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Two years ago. I married a nice gay for his
money. It was an easy thing for me to do. For
almost 10 years. I had been struggling as a
student, and after grad school I was just plam
tired of being poor. Shortly after marrying him.
four days after our honeymoon to be
exact. I started cheating on him.
And I don't mean a tittle. I
have been with men. women,
couples, and, on more than
a few occasions, groups.
The funny thing is I have
never behaved like this be
fore. In past relationships. I
have always been faithful
until the end. In fact.
I had never hod a one
night stand. My question
is. am I doing this out of
guilt? Or I am I a latent
nympho?
Sincerely,
Out Of My Head
Are you doing what out of guilt? Because
it seems to me that you're repeatedly cheating
on your husband despite any guilt (and I might
add that there doesn't seem to be a lot of guilt
here). I don't know if you're a "latent nympho,"
OOMH, but you are a liar, a cheat and a selfish,
self-serving bitch. Is it possible that all of that
expensive education could have rendered you
completely clueless?
My boyfriend and I have
been dating for more than
six years and we were best
friends for several years prior
to that. We live together (and
actually just purchased a home
together), we have joint
bank accounts... we
pretty much live the
married life. But. I can't
help but be relieved
sometimes that he has
never popped the ques
tion, because rm not
sure he's "the one."
We both live pretty
boring lives and work
stressful jobs. I have
a pretty hard time
with low self-esteem, so
our sex life is almost non
existent. We are both in our 20s
and to everyone else, it seems like we
should have been married years ago.
But, I heard someone say, "A relation
ship without lust is just a friendship."
So you think this is true? Sometimes I
feel like I am too for in to turn and run
and I just don't hove that spot-on feeling of “he
is THE 0NE!“ How do you ever really know?
Luckily or Unluckily Not Married
Having been personally convinced in the past
that the wrong guy was "the one," and having
known several people, male and female, who
made the same mistake (some of them were mar
ried and divorced before they were 30), I can as
sure you that there isn't a simple answer to that
question. I don't think some people ever know,
LUNM. But in your case, it sounds like you don't
really care, either. I have to wonder what your
boyfriend would say about your relationship,
because the picture you paint is pretty bleak
and depressing, and while you admit to having
self-esteem issues, you don't feel compelled to
do anything about it. Is your relationship based
on love and trust, or just laziness? I don't agree
that you need to have lust to have a successful
relationship; there are plenty of people in the
world who are completely ambivalent about sex,
and if two of them land in the same relationship,
that keeps them a safe distance from the rest of
us, which I applaud. If you are having doubts,
maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about
how he feels. And maybe everything would be
okay if you would just work on your self-esteem
and try to plan less boring lives around your
stressful jobs. You're in a rut, LUNM, and
you are the only one who can do any
thing about it.
For the last eight months.
my boyfriend and I have been
in a long-distance relation
ship. He will be coming bock
to Athens in four months. I
have only seen him once dur
ing our time apart. We love
each other, and I am trying to be
understanding about something
and wanted your input. We were
talking on the phone the other
night about not being able to
get laid on a regular basis,
and I eventually asked him
how often he masturbated. I have no problem
with him buying a magazine and doing his thing if
he must, but then he told me he had been having
phone sex a couple of times a month. He said he
was just so homy he couldn't control himself, and
that it wasn't tike he was actually having sex with
someone else. My dilemma is this... I don't really
care if he does it with a magazine, but when an
other person listens, I feel like it's cheating. What
do think about this? Is it more of a betrayal for
him to get off with a tramp on the phone than
it is to get off with a pom slut on a DVD?
Vibing with Myself
If he’s doing it with a 1-900 tramp,
then I wouldn't consider it
cheating. If he's having
it with his ex-girtfriend,
or your best friend, or
some chick he met on
MySpace, that's a dif
ferent story. I guess the
real question, though,
is why is he not doing
it with you? It seems
like the obvious an
swer, doesn't it?
Confidential to
SOTOBC: Make a
change. Ten years is a
long time to play house—espe
cially neatly celibate house. While
it is true that mamage is not a re
quirement for every couple, it is obvi
ously important to you, and he seems
to have taken it off the menu. The big
deal? You know better than I do. Is he
waiting for something better to come along? Or
is he just one of those thirty-something adoles
cents who views a wife as a ball and chain? This,
in addition to the other things that are lacking
in your situation, and the fact that you have
tried to address these issues absolutely no avail,
and the fact that you said therapy is "out of the
question," is more than anyone can be expected
to deal with. I don't see what you could pos
sibly have to be grateful for anymore. Yes, you
have been together for a long time, and yes, you
have seen each other through some tough times.
You say that you wouldn't want to go through it
again with anyone else, but you don't have to.
Your past is past, and your future is completely
wide open. Be thankful for the good times you
have had and move on. Don't limit yourself. And
don't let his self-esteem drag yours down.
Jyl Inov
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