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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
First off: love your column complete with your
raw I-don't-tip-toe-around-the-matter answers.
Okay, so I’ve recently had my heart broken.
Despite the fact that I took every precaution not
to let that happen, it did. I realized that the guy
I loved and couldn't seem to get over
has moved on and now loves some
body else. It was devastating
to me. Now I feel that my
heart is hardened over. I've
slept with a couple of guys
since him and I literally
felt nothing afterwards—no
emotional attachments,
no pangs of attraction.
Just nothing. My ques
tion is: how long is the
healing process supposed
to take? It’s been a few
months now and I stilt
get gut-wrenching feel
ings if he crosses my mind.
Is it a waste of my time to
attempt dating other people
when I know I’m still not over that one guy? I've
heard people say that the best way to get over
someone is to meet/ date someone else. I feel like
I need counseling or something because going out
drinking with friends and meeting new guys is not
working thus far. Any suggestions?
Struggling To Suck-It-Up
If you think counseling might help, then you
can give it a shot, but you sound fine to me.
Having your heart broken sucks, and you have to
give yourself time to recover. There is no specific
amount of time, no “magic number" that you
need to worry about. And just because you slept
with a couple of people and you didn’t instantly
fall in love doesn't mean you're a heartless bitch
who will never love again (though it may mean
you could stand to be a bit more discerning in
that regard). Getting over someone isn't a matter
of just meeting or dating somebody else. It's a
matter of meeting somebody better. And you
will, eventually. For now, just take a step back
and try to have fun again.
I had a “best
friend” who I was kind
of in love with back
at my old school. I
started to fall for
him based on the
vibes I thought
he was giving
out. IVe hung out
all the time... doing odd
things together. Not odd
sexual things, just random
stuff to cure boredom.
Throughout the friend
ship, we would sleep over
at each other's houses
and snuggle like we were
in love. We might
moke out if alco
hol was involved,
but usually it was
pretty innocent.
After about six months,
we had sex for about 30 sec
onds... then a redemption fu** a few days later.
He freaked out, then I freaked out. and now when
we hang out, I feel like he thinks I'm obsessed. I
did have strong feelings for him until he gave me
the “we are just friends“ lecture. I am friends with
many old flames, and I don't like him thinking he
has some sort of advantage over me because I am
more emotional than him. I sometimes wonder if
it is worth the anxiety to remain friends with this
person. Can I remain friends with some one I had
guilty sex with? Let me know.
Thanks,
KEK
You can still be friends with the guy if you
want to, KEK, but I don't see why you would. He
kind of sounds like a shithead egomaniac to me.
Unless of course, you are leaving out important
details. Did you profess your undying love for
him after you had sex with him? Did you re
spond poorly (like, with tears, for example)
to the “we're just friends" lecture? Did
you call him 37 times that day? If
you did, then you can't blame the
guy for getting a bit edgy. If
not, then tell him to get over
himself. And in the future,
remember that getting drunk
and making out—even if it
happens multiple times—
doesn't necessarily equal
falling in love, no matter how it
works on “The OC."
Okay, about two months
ago. I started dating my
friend's cousin. I was warned
by my friend that it would
not be wise to date this person for the simple fact
that he is somewhat of a whore. Of course, I didn't
listen because I tend to give everyone the benefit
of the doubt. WelL it just so turns out that he
had a lot of girl “friends. “ which I was okay with
at first. I even met a few of them and everything
was great. To make a tong story short, he would
claim that he cared so much about me and that he
loved spending “quality“ time with me. The next
thing I knew, he was spending alt of his time with
“Christy. “ who was just his friend, yet he admitted
to sleeping with her at the beginning of our rela
tionship. Needless to say, I am no longer dating
this no-job-hoving loser. There is so much more
that I would like to tell you about this messed up
situation, hut the real purpose of this tetter is to
let alt you young women in Athens know that if
you happen to meet a short,
middle-aged wannabe
musician/ comedian/
poet, stay away!
And as for you.
you know who you
are, I just want to
say that you ain't
gettin any younger
baby, and if you
want to make it in
the show biz. you
need to get some tal
ent first.
Fed Up in Athens
Glad you got that off
your chest. Fed, but do
you honestly blame
the smooth smooth
ie for this? After
you were explicitly
told by his own
cousin that he
was a whore? You
need to re-think
your whole “ben
efit of the doubt“
philosophy, honey,
'cause it ain't wor-
kin' for you. I'm sure the
community at large appreciates the warning...
though one would hope that there are a limited
number who would have been attracted to him in
the first place. (“No job, you say? Middle-aged,
you say? Talentless? What more can a girl want?
How can I reach him?") Yeah. Thanks for the
heads up.
Jy! Inov
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