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Ihis plutf mud comedy filmmaking II
you've seen the pfomos. you.ve seen all
the besl scenes, except tor all that funny
prolantly (f*ck you 1 No. fck you') Noi
exactly high txow stufl (Beecnwoodj
Picture Perfect (R) Jennifer Amston
stars as a selfish ad rep climbing the
office ladder al any cosl 1111 cost you
$6 25 lo squirm your way Ihrough this
lousy 'romantic comedy' Co-starring
Jay Mohr, tlleana Oouglas and Kevin
Bacon {Mail Inside)
She's So Lovely <Ri Uj of the blue
comes a unique, dark romantic drama
thal mortis on its own levels Sean Penn
and Robm Wright Penn star as a loving,
but barely functional. New York couple
who have enthusiastically unusual
habits After a bizarre barroom incident,
the husband is 'put away' tor 10 years
He emerges confused, but determine^
lo find his wife Shes remarried lo John
Travolla. however and fhe ir.avilable
showdown between the two guys is
hilarious Harry Dean Stanton and Debt
Ma/arr co-star in this strange but
refreshingly honest movie trom Nick
Cassavetes Based on a script from Ihe
late John Cassavetes Go m with an
open mmd (Malt Outside)
A Smile Like Youra (PG-13) A preg
nancy comedy that looks as exciting as
a trip to the pharmacy Greg Kmnear
{Dear God. ‘Talk Soup*) and Lauren
Holly (Turbulence) star as the couple
who have tunny problems and fry to
solve them in a funny way Perhaps Co-
starring Jay Davis Chris McDonald and
Joan Cusack Directed by the producer
ot Kingpin Big Sight and 2 Days In The
Valley. Keith Samples Opens Friday
(Mall Inside)
MOVIE PICK
Fire Down Below (PG-13) Over the sum
mer in Athens, we’ve tolerated a continuous
slew of almost unwatchable flicks thrown
together by Hollywood hacks with their
heads in the clouds (Speed 2. Batman, Con
An, Spawn. Lost World. Volcano). Some were
victims of overproduction, some poorly
acted, some poorly written, all with the
same mindless approach that seems to be a
formula In some grander money-making
scheme (that also seems to work.)
Fire Down Belou, the terrible new envi
ronmental action movie starring Steven
Seagal, defies the typical summer block
buster no-brainer categorization. Who came
up with this concept and how did they actu
ally go through with making the thing 9 This
is one of the most bizarre, most ill-con
ceived, choppiest movies we’ve seen this
year, and one strictly for "bad movie" fans
only!
To put an action hero actor in the lead
role as an Environmental Protection Agency
Marshal to go under
cover in a small
Kentucky town to
battle corporate pol
luters is ridiculous
enough. To pepper
the cast with country
music and rock stars
like Mark Collie. The
Lynne twins. Kandy
Travis. Levon Helm.
Travis Trltt and Kris
Kristofferson is even
more strange. To
force the cast
through one hell of
an unconvincing
script and story was
too much. Bad
movies are a norm
these days, but flicks
so strange and poorly
made are sometimes
a treat for the elite
crowd of moviegoers who love to laugh at
elaborate onscreen crap.
After a fellow agent is murdered on
assignment in the Kentucky hills, EPA
Marshal Jack Taggert (Seagal) agrees to infil
trate a small Appalachian coal mining town
"undercover" as a church carpenter. He
looks more like a New York mafic so in his
tacky leather jackets with stripes and fringe
and his greasy ponytail hair. Somehow, the
moviemakers overlooked this glaring flaw.
It’s a source of laughter throughout the
entire flick.
Some town folks accept him; others sus
pect him. There are plenty of convenient
reminders that reinforce the old hillbilly
stereotypes, and an occasional Deliverance
reference, too. Of course, there’s a corrupt
sheriff on the take (Ed Bruce), a wise town
fool ( the sorely underused Harry Dean
Stanton), a lonely blonde with a dark past
(Marg Helgenbcrgcr). a kind but cautious
preacher (Levon Helm) and an entire gang
of cardboard tough guys who work for the
villainous mining tycoon *nd prime suspect
(Kristofferson).
As the story unwinds, we watch Taggert
shift between romantic interludes with the
lonely blonde, to "lab work" by the river to
test water samples, to kindly visits to the
sickly children. When he’s not pontificating
on some weird Seagalish spiritualism, he’s
kicking ass downtown at the hardware
store, or at the dance with country star
Marty Stuart strumming in the background.
When these martial art-driven fights break
out. everyone incredibly continues about
their business as if nothing even happened.
No one is behaving the way people really
behave. This lack of credible behavior is
just one of the shameful flaws in Fire Down
Below For the "bad movie" fan. it’s all part
of the fun.
The real problem here is the lack of
focus; is this an action movie or an anti-pol
lution drama? The story wildly goes all over
the map. New characters are introduced
near the end out of
the blue like the lone
ly blonde's suspi
cious brother
(Stephen Lang), or
the tycoon’s embat
tled son (Brad Hunt),
who perhaps
reminds us of Dr.
Evil’s Gen X son in
Austin Powers. You’ll
find yourself wonder
ing “what the hell’s
going on here? Who's
this guy?" or "When
did this suddenly
turn into Duel 2"
after a downhill car
chase. Who knows?
At times we forget
that there were even
any "fires down
below" to be con
cerned about.
Even Seagal’s trademark fight scenes
looks goofy and dumb In this strange movie.
Nothing works. The violence and action is
comical and the dialogue forced and unnat
ural.
Screenplay writer Jcb Stuart wrote this
based on his own EPA pollution experiences
in Kentucky. The topic is serious and should
have been played out in an entirely different
movie, preferably one without an action
hero. What were they thinking?
The cheesy country and “bluegrass"
soundtrack from Trevor Rabin (the Yes gui
tarist responsible for awful soundtracks in
Con Air and Glimmer Man) is icing on the
cake for a poorly made flick that's laughable
in its lack of identity, lack of coherence and
lack of story. Stick around for the Harry
Dean Stanton song at the very end. This
movie is great fun for those of you who can
appreciate terrible filmmaking, and an awful
time for anyone hoping for a decent good
time at the cinema. (Mall Inside)
Ballard Lesemann
Hm wt h*vr Steven looking incomfxcuouv
T«? TEN
STUDENT
PET PEEVES
10. Getting up for a 7:50 a.m. Psych, class.
T.V.'s at the Tate Center which despite
getting 50+ channels are always tuned to
Jerry Springer.
fy" Bus drivers who close the door, smile and
drive away.
J Smelly guys who decide to sit next to you
on the bus.
fa* Rushing to class five minutes late and
finding out it has been cancelled.
ty When your English teacher speaks four
languages and English isn't one of them.
L Obnoxious, scummy sales people who ask,
»• "Have you signed up for the paper yet?"
Teachers who refuse to recognize the edu
cational value of a mid-class power-nap.
Forgetting the birthday on your fake I.D.
j.PAYING TOO MUCH FOE
TEXTBOOKS!!!
(AT &»«<$ F®<L
Why spend more on a new book if an old one contains
the same information? The only difference (with the
exception of some highlighted and dog-eared pages) is
a cheaper pricetag. So buy your books at Off Campus
Bookstore and save some money for those parking tickets.
Off Campus
Bookstore
* • r
11 >p of Baxter 11 \ 11 • 548 9376
and on Lumpkin Street • 548*2747
Irt t p:/!\\ \\ w ocbs.com ^
11
SEPTEMBER IQ, 1997