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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I'm confused. My ex has been calling me a
lot recently, and I don't know how to feel about
it We have been broken up for six months or
so. Before that, we had been together more or
less for two years. There were fights and breaks
and time-outs in there, but mostly we were a
couple. When we broke up it was
mostly him. I was too serious,
he wasn't ready, we were
too young, etc. I was
devastated. He was the
best boyfriend I had ever
had, and I was never as
close to anyone as I was
to him.
V
A lot of bad stuff
happened in my
life while we were
together, and I think
that was part of the
problem. Like, it was
hard for me to be "fun"
when people (friends and
family) kept dying. I think
it wore him out. And I know he didn't under
stand, and couldn't understand, because he
had never lost anyone close to him.
Well, now he has. And he is devastated. And
he has been calling me a lot, "just to talk."
I have taken his calls, no matter what time
of day or night, and I have offered sympathy
and distraction and whatever else I thought
he needed or wanted. And, finally, we decided
to meet up and go out. He lives an hour or so
a Way, so I went to visit him. We went out and
had fun, saw a movie, talked for hours, and
we were very comfortable. It felt good, but
then feeling good made me feel weird. At one
point, when he was checking his phone, I saw
my number and noticed that he had
changed my name in it. Ouch. I am
now a first name and a last initial.
No longer "The" but now "A", and
it stings a little. Also, I noticed
another girl's name in there
repeatedly and it was new
to me. I really wish I could
say it didn't bother me, but
it does. I wasn't looking
through his phone, though,
he was scrolling through his
call log. I wasn't spying, I
swear. Anyway, now I feel
weird and confused.
I don't know what he
wants from me, if any
thing, but old feelings are
starting to bubble up and
I don't know what to do.
Should I tell him? Do you
think there is hope for us?
Is he trying to get back
together with me? I don't
want to go through this
again, but I would be lying
if I said I didn't miss him. Plus
I think maybe now that he has had this experi
ence, he might understand why I was the way
I was while we were together. Like, maybe now
that he has experienced some of what I was
going through back then, maybe he has some
regrets about how it ended. I don't know. I am
confused. We're supposed to hang out again
next weekend, and I don't know what to expect
or how to act. And I would appreciate any
advice you can give me. This is torture.
sounds like he just needs to talk to somebody
that understands what he is going through.
And if you want to be that person then go
right ahead, but it's obviously killing you, and
if you ask me, it isn't your job anymore. You
may have gone into this blind, but you know
now that you are just going to end up hurt.
You're still not over him; you are jealous
of a random name in his cell phone,
and you are making yourself crazy.
What you should do is tell him
that you wish you were able
to be there for him but that
you have realized that it is
just too hard. But I know
damn well that what you are
likely to do is keep doing
this to yourself in the hope
that he has somehow changed
his mind, all the while tell
ing yourself (and everyone
around you) that everything
is fine and that you are just
being a friend and that you
have no expectations. Eventually this will lead
to some kind of meltdown, after which you
will likely never be able to talk to him again.
Consider the former. It's much easier.
I've just given notice at a job I have had
for several years. There is a guy there that I
have always had a crush on, but because we
worked together I was afraid to say anything or
do anything about it. I feel like there might be
some mutual interest, because he has definitely
flirted with me before, but I don't know if it's
worth bringing up now that I am leaving. I
got another job and I am moving out of state.
Should I just leave it alone and keep it as a
fantasy/what-could-have-been situation?
Or should I confess to him and see
what he says? Part of me thinks that
I should just leave it, but there is a
part of me that wants to know
if he was ever interested or
if it was all in my head. I
am not the only one who
has noticed him. A lot
of us girls at work have
talked about how cute he is.
I think he is single now, but
I am not sure. I guess it
would be dumb to try and
start something when I'm
leaving in a month, right?
Office Romantic
It would be dumb to
try and start something,
OR, but there's no reason
why you can't confess in
the hope of a couple of
weeks of hot-and-heavy,
no-strings-attached sex,
right? I mean, if you're
into that sort of thing.
Then you would really be able to carry the
fantasy around. Unless you think it might be
bad, in which case maybe you should leave it.
But think of the other girls in the office. You
could sort of take one for the team and then
give them something to talk about, right? I
don't know. Seems like it might be fun, if you
ask me.
Jyl Inov
From what you have said, I don't think
he wants to get back together with you. It
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