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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
While my dilemma is not really a romantic one,
it certainly is a matter of the heart. You know how
the heart of the Grinch was two sizes too small?
I think mine is two sizes too big, and I live in far
too small a town to get away with this. Allow me
to explain. I work at a very popular
spot here in Athens, where we
have several regular custom
ers. Some of them belong to
the indigent persuasion. We
throw some of our stuff out
at the end of the night, so
I've made a habit of offer
ing it to these people when
they're around. The prob
lem is, one of them has
gotten familiar with my
schedule and now seems
to appear whenever I'm
working. And his requests
now include rides, pain
relievers and larger sums
of money for cab rides and
prescription pain relievers.
It really breaks my heart to think that someone
doesn't have a home, but I’m not exactly made of
money and would prefer to hang on to some of my
tips. Also, my kindness to the less fortunate seems
to be putting a strain on my relationship. My
significant other doesn't seem to understand why
I give so much when I have so little. I think he's
actually starting to get mad at me for it. How do
I say "no" to a starving face? And why might this
problem bother my significant other? Being nice
can really suck, I fear.
Door, Matt
He is bothered because you are being taken
advantage of, DM. While it is kind and consider
ate of you to be so giving to those less fortu
nate, you need to find a better way to do it. I
completely understand not wanting to throw
away food when you are walking past hungry
people at the end of the night, but pain reliev
ers, prescription drugs and cab rides are way
above the call of duty. And quite honestly, giving
rides to indigents that you don't know is danger
ous and stupid. I'm sorry, but you are letting
your guilt overpower your common sense here,
and I'm with your partner on this one. You have
to stop all of this right now. If you want to leave
these folks the food, tell them that they can't
come and ask for it or you're going to get fired.
Leave it for them
when you go, and
DO NOT give them
anything more.
Just tell them
you can't afford
it. They might be home
less, but you have rent and
bills to pay. Be polite but firm,
and set some boundaries. If you
really want to do something
further to help, contact
Community Connection (www.
communityconnection211.
com) and find out how and
where you can volunteer.
I've been dating a guy for two months.
In the first few weeks of our relationship, he
came on really, really strong, which turned
me off a bit, but he has since somewhat re
laxed, and, as a consequence, is a little less atten
tive. We get along well, our sex life is incredible,
but I notice him looking at other girts when we
are out together. Not just looking to look, doesn't
everyone do that? But more like he's looking to
hook up with them while I am standing right
there. Admittedly, he's a charismatic, good-looking
guy who is outgoing and makes friends very eas
ily, so much so that one time when we were out
at a bar, I went to the bathroom and came back
to find him surrounded by four unknown women
who were all chatting him up. This, combined with
the "fuck me eyeballing" of other women (which
my friends have also noticed) has made me
somewhat insecure. I don't know how to approach
the subject with him except to call him out on it
when I see it happening. But what I'm wonder
ing is what happens when I'm not around?
We agreed we would be honest with each
other if we wanted to see other people
and I want to trust him, but seeing
as though I don't know him
that well, I don’t know what
to do. I certainly hate feeling
insecure—I am an attractive,
smart, successful, thirty-some
thing professional and feel
confident in all other aspects
of my life—what should I do
about the wandering eyes? I don't
want to be that nag that ha
rasses her boyfriend and makes
him feel like he’s in prison, but
I would like him to respect my
presence enough to stop look
ing at other women. Thanks for your help.
Don't Like Wandering Eyes
If you already have this problem two months
into dating, is there any point in going further?
What does he say when you call him on his be
havior? And what exactly was his response when
you talked about being honest with each other
about wanting to date other people? What does
happens when you aren't around? Well, at the
very least, he's chatting up everything with a
pair of tits, and if it makes you uncomfortable
and he still does it—right in front of you, no
less!—then I don't see how the relationship re
ally has a future. Even if he is being completely
honest with you, and he simply enjoys innocent
flirting, you feel insecure and he's less attentive,
and you are only two months in. Forget it. Stop
wasting your time.
Something kind of struck me about the two
questions printed this week [Aug. 1]. The two
writers are critical of their respective partner's
unattractive or suspicious behavior. I wonder how
often they take their partner's perspective and
think about their own-less-than desir
able traits. Perhaps Limp But Not
Lame's partner finds LBNL's Type A
personality overbearing. Has Anon
ever had a harmless (or maybe
not) friendship with someone of
the opposite sex while she was
in a relationship? I'm not
saying we should just ac
cept anything untoward
our partner does, but
a bit of self-reflection
often clears the
bitterness and dis
satisfaction that
we feel when our
partner doesn't per
fectly please us.
Anonymous
I wholeheartedly
agree with you about
LBNL, but the thing
with Anon s guy was just
wrong. I don't think any amount of self-reflec
tion is going to help a girl whose boyfriend has
a bunch of photos of other chicks he has slept
with in his computer. It's not about "perfectly
pleasing"—it's about not being a creepy dick
head. Thanks for your insight, but I think your
crystal ball is a little cloudy.
Jyl Inov
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