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Y'W The Flagpole Advice Mofo Addresses Concerns of Incoming UGA Students Dear Adwce Mofo, Now that I'm in college, I'm a little nervous about the richness and variety in my newly expanded dating pool. How would you suggest scouting out a swingin' dish delish of the partic ular gender that rolls my bread? —Curious in Creswell take a walk downtown and share some fresh oxygen with people that might be more hep to your style? Be on the lookout for some of the relatively inconspicuous, offbeat joints ana gal leries, all within reasonable walking distance of campus. These places have funky atmosphere, lots of cool flotsam and artifacts to sift through, friendly, articulate proprietors, and tight-knit circles of regular customers. Hang out long enough and you're bound to strike up a conver sation. Strike up a conversation and you might make a friend off campus, which can lead to having all sorts of cool friends off campus. Most of your contemporaries might be trying to get into unsavory downtown meat markets with their pictures super-glued on Dad's driver's license, causing objectively boneheaded traffic accidents, getting hit on at the sports bars by surly drunks with gray ponytails or doing the ugly deed on the bunk bed on top of yours, so you'll be doing yourself a favor in the long run. Dear Curious, First, keep in mind that this ain't just high school with ashtrays, no matter what Fast Times At Riagemont High may have led you to believe. "Dating" is such an arcane concept, anyway: "On this date, October 6, 2000, I will be seen in the company of someone I find attractive." Makes me feel like I'm trying to get in one last Coke float and some surreptitious thigh-rubbing at Make Out Point before I get shipped off to Korea. If some finey catches your eye, why not boldly and humbly suggest you meet downtown for coffee or some window-shopping? Lunches are good, too: There's no reason to feel like lunch was a dud if it's not followed by a protracted make out session with Morphine playing in the back ground. Either way, don't call it or think of it as a "date" and you're playing the odds: you might at least end up with a pal who can give you some romantic pointers later on. If winter rolls around and you're still crappin' out, do what I did: have a vocoder installed in your larynx. Just ask that dude from Trans Am: the most asinine bullshit that comes out of your mouth is going to sound like undeniable prophecy through a vocoder. Every rime I go downtown, it's like step ping into a women's prison, all because of this vocoder. It wears me out sometimes, but I do nothing half-assed, and we all dig that in a potential romantic partner. (For example: Even if the vocoder idea sounds extreme, do not under any circumstances ask anyone out "through a friend" or allow yourself to be fixed up on blind dates. No Flagpole reader should ever be that weak and des perate.) Deai Advice Mofo, Most of the people on my hall seem like naive idiots who think cigarettes and alcohol are new thresholds of furtive subversion, and I'm having a little trouble making friends. Did I mention they giggle a lot? Is there any hope? —Bad Attitude in Brumby Dear Tude, Even if you get thrown in with the most bril liant, creative crop of freshman on record, dorm life tends to bring out the claustrophobe (if not the full-on misanthrope) in anyone. Why not Dear Advice Mofo, Being the socially and sexually secure musical genius that 1 am, I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to dig into the Athens music scene. I hear this is where the action is these days. —Rockin' and Noddin' in Reed Dear R&N, Right you are. The Athens music scene is as solid, vibrant, and inclusive as it's been in many moons. (I wish all those sniveling scenesters with the gall to complain would take a Greyhound trip to Austin or Chicago one day. Then they'd notice how spoiled we aie.) I would lecommend habitually listening to "Sound of the City" on 90.5 FM (check their web page at www.uga.edu/~wuog ior scheduling; they're moving a lot of the shows around for fall) and Rock 103.7 FM's "Local Noise" on Sunday nights to hear a kaleido scopic range of local talent and decide what you'd like to get into. When you hear a band that rocks the fat part of your ass in previously unimaginable ways (and you will), plunk down a few frogskins and go see them live. (Check "A is Playing at B on C" every week in Flagpole for all the club listings your lil corneas can handle.) I should probably add that there has never oeen a better time or place for you to pick up an instrument, even if its a turntable or two. If that doesn't work out, there's a healthy market for self-encapsulated, prematurely bitter rock critics in Athens as well. Emerson Dameron VTilMiJ “Ultimate Red & Black Sports Bar” BROAD STREET BAR S GRILL a Sunday Brunch, Socials/Mixers Catering All Occasions STEAKS • SEAFOOD • BURGERS HOAGIES • SALADS • SOUPS VEGGIES • DAILY SPECIALS of Broad St. B Jackson St. • S48-5187 20-50% off all shoes 2 Locations! 1068 Baxter Street Georgetown Shopping Center Athens, GA 30610 Athens,-GA 30605 546-0618 546-0616 Georgia Flight . • Testing Facilities On Site • The Only Pilots' Store in Athens • Ttain Through Multi-Engine * ' Located in Athens Airport 1055 Ben Epps Drive • Main Terminal Office Hours 9- 72 M-F 706-543-4359 VUNDER V/here do«}s < «>wt for <k'< or.MVe a<<ussonev *iroTniKrer\ip / randies. HVeiise. soaps. folk ar\. an7i«|ut*s. K /«uvj ar7. BARNETT SHOALS ROAD a: CAINES SCHOOL ROAD 61 FUTONS Athens’ Largest Selection FUTONS • FRAMES • COVERS Simmons Name Brand Futons Southern faterbeds * Futons—^ Locally Owned and Operated Since 1975 3775 Atlania Hiehuav • Athens *-Aen»w l.nan (iA Square Mall \ Mon.-Sal. IO-7 <706i 543-4323 SHOOTING RANGE ATHENS’ 4U?REN4M-tNE SUPERCENTER 546-6111 AUGUST 16, 2000 FLAGPOLE SB