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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I'm 26 years old, and I've been back in Athens
getting a second degree. All of my old college bud
dies are gone, and I'm surrounded by a younger
crowd at school They're great, but I just don't
quite fit in with that age group anymore. I go to
school and I work, but I just really
haven't found anyone to hang out
with outside of those param
eters. I'm happy with myself,
but I find myself feeling
lonely all the time. I don't
have low self-esteem or
anything; I consider myself
to be a fun-loving, good-
looking, cool girl with a
good personality; once
I get to know people.
I'm very outgoing, but
I'm super-shy at first. I
went to a bar once with a
friend of mine who wos in
town, and we hung out with
a big group of his friends. I
thought I was being open and
friendly, and I made small talk as best I could,
but no one really talked to me or approached me.
I felt like the biggest loser. Later, I found out from
my friend that they
were all asking about
me. wondering who I
was, etc., and feeling
shy about approach
ing me. I was shocked
because I felt so out of
place the whole time.
What can I do to be
more approachable, or
more importantly, what
can I ao to be more
proactive, and make
some friends when I'm
outside of my comfort
zone? I've tried differ
ent activities, like dog
training classes, etc.,
but nothing seems to work! I don’t want to waste
away my 20s alone. Please help!
Lost in Athens
Obviously it isn't that you don't connect with
people. Lost. Maybe meeting people isn't the
problem, but you need to push a little fur
ther and go beyond small talk? If
you have already met a big group
through your other friend,
could you arrange to
hang out with just a
couple of them next
time? You already said
it yourself: you need
to be more proactive.
So next time you're in a
class, or at work, and you
meet somebody you might re
ally want to hang out with, why not ask
them to meet you for coffee? You can 1
tell people that you're a bit out of the
loop socially—it doesn't make you a loser.
People probably don't realize that you feel the
way you do, especially if you aren't struggling for
conversation. Don't be afraid to ask people what
they do for fun, or what bands/ bars/ art shows
they think you should check out. I think you will
find that people are fairly open once you open
up to them.
What if you know that a certain friend of yours
has had a really big crush on a certain musician
in town for a long time, and she has interacted
with him professionally and they have gotten
along well, but all of her efforts at pushing things
further have failed? What if this same friend then
wrote some less than flattering things about this
guy’s band? Would a person be required to point
out the obvious conflict of interest?
If you're talking about something that was
written in Flagpole, then I think asking me is
creating yet another potential conflict of inter
est, don't you? In any case, if the thing has
already been printed, then it's too late for you
to do anything. If you really believe that your
friend was unfair to this guy because of
sour grapes, then I am sure the guy al
ready knows it, and surely your friend
does. You should definitely tell
her that she is unprofessional
and that what she did sucks,
but as far as contacting her
editor or whatever—don't
bother. Her career is unlikely
to go anywhere, and if the
guy's band is any good, no
body gives a shit what she said
about it anyway.
I love your column, so we
thought we would help out
your readers with a weekly
definition of a slut.
Week 1: If you walk into a restaurant and
you've slept with three or more people in it, you
might be a slut.
cK
Okay, but what
if you used to work
there, and two of those
people are your exes
and the third was an
accidental one-nighter
with a shy-but-sexy
dishwasher whose real
name you never got?
Does that count? Or
what if you slept with
those three people at
the same time, after
smoking hash in Tne
Presidential Suite and
doing a striptease to
“Cradle of Love” on the leather BarcaLounger?
Does that make you a slut?
I live with one of my best guy friends. Several
months ago, he told me he was completely in
love with me. I tried being with him for about a
month, only to find that I wasn't at
tracted to him in that way and
that I wanted to get back
together with my ex. I let
him down easy and it has
been months now since we
hove been together romantically.
He will not stop telling me how in
bve with me he is and that I am
the one and only girl for him.
He constantly leaves me notes
and messages telling me his
feelings. He often cries to me
about the problem and gets
physically sick if I have my
boyfriend over. I really love
him os a friend, he is so special
to me AND I LIVE with him! What am I
supposed to do? Nothing I say works!
Trapped
Hey. you gave it a shot and it didn't work.
These things happen. Now it's time to get a new
roommate. You can't expect the guy to get over
everything when it's all there in his face. He
will get over it—probably when he gets a new
girl—but you've got to give him some time...
and distance.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anony
mous inquiry via the Reality Check button at
www.flogpole.com.
K
ANTI
DEPRESSANT
31
THE PEPE
525 BAXTER ST. ~ 706.613.0500
265 E. CLAYTON - 706.613.6500
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FAST.
TASTY.
tAM
JIMMY
JOHNS
FEBRUARY 22,2006 • FLAGPOLE.COM 35