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THE BENCHWARMERS (PG-13)
Three losers—Gus (Rob Schneider),
Richie (a withering David Spade)
and Clark (Jon Heder)—take on the
mean kids in a baseball tournament
The naughty humor ol this dumb,
dumb lilm is utterly incompatible with
the childish innocence of its story, I
nearly entered a state ol Zen-like peace
through Benchwarmers absolute lack
ol laughs (Georgia Square 5)
THE BREAK-UP (PG-13) Treading
where most romantic comedies tear.
The Break-Up dares to ask. "What
happens alter the musk: swells, the
lovers kiss, and the credits roll?* For
Gary and Brooke (Vince Vaughn and
Jennifer Aniston), the credits mean
the implosion of their domestic bliss,
leaving them with two immediate prob
lems Both still love one another, and
neither desires to leave their condo
Screenwriters Jay Lavender and Jeremy
Garelick. working from a story idea
co-conceived with Vaughn, donl want
us to see Gary and Brooke fall back
in love She's too good for this self
ishly funny meathead. who would be
a not were he the best pal However.
Vaughn's patronizing childishness
wearies in roles larger than a Fun Size
candy bar Where the preview orders
up a breezy summer comedy, director
Peylon Reed (Bring It On. flown with
Love) delivers a Woody Ailen-ish
ir.vght into falling out of. rather tha i
in. love that lacks the auteur’s humor
ous profundity and artistry HI give The
Break-Up credit tor trying to change
its generic spots, but like some guys,
some Films don't deserve another
chance (Beechwood. Carmike)
CARS (G) If Pixar were a mountain
range. Cars, the tirst film released
smee the merger with Granddaddy
Disney would be hidden in the shad
ows cast by the Everest-tall Incredibles
and K2 stand-ins Toy Story. Toy Story
2and Finding Nemo Still, the newest
film looms over lesser peaks like A
Bug's Life and Monsters. Inc When
rookie race car Lightning McQueen
(voiced with amiable arrogance by
Owen Wilson) wrecks on his way to the
championship race in California, the
denizens of dried-up Radiator Springs
show him loneliness and winning
arenl what life is all about Finding
friendship with sweet but stupid tow
truck Mater (Larry the Cable Guy in the
film's most endearing voice work), and
love with Sally the Porsche (Bonnie
Hunt). Lightning also learns a thing
or two about racing Irom Doc. an old
Hudson Hornet (Paul Newman) A
showy, technical marvel (easily Pixar’s
lines!). Cars backfires in its epic—for a
cartoon—running time Writer-director
John Lasseter, absent from filmmaking
since 1999's Toy Story 2. sho ws some
rust, slowing his racer down with too
many life lessons No matter. Cars is
fast enough to zoom to the head of the
2006 animation pack (Beechwood,
Carmike)
THE DA VINCI CODE (PG-13) I have
yet to see a theoretically exciting film
helmed by Ron Howard actually be
exciting The Da Vincr Code suffers that
same dramatic malaise, a drawback
only enhanced by the novel's own lack
of action Cryptologist Robert Langdon
(Tom Hanks) solves the greatest lie
ever tofd with his mind, not with guns,
explosions or impossible stunts The
beauty of Dan Brown's masterwork ot
hackery lay in his ability to wring every
sweaty drop cf tension from solving
puzzles a third grader completes lor
extra credit and leaving the reader
wanting more Howard tries to bring
the audience into Langdon’s process,
but the him. ostensibly a lecture series
connected by action sel pieces, is
too dominated by Hanks' gravelly,
soporific delivery. The film's sole thrill
comes when lan McKellan's Sir Leigh
Teabmg rousingly unravels the mystery
surrounding the Holy Grail's history
(Beechwood. Carmike)
FAILURE TO LAUNCH (PG-13) Trip
(McConaughey) still lives with his
parents, who hire Paula (Sarah Jessica
Parker) to cure their son ol “Failure To
Launch’ syndrome Failure to Launch
is sort of like Hitch, but even more
contrived (Georgia Square 5)
THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS:
TOKYO DRIFT (PG-13) Perhaps the
least likely franchise property I've ever
seen, the third Fast and the Furious (I
wish they'd called it 3 Fast 3 Furious
Tomorrow, Annapolis), FF3also stars
Bow Wow. Opens Fridav (Beechwood.
Carmike)
GABBEH (NR) 199G In this Iranian
film, an elderly couple is cleaning their
intricately woven rug, or gabbeh, when
a young woman appears to recount the
events ol her courtship to a stranger,
depicted in the carpet This table of
the Ghashgai tribe, renowned for their
handicrafts, is written and directed
by Cannes and Venice Film Festival
Award-winner Mohsen Makhmaibat
and won its own prizes from Spain.
