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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I am in my early 20s, between relationships,
and interested in experimenting with girl-on-girl
action. Should I find myself a lesbian or another
bi-curious straight girl?
Going Girl
I think you will have a better
go with an experienced wom
an, but you need to make
sure that your intentions
are clear right off. You
don't want to wind up in
an awkward grope-fest with
another girl who doesn't
know her way around
the female anatomy,
but you also don't want
to end up annoying or
frustrating a bona fide
lesbian who is looking
for love. Have fun.
Afy boyfriend is never
home. He is a musician, and
he travels around a lot. I totally love him, and I
believe that we may even some day get married.
The problem is that I get bored and lonely by
myself all the time. I try to stay active and I have
a lot of friends, but that's not always enough. I
have talked to him about this and we hove talked
about coming to some kind of agree
ment. The proposal is this: we are able
to see other people as long as we tell
each otl j 'St, and nothing more se
rious than casual sex. My friends
think I am insane and that it
will be the end of our relation
ship. I say that it's easy for
them io say because they get
to see their significant others
whenever they want. I think
this will keep our relationship
healthy. What do you think?
Anonymous
I think you're deluded. What
are you going to do, meet a
guy at a party, chat him up for
an hour or two, and then call
your honey from your cell phone
while you're driving back to his
place? And what happens if he
doesn't ANSWER? Are you go
ing to leave him a message? I
mean, seriously, are you talk
ing about permission here?
Oo you intend to tell each
other anything about these people you have sex
with? Imagine that conversation for a minute:
"Hi, honey, it's me. Remember what we said
about seeing other people? Yeah, well this guy is
tall, maybe 200 pounds, and he's wearing a base
ball jersey and khakis. His name is Josh, and he's
Becky's sister's boyfriend's cousin. So, is that
cool then?" And how will you react when you get
this call? Do you really think you're going to get
any sleep after you hang up with him and you're
home alone knowing he's on his way to a motel
in the middle of Kansas with some groupie?
You're either in or you're out of this thing. If you
want company, get a dog. Need more nookie?
Buy a vibrator. But don't fool yourself into think
ing that this will ever work, or that it is some
how the "natural" thing to do.
1 have been with my girlfriend for three and a
half years. We have been living together for two,
and things have been going pretty well, I guess.
We have our disagreements and stuff, but nothing
serious. But now lately it seems like we have been
fighting a lot more. A lot of times it’s about stu
pid stuff, and sometimes I feel like she's just pick
ing a fight with me on purpose because it's about
something that never bothered her before, like the
laundry or whatever. So now I meet this girl at
work, and we kind of hit it off. and we hang out
in a group with other people, but I kind of like her
and now I think I might want to get to know her
more, maybe even date her. Should I stay with my
girlfriend or try something new?
Tired of Fighting
That depends on several things, TOF. I
don't have enough information here.
How old are you? If you're 20 and
you have been together that
long, maybe you need to try
dating around a little before
you settle into something
more permanent Where do
you think this relationship is
going? Do you think you want
to marry this girl at some point?
Have you been in a long-term
relationship before? And is this
a sort of pattern you establish
to get out of it without guilt?
Have you talked to your girl
friend about what's up? She
may not even realize that there is a problem, or
there might be something else at work here. Is
she depressed? Is she having problems with work
or school or family and taking it out on you? If
you don't ask her straight up, then you will never
know, and you can't justify breaking up with her
without finding out. Unless, of course, you are
just over it, in which case you need to break it
off. Who knows? Maybe she
wants out of the relation
ship. too.
My boyfriend and I got
together six months ago. Things
were going very well, and his lease
was up last month, and I needed a
roommate, so we decided it made sense
for him to move in with me. Well, things are
not going too well. I still really like him,
and I don't want to break it off, but I really
want to re-think this living together thing. We
are just around each other too much, and I feel
tike I don't have enough time to myself or with
my friends or anything. Also, 1 haven't told my
parents that he moved in even though I am 25
years old, because I didn't want them to tell me
I was making a mistake. That has turned out to
be a good decision because they
would have been right and
I would be crazy having to
listen to 7 told you so. ” So
anyway, how do I ask my boy
friend to move out. but not break
up with him? I don't want to put pressure on him
or hurt his feelings, but 1 can't do this right now.
Claustrophobic
Just be honest, C. It is likely that if you
are this uncomfortable, he's not happy either.
Tell him exactly what you told me. Don't tiptoe
around it and DO NOT use your family as an ex
cuse. Just tell him that you really dig him and
you want to keep seeing him, but that you need
space. Ask him to find another place, set a rela
tively quick time frame on the move out without
being too pushy, and help him look. In the
meantime, make sure you set aside time to see
your friends and keep up with stuff you were do
ing before you started dating him. Also, request
at least one day (or night) a week to yourself
in the house. If he has trouble with any of this,
then it's just not going to work. There's no real
discussion to be had, because no matter what
is said, your situation isn't going to get better
while he is still there. It really shouldn't be a big
deal. Five months is pretty quick.
JylInov
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