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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I met a girt as she was moving into my
building. She was pretty cute, so I asked her if
she needed help moving her stuff in. After she
was settled in, we started talking a bit and I
asked her if I could take her out to welcome
her to Athens. She had a friend in town. So,
I called one of my friends to come along. The
night was a lot of fun, and soon it felt like an
actual date. By the end of the night, we were
all pretty much wasted, but I didn't think any
thing of it because we were celebrating.
The next week she had friends in town
again and, again, we all drank. Her
friends had to get up early, so
they turned in. My neighbor
and I continued to hang
out at my place. I didn't
realized how drunk she
was until that point.
She got kind of crazy to
the point that it was
very awkward for me.
So, I pretty much
politely kicked her
out. We didn't talk for
a couple of days, but
I ran into her in the
building later. We started
talking and decided to go
out that night. We ended
up going out with my friends. She was sober
the whole night. I had told my friends about
the previous nights, and they were expecting
the worst. They all thought she was cool and
very cute. I started to rethink my decision not
to date her. That night she came ovei and we
stayed up talking. Nothing happened, but it
was very cool.
The next day she offered to make me din
ner. When I got there she was wasted. She
was acting crazy again. I ate dinner and then
tried to talk. It was impossible. Half the
time she couldn't pronounce words and
she couldn't string a sentence
together. I think she wanted
to hook up because when I
abruptly told her I was leaving,
she acted shocked. (As if it
were impossible for a guy to
turn down sex.) I felt like
I was back to the previous
nights of excess.
So, is there any chance that her
being drunk 75 percent of the time
I've seen her is a coin ode nee? Maybe
she was just bored. She doesn't really
know anyone in town yet. Other than
her friends being in town a couple
of weekends, she hasn't gone out a
ton yet. I keep thinking about the
one night she didn't drink. She was
so much fun and actually hit it off
with my friends. She's got a good
job. She's pretty. I feel like it's
hard to let a girl like that go.
Anonymous
I think you are right to be
concerned about the drinking,
but like you said, it might
just be a coincidence. So,
I guess I would say not
a deal-breaker yet. But you know wha\ is a
deal-breaker, Anonymous? She is your fucking
neighbor. Are you insane? Do you know how
many ways this can go wrong? Are you will
ing to break your lease and move if it does?
Think about it: If things go well, you have a
nice new girlfriend who lives right on top of
you and knows your every move. If they don't
go well, then you have a new neighbor with a
potential vendetta. Is that any way to live? It
sounds like you like her well enough, so why
not just make friends? Then you can spend
more time getting to know her, find out if she
actually is an alcoholic, and then if you decide
you really do want to date her, you can move
out of the building.
I'm 40 and never have been married. I've
had a handful of long-term relationships, none
of which turned out well. Finally, I just gave
up and didn't think about it. Instead, I
focused on other things (guitar, work,
etc.). Eventually, I met a girl. She's
30, and we get along great. I
think she's the most intel
lectual woman I've ever had
a date with. I really enjoyed
our date. The problem is that
I almost felt like she was too
sophisticated for me.
I'm responsible. I hold a
good, steady job. I have no
debt. I don't drink too much.
But I just don't feel entirely
grown up. My apartment has
only the essential furniture
and is otherwise cluttered
with all the things that I love: motorcycle
parts, guitars, DVDs, video games.
She, on the other hand, is very poised and
reserved. She is very into style and her place is
really put together—not to the point that she's
boring or unfunny, but in a way that you really
feel like you're talking to an adult. I tend to
relate more towards younger people. My cowork
ers are all in their mid-20s. When we go out I
feel like I'm being myself. With this woman,
I felt like I need to act a little more
mature.
So, I started thinking about it.
Am I just another Peter-Pan case? I
don't think I am, but with my dat
ing history and current lifestyle I
feel a little like a cliche. Normally,
I wouldn't waste time wondering.
But this girl has me wondering
if it is time for me to think
about changing. What do
you think?
Chad
I think you enjoy your cur
rent lifestyle but you are obvi
ously hungry for a little more. It
sounds like you find her intrigu
ing/ challenging, but in a way
that just makes you want to try'
to live up to the challenge, which,
if you ask me, is perfect. There is
no reason why you have to give up
the things you love, but there is no
reason why you can't push yourself
a little while you are at it. It's nice
.to have to work a little at something.
If she is willing to give it a shot, you
should be, too. Who knows? Maybe
you'll rub off on each other, so to
speak. And if it works out, when you
get married and buy a house, you can
have a nice air-conditioned shed out back for
all of your man things.
Jyl inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
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