Newspaper Page Text
October 23, 1991
FLAGPOLE MAGAZINE
Page
The World Series:
We went to see
baseball played in a land...
Where the women are strong
In the spirit of fair play and decorum, we called the editor
ofCity Pages, Flagpole's counterpart in Minneapolis and
challenged them to a friendly bet regarding the outcome of
the World Series — our best moonshine against their beer.
They accepted and said that they planned to write a story
about Georgia music vs Minnesota music. Not to be out
done, we went to Minnesota Here's part one — Ed.
We had heard some rumors, stories really, but as we set
off to cover game one of the World Series, nothing could
have prepared Flagpole editor Sieve Crawford and myself
for the realities of life in Minnesota. Stepping off our char
tered Harosta Airlines (the state owned airline of Minne
sota, and the only one authorized to operate within its air
space) DC-3 we were
blasted by a -8° tem
perature and 37 mph
winds, the locals
laughing cruelly as we
gasped for air
Walking across the
tarmac to the terminal
we noticed that the only
visible signs of life in
side came from scat
tered fires. Entering the
building, we found it
teeming with crafts
men and merchants
plying their trade We
were shocked and
appalled to find an
abundance of baby
sellers, screeching their pitches over the wail of their
broods. "We sell our babies here!” one man cried, and
then, as he spotted our stunned faces; "Does that shock
you! Yes. I do a brisk business in these little brats! Come my
friend, let me sell you a strong manchild, only $400 in gold'"
He cackled viciously as we made our way past.
I had been initially disturbed by the presence of dogs on
the DC-3 as we boarded, but here in Minneapolis it was ob
vious that they played an intregral part in Mmnesotian life
In fact, as I learned from Jean-Jaques, our guide, the
airport area was well noted for its abundance of strays, and
that the women knew just what use to make of them. "Weeth
out ze dogs wee wood starveh," he said, "ze women make
from, zem, ze coats, ze tools, ever’tmg! No pahrt of ze
animal is waisteed." Indeed, dog products account for 18%
of the state's annual revenue
After our encounters at the airfield, Steve suggested
that we proceed to the nearest Georgian embassy and de
mand that we be issued sidearms. We travelled by ox cart
(the only method of transportation available without authori
zation) to the nearest Coca-Cola® bottling plant, and lo
cated the embassy therein. We were received warmly, and
outfitted with our choice of weaponry Steve chose the stan
dard issue Colt 45 SAR, whilst! (ever the pragmatist) opted
for a U S Govt, issue Berretta 9mm.
Our next order of business was the procurer,.ent of
lodgings Jean-Jaques led us through the streets (the tem
perature had plummeted
to -19°) to a large board
ing house, where we
were overjoyed to find
the kitchen still open
There we feasted on dark
bread, ox tails, and Rug-
ruk a thin soup made
from potatoes and loon
gravy When invited to
sample Fuutirom a po
tent alcoholic beverage
culled from bitches' milk,
we politely refused This
seemed to anger the
locals, and hand to hand
combat insued, with
Steve and I making short
work of the slow brutes,
who never failed to fall for the old l-bet-l-can-hit-you-softer-
that-you-can-hit-me routine.
We had just finished cleaning house with that band of rif-
raf when I was overcome by the most noxious odor. A mis
erable combination of wet dog, rancid bologna and rip
ened chesses. It suddenly had occurred to me that up until
that time I had seen none of the local women-folk . We
awoke 12 hours later, locked in a cellar, with two hours 'til
game time
Next Week. The escape, paganism in the coliseum and
flight to freedom at the St Croix River
Joseph Greenia
Steve made this sketch of the airport while we waited for an oxcart to take
us to the Georgian Embassy in Minnesota
Preparing for tricks...
It's Halloween night and at this
hour no self-respecting trick-or-
treater would be ringing doorbells,
even if the porch light is still on. So
what is a dressed up kiddie with a
"sugar-high" to do 9
Keep that costume on (for a few
more hours, at least) and traipse down
town; all the work put into that devas
tating get-up could earn a few weird and
mysterious prizes at the Flying Buffalo,
where Nathan Sheppard will play, or at
E T's Palace, where one well-
frocked reveler will go home
with m-demand tickets to an
upcoming Georgia game, plus
accomodations (so it’s out of
town A trip Go find out where
to)
To hear some plain old music,
without the gimmicks and games, it's
down to the Downstairs with Redneck
Greece and Crym' Cowgirls Or do the
Georgia Theatre tnmg and see Aligoob
OK. expect some decorations and pos
sibly some more give-aways, but there’s no mandatory
costume for these two
As for costume bashes. O'Malley's is giving away over
$1000 (Can it be true 9 ) in cash and fabulous prizes Well,
the price is right.
A grand seems to be the magic number, as Spanky’s
Halloween bash will offer a $1,000 first prize and a $500
second piace prize Admission is $10 and costume regis
tration starts at 9p.m.
Finally, for some fun that isn't wholly selfish, frequent the
40 Watt with its Masquerade Ball to benefit (yes, yet another
benefit The spirit of giving is here and it’s not even
Christmas ) the Athens Homeless Shelter and "Our Daily
Bread" Soup Kitchen The five Duck ticket price gains
access to a Fashion Show, Drag Show, and Costume
Contest And there's free food (to tone down tne sugar
coursing through those tnck-or-treater veins) And door
prizes A live disco DJ does the reauired music thing and
local songsters are cutting together a "Lounge Night" set
Help the Watt, and The Gnt. anc Weaver D's help the
homeless and help yourself to the mad and merry Hallow
een happenings
And then go home and get some sleep, for goodness
sake It's net even Friday yet and everyones running
around
Laura Coor<v
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