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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
So here's the thing, I am always getting be
rated from my girlfriend because of my "hesitant
outlook" on experimentation. Because I'm not
one to try crazy new things, she is beginning to
view me as a reserved wimp, and not the gaso
line-stinking badass she normally is
attracted to.
So about a week ago. she
said that we should change
up our monotonous sexual
activity we've been having,
and suggested we try anai
Naturally I was hesitant, but
I agreed.
But I was thinking, to
really show her I'm not a
reserv ed wimp, I should
surprise her with a more
shocking idea, than me
firing down her "other"
hole. So when I met her
for dinner that night. I sur
prised her by presenting her
with a strap on so she could
give it to me. I thought it would show her I was a
willing-lo-experiment-badass. She left at once in a
disgusted hurry.
The moment I am willing to try new things for
love, I end up spending the evening alone with a
strap-on penis. What did I do wrong? Sincerely,
Anal-onomous
First. I would like to point out that you are
in what I would describe as an unhealthy rela
tionship. You and your girlfriend obviously have
different views on sex. This
is not necessarily a deal-
breaker. but you have
to find a way to
respect each oth
er's boundaries
while being will
ing to push them
a bit to accom
modate the other
person. Your
tone is resentful.
You say that she
"berates" you
and that she is
beginning to view
you as 3 "reserved
wimp." Has she actually
said this to you, or are your
feelings of inadequacy due to your own
comparisons of you vs. "gasoline stinking ba
dasses"? (By the way, what does that mean? Are
you talking about gas huffers? Stunt men? Gas
station attendants? I love to flatter myself that
despite my age I am still in touch with youth cul
ture, but this is definitely a new one.)
So you're angry and resentful. And she is
bored and disrespectful—at least, that's how you
perceive her. How did she bring up the whole
"wanting to spice things up" conversation? Was
she actually being accusatory, or are you just
being defensive? Either way, you two need to
actually talk about this stuff. Not in bed. and not
with any of the already built-up hostility. You
need to sit down and talk rationally about what
each of you needs/ wants and how the other per
son is making you feel. Honestly, the whole thing
may be too far gone, but it is worth a shot.
Now, about the dinner surprise: Is the strap-
on something you really want, or were you really
just going for shock value? If you really want it.
then you had better not treat it as something
"shocking." If you really don't want it, then don't
be a jackass. Throwing something in her face is
not the way to fix this problem. Did she take off
because of the strap-on, or because you were
being hostile? Stop trying to compete with the
gasoline-soaked ghost of relationships past.
Also, if you are in the habit of using phrases
like "firing down her other hole," then your lack
of openness to experimentation is not your big
gest problem. Go to the bookstore and read some
erotica. Read up on sex: different positions, lo
tions, potions, techniques, etc. Get used to talk
ing and thinking about it like an adult. Get com
fortable with your body and with hers, and you
just might be able to salvage this thing.
If not, at least you will be more prepared
the next time around.
So I started dating this
new guy. We have known
each other for a few months,
maybe a year, through vari
ous friends in social circles. I
have had several "real" con
versations with him, and he
is smart, funny and, in my eyes,
a lot more sensitive than most
guys his age. All of these things
are great, as is dating him so
far. The problem is that his
friends really dc act their age,
and being around him while
he is with his friends is like being with a totally
different person. I know this is going to sound
mean, but they are kind of dumb (or at least they
act like they are) and they are very immature,
and I am sort of embarrassed to be around them.
Unfortunately, this seems to happen about once a
week. I get along with them okay because I tend
to just keep to myself, but they are really starting
to bug me. Am I
being too judg
mental? I am not
that much older
than these guys, but they
act like they are still in high
school and I jpst don't get it.
The worst part is that they
think they are really cool,
and the bf doesn't seem to
mind the way they are. Is
this even worth staying?
How do I tell him that his
friends a r e idiots and I don't
want to be around them?
Or do I keep quiet and hope
that it gets better?
Baby Sitter
Well BS, there are a few
things you have to think
about. First, how old is this
guy, and what is his connection to
these friends? I mean, are they cowork
ers, frat brothers, roommates? Are they friends
that he has had for a long time? In other words,
are these lifelong friends, the kind that will
be his friends forever, or are they transitional
people that he is likely to grow out of? You can
say all you want about how he is when they
aren't around, but if they continue to be around
this often, you are not going to be happy. And I
believe that to some extent you are the company
you keep. It's one thing if they are people that
he is around because of other circumstances
(say, a job or an apartment), but if they are re
ally his friends and they are really jackasses,
then he is probably just a jackass and you don’t
know it yet. Also, you say they act like they are
in high school, but you don't say how old they
are. There is a difference between a guy who is
20 acting like he's 16 and a guy who is 30 acting
like he's 16. Based on the information you have,
you have to decide whether he actually has po
tential or if that's just wishful thinking on your
part. Also, keep in mind that having potential
isn't enough. At some point, you have to reach
it—or at least try.
Jyl Inov
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