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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
Has anyone ever thought that one of your let
ters was about them and written in and told you,
but later found out it wasn't ? I saw one recently
that I thought was from my ex, but when I con
fronted said ex, they totally denied it. I still don't
believe them.
Dirty Laundry
I seem to recall a letter about a
guy getting a beer dumped over
his head, but I can't
remember exactly what the
context was. Funny thing
is, even though we would
all like to think that we are
unique and that our rela
tionships and our prob
lems are different than
other people's, we're all
basically the same and
we all do the same
stupid shit. Kind of
comforting, isn't it?
Unless there were names
involved, or some sort of
detail that is incredibly
unusual your ex is probably
telling you the truth. And even if they're not,
just forget about it Let bygones be bygones and
exes be exes. It's just easier.
Several weeks ago, I met a woman 13 years my
senior. We have already written a song together
and we both want to work creatively together
more in the future. I had never been attracted to
an older woman before, but there is something
about her that draws me to her. One night after
drinking.together, I spent the night with her.
Unfortunately, after she had a few days to cool
down and evaluate the situation, she informed me
that it wasn't going to work out. She explained
that she could see no future in our relationship
and she didn't want me to get hurt Truth be told,
I really think she deserves to meet Hr. Right and I
will be the first to congratulate her when she does.
However, I see no reason why we can't have
plenty of fun together in the meantime. I
cart accept that she doesn't wish to
become attached to me, but she talks
as if she thinks I would get hurt if
it went any further. How do I
convince her that though I
am capable of being a sensi
tive companion, I con still
handle a casual/ tempora/y
relationship?
Nice Guys Like Booty Calls,
Too!
Has it occurred to you that
'not wanting you to get hurt'
could mean she's just not
interested? I'm not saying
that this is necessarily the
case, but it may be, and if it is, then you're
wasting your breath, and if you keep pushing her,
you're going to force her to say things you don't
want to hear. Now, that being said, if you really
do want to keep hooking up, and you are willing
to take the risk of this type of painful truth, then
tell her you are perfectly willing, eager even, to
play the part of boy toy until she finds another
man. If she still refuses, try getting her drunk
again.
Seriously though, allow for the possibility that
her extra 13 years has earned her some wisdom
and let it go. If you can't go back to things the
way they were before you slept together, then
walk away before it gets ugly. That way at least
you will have a good memory to show for it
How weird is this? I left a boyfriend because he
was unfaithful to me. I took up with another guy,
and believe it or not, turns out it was his ex who
did the down and dirty with my former squeeze.
But now the plot thickens. The two of
them did not hang together.
There is a possibility
that I might recon
cile with my pre
vious interest
Likewise, there is
a chance that
my present
partner might
get back with
his once upon a
time However,
the two of us
really do like one
anotirer, but even
so, we have talked
over prospects of maybe
each moving on to yet fur
ther companions. So which mul
tiple choice would you advise as being most cor
rect? Return to what we had. Stay with what we
have Go on to what might be there for the harring.
Dotty Dottie
Are those the only choices? How about d) I
don't give a shit? Your soap opera is a little com
plex, no? Do you seriously expect me or anyone
else to either follow along or remotely care about
any of the characters involved? You have given no
information about these alleged people aside from
their vague connection to one another and collec
tive uncertainty about the meaning and impor
tance of that connection, thereby leaving me to
conclude that you're either a) completely shallow,
or b) really bad at lying.
- r r ' ..’> ftf- r *. ' - , ** . J
Tm dating a guy who is addicted to his com
puter. He is constantly playing games; he never
asks me out to do anything and always wants me
to go to his place when we see each other. Needless
to say, he is putting minimal effort into the rela
tionship at this point The thing is, I really like
him; he's smart funny, great in bed, but he is
totally geeking me out! Help!
Dissed and Pissed
I think you are being a little
generous when you describe
what you have as a 'rela
tionship.' Alas, the
technological revolu
tion seems to be
beating the sexual
revolution on sev
eral fronts. I know
many people (not
just men, either)
who spend way
more time in front
of a computer-
gaming, surfing for pom,
making friends,' blogging,
writing pretentious Internet journals,
etc.—than they do going out and actu
ally having a life. I mean, Christ, they have games
that simulate having a life so you don't have to
go out and get one! Time to have a talk with this
boy, hon. Being smart, funny and great in bed
only works if you actually go out and be smart
and funny, preferably while communicating with
your significant other and possibly even the out
side world, and occasionally getting into bed.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anony
mous inquiry via the Reality Check button at
www.flogpole.com.
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