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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
So, there's this girl. We met back at the end
of February at a concert in Atlanta. Actually,
we met online on the discussion forum of the
musician at whose concert we met. It's a small
and very friendly community, and we have got
ten to know each other over the last year.
So, we met at the concert, as well as with
a fellow member of the community. It was fun
meeting each other and talking, and meeting
the musician together. It made the whole expe
rience so much better.
While a crush was developing on my part
some months before the concert, it became
fully realized after our meeting in person. We
chat all the time now, and talk on the phone
occasionally. I am almost pretty positive she
feels the same way, or something like it.
I got sick this weekend and we were talking,
but I chickened out of bringing up the subject
of romance. Eventually, I said she should call
me later this week. Should I bring
it up then? Or should I wait 'til
we hang out in July? She
lives about five to seven
hours away from Athens/
Atlanta, and we have
plans to hang out again
with the girl that we met
at the concert.
I ask if I should
wait or not because
I don’t want to miss
any "window." I mean
it's been this long, I'm
afraid she'll get discour
aged and think I'm not
interested in that way at
all, and then we'll just
be stuck in the friend zone. Which isn't bad,
considering we already make great friends. But
what if it could be more? And I don't want to
be asking "what if" in the future. •
Thanks for your time,
Dreaming of the Dolphin Song
If you confess your true feelings, and she
feels the same way, then what? Are you going
to move to be closer to her? Or are you pro
posing tha: she move? How soon do you think
is too soon to take that step? How long are
you willing to try this thing long distance?
Are you aware that gas now costs over four
dollars a gallon? Are you (or is she) wealthy
and overloaded with free time?
I am asking you these questions because
even though you are stuck on step one, I
don't think you've thought much about steps
two through 10. And the reason why this is
important in your case, DDS, is because right
now you are fairly content and having a good
time with this, but the minute you let the
proverbial feline out of the proverbial bag, the
whole thing changes. I'm all about "going for
it" it most cases, but what would that mean
in your case? Will it change an otherwise good
friendship into a giant pain in your ass that
only ends in misery?
I know this is discouraging, DDS, but
maybe you can use the futility of the situation
to your advantage. You can say what you want
to say without fear if you treat it as a fore
gone conclusion, like: "Boy, it's really unfor
tunate that we live so far away from each
other. I feel a real connection to you based on
our mutual love for Olivia Newton John and
dolphins, and we could probably make a great
couple, if only it weren't for the distance."
That way you put the ball in her court.
She'll either say, "Yes, DDS, I feel the same
way. But alas, cruel fate would Iteve it that
the only other person in North America who
shares my passion for Olivia Newton John
lives four hundred miles away," to which you
can wistfully respond, "I'll spend my Summer
Nights Hopelessly Devoted to You," or she will
suggest ways to work around the distance. In
which case, the soundtrack to your love shifts
to "Magic" and "Physical," right? Woo hoo!
In any case, you should think through all
of the possibilities before you proceed. If you
are going to say something, then by all means
say it now. Waiting to see her in person will
not make it any easier. I am certainly not
trying to discourage you from following your
heart, but without more information, I have to
go with my gut, and my gut is hearing "Please
Mr. Please" at top volume.
Since I like you and trust you, I am going
to pose a question to you. I know you have
no knowledge of my relationship, so
this is more of an opinion question.
(Incidentally, we have been dating
almost six months; I moved
not too far away about three
months in.) If I am feeling
apprehensive like I can't
trust my boyfriend, as if he
is cheating on me or some-
' thing, do you think that I
have a reason for feeling this
way? Do you think it's founded
or am I just crazy from being
burned in the past?
I have no basis to think
that he would cheat on me
other than I have been hav
ing this odd feeling. He's not close enough for
me to check up on him, and I wouldn't want to
even if I was close enough.
So, what do you think?
I think I need more information, my suspi
cious friend. You said you have no reason to
think he would cheat on you, but obviously
there is something wrong or you wouldn't be
writing to me. The mere fact that you said
you wouldn't check up on him, even if you
could, says to me that you are not a paranoid
person by nature, and that having thought all
of this through rationally you are still feeling
unsettled. Again, I don't know you or your
situation, but I believe in the gut feelings of
rational people. Having been burned in the
past can make you more paranoid, but it can
also make you smarter and more experienced.
Based on what little you have said, you sound
more like the latter. The only question is: How
do you find out? You are unwilling to "check
up," which is admirable, but what do you do
in the absence of checking u|)M think you
need to confront him. You are apart, the rela
tionship is at the stage where many relation
ships lose that "new thing" luster, and there
is no reason why you shouldn't say "Hey, is
everything okay? Because I get the feeling
you are no longer on the bus, or at least that
you are searching all of your pockets for that
transfer." Remind him that you are a big girl
and you can handle it (at least it sounds that
way to me), but that you would prefer honesty
so you don't waste your time, etc. etc. Good
luck, and please, let me know how it goes.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
via the Reality Check button at www.flagpole.com.
28 FLAGPOLE.COM • JULY 2, 2008
NEWS & FEATURES 1 CALENDAR I MOVIES I A&E I MUSIC I COMICS & ADVICE I CLASSIFIEDS