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Hatty
2
Round
Trips
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. It
wasn't ugly, really. We had been together for
several years, we moved in together, realized
that we were kind of drifting apart, and broke
up without a lot of fanfare. We have many of
the same friends, and so it wasn't practical that
we would try to avoid one another. We stayed
in touch to some degree, but we didn't talk
regularly and mostly only saw each
other at large gatherings of our
whole group, like for birth
days and stuff.
This was all fine, of
course, until the inevi
table happened and he
started seeing somebody
else. Then he actually
did start to avoid me.
He asked our fiends
if I was going to
be places before he
decided whether or not
he would be there. He
stopped taking my (very
infrequent) calls or reply
ing to my (slightly more
fequent) emails. OK, I get it But then I was
going on a trip, to a place where he had been
often , including fairly recently) and I wrote
him an email asking him for advice. He sent me
a reply that was less than two sentences and
was no help at all. And again, I will say, "OK, I
get itl It's over!" But was it really too much to
ask? I have started dating somebody else and
I have totally moved on, and all of our mutual
friends know tr.is. Is it too much to ask that
this guy be a little more courteous?
How can I get him to stop being
such a freak? It's not like I want
us to be best buddies, but I
think he's being unreasonable.
Or is it me?
She Ex
I'm not sure what the
deal is, SE, but it seems like
there was a lot of contact
(or attempted contact) on
your part after the breakup. I
know you use the word "infre
quent" in reference to your
attempted calls and emails, but
these were multiple, and you
only broke up a couple of months
ago, right? So, perhaps they were more
frequent than you remember? Either way, they
were more frequent than he was comfortable
with, for whatever reason, and you need to
respect that. It doesn't matter why he doesn't
want to see or talk to you, and you shouldn't
bother wondering. What you need to do is
continue moving on and continue being
friends with your mutual friends and give the
man some space. Maybe if you hadn't contin
ued to try to reach him after he was obviously
backing away he could have given you some
travel advice, but obviously it was too much
for him. It is entirely possible that things will
be normal between you two in the future, but
only if you respect his wishes and back off
now. Otherwise you're the freak, you know?
My boyfriend is acting really weird. We live
together, we've been together for a few years,
and things were normal and pretty happy until
very recently. I have a regular job with nine-
to-five hours, and his schedule changes all the
time. This has never ready been that much of a
problem in the past We have lived together for
a year or so, we share the bills, we make meals
together or for each other, and it just seemed
like we were on track to get married. We had
talked about it before, but never in very specific
terms of dates or whatever. We like each other's
families and we both want two kids.
Anyway, he got laid off at his job last
month. I have no problem paying for everything
right now, and I have been trying to be sup
portive without being pushy. But he has
been going out a lot. and I think he
may have met somebody because
he has been very different. I
don't want to be paranoid,
bat he has been getting text
messages at weird hours
and he texts back and forth
with I-don't-know-who when
he thinks I am not awake.
He has started coming home
later and later, when I know
his friends have gone home
because they have to go to
work in the morning. He got
a ride from a woman I had
never seen before the other
night, and he was evasive the next day when I
asked him how he got home.
I know he is super-depressed about los
ing his job. I know he is actually looking for
another one because I helped him update his
resume and I saw the ads he answered on
Craigslist. I am sympathetic, but I don't want
to be a sucker. I don't know if anything has
happened or not, but I would be an idiot not to
know there is another woman at least sniffing
around. Should I confront him? Throw him out?
Ignore it and hope it goes away? I really love
this guy, but I don't know what to do. I don't
want to talk to my friends about this because
they'll just tell me I’m crazy, but a woman
knows. Doesn't she? Help!
Going Crazy
Are you paranoid? I don't
know. But if my live-in sig
nificant other got a ride
home from a strange member
of the opposite sex and then
lied to me about it, I would
certainly have some doubts.
I don't think you can ignore
his behavior, and I don't think
throwing him out without talk
ing about this is a logical next step.
Which leaves confrontation.
You should talk to him about this, but
don't jump right into an accusation. Wait
until you are both sober, and you have plenty
of time to talk it out. Tell him you think he's
been acting weird; explain your reasoning. TeU
him that you know he's unhappy about the
layoff, but that things are going to be OK, etc.
Tell him you're worried that he's drifting. Ask
him if he is happy with your relationship. Tell
him you wart to spend more time together.
Listen and be open-minded, but don't be a
fool. If he apologizes and promises to be less
weird, ask him who the woman is. TeU him
you are worried and that you want to see him
more. Maybe stay up late and go out with him
sometimes. And keep your eyes open. But if
he gets defensive or shouty, you know you're
right TeU him to pack his shit and kick his ass
to the curb. Maybe that nice lady who gave
him a ride will pay for his drinks arid put him
up in her house for awhile, too.
MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS