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HITCH (PG-13) Will Smith stars as a
super-smooth player who stumbles on
meeting the gal ot his dreams. Hitch
works in a sputtering fashion, mainly
due to the former Fresh Prince's charm,
(Georgia Square 5)
the guy who brought you The Making of
'Jurassic Park 'simpty serves as an
excuse for lots and lots ot product
placement, of which Pepsi and
Budwetser take the lion* share. I do not
even think I have to tell you vWiere this
-
HP
Prepare fa Bat-love!
THE ADVENTURES OF SHARK BOY
AND LAVA GIRL IN 3-0 (PG) Hey
kids, do you like your movies blurry,
colorless and nauseating? If so. check
out the 3-D adventures of young Max
(Cayden Boyd) and his dreamed-up
superhero friends (Tayfor Dooley and
Taylor Lautner). While 3-D endeavors
have improved (I guess), I find it hard to
believe that Robert Rodriguez* newest
is the best technology the business has
to offer Conceived from the thoughts
and dreams of Rodriguez* son Racer,
obviously ted a chikffiood cinematic diet
uf 0/and The Neverendmg Story,
Shartooy and Lavagirl ts prepubescent
David Lynch shot try a Salvador Dali
heavily influenced by the Land of Dairy
Queen. The script, perforated with elec
tric puns leftover Irom AXiva Gofdsman*
Batman and Robin, works when deliv
ered by me adolescent heroes and
comedian George Lopez, doing double
duty as teacher and superviltain. but
poor Kristin Davis (“Sex and the City*)
seems lo deliver every line in disbelief
atthe bad judgment ol either her or her
agent I applaud Rodriguez* unrelenting
efforts at making ton. imaginative tamity
flicks, that while physically uncomfort
able to watch (the kid-size 3-0 glasses,
of which I got stuck with a pink pair,
gripped my noggin like a vise), charm
the kids in attendance so heartily.
(Beechwood. Carmike)
BATMAN BEGINS (PG-13) Holy high
expectations. Batman! Earty reviews call
this newest Bat-flick gritty, violent and
adult. Sounds like the Batman to begin
all Batmans The 1 lawless casting
includes Christian Bale as Batman/
Bruce Wayne, Michael Caine as loyal
manservant Alfred Pennyworth, and
Gary Oldman as Lt. James Gordon.
Complementing the series’ regular char
acters are new baddies Scareawr
(Cillian Murphy of 28 Days Lata) and
Re* A! Ghul (Ken Wacansbe. The Last
Samurai), a new mentor played by Liam
Neeson, another new love interest (Tom
Cruise* latest lady Katie Holmes), and a
superfluous weapons dealer present
mainly to allow Morgan Freeman to do
his thing. Director Christopher Nolan
(Memento) brings his blend of the com
mercial and the artfully mysterious to a
script by experienced comic scribe
David Goyer of the decently dark Blade
franchise. (Beechwood. Carmike.
Highway 17 Theatres)
CINDERELLA MAN (PG-13) Director
Ron Howard excels at piecing together
easily-accessible. All-American movies
from uplifting stories about men over
coming the odds (typically with the help
of a good woman). The Cinderella Man
in Opie* latest, boxer James J.
Braddock (Russell Crow), pummeled
the Great Depression into submission
for every working Joe in America as he
rose from the mat time and again
against richer, younger competition. By
Braddock* climactic tide bout with
heavyweight champion Max Baer (Craig
Bterko), Howard and screenwriters
Akrva Gofdsman and Clift Hollingsworth
have adequately conveyed their belief
that Braddock. is more symbol than
man. Yet Russell Dow. in another
gold-plated performance, keeps
Braddock off the pedestal, subjugating
his movie star deportment to an
Of rvieran character performance.
Surrounding Crowe in this endeavor, the
Rente Zellweger and Paul Giamatti
renew their quality supporting pertomer
credentials. Cinderella Man is like
dinner at your favorite restaurant. You
know exactly what your meal should
taste like, and the only excitement to be
had exists in its underperforming your
expectations. No revelation and no sur
prises. Cinderella Man simpty delivers
everything expected ol it (Beechwood,
Carmike)
GUESS WHO (PG-13) Ashton Kutcher
and Bernie Mac star in this pointless
so-called remake of the classic race
comedy Guess Who* Coming to
Dinner? (Georgia Square 5)
HIGH TENSION (R) See Movie Pick.
(Carmike)
HONEYMOONERS (PG-13) I have
been wracking my brain for a worse, or
at least comparably poor, classic televi
sion update, but even Leave It to Beaver
got a tew things right The
Honeymooners has two positives: the
enjoyable Cedric the Entertainer
decently mimicking Jackie Gleason*
exasperated growl, and Gabrielle Union,
for whom I hold a not terribly secret
fondness as both a comedienne and
hoftie. Otherwise, this ill-advised and
even more poorty promoted B did not
even realize it was being released this
week, and I do this tor a Irving) flick has
little going for it Bus driver Ralph
Kramden (the Entertainer) and best
buddy Ed Norton (Mike Epps) give sev
eral get-rich-quick schemes a go before
having a falling out and nearly losing
Ralph* home to a sleazy developer (Eric
Stoftz looking disturbingly like '80s
Ober-sJeaze William Alherton). The flick,
written by four people and directed by
flick should go. (Hint Some people
used to think it was made of cheese.)
(Beechwood, Carmike)
THE INTERPRETER (PG-13) Wth its
murder atthe UN plot and the most
dour duo since Batman and Robin went
off anti-depressants. The interpreter
should satisfy the adult hidden Ir. us all.
Wth Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn).
(Georgia Square 5)
KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) I can
be amused by any WU Ferrell flick even
an unfunny family soccer comedy.
When Phil Weston (Ferrell) takes over
the Tigers, his son* team ot lovable
losers, ne becomes tftx which he nates
most, his tattler (Robert DuvaB). The
screaming pummels the laughing like
the underdog it should not be. Starts
Friday (Georgia Square 5)
THE LONGEST YARD (PG-13) The
Longest Yard update staging Adam
Sandler as incarcerated quarterback
Paul‘Wrecking’ Crewe only knows two
plays, executing neither well. The desic
cated jokes torrowed* from the original
are waterlogged, while the new gags,
courtesy ot Sandler and Chris Rock*
Caretaker primarily, are in a word,
pathetic The potency of the original lay
in its anti-establishment message. (The
only people worse than the footballing
rapists and murderers were the brutal
enforcers of law and order.) The remake
keeps the thugs, little more than cartoon
baddies, and adds a queasy inspira
tional angle Every sports film has to
have one of those, even one about con
victs, right Mr Sandler? The original
Ybrds serious mean streak is ail but jet
tisoned by this hopped-up newbie, save
the central fiery tragedy made weight
less t^ the flick* ceaseless, ineffectual
joking. Sandler cannot meld athletic
prowess with his juvenile antics, and
Rock yet again proves a taughabte thes-
pian, delivering every line as if he were
monologuing. The wrestlers (Stone
Cold. Big Sexy and Goldberg), wto
know better than anyone the secret
blend of athleticism and acting, acquit
themsetes nicely. But still, a long yard
this is indeed. (Beechwood. Carmike)
LOROS OF DOGTOWN (PG-13) A
I) n^i * aJ i4sa iv . j-t r ukaai aa
i oionai remake of the award-winning
doc Dogtom) and Z-Boys written by
Stacy Peralta, the guy who wrote and
directed said doc and welt, he was one
Mm i.kt.J y Qa,- Mmrntf f\lrnrinr
oi me i2CMeo L-Boys nimsefl. uirenof
Catherine HanWche (Thirteen uses a
documertarian style to plumb the ori
gins ol the skateboard phenomenon, her
camera zooming along with the pio
neering Z-Boys (Pef alia, Tony Alva and
Jay Adams) as they lake their low-to-
the-ground style into competition and
onto the streets The excitement is not
only kinetic but dramatic Though
Peralta* dialogue occasionally includes
laughable teenage declarations about
tame and fertune. he captures the disin
tegration of the boys' friendships as if
he were there (he was) and they meant
something (to him, one presumes they
did). Adulthood* predominant repre
sentative, Skip Engblom, owner ol
Zephyr Sat Shop, ends up the film*
most complex, least-understood char
acter. and Heath Ledger, steeped heavily
in the Kilmer school, sinks some bad
dentures into the rote, providing no
arewers but proving to be a talented boy
from Qz. Lords of Dogtown is just what
summer needs, a small pic with the
right mix of dramatic reality and exhila
rating insight to trick the summering
kids into teaming that while dreams can
come true, waking up is a bitch, a rele
vant history lesson that trumps
Cinderella Marts any day. Ends
Thursday (Beechwood. Carmike)
MADAGASCAR (PG) DreamWorks
Animation* Fun N Pun gamepian. suc
cessful in the Stas* films, goes O-for-3
on story, characters and hilarity. When
Marty the zebra (Chris Rock) goes in
search of the Wild. Alex the lion (Ben
Stiller*, Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinked
Doth), and Metenan the giraffe (David
Schwvmmer) leave their contented zoo
existence to And him. Winding up in a
Madagascar populated by lots of lemurs
(Sacha ‘AJi G* Baron Cohen. Cedric the
Entertainer and Andy Richter), the bud
dies must tight Alex* inner savage beast
to save their friendships and them
selves. (Beechwood. Carmike)
MR. AND MRS. SMITH (PG-13)
Those hoping to determine whether or
not this diverting high concept flick
powered by Brad Pitt and Angelina
Jolie* considerable chemistry broke up
Pitt* marriage to Jennifer Aniston wil!
be disappointed. Watching the onscreen
couple spar gleans fewer clues than the
newest "People-* Pitt and Jolie are the
uncommunicative John and Jane Smith.
Not helping matters are the secrets
piling up between the couple, an occu
pational hazard ot being globetrotting
assassins married to one another
Smiths tweaks the spy genre, serving up
a nice helping of modem marriage
metaphor along with the cod action
choreography expected from Doug
Liman, the eye behind The Bourne
Identity. Pitt with his comic timing and
delivery aging as well as. if not better
than, his pulchritude, and Jolie, who
houses steely coldness and a melting
heart in her comic book proportions, do
their best impression of Nick and Nog
Charles, nostalgically elevating antipa
thetic camaraderie to its former screw
ball glory, just with more action. Quirky
enough to keep the ballistic ballet fresh,
this sportive flick solidities Liman as a
top-flight popcorn moviemaker. His
Smiths is all honeymoon, full of passion
and fun white it lasts. (Beechwood.
Carmike, Highway 17 Theatres)
MS. FILMS 2005 FESTIVAL TOUR
(KR) Check out the latest in feminist
cinema. According to the Fllnt^thens.
this touring program of short films
made by women, includes movies about
’radical cheerleaders. LadyfesL feminist
MOVIE LISTINGS
Theater schedules often change after our deadline. Please call ahead.
Th« Honcymoonm (PG-13) 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:10,
9:30
The Longest YWd (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7:00, 9:15
ACC LIBRARY (613-3650)
On the Ropes (NR) 7.-00 (Th. 6/16)
RtICHWOOD (546-1011)
The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava CM in 3-0
(PG) 12:40. 2:50, 540, 7:10, 9:20
Batman Begins (PG-13) 1:00. 2:30, 4:00, 5:30, 7:00,
8:30,10:00
CindereUa Man (PG-13) 12:45. 3:50. 6:55. 1040 (new
times F. 6/17: 12:35. 3:40, 6:45. 9:50)
The Honeymooners (PG-13) 12:55, 3:05, 5:15, 7:25.
9:35
The Longest Yard (PG-13) 2:00, 4:45, 7JO, 10:05
Lords of Dogtown (PG-13) 1:50, 4:20, 7:20, 9:50 (ends
Th. 6/17)
Madagascar (PG) 12:30, 2:35, 545, 7:15, 9:35 (new
times F. 6/17: 12:30. 2:35.4:50, 7.-05, 9:15)
Me. and Mrs. Smith (PG-13) 12:30.1J0, 3:10,4:10,
5:50. 7:05. 8:30, 9:50
The Perfect Mm (PG) 12:15, 2:35, 4:55. 7:15, 9:35
(opens F. 6/17)
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (PG) 12:00
Star Wtes: Episode m - Revenge of the Sfth (PG-13)
12:45, 3:55. 7:00, 1040
CARMHCf IB (354-0016)
The Adventures of Short Boy and Lava CM in 3-0
(PG) 12:00, 2:20, 4:40. 7:00, 9:20
Batnun Bogins (PG-13) 11:30,1.-00, 2:25,4.-00. 5:20,
7:00.8:15,9:55,11:10 (no 11:10 show starting Su.
6/19)
CindereUa Man (PG-13) 1.-00,4:00. 7.-00. lthOO
High Tension (R) 4:30,9:50
Lords of Dogtown (PG-13) 12.-00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30,
9:55 (eno> Th. 6/16)
Madagascar (.%) 1:00, 3:10, 5:20. 7:30. 9.40
Mr. and Mrs. Setitii (PG-13) 11:30,12:15, 2:10, 2:55,
4:50, 5:35, 7:30,8:15, 10.10, 10:45 (no 10:45 show
starting Su. 6/19)
The Perfect Mm (PG) 12:10, 2:35, 5:00, 7:25, 9:50
(opens F. 6/17)
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (PG) 1:15, 7:10
Star Wars: Episode m - Revenge of the Sith (PG-13)
12:45. 3:50, 7:00. 1040
FUCK1R THiAJRl A BAR (546-0039)
MS.FiUns 2005 Festival Tow (NR) 8:30 (F. 6/17)
MORMA SOUARS S (548-3426)
Guess Who (PG-13) 1:30, 4:05, 7:15, 9:40
Hitch (PG-13) 1:45, 4:25. 7:10, 9:50 (new times F.
6/17:4:20. 9:50)
The Interpreter (PG-13) 1:15,4:10, 7:00, 9:55 (new
times F. 6/17:1:15. 7:00)
Kicking and Screaming (PG) 1:00, 3:15, 5:30. 7:45,
1040 (starts F. 6/17)
The PacMor (PG) 145. 3 JO. 5:35, 7:50,10:00
Satan (PG-13) 1:2S, 4:15, 7:05,9:50
HWY 17 MMYI-M TH1ATBRS (213-7693)
Me and Mrs. Smith (R) (Screen 1) 940
Batnun Begins (PG-13) (Screen 2) 9:00
takes on vintage science-fiction, anima
tion, documental, fantasy, comedy and
more.’ MS FILMS Is a non-profit grass
roots organization based in Durham,
NC. dedicated to empowering women
and girts through access to media and
mediaraking. Visit wwwjnstitms.org
tor more into on the group. Shows
Friday, 6/17 (Flicker Theatre & Bar)
ON THE ROPES (NR) 1999. On the
Ropes is an Oscar nominee and
Sundance Special Jury Prize winner that
chronicles the 1997 Golden Gloves
Tournament preparations of three boxers
and their trainer Harry Keitt. The film
also garnered a DGA Award tor
Outstanding Directorial Achievement in
Documentary for filmmakers Nanette
Bernstein and Brett Morgen. Showing
Thursday. 6/16 (ACC Library)
THE PACIFIER (PG) Vine Diesel has
no fun in this comedy about a Navy Seal
who has to baby-sit, sc why should the
audience? (Georgia Square 5)
THE PERFECT MAN (PG) In spite of
my ability to suspend disbelief, buying
Heather Locklear as a lonefy single
mom is simply impossible. Fortunately.
Jean Hamilton (Locklear) has a
daughter Holly (Hilary Duff) who exists
solely to fix her hot mom up with a per
fect man. who happens to be Uncle Ben
(Chris Noth) One plus is Dennis
DeYoung, formerly of Styx, marking
timeasa Dennis DeYoung imperson
ator That! am down with. Opens Friday
(Beechwood, Carmike)
SAHARA (PG-13) Breck Eisner*
Indiana Jones/ James Bond knockoti
Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey)
stumbles upon a world-endangering
ocaanic epidemic. Light and breezy, this
one makes for a nice couple ot hours
munching popcorn and not using your
brain. (Georgia Square 5)
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING
PANTS (PG) No fabric in existence
today has less magical properties than
denim, and the film based on Am
Brashares' best-selling novel about
enchanted jeans is equally unbe
witching. Four teenagers (Amber
Tambfyn, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera.
Blake Lively) tind a pair of parts that tits
them all, even the ‘big* one. and share
the charmed trousers over their first
summer apart Buried beneath these
magical stories is a coming-of-age
anthology dealing with first love, lost
innocence, discovery ot parental falli
bility, and death. Pretty heady stuff for
Chick Lit 101, and the whoie affair bogs
down in the mud ol its own overty-
familiar sitcom scenarios and compul
sory strings and hugs finale. Only the
tale of Puerto-Rican Carmen (Ferrera).
whose discovery that her father (Bradley
Wfotford. The West Wing’) has
replaced her with some stinging
Southern WASPs arouses the sort of
humor and outrage that compels one to
watch through the fugging at your heart
strings like you are a freaking mari
onette. The other stories either collapse
due to weak performances fBledei is
Rory Gilmore and nothing more) or
patently uni tkabie characters. Too bad
these Traveling Pants are nonretumabte.
(Beechwood. Carmike)
STAR WARS: EPISODE 111-
REVENGE OF THE SITH (PG-13) The
concluding chapter to George Lucas'
epic saga succeeds where the first two
prequels did not Dark and vtetent, the
performances and dialogue improve
upon Episodes I and //. as do the special
effects. The film is by no means perfect,
nor does It surpass any of the three
elder films. The romance between
Padnfe (Natalie Portman) and Analon
(Hayden Christensen) remains painful
and forced, and the CG cityscapes lack
engagement and we just do not get
enough Wookiee action. Yet the film
truly excels in its excellent and plentiful
lightsaber duels and space battles.
(Beechwood, Carmike)
Drew Wheeler
14 FLAGPOLE.COM • JUNE 15, 2005