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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I wrote you a letter signed "Another
Ex-Girlfriend" back in September last year.
Thanks for your advice. This article is very
old... but even though I didn't take the mov
ing advice right away... I did eventually take
it. I moved out between 4-7 in the morning
back in December. I thought I was gonna kill
him. I moved in with the sv/eet guy and his
bandmates, and life is so less complicated. I
guess when we go through our first breakup we
lie to ourselves all the time. Yes, I did want
to get back together with him, and that's why
I let him move in, but then again, I was so
lonely. I did lose a lot of friends, but then I
think about it and they were just loud drunk
annoying people anyway. I just wanted to say,
keep handing out the no bullshit, no-cherry-on-
top advice, because that's what people need to
hear. Thanks!
Another Ex-Girlfriend Who Found a New Life
Glad to hear that you finally figured it out,
AEG. And believe me, advice is a lot easier to
give than it is to follow. People lie to them
selves all the time, for all kinds
of reasons. It would be great
if we all learned from our
mistakes and actually,
you know, stopped doing
the same stupid shit
over and over, but that
isn't always how it goes.
Anyway, thanks for the
update and good luck
with your new guy.
I am on the out
side of an escalating
conflict between my
sister and her best friend.
This week, BF wrote a let
ter to you asking advice
on what to do about their living arrangements
next year considering their very different life
styles and cleaning habits. Although I thought
your advice was good, Sister read the letter in
Flagpole, immediately recognized that BF had
written it, and became infuriated that BF had
not consulted her directly about these concerns
before both of their names were on the lease.
BF has a habit of avoiding direct conflict, and
so has avoided a direct conversation with Sister
since, but has unfriended her on Facebook
(oh, the drama). She also wrote her a letter
about how they weren't going to stay friends
when she moved next year anyway, and Sister
should find another place to live. Sister, being
naturally obstinate, has no intention of living
elsewhere, and thinks that BF should leave.
They've been next-door neighbors and best
friends a long time. Also, Sister's lifestyle
choices can be self-destructive, so I want her to
sustain friendships that are good influences like
BF. Do you have any advice on how their friend
ship con be salvaged in all this? Thanks,
Concerned
No matter what the level of drama right
now, I still think they're better off than they
would have been as roommates. Yes, this
should have been resolved before a lease was
signed, but if it's.this bad now, imagine the
damage tnree weeks worth of dirty dishes
would have caused.
It sounds like you are trying to be on your
sister's side, but that you are well aware of
he' faults and sympathetic to her friend. Is
it possible that you can talk to the frienc
directly? If she is try ; ng to avoid any conflict,
she might find it easier to just avoid your sis
ter altogether, but she has no beef with you,
right? If they really have been close for so
long, this should not ruin their relationship.
Also, you need to talk to your sister. Tell her
that while you think the BF acted irrespon
sibly, BF has valid fears about lifestyle, and
that it would be a shame for them to throw
away their friendship over this. You do have
to realize, Concerned Sister, that this is ulti- .
mately not your battle, and that for all of your
effort and concern you may be greeted with
contempt and/or anger by one or both of the
parties involved. I applaud your willingness to
try, as well as your recognition that it is prob
ably in vain, but don't kill yourself over this.
It isn't your battle and it isn't worth worrying
too much about. Oh, the drama, indeed. If
only they had remained neighbors.
So, my friends are getting divorced. They
have been married for a long, long time, and I
met them both at the same time. The short ver
sion goes like this: she cheated, she wanted out
of the relationship, he wanted to keep trying
until he found out she cheated. He left,
she freaked out, and now she is try
ing to make him out to be the bad
guy, all the while doing batshit
crazy things to him, his stuff,
the new girl in his life, etc.
In other words, she has lost
her shit, even though she is
the one who started it all.
Now I don't feel comfortable
around her at all. I feel sorry
for him, but I'm relieved he's
out of there, because obviously
she has some very serious
mental problems. The problem
comes whenever I see her
out around town. She keeps
trying to talk to me, and it's obvious that she
wants me to be on her side, and I want abso
lutely nothing to do with her, but I don’t want
to just tell her to her face because I don't want
it to be like that. I know that she did the crazy
shit he said she did because she told another
friend of ours. I do not respect this woman and
I want her out of my life, but I don’t exactly
feel comfortable telling her to her face. How do
I handle this? Should I ignore her completely,
or do I just smile and get through the small
talk until she goes away?
Anonymous
Were the two of you actually friends before
this all started, or were you more friends with
him? I ask because if the two of you were
really friends, then I think it behooves you to
tell her that she's gone completely guano and
that she needs help. If she likes and respects
you, then you might be in a position to help
her help herself. On the other hand, if this is
a person that you only know peripherally, you
can simply keep the exchanges to a minimum
and hope she gets the hint. If she really has
lost it, you don't want to risk setting her off
and having her turn on you, too. Just smile
and nod and back away slowly whenever she
approaches you. Eventually she'll get the
picture. If she really has been such a crunt,
I doubt you're the only person who is having
this reaction.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
via the real ty check button at www flagpole.com.
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