Newspaper Page Text
"Hoosy." We've atl had it on one occasion or another. But
I'm already doing that famous Ort trick: I'm getting ahead of
myself. One of my favorite books of all time is a dictionary-of-
sorts that was compiled in the mid-1970s by one Josefa Heifetz
Byrne. Its name is delicious enough: Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of
Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words. Having a copy of this
marvy book to hand, I have a few of her selections to tell you
about (as you might have imagined!), some of which I even
resurrect from time to time just to bumfuddle everyone.
Philoxenist (n.) "One who is happiest when he or she is
entertaining strangers." I've been known to be one of these at
times, especially when assisting them to taste excellent local
beers or seeing to it that they find what they are looking for
in Athens. It makes for good times, not to mention occasional
good Karma.
Redubber (n.) "A buyer of stolen cloth who alters and
resells it." It's hardly being one of those to vend American *
jeans in Russia, but it is indeed cousinary to it (to use another
obscure word!). But I prefer to use "purloined" instead of "sto
len" whenever possible.
Jussive (adj.) "Expressing command." This can also be used
as a noun for someone who does this: the book specifies that
it is a word or mood (or tense or case) expressing command.
"Hey, Joe: I'll take another glass of that wondetful English
Pale," I'm apt to assert jussively tomorrow night at Copper
Creek. Speaking of which, here's one for my brewer friends:
Gyle (n.) 1. "Wort about to ferment." 2. "A vat in which
beer is fermented." Matt Buley, Copper Creek's brewer, has a
few good ales readying themselves in the gyles in their suit
ably coppery front room. This is as opposed to "gyre," which is
a circular motion, as in "... did gyre and gimble in the wabe"
from Lewis Carroll's "The Jabberwocky," which is my very favor
ite poem of all time.
Quakebuttock (n.) "A coward." Many years ago there was a
comic strip named "Little Iodine," drawn by one Jimmy Hatlo.
Little Iodine's father was Mr. Tremblechin, who worked for Mr.
Bigdome. Poor man, he was a quakebuttgck if ever there was
one, comic strip or no.
Conquassate (v. t.) "To shake violently." (obs.) "Hey, soda-
jerk... conquassate that milkshake for me, wouldja?" you might
have said many years ago. (Some time I'll inform you about
what you get when you order a milk shake in Rhode Island, but
not tonight... and I'm not being stuffy.)
Modoc (n.) 1. "One who joins the Air Force for favorable
publicity." (Gad.) 2. "A dummy used as a target for carnival ball
tosses; also used figuratively." 3. "An Indian tribe formerly of
California, now relegated to Oregon and Oklahoma." My hunch
was that it was "modoc* as opposed to "lessdoc," as in the
too-many rural counties here in Georgia that do not have even
one practicing physician. That's traumatic.
Being an (all-too-occasional) Scrabble® player, I dearly love
"Q" words. Here's one that's wholly usable:
Quern (n.) "A spice grinder." I hope my old friend Ginger
reads this and uses it the next time she plays against her
mother: she's sure to make more than fo'teen points. Speaking
‘of which, ginger is a spice. I wonder if Ginger needs a quern to
use in her quitchen (Tee hee! THAT one doesn't exist!).
Two wonderful ones together on one page!
Brotus (n.) "Any extra measure without charge, such as a
baker's dozen." AND Brummagem (adj.) "Phony; cheap." (n.).
"Something cheap or gaudy, especially phony jewelry." The ori
gin of this, Mrs. Byrne explains; is Birmingham, England, where
such items were once made. Some thrift stores will offer you
a brotus if you'll help rid them of a pile of their brummagem.
Believe me.
JOSEFA HEIFETZ BYRNE
Speaking of thrift stores, here's one I often use at The
Potter's House when I grab some leftover object out of one of
their outside buggies:
Quidnunc (n.) "One who is curious to know everything
that is going on; a gossip." Well, since the literal meaning of
it from Latin is "What now?" I take the liberty to use it as in
"What have I.found now?" See, it works. And I was curious
enough to look, so it follows.
Mycterism (n.) "Sneering or derision." I tilt my invisible
lorgnette and stare down my beak at such... don't you?
Here's a great Scrabble®-usable "X" word for you:
Xystus (n.) "An indoor porch for winter exercising." See,
some of you had a xystus and didn't even know it. Well, now
you do. It won't be ah "enclosed patio" any more-, will it?
Scrannel (adj.) 1. "Thin; weak." 2. "Harsh; unmelodious."
"Quit playing that scrannel dirge and get your scrannel self
over here to eat before you blow away!" someone's mother
could conceivably have said. "Highly unlikely," says Mr. Spock.
Pilgarlic (n.) "A bald head that looks like peeled garlic."
Let's hope that The Man Who Mistook His Wife['s Head] for
a Hat (from the wonderful same-titled book by Oliver Sacks)
doesn't come along and accidentally try to put this into a stew.
That would really put HIM in a stew, wouldn't it? (Well, I won't
stew about it.)
Empasm (n.) "Deodorant powder." I can just imagine going
into Horton's Drugs downtown and saying, "I'll have some
emp’asm, please." That would be akin to my attempting to
locate a new dropsy cure there.
Nesiote (adj.) "Living on an island." Hey, we're ALL nesiot-
ics here, aren't we? Now what if we live on an island within an
island? How do you linguistically become doubly nesiote? Not
to mention that there exists an island in Crater Lake in Oregon
that has an island on it (Wizard Island). Gad. I'm wading in
way too deep... say 1150 feet!
Rasorial (adj.) "Habitually scratching the ground in search
of food." Sorry, folks, I gave up my a diet of grubs and earth
worms years ago, although a truffle could be tasty (but it
would cost more than a trifle).
Fulyie (n.) 1. "A leaf; gold leaf." 2. "Street sweepings;
manure."—Fooled ye, didn't I? (If anyone can make a sentence
out of both uses of that word, their command of English is
lightyears ahead of mine!)
Kwistgoed (n.) "A spendthrift." Yes, I have been known to
act in a kwistgoedic fashion upon occasion. I'd love to know
the origin of THAT one!
Nixie (n.) "A letter so badly addressed that it can't be deliv
ered" (slang). This is a term I've actually used before and have
known for years. Many years ago, when I ran my record store,
I received a letter mailed from Los Angeles addressed only to
"Ort./ Athens, Georgia." Yes, in it came, rubber-stamped with
"Please advise your correspondents of your correct mailing
address." The first line of the letter was "Ort., I just wanted to
see how famous you were." Well, I still am, because I received
a Christmas card a couple of years back addressed to "Ort./
Holmwood Hills/ Athens, Georgia, 30601." It came straight to
me, because there is no Holmwood in Athens, and I surely am
the only Ort. who lives at any even-remotely similar place.
Okay, I've still left you hanging regarding my first word.
Hoosy isn't in Mrs. Byrne's dictionary, but I have actually seen
the word in a similar book. It means "smelly armpits." You may
choose one of at least six pronunciations, too. Now I have a
chirospasm and have to quit. See you at the quincunx. Thanks
for reading this jeremiad, you nonfossarians. (30.)
William Orten Carlton
(^opuepiept Dourptovup Igeatiop \\
Oply $ 6 per persop!
289 College Are • Under P&ridng Deck
706-546-8787
8
FLAGPOLE.COM-MARCH 11,2009
MuOJjtmui ■ euos ,i s twrtaivi