Singapore and Japan. Part of the
Foreign Film Series Sponsored by
the Georgia Museum of Art Shows
Wednesday. 6/14 (GMOA)
around Tom Cruise Otherwise, the
Scientologists will make your head
explode like in Scanners (Carmike)
< NACHO UBRE (PG) Jared Hess'
Napoleon Dynamite follow-up looks to
have retained his stripped-down style,
but Jack Black, as a priest moonlight
ing as a luchador on the Mexican
professional wrestling circuit, needs
to tone his Black-ness down a notch. I
run hot and cold on Black, but adored
Napoleods quotable plotlessness. With
the awesome Mike White (The School
ol Rock, 'Freaks and Geeks') compos
ing the script with Hess and his wile
Jerusha. my hopes are high Opens
Friday (Beechwood. Carmike)
NOSFERATU (NR) 1979 Werner
Herzog's version of the Dracula tale
harkens back to F W Murnau's seminal
1922 silent film Haunting atmosphere
and an almost sorrowful vampire
(Klaus Kinski) make this a beautiful
meditation on life, death and the loneli
ness of immortality Shows Tuesday.
6/20 (Flicker Theatre & Bar)
THE OMEN (R) See Movie Pick and
Flick Skinny. (Beechwood. Carmike)
OVER THE HEDGE (PG) I was
surprised by Hedgds genuine inter
est in being funny Waking Irom ttv>ir
hibernation, a family of foragers,
headed by turtle Verne (voiced by Garry
Shandlmg) begin packing for next
winter until their routine is upset by a
raccoon, RJ (v Bruce Willis), in some
serious hock to a nasty brown bear (v
Nick Nolte) Steering clear ol the Shrek
plan lor pop culture domination. Hedge
actually establishes characters about
whose fates you actually care (I'm
still in shock) Unlike last summer s
bright, shiny, crappy Madagascar.
the big star voices are weli-malched
to their characters (casting The Shat
as an overacting opossum is divine
inspiration) Over the Hedge trades on
its understated slyness (when the film
references, it winks rather than drops
an Acme anvil on your head), rare in
todays animated flicks (Beechwood.
Carmike. Highway 17 Theatres)
POSEIDON (PG-13) Living an actor's
worst nightmare, Kurt Russell. Josh
Lucas and Richard Dreyluss spend the
entire running time—minus the 15
minutes needed to turn the ship upside
down—sopping wel, traipsing ihrough
the bowels ol a luxury liner in search
ol a way up and out Poseidon is no
Adventure, but it's no disaster either
Ends Thursday (Beechwood. Highway
17 Theatres)
A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION
(PG-13) With this filmed version
o! Garrison Keillor's popular radio
program, legendary filmmaker Robert
Altman has constructed his warmest
picture in years. Meandering backstage
at the last performance ot a fictional 'A
Prairie Home Companion.* his camera
captures the eccentricities ot a unique
performance company that labors in a
most outdated medium The Johnson
sisters (an even stronger than usual
Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin) bicker,
reminisce and harmonize, as cowboy
troubadours Dusty and Lefty (Woody
Harrelson and John C. Reilly) push
the FCC envelope with their good-na
turedly dirty campfire songs Lording
over all is GK. the 'dry as a bone'
emcee played (embodied?) by Keillor
Altman's extreme faith in his cast pays
otl, as everyone—from Kevin Kline,
as a comically inept hard-boiled Pl -
lurned-security guard, to a surprisingly
Come on. All the cool nuns are doing it.
despite its complete nonsensicality)
races on without either Vin Diesel or
Paul Walker, the two original stars,
behind the wheel Street racer Sean
Boswell (Lucas Black. Friday Night
Lights) travels to Tokyo to avoid a
fail sentence, but finds the allure ol
underground drift racing too seductive
Directed by Justin Lin (Betler Luck
MOVIE LISTINGS
Theoter schedules often change after our deadline. Please call ahead.
ACC UBRARY (706-613-3650)
Prom Night (NR) 7:00 (Th. 6/1S)
BEECHWOOD (706-546-1011)
The Break Up (PG 13) 1:4$. 4:30. 7:25. 9:50
Cars (G) 12:00, 1:30. 2:45, 4:1$. S:30. 7:00. 8:1$. 9:4$
The Da Vinci Code (PG-13) 12:00, 3:1$, 6:30. 9:40
(rvew times F. 6/16: 9:30)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (PG-13) 1:40,
4:40. 7:10. 9:$$ (opens F. 6/16)
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (PG) 1:00. 3:10. S:1S.
7:20. 9:20 (opens F. 6/16)
Lake House (PG) 12:3$. 2:$$. $:1$. 7:3$, 10:00 (opens
F. 6/16)
Nacho Libre (PG) 12:2$. 2:4$. 5:0$. 7:30. 9:50 (opens
F. 6/16)
The Omen (R) 2:00. 4:40. 7:20, 9:5$
Over the Hedge (PG) 12:1$. 2:30. 5:00, 7:30, 9:30 (no
9:30 show after Th. 6/1$)
Poseidon (PG-13) 12:3$. 2:5$. 5:15. 7:35. 9:5$ (ends
Th. 6/15)
A Prairie Home Companion (PG-13) 2:10, 4:3$, 7:1$,
10:00
RV (PG) 12:2$. 2:4$. 5:0$. 7:25. 9:50 (ends Th. 6/1$)
X Men: The Last Stand (PG-13) 12:30. !:30, 3:00. 4:15.
5:45, 7:10. 8:30. 9:30 (new times F. 6/16: 1:30. 4:1$.
7:10. 9:4$)
CARMIKE 12 ( 706-354-0016) '
The Break Up (PG-13) 12:00, 2:30. 5.00. 7:30. 10:00
Cars (G) 12:00. 12:30. 2:20. 2:50. 4:40. 5:10, 7:00.
7:30. 9:30, 9:50
The Da Vinci Code (PG-13) 1:00. 1:45. 4:1$. 5:00. 7:30.
9:00 (new times F. 6/16: 1:00. 4:1$, 7:30)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (PG-13) 12:30,
2:55. 5:20, 7:45. 10:10 (opens F. 6/16)
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (PG) 12:3$. 2:40, 4:4$,
7:00. 9:20 (opens F. 6/16)
The Lake House (PG) 12:40. 3:00. 5:1$. 7:30. 9:50
(opens F. 6/16)
Mission: Impossible III (PG-13) 1:00. 4:00. 7:00, 9:40
Nacho Libre (PG) 12:50, 3:10. 5:20, 7:40. 10:00 (opens
F. 6/16)
The Omen (R) 1:00. 4:00. 7:00. 9:40
Over the Hedige (PG) 12:30. 1:1$. 2:30. 3:15. 4:30.
5:1$, 7:00. 7:30, 9:00, 9:30 (new times F. 6/16: 12:30,
2:30. 4:30, 7:00, 9:00)
RV (PG) 12:4$. 3:00. 5:1$. 7:30. 9:50 (ends Th. 6/1$)
X-Men: The Last Stand (PG-13) 12:00. 1:15. 2:30. 4:00.
5:00. 7:00. 7:30, 9:30, 10:00 (new times F. 6/16: 12:00.
2:30. 5:00. 7:30, 10:00)
DIVERS! UNIVERSE MARTIAL ARTS (706-613 8332)
Shaolin Challenges Ninja (NR) 7:30 (!h. 6/15)
FUCKER THEATRE t BAR (706-546-0039)
Nosferatu (NR) 8:30 (Tu. 6/20)
GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART (706-54?-4662)
Gabbeh (NR) 7:00 (W. 6/14)
GEORGIA SQUARE 5 ( 706-548-3426)
The Benchwarmers (PG-13) 1:05, 3:10, 5:15, 7:20, 9:2$
Failure to Launch (PG-13) 1:00. 3:1$. 5:30, 7:45. 10:00
Ice Age: The Meltdown (PG) 12:4$, 2:1$, 3:00. 4:30.
5:1$. 6:4$. 7:30. 9:00. 9:45
Shaggy Dog (PG) 1:1$, 4:15 (ends Th. 6/1$)
Silent Hill (R) 7:00. 9:40 (new times F. 6/16: 1:00,
4:00, 7:00, 9:40)
HWY 17 DRIVE-IN THEATERS (706 213 7693)
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (PG) 8:30 (opens F.
6/16)
Over the Hedge (PG) 8:30
Poseidon (PG-13) 8:30 (ends Th. 6/1$)
X-Men: The Last Stand (PG-13) 8:30
GARFIELD: A TALE OF TWO
KITTIES (PG) Dickens had it wrong It
was simply the worst ol times 2004 s
pathetic attempt to recreate the lazy,
uncreative antics of Jim Davis' fat cal in
the real world is the last crappy movie
upon which I could have wished a se
quel Garfield (again voiced ly Bill ‘It's
a paycheck" Murray) travels to England
with doofy owner Jon (Breckin Meyer)
Let the lasagna-lueled hilarity ensue
Opens Friday (Beechwood. Carmike,
Highway 17 Theatres)
ICE AGE: THE MELTDOWN (PG)
This cute, mild sequel to the 2002
animated hit will please Those who
found the adventures ot Manny. Sid
and Diego a pleasant diversion the
first go round Ice Age The Meltdown
is merely a sophisticated Land Before
Time, and let s face it Dinosaurs are
way cooler (Georgia Square 5)
THE LAKE HOUSE (PG) The trailer
tor this Keanu Reeves-Sandra Bullock
weepie. a remake ot the Koiean II Mare.
