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NO RELISH HERE
Philosophy Shmilosophy: Look, Ratatouille's
Anton Ego aside, no one really goes to a restau
rant looking for a subpar meal, even those of us
who get to write about the experience afterward.
Even Ego really admits as much. There's no relish
to be taken where there's been little relish to
begin with. I went to Fatz Cafe (4115 Lexington
Rd., very near Gaines School, 706-425-8780)
with expectations that weren't lofty but were
hopeful, and they were mostly disappointed.
This doesn't reflect a great snobbery when it
comes to franchised Americana with heavily pic
tured menus full of silly-named dishes and ram-
blings about the restaurant's "philosophy." I will
happily eat a plate of fried cheese. And the dish
that was closest to that—the "Cajun Firecracker
Sticks," sort of eggrolls consisting of a tomato
basil tortilla stuffed with shrimp, sausage, spin
ach, onion, peppers and Monterey Jack, then
fried and served with ranch and remoulade—was
reasonably successful, despite the tendency of
hot oil to leak out the end. It was a greasy pile
of fat and salt, and it worked nicely. It was pre
ceded, however, by what may be the worst rolls
I've ever eaten, hunks of sugary, under-baked
dough served with, essentially, cinnamon frost
ing rather than butter.
Fatz is based out of the Carolinas, which is
why it comes as such a shock thai they can't
make grits. Again, if you put cheese on it, I'll
forgive a lot, and still... I couldn't. Popcorn
shrimp are expected to be tiny and fairly flavor
less, mere vehicles for breading and cocktaU
sauce, but my date had to resort to Hunt's
Ketchup (yes. Hunt's) in order to make them
worth continuing to eat. As far as sides are
concerned, I really don't know in what direc
tion to point you, as a serving of sulfurous
steamed broccoli and a loaded potato soup that
tasted straight from a box of flakes were no
better. Thankfully, the "World Famous Calabash
Chicken," while not exactly stupendous, was fine.
Whew. Chicken fingers. Decent chicken fingers.
I never quite got what the "Calabash" ■ as while
there, as I couldn't find it defined on the menu,
but it seems to be connected to the town in
North Carolina rather than the decorative gourd,
and it's not very distinctive as a seasoning
style. The choice of Pepsi rather than Coca-Cola
products, while no doubt part of a franchise-
dictated deal, still raises an eyebrow. So what's
good about Fatz? Well, the atmosphere is sort of
soft and clubby, with a lot of sound-dampening
surfaces. The restaurant does have a full bar.
Desserts don't just include the usual candy-bar-
infused diabetic-coma-inducing platefuls, but
also a section called "Sweet Bites" with smaller
portions and smaller prices. Fatz also does to-go
service and creates platters well-suited for tail-
gating. The service may be overly attentive, but
at least it's there. The restaurant is open every
day for lunch and dinner and, of course, takes
credit cards.
Hurry Up!: Often, when one is seeking a quick
lunch in downtown Athens, one is thwarted—
forced to wait around after ordering at a counter,
frantically checking one's watch and fuming.
And yet, one doesn't want/ can't get fast food.
However, you can still buy tasty pre-made
sandwiches at Espresso Royale Caffe, and now
Starbucks (100 College Ave., 706-543-0114) has
started doing the same, with a nice little selec
tion of prepackaged stuff made fresh daily (or so
the labels say). They're not the cheapest around,
and the bread, as is often the case, is a bit lack
ing, but the ingredients are flavorful and well-
selected. The chicken Cheddar club with bacon,
while $6.25, is fairly hearty and not soggy, with
thick chicken breast, applewood-smoked bacon
and real cheddar on a too-sweet whole-wheat
bread. The petite turkey and ham, a smaller item
and only $3.95, features roasted turkey breast,
smoked ham, provolone, tomato, lettuce and
pesto on a little white roll. The tomato mozza
rella insalata, at $5.25, is perhaps the best lunch
of all, with plenty of garlic and basil, although
one gross cherry tomato can put one off it. The
sandwiches and such are available in the morn
ing, but disappear before noon.
What Up?: The National (232 W. Hancock Ave.,
706-549-3450) is now open for lunch (weekdays
only) and dinner (Mon.-Sat.). Buck's Pizza ap
pears to be closed. In Watkinsville, both Mirko's
Pasta (in Town Center) and Rachel's (on Hog
Mountain Road) are close to opening. Also in
Watkinsville, Smokin' Stevie's has introduced
a lunchtime "crunch special" (available 11 a.m.
to 3 p.m.) consisting of a pork sandwich, chips
and a drink for $5 including tax. In case you've
missed the news. The Globe was just named
America's Best Bar by the readers of Esquire
magazine.
Hillary Brown
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