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HIP MAMMA
THE LYSISTRATA METHOD
As the-war in Iraq drags on and the Bush
Administration continues to ignore the pleas of
the majority of the people it governs, as well as
every other branch of government, its advisors,
the rest of the world, and political experts, to
get us out of the disastrous civil war we helped
start and have no hope of ending, I feet increas
ingly guilty. I haven't done enough as a citizen,
and especially as a mother, to voice my choc
unrest and outrage.
In November 2000, with my six-week-old baby
snuggled close to my chest, I walked to Alps
Road Elementary, my designated voting spot, and
cast my ballot in the presidential election for
Ralph Nader and Winona taOuke. In this heavily
Republican state, I knew
that if I voted
for Gore,
pointless and hopeless. In order for this tactK to
succeed, they had to swear an oath to support
each other, and they entisted the women from all
the warring nations to participate as well.
I know, it sounds too simple, and we might
not be able to get Mrs. Bush to agree to it at
first (not publicly, at least). I see this as a
grassroots movement type of thing. We have to
start at home. Women art traditionally just not
as bloodthirsty and war-hungry as men, so we
are logically the ones to put an end to this Iraq
insanity, and we have the one thing all men
(okay, most men) want: booty. Since conservative
women are all caught up being "supportive" of
their husband*s decisions, we liberals are going
to have to get the ball rolling on this one.
ladies, the first thing you can
do is withhold
D
it would
make no
matter, as my
opinion would
be drowned out
in the electoral
college by a mil
lion SUV-driving,
Bush-voting, morally
upright human beings. However, if I could do
something to make a statement that we needed
more than a two-party system in this country,
then I would feel my vote did count somehow.
So I wrote in for Ralphie, and I fett pretty confi
dent that although the race would be close, Gore
would be victorious.
When the results of the "recounts* came in,
and Gore conceded, something inside me died...
a little part of my political activism was laid to
rest that day because I tost faith in the American
people. A little more of it has died each day as
this administration has done exactly what we
knew it would do: lie, coerce, steal, cheat and
mutilate the English language. Then there is the
sheer helplessness I feel as a "citizen" of this
country. What can we do when this administra
tion sees fit to ignore every single act of protest,
legal and otherwise?
Now, I am talking a big game for someone
who hasn't done much, and to be sure, if my son
were old enough to serve in the military and
there were any chance of an impending draft, I
would throw myself on the steps of the White
House, Cindy Sheehan-style. Because my little
guy is relatively safe at the moment, maybe I
have gotten soft, but on a recent 2 a.m. foray to
Toppers (with friends that shall remain nameless)
the answer to all of our problems hit me like a
virus on Kart Rove's hard drive.
In 411 B.C., Aristophanes wrote an anti-war
comedy in which the female characters, led by
a woman named Lysistrata, barricaded a pub
lic building and vowed to withhold sex from
their husbands until the men agreed to end the
Peloponnesian War, a war the wives felt was
sex from any
Republican or
non-voter. Before
•z you put out,
request voter iden
tification. We can
quickly get a lot of
men registered to vote
in the upcoming election
with this tactic alone. Secondly, if your man is
not politically active, it can be a great date ac
tivity informing him about all the evils of corpo
rate America, why our gas is almost three dollars
a gallon, and why your children will never see a
live polar bear. Politics can be great foreplay.
Next, we can start an Internet petition and
go nationwide. No one sleeps with a Republican
until we see a massive troop withdrawal! March
of 2008 is not soon enough. We have to put
pressure on the Republican women to stop giving
it up. If necessary, we can email them pictures
of the destruction caused by war... that should
slow the libido down a bit.
Watching the Toppers artists work their magic
on the poles—and *he men around me make
drool puddles on the stage, enthusiastically
giving up their week's wages—I wondered why
Nancy Pelosi hadn't thought of this already. We
have the power! Lysistrata knew it, and she used
it to her country's advantage.
Okay, whoever is sleeping with these
Republican decision-makers, just stop it. stop it
right now! Help bring our troops home. If we can
get their wives and girlfriends to agree to the sex
strike (and the Congressional pages, of course),
then eventually they will only have each other
to sleep with, and we'll have them backed into
a corner for sure. Either end the war, or engage
in some serious hypocritical behavior. Shut up
about that gay marriage ban, or pull out—of
Iraq. I think with this new plan in effect we
could look for Johnny to come marching home
very soon indeed.
Elizabeth Deroshia
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