gets me every time A magical, archi
tecturally questionable (it's essentially
glass) lake house connects two lonely
residents, living two years apart If ever
they are lo meet, the duo must solve
the mystery ol their mysterious court
ship Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright
David Auburn (Proof) contributes the
script for the first English language film
from Argentinean Alejandro Agresti
(Valentin) Opens Friday (Beechwood,
Carmike)
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III (PG-13)
Good morning, Mr Abrams Your mis
sion. should you choose to accept it.
involves the recovery of the Mission
Impossiblefranchise The tirst and
second Missions made their produc
ers filthy rich, but left something to be
desired, spy-wise You may select any
actors you want (recent Oscar winner
Phillip Seymour Hoffman and series
regular Vmg Rhames) However, it
is essentia! that everything revolves
comfortable Lindsey Lohan—naturally
bounces off one another and Keillor's
ingenious screenplay, be/eweled with
homey witticisms An over-current ot
spirituality threatens the balance, while
providing a most sublime conversation
between GK and an angel (a glowing
Virginia Madsen), whose human death
he allegedly caused Allman's A Prairie
Home Companion, the year's most win
ning film, proves a lilmmaker doesn't
have to create esoteric art to retain cel
luloid credibility In a master s hands,
endearing can be art. (Beechwood)
PROM NIGHT IN KANSAS CITY
(NR) 2002 Director Halt Lee and Peter
von Ziegesar peel back the taffeta
to see what sort ot undergarments
America’s teenagers are wearing to that
All-American, coming-ol-age, end-of-
the-year blow out we call the prom Lee
and von Ziegesar capture four differ
ent fetes—one white, one black, one
religious, and one gay—to see why
Americans hold on to a tradition, dis
appointing lo many and costly for all
Pari of the ACC Library's iFilms senes
Shows Thursday. 6/15 (ACC Library)
RV (PG) This film sums up
Hollywood's inadequacies in 98 min
utes: A star, past his tunny prime wip
ing to act in anything, a once quirky di
rector whose brief period of blockbust
er success removed all traces ot hilarity
from his system, a first-time writer
churning out ancient routines Burns
and Allen would have cringed at per
forming. and an audience laughing tar
too loudly at telegraphed jokes When
an incompetent, workaholic dad (Robin
Williams) lakes his family—perfect
wife (Cheryl Hines), leftist daughter
(pop red dwarf JoJo), and wannabe-
thug son (Josh Hutcherson)—out west
in a rented RV, everything goes wrong
until they discover the value ot family
Ends Thursday (Beechwood. Carmike)
THE SHAGGY DOG (PG) What is it
about Disney's present slate of live ac
tion features that makes Ihem so much
less (humorous, endearing, etc) than
the classics? Recombining the DNA of
The Shaggy flog and The Shaggy D A.
director Brian Robbins (Varsity fl/ues)
and a gaggle ol screenwriters provide
Tim Allen with ample opportunity to
perform his stupid human tricks Ends
Thursday (Georgia Square 5)
SHAOLIN CHALLENGES NINJA
(NR) 1979 Gordon Lui (Kill Bill) stars
in this action-packed tale of a Chinese
man who, after accidentally insulting
his wile's Japanese family, must prove
the superiority ot Chinese martial arts
in an epic martial arts battle with seven
Japanese masters. Shews Thursday.
6/15 (Diverse Universe) •
SILENT HILL (R) Best adaptal.on
ol a videogame lo date with lots ol
atmosphere and a real sense oi creepy
loneliness A desperate mother (Rahda
Mitchell) loses her sick daughter in
a deserted mining town (Georgia
Square 5)
X-MEN: THE LAST STAND (PG-
13) Endearingly, the third film has a
kitschy, more comic book-y appeal as
the fate of the entire world depends
upon the X-Men stopping Magneto
(lan McKellan) from unleashing the
strongest mutant ever known, the
Phoenix once known as Jean Grey
(Fa/rke Janssen) Maior characters are
slaughtered with careless abandon,
yet the bigger stakes strangely mean
less emotional hett Though but for
the superfluous addition ol Angel (Ben
Foster). ciichOd writing, and distinct
lack of purpose. XJmay have been
more than the sledgehammer to the
precision instruments ot X-Men and
X2 Still, with a Fastball Special and
bigger, better X-fights. X-Men The Last
Stand does bear an uncanny resem
blance to its cartoomsh comic book
inspiration (Beechwood, Carmike.
Highway 17 Theatres)
Drew Wheeter
14 FLAGPOLE.COM • JUNE 14.2006
NEWS & FEATURES I ARTS & EVENTS I MOVIES I MUSIC I COMICS 8, ADVICE I CLASSIFIEDS