Newspaper Page Text
October 9, 1991
FLAGPOLE MAGAZINE
Page 5
Ed’s Answers
by Ed Tant
",Judge a man by his ques
tions rather than by his an
swers, ' said the French phi
losopher Voltaire. Once again
this week, readers have posed
quite a quantity of questions
tha 11 will try my best to answer.
Keep those queries coming to Ed's Answers here at
the Flagpole.
1. What happened to Ambrose Bierce?
Nobody knows. Ambrose Bierce was a famous
writer who was born in 1842. After serving as a Union
officer in the Civil War, Bierce moved to San Fran
cisco where he began a long and colorful journalis
tic career writing for such publications as the San
Francisco Examiner, the Overland Journal and the
Argonaut. In 1900 Bierce migrated to Washington,
D. C. where he contributed to the New York Journal
and Cosmopolitan Magazine. In 1906 he published
the cynical and hilarious Devil's Dictionary. As a
writer of grim and grisly horror stories he has been
compared to Edgar Allan Poe and his Civil War
stories such as Chickamauga inspired writer Stephen
Crane to pen such tales as The Red Badge of
Courage. Bierce went to Mexico during the revolu
tion there and was last heard from in December of
1913 when he told a friend, u lfyou hear of my being
stood up against a Mexican stone wall and shot to
rags, please know that I think it's a pretty good way
to depart this life " Bierce disappeared shortly th-
erafter and his fate is still a mystery but his literary
legacy lives on. In The Devil's Dictionary he defined
a liberal as a radical with a wife and two kids and an
egotist as “a person of low taste, more interested in
himself than in me."
2. How does Liposuction work?
It sucks. Literally. Liposuction is a surgical
method of removing localized fat deposits by the
use of a suction apparatus. The procedure is.
potentially dangerous and should not be entered
into lightly. It should only be performed by a quali
fied surgeon. If a person's weight does not interfere
v/ith their health and well-being then they should
live with it and not resort to drastic measures like
liposuction. Remember that many people of both
sexes find rotund folks attractive. Famous fatty
Santa Claus always has pretty women sitting in his
lap.
3. Why doesn't Porky Pig wear pants?
For the same reason that Donald Duck doesn't
wear pants. Now it can be told by this cutting edge
of investigative journalism. The real reason f hat
Porky Pig and Dona'd Duck walk around sans
britches is because they have been hanging around
the Kennedy compound in Palm Beach. As satirist
Tom Lehrer said, [in the song "Smut' — great tune
on censorship. , ed ] 7 could tell you some things
about Peter Pan and the Wizard of Oz is a dirty old
man.'
Keep those questions coming, folks. If you have
any questions send them to Ed's Answers, c/o
Flagpole P.O. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603.
Really Important Stuff
Seems like things in this column just get more
and more important every week.
Business Stuff
Opening soon, in mid-October will be a new
resturant/bar for us entertainment hungry Atheni
ans. The Normaltown Cafe, which is oddly enough
in Normaltown, will soon open to sen/e tasty food
and beverages and also offer a veue for more live
entertainment. It's out past Allen's at 1344 Prince
Ave., so keep an eye open for it and if you're in a
band looking to get booked somewhere, stop by
and badger them for a gig. It might work.
Speaking of new places
book your band, I hear that the
new club, L.T.'s out on Tallas-
see Road, (just past the by
pass) wants some original
music. It might be worth your
effort to investigate that one.
Country Stuff
If you’re all hyped up about
David Allen Coe this Friday, or
a regular patron of the J & J.
Center or anybody else with a
lick of sense, here's some in
formation that might interest
you. The Man in Black, that's
right Johnny Cash is coming to
Rome. GA. (30162 — for Ort).
He'll be at Barron Stadium next
Wednesday, October 16,
complete with June Carter and family. Tickets are
$10.00 — general admission. For more info call
Annette Davitte at (404) 236-4520.
Chili Stuff
As pan of the 1991 Golden Ginkgo Jamboree,
the Athens West Rotary Club is sponsoring the Third
Annual Greater Athens Chili Cookoff on Saturday.
October 19 — downtown at College Square, natu
rally The entry fee is $40 00 and tne proceeds go to
benefit: Habitat for Humanity, Athens Area Boys
Club and the Athens Area Homeless Shelter. The
best batch o' ch*H will take home a $300 00 grand
Gel ready: Calvin 6 Gwen wrf host a Halloween
benefit at the old dm/y-lrt club on Washington SI
prize. Call (404) 546-1446 to know more.
Muley Stuff
This Saturday, October 12 is your chance to
experience the many wonders of the 11th Annual
Mule Day! You can find it at the old Callaway
Plantation, 5 miles west of Washington. GA. on U.S.
78. The gates open at 8 a.m. and for a $2.00
admission price you can see traditional arts and
crafts shows and demonstrations, horse and MULE
contests, a 5K foot race and live entertainment by
who knows what gr^t ^u^cians. I know you'll be
there.
ary Halloween Stuff
This year at the Fabu-
40 Watt, it's gonna be
a Halloween extravaganza.
From the description I’ve
heard it sounds like it will
even rival the much cele
brated BoyButante Ball.
Part drag show, part
Lounge Night and part
costume party, complete
with door prizes! The
evening’s celebrity MC's will
be none other than CEO
Gwen O’Looney and stage
star Cafvin Smith. Prizes to
be given away include a
mountain bike from Sun
shine Cycles and a com-
R.E M. CD’s autographed
yep. REM There will be
plete boxed set of
by ..(guess who) —
dance music and a DJ, reserved tables for those
willing to pay and catering by Weaver D’s and the
Grit (co-sponsers of the evening's festivities, along
with the 40 Watt). Admission is $5 and the money
goes to the Athens Area Homeless Shelter and Our
Daily Bread a local soup kitchen for less fortunate
folks. There will also be live performances, so
anyone interested in dang whatever it is they do on
stage just call the 40 Watt and ask for Jared or the
Grit and talk with Jenna I can’t wait.
Stephen Crawford
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