Newspaper Page Text
The Gay Lifestyle
and Lovers...The Most Difficult Task of Them All
June 1977, THE BARB - 5
By James Moore
“Hey, remember
me? This is your
sexuality speaking. I
just thought I’d drop in
and bother you some.
So. you plan on being a
missionary? That’s
Rood, but have you
forgotten that you’re
“queer?” And that boy
you’ve been hanging
around with, you know,
your “best friend”?
How long are you going
to keep on going out
and getting high with
him before you admit
you want to take him to
bed? Yeah, yeah, I hear
you. You don’t want me
around, I don’t fit in
with your scene. Well,
has it ever occured to
you that you have to fit
me in somehow and
that how you do so will
have a great bearing on
whether or not you’re a
happy person? Oh. I
hear you laughing and I
guess I’ll just skip out,
but I’ll be back. You
ain’t fooling me with
that girl you’re dating. I
know, I know, you’re
both Christians and you
don’t fuck. Yeah, well,
see you later.”
I don’t think anyone
grew up naturally ac
cepting their sexuality.
Of course not. Gay
people were “queers” -
people you couldn’t
accept candy from.
They sure weren’t real
people. And you knew
you were a real person,
so you couldn’t be
“queer” - that makes
sense doesn’t it? I
mean, “queers”don't do
homework or watch
television, or help set
the table or play
football, or go to
church, or visit sick
people in the Old Folks
Home, do they? And
you do.
When I think back to
my childhood and teen
age years, I find it
remarkable that I went
so long living as if my
sexuality did not exist.1
knew I was homosexual
and yet behaved as if I
wasn’t. It didn’t “fit.”
For some strange
•eason. I never thought
my homosexuality
would ever affect the
way that I lived.
Plenty of us went
through the same thing,
women and men alike;
and I think we are still
dealing with it. Or at
least I am. Some of the
key points of gay
liberation have been
pride, integrity and self-
acceptence. With our
new status as whole
human beings
(something we always
were, only un-
admittedly) we took a
look at our state of
affairs and saw a sorry
mess.
What form does a
relationship take when
there are no images to
shape it, no society to
support it; and when in
face, this relationship is
threatened and expelled
by the very images that
both parties to this
relationship were
conditioned by?
Obviously, the form
most durable even
under the harshest
times of repression is
the casual encounter.
You (“real” person)
live out the day as
normal. You wash
clothes, work, clean
house, whatever. Then
you become bothered a
little and end up in a
certain notorious public
bathroom - suddenly
overcome by It (your
sexuality). It does
things you would never
do and, when satisfied,
neatly tucks Itself back
into It’s cosy little
compartment, leaving
You free to fix dinner
and watch TV-alone.
This seems to work for
many people in several
different ways. You
might become It only
after being paid, or only
after getting quite
drunk, or only in
madness. I actually had
a friend who attributed
all his encounters to
demonic pocession, and
who, before my very
eyes, became
“possessed” with the
urge to fuck me.
What can be said
about the “out-front”
gay person who can’t go
to bed with a person
more than once? He
goes to the bar alone or
with friends and picks
up a stranger. The next
day this stranger is
gone and he is once
more alone (or with
friends. Remember the
incest taboo is very
strong in gay society). I
know this person only
too well, for he is
myself. And I cannot
explain his actions.
Casual sex leads to
many things - objections
of human beings;
blatant cruelity to those
of us who are physically
unattractive; the
spreading of all kinds of
diseases; a jaded at
titude towards sex. The
most common
characteristic of
promiscuity is that in
reality this whoring
around is the big, jelly
doughnut with no
nutrition. It tastes good,
but it never satisfies the
hunger for love. (Not to
mention what it does to
your teeth.)
On the opposite
extreme is the “gay
marriage.” This, I know
little about; only what I
have seen. And what I
have seen is someone’s
lover asking me to meet
him outside in five
minutes. I have also
seen a young boywho
had his heart broken
because his dreams of
settling down forever
(most likely in a white
house with picket fence)
had been most cruelly
smashed by his lovers
unfaithfulness. I have
seen lovers who are
“open.” and who don’t
. seem to ever sit closer
than three miles to each
other. Most of all I have
seen tricks who after
one night of hot action,
decide I am to be their
love - that is until they
get to know me.
These people who are
constantly looking for a
lover, on the whole are
a most pathetic bunch.
They are not concerned
with loving,, but with
being loved. If you
happen to bear any
physical resemblence to
their fantasy lover, they
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are more than willing to
P'-oject this fantasy onto
you; and they heartily
resent any words or
action on your part that
demonstrates you are
an individual.
The few lover-
relationships (can’t
anyone invent a better
word?) that I have seen
from a distance and
that seem to be
working, still put me at
unease. There is a too
close resemblence to
heterosexual couplings
where one partner
seems to be swallowing
up the other one; and
there seems to be a
constant fight for
f> eedom and intergrity
that is hidden behind
[jetty arguments such as
“Why don’t you ever
wash out the bathtub,
you slob?”
So I look around
sadly and wonder where
he is. You know, the
one who will solve all
my problems and love
me forever? When I get
lonely and tired of
waiting I know I can
Tuesday Night:
always find someone to
spend the night with me
- which is better than
spending it alone. In No
Exit one of Satre’s
characters exclaims,
“Hell is other people.”
True; but the same is
also true of heaven. I
believe I will never feel
as fine as I have those
few times I have been
deeply and devotedly in
love. I still wonder,
what form will it take?
Must I always be either
alone or smothered?
Are there new ways to
be when the love that
dared not speak it’s
name, stands up and
says, “I am here.”?
“I am here and I am
not going away.” This
is the starting place. “I
want a companion to
share my life with.”
That is the first step.
And the second step?
Perhaps it is simply
seeing a person for
what he really is and
not what I would like
him to be. Can it really
be that simple? Or is it
a most difficult task?
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