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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I'm sub-letting an apartment for the sum
mer that I share with three roommates who I
don't really know very well. They are friends of
my buddy who left for the summer. I get along
with all of them fine, but I noticed that one
of their girlfriends maybe gets along with me
a bit too well. She is a very flirty girl in gen
eral, but with me it seems worse. She always
asks me personal questions about how big my
equipment is and how I like my blowjobs, etc.
She has drunkenly done this in front of her
boyfriend, and he only laughs. The
other guys don't seem to notice
it either, but I never hear
her say stuff like that to
them, and one of them is
single, too.
So, the other night I
got up in the middle of
the night to go to the
bathroom, and when
I got back in my room
she was sitting on
my bed. I asked her
politely to get out,
and we argued a bit
and were mostly laugh
ing, but she did threaten
to stay and started to get
loud and jumped under my blanket and told
me "we should just do it and get it over with."
Now, understand, I am only a man, and I have
needs, and my reptile brain was shouting at
me to lock the door and go for it. I did manage
to get her out of there without so much as a
kiss, but I can't be sure what would have hap
pened if I had been drinking or was otherwise
messed up. Will I say "no" the next time? I
can't say for sure. I know it's wrong, and I am
really trying to be a good guy, but how can
I nip this thing in the bud? Do you think her
boyfriend is really that clueless, or do you think
he just doesn't care? How can I make her back
off without being an asshole? Should I tell her
boyfriend about what happened?
Anonymous
Sounds to me like simple avoidance isn't
cutting it, A, so you're going to have to play
a little more defense. Next time she makes
a sexual remark to you in front of everybody
else, ask her why she's so inter
ested. Don't continue to laugh
and play along or you will only
encourage her. I'm not saying
you have to flip out on her, but
make it clear to her that she is
crossing a line. You might also
ask her boyfriend how he feels
about it. Tell him that you're-
uncomfortable about the way
she acts and see if he will talk
to her about it. At least then
he will be forced to acknowl
edge her behavior. He may not
notice, and it is possible that
he notices and he doesn't care.
Whatever you do, you better continue to avoid
her like the plague. Even if it means bolt
ing your bedroom door, you do not want to
face the wrath of three roommates you barely
know. It could get very ugly.
Tjust moved into a new place with my boy
friend. I love having space that we don't have
to share, having only our stuff, being able to
do it whenever and wherever we please. We get
along well, and so far, oil of that is good. The
thing is, our place is loaded with windows, and
we live right near an apartment complex that
a lot of college students are in. I know some
of the neighbors are able to hear us, and we're
not going to be super quiet as long as we're not
waking anybody up.
So, the other day I noticed that one neigh
bor in particular was looking at me when I was
leaving the house. I can't explain why, but I
just knew that he knew something. He had a
smirk on his face that I can't quite describe.
At first I had no idea what it was about, so I
smiled and waved at him and he waved back.
Then a few nights later my boyfriend and
I were going at it in the bedroom and
when I looked toward the window I
realized that the guy—that guy,
from the other day—was just
across the way and he could
see us. At first it freaked
me out, but then I thought
it was kind of hot, so I kept
going. I even looked over
at him and waved behind my
boyfriend's back at the guy. He
laughed, gave me a thumbs up
and just stood there and kept
watching. I really, really got
off on it and I swear that
was some of the best sex I
have had. And when we were done, I got up
with no clothes on and walked to the kitchen
and got a glass of water, knowing that this guy
was watching me. I have no interest in any
thing physical with this guy at all, and I have
no intention of even talking to him. I love my
boyfriend and things are great. My question is,
is there anything inherently wrong with me or
with what I am doing? And do I have to tell my
boyfriend that I know we are being watched? It
doesn't happen every time, obviously, but I am
sure it will happen again and I even want it to.
Exhibit K.
There is nothing "inherently wrong" with
what you are doing, EK. What you are is a
budding exhibitionist, and as long as you
and your voyeur are consenting adults, then
there is no real harm. Your boyfriend, on the
other hand, is not consenting—yet. And eyen
though he may freak out, you absolutely have
to tell him. Think about how you would feel if
you were being watched doing
something intensely personal
without your knowledge and he
didn't tell you. Wouldn't you
feel violated and betrayed? I
mean, I know you are getting
off on this particular situation,
but imagine that you found out
you were being watched on the
toilet and your boyfriend knew
and didn't tell you. Not very
nice, huh? So, sit him down in
a non-sexual situation and in
a different room, tell him what
happened, and tell him how
much you got off on it. Tell him
everything you just told me: don't know the
guy, don't want to meet him, not interested,
blah, blah, blah. And then ask him how he
feels about it. It is entirely possible that he
may get off on it as well, or that he will at
least live with it because you get off on it.
But you have to give him the choice.
Jyl Inov
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