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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
One of my close friends from out of town
finally moved in with me. Unfortunately, she
also has a boyfriend who decided to follow
her and crash at our place. No one gave him
permission; he just bought a plane ticket. She
apologized and said it was a miscommunication
on her part, but I still think it was incredibly
pushy. I also have two other roommates who
had no say in the matter, and since she's my
friend, I feet responsible. Still we are all pretty
laid back, and he seems like a nice guy who
makes her happy, so I decided to let it go.
Now, both of them are looking for jobs with
not much luck and freaking out about money.
I can't sympathize that much when
she was an hour late for an
interview, or that he.quit
a job on the third day
because he didn't like it.
They go out to eat alt of
the time and have taken
over the living room
watching TV. It's already
been a month, but
she approached me
drunk and crying ask
ing if he could stay
longer. What should
I do? My roommates
seem fine now, but each
of us has a "plus one" that
will occasionally spend
the night (potentially 10 people and one bath
room). I think after one too many cold showers
things might get ugly. Another headache is
that they are leaving for a vacation soon (non-
refundable tickets bought months ago), which
will only delay the job hunt/move out date... I
am tempted to throw their shit out and change
the locks, but I'm not that evil.
Crowded Quarters
My first question: Are they paying their
bilts/rent? Where in the hell are they getting
all of the money if neither of them has a job?
Man, I wish I had their problems. Look, CQ,
you need to sit this girl down and talk to her
before she leaves on her ill-advised vacation.
Leave him out of it because he isn't (or at
least shouldn't be) your problem. Tell this girl
that he was not part of the deal and that you
have been patient, but that they are taking
advantage of the situation. Explain to her
that she is putting you in a
bad position with the other
roommates because
you are the one who
invited her in the
first place. Tell her
that if she insists on
going on vacation
despite not having
any job prospects that
you expect him out by a particular date (a
couple of weeks max). It isn't hard to find a
cheap sublet in a college town in the summer.
Also explain to her that while she and her
freeloading boyfriend continue to complain
about money while doing next to nothing to
change their circumstances, they are probably
fosterthg resentment among the other more
responsible members of the household. Plus,
could they please not spend all of their time
in the living room? You should tell her that
your roommates are being cool right now, but
that they are wearing out their welcome and
need to get their shit together. Say all of this
as gently as possible, but stand firm. It is
obvious that she is aware of the awkwardness
of the situation and feels badly about it,
but not badly enough to actually change her
circumstances. Tell her you don't have to talk
about it again, but that you expect things to
turn around when she gets back. Then, when
they leave on the vacation they can't afford,
explain to your roommates that you have set
some rules and thank them for their patience.
Good luck.
So, here's the deal: I've been "seeing" the
same guy for a few months now. At first, I
was convinced he was friend-zone material. I
tried to gently (and not so gently) hint that
I wasn't interested. He didn't get the memo
(or just ignored it). Turns out the more
time I spend with him, the more I
like him. Go figure, right? So, I'm
sure you're wondering, what's
the problem? Well, now that
I like him, I have NO clue
where to begin. I haven't
dated in a long time. (If
you're wondering why... clas
sic commitment-phobe. I'm
horribly skittish when it comes
to relationships.) But I really,
really like this guy. After a lot
of consideration, I've decided
I'm ready to take the plunge,
so to speak. How do I make
a move? We haven't been
physical AT ALL yet. How do I know if he is still
interested? I know how to get men. I have no
idea how to get a boyfriend, and I think that
might be what I want this time around. Help,
please!
Awkward Turtle
What the hell do you mean by "seeing?"
If you had him in the Friend Zone the whole
time, then there is no "seeing." He is your
friend. And how is it possible that he didn't
get the message after a few months of no
obvious interest from you in anything but
friendship? I am almost as confused as you
are, AT. The only thing you can do is go for
it. Start by being more affectionate. Hug him
hello when you see him. Sit closer to him.
Touch his arm. Hold his hand while you're
walking down the street. Kiss him goodnight.
Even if he has trouble getting messages, that
one should be loud and clear. You should know
pretty quickly if you missed
the bus, but somehow I
doubt you did.
This is an impor
tant message, by the
way, for people who
are frustrated by the
whole Friend Zone
issue. You should
never assume the
Friend Zone is either a bad or a permanent
place to be. Remember that, people, when you
are complaining about the lack of a significant
other in your life. Some of the most signifi
cant people in your life are your friends and
have been there for a long time. They already
love you for who you are, and there is no rea
son to rule them out. (Please note that this
is not an endorsement for sleeping with all of
your friends. I'm just saying that sometimes
the obvious answer is hiding in plain sight).
Jyl Inov
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