Newspaper Page Text
«
Some things are
in the privacy of your own home.
Ha ir color is NOT one of them.
160 Tracy St. : Inside Mercury AIR building
'.354.0303 : jonmichaelsaIdn.net
f
on
listen to
WUOG
90.5FM
26,000 watts
& almost as many choices.
-
G.I.JOE IS HERE
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (PG-13)
Knowing G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra doesn't
suck is half the battle. My inner eight-year-
old couldn't have suffered through another
Masters of the Universe, the 1987 He-Man
bomb that remains the biggest cinematic dis
appointment of my life. G.I. Joe is nowhere
near as bad, even if the new
movie does make some of
the same mistakes—unnec
essary costume changes,
omission of popular charac
ters, etc. Nevertheless, criti
cisms of this movie should
be tempered by its source
material, a 30-minute ani
mated commercial meant to
sell action figures.
In the not too distant
future, G.I. Joe is no lon
ger merely a real American
hero; he's now a real global
hero. Led by General.Hawk
(Dennis Quaid), his ranks
are staffed by the most
talented soldiers from the
world's top militaries. In
the movie, this lineup includes popular char
acters like Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Scarlett
(Rachel Nichols), the lesser-known Heavy Duty
(Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), fan favorite
Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon
Wayans)—a questionable choice from Joe's
vault. All must battle a new threat: the
world's largest arms dealer, M.A.R.S., led by
James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston), who
becomes silver-headed baddie, Destro, with
plans to take over the world.
The majority of the plot, sets and action
setpieces are a hodgepodge of James Bond
and Star Wars. The mid-film,
destructive romp through
Paris bores; G.I. Joe would
never use a skinny, white,
Euro delivery van.
G.I. Joe isn't as stun
ningly bad as its trailers
mislead; I actually enjoyed
it. It's not as "good"
as the two movies star
ring its Hasbro peers, the
Transformers. Say what
you will about director
Michael Bay, but the dude
exudes competence and
confidence; G.I. Joe director
Stephen Sommers attempts
to overcome a lack of both
with enthusiasm. Where
Transformers is clearly a
blockbuster of the 2000s, G.I. Joe remains
boxed in its original packaging from the late
1980s, to which my inner eight-year-old bel
lows a hearty, "Yo, Joe!"
Drew Wheeler
Channing Tatum
EARTH-FRIENDLY • WATER-WISE • ORGANIC GARDENING
HYDROPONICS
www.FloraHydroponics.com • 706-353-2223 • Mon-Sat 10am-6pm
Newton Bridge Rd. to Paradise Blvd. - Behind Terrapin Brewery
ftaapole.com
i c.^fc=-: WUUA is a brc«lcast service I
DON’T LET SUMMER PASS YOU BY
(500) DAYS OF SUMMER (PG-13) Romantic
comedies aren't exactly known for their origi
nality and realism. Paper-thin characters and
forced affection are more the genre's style.
Music video director Marc Webb's feature
debut, neatly written by Scott Neustadter and
Michael H. Weber, proves that a film can be
funny and romantic—the defining combina
tion of the romcom—
without resorting to
cookie-cutter gender-
role reinforcement.
Tom Hansen (Joseph
Gordon-Levitt) is a boy.
Summer Finn (Zooey
Deschanel) is a girl. The
film's narrator lets you
know from the get-go
their story does not
come from the happy
ending department.
Boy meets girl; girl
breaks boy's heart into
tiny pieces. (500) Days
of Summer brilliantly shows us their entire
relationship, from meet-cute beginning to
whiskey-drowned end. We see what your typi
cal romcom hides with the ending credits. And
we see it out of order. How exciting!
Summer isn't all about the bad times. With
500 days to cover, the film, like most recover
ing lovers, focuses far too much on the good
times, repressing the awful, anyry, sad memo
ries. Webb and Company inject these more
generic moments with pop and pizzazz.
• (500) Days handles the precious moments
of dating with wit and authenticity thanks
to Webb's smart choices, the script and the
two leads. Since the amazing Brick, Gordon-
Levitt continues rising on my list of great
actors. He is ready to fill the absence left by
Heath Ledger's death if Hollywood would just
let him. Deschanel is utterly believable as
the unattainable girl
everyone wants and
"perfectly adequate
Hansen" thinks he can
keep.
Sadly, (500) Days
of Summer will be
labeled, misjudged and
dismissed by some as
more of that annoying,
alienating hipster crap
like Juno. The appro
priately programmed
soundtrack of Tom and
Summer's relationship
features The Smiths,
Regina Spektor, Black Lips and Mumm-Ra, and
the couple dress with matching quirk.
Thirty-two years ago, Woody Allen won two
Oscars for Annie Hall, the obvious inspiration
for (500) Days. A wishy-washy, inaccessible
wonder woman charms a regular guy, but they
don't end up together. We, the audience, see
why for an hour and a half. The blueprint is as
successful now as it was in 1977.
Drew Wheeler
16 FLAGPOLE.COM • AUGUST 12,2009