his
finger to a bootblack, and as he put his
foot on the box he said : “You look like
a good, smart boy.” “See here, mister !”
replied the boy as he rose up, a brush
in either hand, “ I’ve had that game
played on me a dozen times, and now I
want to know whether this is a cash
shine or whether you’re going to pat me
on the head, when I get through and
tell me that I’ll be Governor of Michi
gan some day ?”
A rural twain, visiting Dayton with
his doxey, were observed at evening
standing near the ticket office at the de
pot, waiting for their train. It was cold
and dreary, and the tempe ature was
touching up the girl’s ears and nuse
with a blending of purple and red.—‘
“Look here Josh !” she exclaimed, pet
ulantly, “I’m tired standing up here, I’m
half froze. Let’s go to that place (la
dies room). Everybody else goes in
there!” “No you don’t!” said Josh.—
“No sir-ee ! I’ve spent enounh money
now, and I aint goin’ to pav to go in
there!”
The reporters were not admitted to
the late lecture on dress-reform, by Miss
Agnes Burke, at the Unitarian church.
Of corset’s all right; but as the public
pants for information on such subjects,
it was natural that the knights of the
quill should endeavor to glean some
knowledge of the proceedings. We
.learn that the lecture was about sevv
sew, and the lady did not hang on the
outskirts of her subject, but struck the
trail at once and followed it up. She
up braided tight-laccrs, and—a-hem—
sa£Sesked suspenders for—Hose business
is it, anyhow ?
It seems cruel to laugh over the in
firmities of a person, and especially if
that person be a lady j but the follow
ing incident we can never think of with
out a smile : Our friend Mrs. 8., an
interesting widow, who was unfortunate
ly quite deaf, was sitting at the dinner
table with a number of other invited
guests, and a minister from a neighbor*
ing church who was present, was seated
at the. foot of the table to do the carv
ing. Rev. Mr. B. said : “Let us ask a
blessing,” when our fady friend who
was hard of hearing, handed over her
plate, and said : “Any part, brother 8.,
excepting the breast.”