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A Hiss Is 9zfS£ A Hiss... Op Is It? R ecently, MTV awarded the "Best Kiss in a Motion Picture" to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair for their extremely hot liplock in the film Cruel Intentions. Unless you're a cold fish or someone who doesn't have a tongue, if you saw the movie or the awards show, you probably appreciated their uninhibited per formance. I'm guessing that lesbians (and cockfisted straight boys in dorm rooms) everywhere were turned on. The kiss seemed to defy all laws of self-consciousness on either woman's part Sarah and Selma, I thought, are either really great actresses or they've done that before. My first kiss was all very sloppy and way too mis guided... My first kiss was all very sloppy and way too misguided to come close to satisfying me now. But over the years, it has graduated to being sweet and innocent in my memory—even though, ironically, the first boy to ever slip me the tongue is now a big queen. His kiss, I'm happy to say, was the first of many to come, but it was also the one by which I judged others for well over a year. It took me that long to kiss enough boys that I was able to form an opinion and a discriminating taste, if you will. By the end of that time, I'd decided that I preferred soft and slow over hard and flailing when it came to probing tongues. In matters of kissing, as Sarah and Selma have proved, women once again have got it over on men. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but I think it might have something to do with the fact that a woman has a vagina. A woman under stands that allowing something to be inserted into any cavity of her body—some might argue especially her mouth—is a privilege for the inserter and should be treated as such. For the most part, because of that feminine understanding, I feel confident saying that women kiss ether women like we mean it-- honey-tongued and with respect When women kiss, we kiss. We don't think about what our penis would rather be doing, because we don't have one, or because the one we have is stashed away in a drawer. Many men, however, kiss with a greater goal in mind and therefore miss out on what's happening in the moment—the seduc tion, the eroticism and the privilege of the kiss eludes them. By the way, this is also why I think men are bad drivers—they're more concerned with arriving at their destination than they are in the route they take or the view along the way. T hat isn't to say, however, that women don't have our own agenda when it comes to our lips—we do. A kiss is what women use to gauge all matters involving tongues. In fact, experi enced lesbians know that if a woman is a bad kisser, she probably won't change her tactic for other parts—even if she did take two years of Latin. If she can't navigate arouna a tongue and a bunch of teeth, there's no way you can trust her with the important stuff. Unfortunately, there's no way to tell a person's smoochability ahead of time. So, a life time of kissing is experienced largely through trial and error. I used to think that I could just look at a mouth and know if it was going tc provide me with a satisfying kiss. But I'm not so sure any more. While it might appear that Angelina Jolie has got lips made for kissing, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she kisses like, say, Ernest Borgnine. I also wouldn't be shocked to learn that Julia Roberts can't give a good blowjob to save her life. When women kiss, we kiss. We don't think about what our penis would rather be doing... I say this because experience tells me the mouth that's typically ignored is often the most pleasing to kiss. Like the quiet girl at the party who almost always proves to be the most inter esting guest, the tongue of the thinner-lipped woman makes up for what Mother Nature skimped on. The bottom line is a kiss can never be defined, but it can, and will, be compared. So know that from your first kiss to the kiss of death, kissing is an art, a work in progress. And practice makes perfect. Kim Ficera Two 4 One Original Freeze Flavors WHY SHARE? Sharing is nice, but not necessary if you try our original Freeze flavors: Mocha. Chai, Coffee & Vanma Latte. Get 2 for the price of 1 during this special offer! New Espresso Happy Hour, Daily 5pm-7:30pm ^ speakeasy U DIMMER... basil mozzarella, 2 salads, qreen tomato, shrimp pasta, pork medallions, pear and almond tart...$25 for LUNCH... 2 salads, southern trio, beef kebobs, calimari, risotto cakes...$15 269 e.broad s(. 546.SS56 healthy happenings! 12 BikeAthens Benefit Sot. 11 -2pm Pay a skinny $3, enjoy a grilled sandwich, and support alternative transportation in Athens. All proceeds benefit BikeAthens. Learn bike safety tips, too! 1e Body Care-the "real" thing Wednesday Pick up free samples of health and beauty products to try at home. Always cruelty-free, always free of artificial colors. 17 Kids in the Kitchen? Thurs. 6pm A cooking class especially for kids. Learn how to make easy after-school snacks and other healthy foods from Earth Fare. Stop by the store for details and to sign-up. Healthy Kids Festl Saturday Bring the parents along to sample nutritious and delicious natural foods to help you kids grow big and strong. Enter to win prizes, too. STORE HOURS Mon-Sat 7am-1 Opm Sun 9-9 Earth Fare the healthy market and cafe 1689 S. Lumpkin St Five Points • 227-1717 • www.earthfare.com m FLAGPOLE AUGUST 16, 2000