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BUSINESS In EMERSON DAMERON Married bachelors, adult children of eunuchs, and walking contradictions worldwide: the end of your suffering is at hand. Used to be freedom from hope was the only thing left to hope for, but it turns out this stasis was sitting on a bubble the whole time, and the bubble will burst in, that's right, an hour and counting. Yeah, that last chapter was sad, but what would you say if I told you that I had it from a reliable source that we're currently skimming the index? None other than newscaster Dan Rather has just announced that an aquatic apocalypse is touching down on the Eastern Seaboard as we speak. Flags in New York are at fourth mast, flags in Chicago and all points West are still at half mast, and delusional Californians are trying in vain to grow gills within the next four hours. (Each time zone gets a sepa rate apocalypse, naturally.) Robert Frost spent so much time fretting about fire and ice that he neglected to realize that life on earth will cer tainly be done in by the great equalizer. The late Mark Sandman hit it closer when he said, "You'd better swim/Swim like a motherfucker.'’ But no Fruit Loop will stay afloat for long in the water age. It's time to find two of each species, make awkward introductions, and kill the rest of our time. together talking about local and regional music and culture. (Hey, let's not let the apoca lypse get in the way of a weekly tradition.) Local musician-about-town Barry Sell found him self short one customized Gibson SG guitar after the late night Skin Pops gig on Friday, June 22. The instrument's sanded-down, unfinished body was last seen in a nylon guitar case. Call 769- 0906 with any leads on Sell's baby's whereabouts. Big winners at this year's EyeBall Music Video Showcase (which went down on the night of Thursday, June 22 and the morning of Friday, June 23 at the 40 Watt Club) were Jose Lauro Mata's video for The Homes' "Cookie Cutter Master" ($500 and a Deluxe Raygun Award cre ated by artist Dylan Neuwirth), Usama Alshaibi's treatment of Freak Garden Accident's "Dance Habibi Dance" (S300 and a Standard Neuwirth Raygun), and local java-slanger Joey Foreman's vision of The Olivia Tremor Control's "Another Set Of Bees In The Museum" ($200 and ? Standard Raygun). Russ Merkow's video for Quasar Wut-Wut's "Wonderbra" and the Tim Nackashi/Mark Magnarella treatment of Jurifer's "Superman" were mentioned honorably, as long as I'm stuck on these passive sentence constructions. In related news, Prometheus X Productions is accepting submissions for this year's Kudzu Film Festival, to be held Wednesday, October 18 through Sunday, October 22 at the Morton. Click on prometheus-x.com or call 227-6090 for details or an application. Athens' Bluestring (recently voted "Best Band To See Live" in the Athens Flagpole Music Awards 2000, indicating the presence of a diligent 'string fan base) heads to Nashville later this summer to get a fresh wax from producer/drummer Rich Redmond. In the interim, vocalist and instru mental swingman Ted Pennington has been recording with former Bluestring singer Erin Macue. The fruits of these sessions can be heard on Macue's forthcoming solo platter. The current Bluestring lineup plays the Georgia Theatre on Thursday, August 17, just in time to brainwash a few freshmen. All things move toward their end; time crumbles mountains and brings down dictators. I think you know where I'm going with this. Local rock combo Amber Jack (f/k/a SkUlet), is, according to a recent press release, "dead." Likewise, the members of Deacon Brody have an.icably gone their separate ways. Josh Lott, bassist for The Walt Lariat, has left the band for whatever reason. For those keeping score, Lott was also the drummer for the recently defunct At The Price Of The Union, which brings it all around in a big circle, sort of like the recycling symbol. A cycle of artistic difference*. So it goes. DJ Wonka of 90.5 FM's "Organic Compound" is ready to drop Certified Organic, the first in what may become a series of expansive, esoteric mix CDs. The disc showcases Wonka's unique knack for weaving together tracks from Portishead, Cinematic Orchestra, Dynamic Syncopation, The Herbaliser, Fantastic Plastic Machine, The Wiseguys and a holy host of others (26 numbers in all, not counting the intro). E- mail kiwi@ arches.uga.edu for information on the CD, and catch Wonka spinning live at UGA's Tate Center on Friday, July 14, after which he's rumored to be Big Apple bound. You'll never hear me accuse Lures drummer Clay Leverett of wearing too few hats. Besides fronting the increasingly popular Lona, Leverett new has a hip-hop flavored side project called River City High that hits the Engine Room Supercenter on Thursday, July 13. The following night, the ER welcomes uncouth Atlanta garage rockers The El Caminos and formaldehyde-pre served New York Doll Sylvain Sylvain. Local crooner, busker, and rodeo clown Bill Scoggins has three new MP3 files posted at vitaminic.com tor your downloading enjoyment. Across the musical spectrum, the Chris Connelly-ish indus trial pop outfit Radio:Tahiti was sur prised to see its recent MP3 ranked #8 at MP3.com. According to co-frontman Steve Fitzpatrick, "That's pretty good for a band no one in this town seems to have heard of." Send local music news, promises, proposals, propositions, and funnel cakes to omni- vore@starplace .com, voice mail; 549-2630, facts machine: 548-8981, or by post to P. 0. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603 Attn.: Emerson. Send all dated material at least eight days in advance. (I wouldn't send you an expired jug of milk, now would I?) Stay strong, and don't go out in che rain. (You're made of sugar, remember? You'll melt.) These are the days. Enjoy the wine. Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to place your free print ad, free voice greeting and you can listen to your messages free once a week! To place your FREE personal ad, 1-800-738-8 1 09 To respond to ads at $1.99 per minute., 1 -900-476-6085 !u3£ Check us out online at www.flagpole.com Women seeking Men 1-900-476-6085 at S1.99 per min. to respond to ads Y;„ 15 or o : 3e ; LET'S JOKE AROUNO Wf. 40. 5‘. ISObs.. brown han. green efts, loves NASCAR, drt trade racing tubng camp r,g Seeks affectionate, happy SM. 35-55. Ad# 1039 DON'T BE LONELY! SF. 40. wants a special man to share my hfe with. Are you that special someone? Adf 6776 WHO'S YOURBUOOr? 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