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THE GIF OF "NO GIF’
The gift of "no gift?"
Yeah, I admit it. What kind of anti-American, socialist,
communist, feudal, evil, cultist (feel free to circle one or more,
your choice) catch phrase is that? When my husband, Jeff,
first mentioned this scary phrase during our courting days, I
quaked. Was this some kind of cop-out for not buying me a
gift? Ever? Because whoa, Nelly, I've already dated my limit
of brooding, charity-case, mooching, spongerific dudes. That
scene came to a close in the early-20s chapter of my life.
So, my future soulmate explained very slowly to me that he
and his three brothers had an agreement: the gift of "no gift."
(Insert heavenly choir harmonizing.) Perhaps they invented it,
or perhaps it was a concept one of them overheard, but they
all loved it. No more worrying about what to get each other for
birthdays, holidays or any special day that a bank might close.
Nope, all you had to do was enjoy the day and relax, knowing
that there's no pressure. No gift had to be bought or thought
about. At most, the only thing one of these brothers
would need to do is give his sibling a call or email.
This agreement was expansive enough to cover any
significant other who may be in the picture. Nephews
and nieces could be an exception. Parents had immunity.
For Christmas the four would plan together to get ideas
and funding for a special gift for their
mom and dad, Puli and Zulu (nicknames;
another story).
Even though he says he doesn't "speak female" nor pick up
on my "hinting," Jeff, my boyfriend then, sensed enough of my
panic to footnote the story to let me know that I also was an
exception. Or maybe he saw the alarms going off and deep con
centration as I pondered his heretic Drotherly tradition. Either
way, it sank in. For good or bad, rich or poor, bona fide gifts.
Even after marriage, that standard continued.
Through these years, we exchanged really fun gifts. Some
required the extra effort of planning, such as electric guitars,
washing machines, recording gadgets and such. My favorite gift
to this day is a piece of furniture that Jeff found abandoned by
my apartment dumpster when we first were dating. It seemed
to be some sort of chest positioned squarely on four gangly
long legs. It waited by the trash as a poorly painted small
assembly of wood bound for a landfill, yet something about it
seemed worthy of saving to him. So, for the next few months,
in secret, my boyfriend stripped, oiled and refinished the little
chest to a newfound beauty. At Christmas, he put a red bow on
it, hid it in the closet and put a love letter inside. I got chills.
Then I cried.
These days it seems we are always working with a budget.
Our money is thriftily spent on family vacations, new tires, or
sometimes a short weekend getaway. Jewelry, slippers, ties and
gadgets seem frivolous. We don't pick out each other's pres
ents from catalogs or at the mall. Besides, if we need trinkets
for gifting, there are a plethora of treasures. Our friends and
family always appreciate the unique gifts we find locally. The
only time we go to the mall is to sit and watch the fury around
us—our own sort of free reality show.
The more frenzied other gift-giving exchanges become,
the more adamantly discreet Jeff and I try to remain with our
own traditions. We've never shopped on Black Friday after
Thanksgiving. Isn't that day specifically for napping and eating
turkey enchiladas? No, you couldn't bribe me with a summer
home in Tuscany, complete with a fully stocked wine cellar,
personal chef and my own record label to get out in that mael
strom of greedy shoppers. Getting up to arrive at Kohl's for
a 4 a.m. buying spree with 4,000 other insatiable chain-
store-shopping elves cannot compete with a pillow and the
chance to sleep eight hours in a row.
Recently, we rented the movie What Would Jesus Buy?,
believing we'd be watching some sort of comedic mocku-
mentary. Instead, we watched, riveted, as the Reverend
Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir
presented their story on the rapidly mutating American
madness that is modern consumerism. This movie should
be the new classic holiday film, or at least a staple film
for every economics class.
So much of our spending goes out of our communities,
and out of our country, and to the corporations via
local chain stores. Families are spending out of
control, rationalizing a January bankruptcy to
fulfill their child's wildest December fantasy.
Instead of budgeting throughout the
year, some families binge during the
holidays, to the point of becom
ing financially anemic. And each
following year, the list is more
extravagant and the recovery even
more painful.
I have to agree that our consum
erism and need for material posses
sions has become a black hole. I was
a proud owner of plastic, receiving my
first credit card in college. It took many
painful years, and thousands of dollars, to
learn to live within my means. And years
to recognize that my parents really didn't
want the Big Mouth Billy Bass wall plaque,
they just wanted to spend time with me
during the holidays. Really? Really.
So this year, as in prior years, we
look forward to just spending time with
family whom we otherwise don't see
on a regular basis. Sure, we'll have a
stocking stuffed with chocolate kisses,
an orange, a toothbrush and toothpaste
in our stocking, as per usual. Urn, sorry, Mom and
Dad, we'll also probably butt heads over a few topics of discus
sion during our stay. But in the end, the regular days, with the
hours we spend together, become the memories we have, the
only real gifts worth keeping.
Admittedly, it doesn't seem right to jump on this train of
thought "at this juncture," considering our economic state.
And for an American-bred, well-trained daughter of free enter
prise, not getting something thoughtfully expensive for any
holiday seems worthy of some sort of protest. But, as the
Reverend Billy preaches, if you have to spend, then spend your
hard-earned cash at a local place. If you can't spend money,
spend time. Deliver meals, send a note, plan to meet a friend,
or offer the gift of "no gift."
So, with a car full of luggage, some musical instruments, a
smattering of tiny local treasures for our parents, and a hope
for some Florida sun, wed drive south this December. And for
the first time, I've agreed to give, and receive, the gift of "no
gift" with my husband. And yet I feel the richest and most ful
filled as ever. Really? Really!
Sheridan Soileau
rHEATfcj
www.georgiatheatre.com
215 North Lumpkin St. • Athens, GA •
706-549-9918 • 18 & over / ID reqd.
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FRI, DECEMBER 19th
I MAOFEST 2: BENEFITTING THE MADELYNE UN0ERW00D
SCHOLARSHIP FUHD FEATURING
STRAWBERRY FLATS • •**.; - ••
CONNELY CROWE BAND
PATRICK SMITH BAND v ,
AND MORE... /
SAT, DECEMBER 20th
HOLMAN
AUTRY BAND
HER AND KINGS COUNTY
9pm
■tMWWBWMfc3SWMP|lin¥l1 1 ll
TUE, DEC. 30th & WED, DEC. 31st
PERPETUAL
mm
NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATION
. 30th - ALBERT OPENS
31st - BROCK opens
2 DAY PASSES AVAILABLE ONLINE
COMING SOON*
1/10 COLT FORD • i/16 DAFT PUNK TRIBUTE
1/17 T0UBAB KREWE • 1/21TRAVELIN' MeCOURY’S / LEE BOYS
1/23 NNCHAF00NEE COWBOYS • 1/24 KELLER WILLIAMS
1/27 THE WAILERS * 1/30 OAR WILLIAMS
1/31 BRETT DENNEN • 2/13 ROBERT EARL KEEN
2/18 MICHAEL FRANTI t SPEARHEAD
2/19 CITIZEN COPE • 2/21G LOVE A SPECIAL SAUCE
Tickets for all All shows available in advance at www.georgiatheatre.com
v£p icon indicates that advance tickets are also available^ SCH001 KIDS RECQKDS
. - 706.353.1666 and at JUNKMAN'S DAUGHTER S BROTHER 706.543.4998
DECEMBER 17,2008 • FLAGP0LE.COM 39