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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
Hi there! I'm from o very large, close and
nosy family. I'm 20 and still living with my
grandparents. My grandfather is a pastor, and
I don't quite agree with them like I did when
I was a little girl. Everything has always been
given to me, no questions, and even without
me asking. I didn't even get my driver's license
until 18 because I just didn't need to. I'm
ready to move out and be on my own, but I
can't even balance a checkbook. And now that
I'm ready to move out, they find
reasons and ways to make me
stay just a little longer. I
do love my family, but the
more they draw me in,
the more I want to run
in the opposite direction.
I wish now that every
thing wasn't just handed
to me. And in some
ways, they weren't.
I have a great work
ethic, which is why
I love doing what I
do, but my family just
squeezes the life out
of me when I'm not at
work. And did I mention
I pay the rent at my grandparents' house but
am going to his church? (Totally not worth it,
f.y.i.)
Squeezed, Stuck and Done
They find reasons to make you stay a little
longer, SSL), and you just sit there and take
it. Why? Because you are afraid to leap from
the nest. Well, there's no better time than the
present. If you are paying rent in
your grandparents' house anyway,
then you might as well pay rent on
an apartment somewhere. Surely, at
the age of 20 you have friends who
live on their own? Convince one of
them to move with you. You should
probably save a little money first,
and possibly think about getting
another job, which will help you on
two fronts: one, you will be spend
ing less time with the family that
is driving you crazy; and two, you
will have less free time in which
to spend your hard-earned cash,
thereby pretty much guaranteeing
you will save more. I recommend
getting a job in a restaurant, so
you get fed at least once a day. As
far as the checkbook balancing is
concerned, there is an easy way to
fix that: only spend cash. Do not
use a debit card or write a check
unless you absolutely must, and
when you do, watch your account
closely online until said transac
tion clears. Seriously. And spend
ing cash makes the expenditure
more real, too. Taking cash out of
your account and seeing the bal
ance every time will assure that
you always know what you have.
Handing somebody a magical piece of plastic
and getting whatever you want in return is
dangerous and addictive, and gives you no real
sense of what things cost. Take it from some
body who created a mountain of credit-card
debt in her 20s.
I'm in absolute, complete and utter love
with the guy I'm dating. We had broken up
awhile back and recently got back together.
My family is not too happy. He kinda broke my
heart in a huge way because he was the first
guy I loved. Well, I never really fell out of love
with him, and it took a couple of mistakes to
realize that. I want to tell him again, but ini
tially that’s what drove him away the first time,
and I don't want to lose him again. How can I
tell him or show him with out causing him to
back out again?
In Love and Can't Say It
From your letter, I would guess that
you are still fairly young, right? Like,
in high school? If that is the case,
then it is perfectly normal that
you are more emotionally
intense in the relationship
tham your boyfriend is. Guys
your age tend to have trou
ble expressing their emo
tions, and girls are totally
wrapped up in theirs, and
so the Mars-and-Venus battle
begins. I know that doesn't
really help much, but I hope
that you Can at least take
some comfort in knowing
that it often gets marginally
easier to deal with as you get older.
Now, that being said, I don't want to get
all parental on you, ILACSI, but how healthy
is this relationship? Do you want to be with
a guy who runs away when you express your
feelings? It's one thing for him not to reply
to your profession of love with an equally
heartfelt sentiment, but he broke up with you?
Really? The only thing you can do is be your
self. Tell him how you feel, and if that drives
him off, then maybe he isn't right for you. I
know it might seem hard for you to believe
right now, but you will find somebody else
who makes you happy.
Jyl Inov
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visit the aii new TeamClermont.com
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DECEMBER 10, 2008 • FLAGPOLE.COM 43