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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
1 have been dating this gay for a little
over a year now. We've conquered many things
together as a couple which seemec to only
make us stronger. The issue comes down to ho>
■we reoct when we're angry with the other. We
would noth say loosely whatever we wanted to
say, and even sometimes as loud as we would
like to say them. Then, we'd separate for a few
moments for "alone time." and then reunite.
Afterward, we'd be calmer and fine again, and
the issue would then be solved.
Unfortunately, we were stopping by his
grandparents, who are oasicolly his parents,
after a very long car tnp and we
had a case of this. My fiance
(oh, yeah, he asked me o
week before this event
to marry him) took it tc
extremes in front of his
grandmother, and tried
to make ner choose sides.
This ted to the origi
nal fight between me
and my fiance to
grow beyond either
of our wantings, and
then to us breaking
up, and me driving
away, leaving him with
his grondparents. Now. I
realize that I overreacted
and also helped in making matters worse. I
should've just found my own way to have a few
seconds to myself to think, but now his grand
mother insists that he never talk to me again.
I really do love this man, and I feet like the
grandmother just got a bad impression of who
she thinks I am since this was only the third
time I met her.
Any advice?
I know you said that you love this man,
but are you sure that the two of you are right
for each other? Your letter
leaves me with the impression
that the two of you fight a
tot, and while that usually
means a tot of passion, it
doesn't always make the best
long-term situation. Also,
you don't say how old the two
of you are, but neither of you
sounds very mature—fighting
loudly in front of Granny
and then asking her to take
sides? Really? I don't think
either of you is ready for
marriage, but if you are going
to patch things up, you have
to leave her out of the picture.
Grow the fuck up, work on your
own communication, and if you
manage to patch things up, then
you can both apologize to her for acting
like idiots and beg her forgiveness.
I just want to chime in about the woman
who wrote in last week about dating a man
of a different race. There was mention of his
behavior being "a cultural thing," and I just
want to let her know that she shouldn't write
off every man who shares that culture, because
not everyone fits their cultural stereotype. I
was in the same boat as her a few years back,
and I had a similar experience. If I had let it
put me off permanently from all Mexican men,
I would not be living with my curreni (totally
fantastic and perfect for me) boyfriend.
Lonely No More
Good advice, LNM. It’s easy to make
assumptions, but assumptions won't keep you
warm at night.
Jyt. my wedding is making me insane!
I asked my girlfriend of five years to marry
me last Christmas. IVe were both happy and
coutdn't wait to share the news with our fami
lies. Now I wish we nad just run away and told
them all when we got back. I know that a lot
of planning goes into this stuff, but I swear not
a day passes when I don't get a call from her
mom or her sister or my mom, and all anybody
ever talks aboul anymore is cake, colors and a
bunch of crap I couldn't care less about.
I just wont to be married to my girl,
and I couldn't care less about the
rest of it. It is olso making her
very stressed out because she
has to moke decisions aoout
stuff and she is getting
pressure from her family and
mine. The wedding isn't for
another year, and I am afraid
that we are both going to go
crazy before then. We have been
invited to a big family event
for the weekend of the Fourth,
and neither of us wants to go
because we both are so tired
of all this. How can we make
this stop? I can't even think about this stuff
anymore without getting a headache.
Doomed Groom j
You know, I wonder if weddings have
always been this much of a pain in the ass,
or if modern society has simply made an oth
erwise lovely celebration into the consumer
driven nightmare that it has become. Trust
me when I tell you that every single married
person I know wound up exhausted from their
wedding.
The best advice I can give you is to be
very honest with everybody, starting now. Tell
them that the details are being handled,
but that you have no desire to talk
about them on a daily basis. Assuming
you have the big stuff out of the way
(the church and the reception hall are
booked, as well as the caterer), make
giant checklist for everything
else, hide it in a drawer some
where where you can consult
it when you need to, and
set goals for yourselves to
accomplish everything you
need to do. Set aside one or
two days every month where
you can get calls or answer
emails about your wedding
from both sides of the family,
and stick to the schedule. Refuse
to talk about it otherwise. There is no
reason to discuss the seating chart a
year in advance. Don't worry about who gets
stuck sitting next to aunt Ethel. She might be
dead by then, and then you will have wasted
all that energy for nothing, right? Tell every
one in no uncertain terms that you are sick
of talking about it, and that you both need a
break. If they don't understand, then go some
where else for your weekend getaway. This is
supposed to be about the two of you, after all.
Jyl Inov
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