Newspaper Page Text
MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I've found myself in a particularly shitty
position. I recently found some things that
would lead any woman to believe her boyfriend
is messing around (i.e., sleeping with his ex).
However, I found these things in
a less than honest manner
(i.e., snooping through his
personal messages out of
curiosity). We've been
together for over two
years and, for the most
part, he's acting com
pletely normal. Is there
any way to go about
confronting him about
it that won't put me
in the position of the
crazy-jealous-snooping
girlfriend? I still want
to be with him, and he
seems like he still wants to
be with me, but I'm afraid
if I admit what I’ve been doing, I’ll drive him
further away. Help.
Anonymous Liar in Love
So, he's banging his ex, and all you can
think about is not wanting him to be mad
at you for being "crazy" and "jealous"?! This
sounds like a lovely arrangement with a solid
foundation and a bright future. So, how many
kids will you be having, then? After all, misery
loves company, right?
Look, liar, you have no excuses to make,
I would tell you to just dump this guy and
forget about, but since I know you won't
take that advice, I will tell you to confront
him ASAP and admit that you were snooping.
How can you expect your relationship to be
honest if you aren't willing to be honest your
self? Besides, unless there's something you
aren't telling me, you are on slightly higher
moral ground than he is, so you shouldn't be
expected to grovel over your
snooping. Your suspicions
were right, after all.
There is this guy, and
I have been seeing him
for a couple of months,
very casually. It's all very
innocent, too. But he is
great. I mean, he hasn't
like swept me off my feet
or anything, but I adore
him and I think I can
see myself falling in love
with him. So, the issue
is that I am not physi
cally attracted to him.
He's not unattractive really. We've
kissed a little bit, and he is not the best
at that, and I can only imagine it won't
get better if we get more physical... Sometimes
when I think about him in that way, I kind of
find him attractive in my mind, even picturing
him exactly the way he is, but I just can't trick
myself when I am with him, unless I am drunk.
I really like him and would like to be in a rela
tionship with him, but I don't think I can do it
without the physical. Do you have any advice?
Not Feeling It
First thing's first, NFI: Are you sure he's
the one who is a bad kisser? I have to ask,
because you make it clear later in the letter
that you can only seem to do that when you're
drunk, and I'm not sure that your judgment
can be trusted.
Regarding the physical attraction issue, I
understand where you are coming from, but
I don't really have a quick answer for you.
If I were you, and I liked this guy as much
as you say you do, I would try to make it
work. And by "try" I don't mean drink
until he's more alluring. I mean take
some time and have some dates
and try kissing him when you
are both sober (or at least
only slightly tipsy). Maybe
if you practice a little you
will get it down (you can
teach him, if you're so good
at it) and then you can take
things further if you are so
inclined. If it doesn't work then
it doesn't work, but I .think
you'd be crazy not to at least
try. You said you adore him.
That's a pretty big state
ment. So, make a move. Give
this thing a real try! Forget about love at first
sight and instant attraction. That's not always
how things work. Being swept off your feet is
overrated. Too often it lands you on your ass.
After going through a couple years of barely
finding a date, much less a boyfriend, I am
now faced with the choice between two guys
that I can't possibly make. One of them is a
friend of a friend who is extremely attractive,
a total gentleman and seems very into me. We
met at a party, and he has since asked me on a
date. He had to cancel at the last minute (for a
very acceptable reason), so we rescheduled for
dinner in about 10 days.
In the meantime, there is a guy that I work
with. He is not a person whom I see every
day, because our departments are on differ
ent floors, but we do occasionally sit in on the
same meetings. He is fairly new to town and
asked me out to lunch a couple weeks ago.
We finally had that lunch
yesterday, and it was fan
tastic, and he emailed me
that he would like to see
me again soon. I would
a bo like to see him
again, but I am not sure
how to deal with the fact
that I like both of these
guys equally and I feel like
I have to make a choice.
Can you help me?
Double Dipping
This is not an awful
problem to have, DD.
What you need to do
is continue to get to know
these guys slowly and see which one
you like more. Since you have virtu
ally just met them both, you owe nothing to
either of them except honesty and decency.
You don't have to talk to them about each
other straight away, but don't lie about it
when the time comes, either. I would think
that after a bit more time spent, this thing
will sort itself out. In the meantime, enjoy
the fact that you are getting to know two
really great people, and don't rule either of
them out for friendship if the romance doesn't
end up happening.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
via the Reality Check button at www.flagpole.com.
EASTSIDE . EPPS BRIDGE . DOWNTOWN . FIVE POINTS
BARBERITOt
VOTED 2009 READER'S (HOKE
Books? Clothes? Dinner? Music? Jewelry? Shoes?
You really CAN have it all.
706.353.1421
n
DOWNTOWN
www.downtownathensga.com
WHO -ARE
c|oinci te be
/.
Junkman's is
'Wonderland’
OCTOBER 7, 2009 • FLAGP0LE.COM 35