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PHOTO BY BRAD AARON
"The biggest headache of the wedding was
my mom," says Jo. "After four years of [my]
dating Amy, she was still in denial. When I
told her we were going to be married, she
said That's horrible, awful. Don't ever men
tion that to me again.' Then she threatened
repeatedly not to come to the wedding."
Jo's mom did end up attending her wed
ding, even managing to utter some polite
words to her daughter's bride. As in the case
of Jo's mother, families of a lesbian bride-to-
be might deny theii daughter's sexuality in an
attempt to "make it go away." These negative
reactions can be difficult obstacles for brides
when planing their dream wedding.
After marrying her partner Jamie, Beverly
recalls, "Jamie's parents have yet to meet me
or even talk to me on the phone. They have
not dealt well with
her coming out at all,
even after five years!
Jamie's brother was.
here and could have
attended the wedding
but chose to leave
instead because, as
he put it, our parts
'don't fit together,'
and we have no busi
ness getting married
because of it."
But, according to
Lewin's research, despite select negative reac
tions to same-sex wedding ceremonies, people
in general are becoming more accepting of the
idea. "As soon as I started doing this
research," says Lewin, "everyone I ran into
would say, 'Oh, I just went to a gay wedding,'
or 'My neighbor just went to one.' People are
becoming familiar with these ceremonies."
In fact, aside from a few negative reactions
to their weddings, these lesbian couples were
delighted to find, in general, enthusiastic
support from their future wedding guests. "I
was so surprised at how many people were
supportive. Even my boss was great!" says Jo.
"Our entire family came to our wedding,"
says Amy. "It was wonderful—stressful, but
wonderful!"
"Everyone who was invited to the wedding
was thrilled and felt special and honored to
be included," says Beverly of her wedding.
"Although no one had attended a wedding foi
lesbians before, they all came and said it was
the most fun wedding they'd ever been to,
and how brilliant it was seeing two people in
love, committing themselves to each other."
Another possible obstacle when planning a
lesbian wedding is the age-old tradition of
having the bride's family pay for the wedding,
while the groom's family generally pays for
the rehearsal dinner. Jo and Amy had no
problems figuring out who should foot the
bill. Amy's family, fully supportive of her mar
riage both financially and emotionally, paid
for the wedding and reception, while Jo
picked up the tab for the rehearsal dinner.
"It worked out just fine," says Jo.
Rev. Rene DuBose, a minister at the 0 n r
Hope Metropolitan Community Church in
Athens, performs lesbian commitment cere
monies, referred to as "holy unions." She says
that though these ceremonies are very similar
to heterosexual weddings, there are a "few
unique pieces."
Part of this difference is DuBose's strict
rule that the couple is together at least a year
before entering into a holy union. DuBosp
says she wants to make sure that the couples
are not going into marriage lightly.
"After a year
people are more real
istic and serious.
They've been through
holidays together and
know how each other
handles stress. This
gives them a better
chance."
DuBose also meets
with each couple
before the ceremony
and talks to them
about the major
issues they will probably encounter
throughout their marriage. "I ask question*
and talk to them about religion, family of
origin, finances, and sex and intimacy. I make
sure they understand each other's take on
these issues."
Like many ministers, DuBose wants to
make sure the couples are fully remitted
before heading down the aisle. She recognizes
that love is fragile and often not easily
attained.
"I usually read First Corinthians at the cer
emonies," says DuBose, "because it talks
about the ideal of what love should he. Isn't
that what we all aspire to?"
On their wedding day, Jo and Amy vowed:
"I have chosen you to be my true companion.
You shall not walk alone. My heart shall be
your shelter, and my arms shall be your
home." These vows, and the rings exchanged
after, committed their lives together forever.
No matter the sex of those standing at the
altar, wedding ceremonies are held with the
sole purpose of celebrating the lifetime that
will be shared between two individuals.
Wedding ceremonies are brides' moments to
shine, to be beautiful and to honor the mir
acle of love; in lesbian weddings that goes
double.
Kirsten Brewer
"The biggest
headache of
the wedding
was my mom."
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