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ior real!
THE LONGEST YARD (R) 1974. One of
Entertainment Weekt/s most salient recent points,
and one I have been badgering friends about for
years, involves the remake trend. Dozens of films
have been unnecessarily re-imagined, re-envi
sioned, or re-whatever-ed, while so many great
ideas done-poorly lie ripe for renovation. Some
remakes work out better than others. (Dawn of the
Deod '04 might be less of a social polemic than its
predecessor, but it is one hell of a scary movie.)
Host end up junk to be added to the towtring
cinematic scrapheap. While only God and opening
weekend audiences
temper the flammable dry humor and choke the
entire unlikely affair, filmed at Georgia's state pen
in Reidsville, with grit
Reynolds set the table for his becoming the
biggest money-making star from 1978 to 1982
with this sharp turn as the 'All-American' S.O.B.
anti-hero. With his gum-chomping and that high-
pitched cackle, Reynolds has always exuded a
carefree nature. He is, or was, before he had
HAACO do his bodywork, the clichW 'man's man.'
With Reynolds quarterbacking, his Mean Machine,
including Jim Hampton (Teen Wolf). Richard Kiel
(James Bond's Jaws),
know where Adam
Sandler's The Longest
Yard will fit on the
continuum, the 1974
original starring red-
hot superstar Burt
Reynolds as the former
pro football MVP, Paul
“Wrecking" Crewe most
definitely resides in
the no-room-for-
improvement category. Burt Reynolds, Chris Rock and Adam Sandler
(Even so, the flick was
already remade by the Brits as 2001's Mean
Machine.) Crewe is tasked with putting together a
team of convicts to tackle a semi-pro squad of
guardsmen. A bit of macho subversion that sides
with rapists and murderers, selected more for their
maliciousness than for their gridiron skills, comes
off like The Marquis de Sade's Cool Hand Luke in
pads and a helmet Director Robert Aldrich (The
Dirty Dozen, whose own ill-advised remake looms
not far beyond the horizon, no doubt) and screen
writer Tracy Keenan Wynn inject enough post-
Bonnie and Clyde violence (Crewe beats on his
sugar mama before joyriding in her Maserati) to
and bald TV heavy
Robert Tessier, cannot
help but be a likable
crew of thuggish win
ners, especially when
compared to the film's
bastions of justice:
brutal guards and a
corrupt warden, played
by Eddie Albert like
Oliver Wendell Douglas
turned silkily evil after
discovering wife Lisa
had slept with half of Hooterville. (Such disillu
sionment with The Man is fairly common for '60s
and '70s cinema.) I get why producers feel a
remake of this film, too slow for the kids all
hopped up on the MTV, to be in order; where are
the hip hop stars and football players-tumed-
actors playing football player? My answer is: who
cares? The original Longest Yard stands as the
finest piece of prison pigskin ever made. Will the
same be said 20 years from now for the remake?
You be the judge.
Drew Wheeler
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