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a poll about things that it admittedly takes
leadership on, such as going to war.
And you're seeing the "enormous conse
quences" right now. That's what people are
not reporting and repiesenting, is the suicides
among gay people in the military. Because of
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," isolation, coming out
of combat, PTSD, depression; it's a question of
no resources; mental health you can't access
without fear of being discharged when you tell
your psychiatric or psychological professional.
You can't tell your chaplain, you C3n't tell
your mom, you can't tell your dad, you can't
tell your brother or sister, you can't tell your
best friend, you can't tell your pastor—you
can't tell your boyfriend. I'm not allowed to
say it to myself!
That's what "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" does,
and I think to not have that safety net, to not
have that community, to stigmatize that com
munity... you realize that you're still doing
something that is illegal by existing—fully,
honestly. And that is what drives more people
to suicide, is not being able to find your place
in the world and not knowing how to go on.
So if you're thinking about "enormous conse
quences," just think about that. You should
think about the fact that when you send gay
and lesbian soldiers overseas, they can't have
a phone call from their partner, the one that
they trust the most. Their partner is sitting
by the phone or watching CNN to see if some
thing happened in the province [where] their
soldier is, and they don't know if they're going
to be killed. If they do get killed, [and] that
was their last day on Earth, they'll never be
notified, they'll never be called, they'll never
be given the American flag at the funeral. And
I thought about when I was asked to go back
to Iraq and I wanted to go back, but then I
had a partner and I wouldn't have been able
to acknowledge that partner to anybody on
my team. When you give that note, that love
note, the final love note, you say, tell my wife
I loved her. I wouldn't be able to say that, tell
my boyfriend I love him and it's going to be
okay. And that was too hard for me, because
I finally understood that this person was the
first person—my first gay friend and my first
boyfriend and my first lover; I never had a
girlfriend. I never had any gay contacts and
he was helping me through so much. And I
think about how many folks don't have that
when they come back from war, and how many
of them commit suicide or try to hurt them
selves, engaging in high-risk behavior like
getting into car accidents and doing thrill
seeking. It's heightened among gay people in
the military in a way that one would expect
for any stigmatized group. And the fact that
they can't even have that suppct.
I think that when you get rid of "Don't
Ask, Don't Tell," the greatest change isn't
going to happen to the culture of the Army;
people aren't going to have mass coming-out
parties. In fact, after the repeal of "Don't
Ask, Don't Tell," my job's going to get harder,
in that I'll be called on to help all these sol
diers come out to themselves first. And to
help those people, to save them from suicide,
to tell them that there's somebody else out
there, and that they're not alone, and not only
that, but they have that responsibility to be
out so that other people will not commit sui
cide. That's what it's all about. It's gonna get
harder, because people are stRl going to have
that problem. That is the internalized "Don't
Ask, Don't Tell" that will not go away by a
repeal in the law, and it won't get repealed by
the president, and it won't get overturned in
the courts. There's no amount of money that
you can pay some people to come to terms
with that part of themselves, either. And I
think that's where my journey will be the most
important.
Jeff Tobias
An unabridged versior of this interview is available at
Flagpole.com.
HARVEST
I
November 18th, 2010
6:00-10:00 PM
Hotel Indigo Rialto Hoorn
Live Music, Silent Auction, & Gift Drawings
Including a chance to win 52 gift
certificates to local restaurants to
eat out once a week for a year!
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WWW.HelpAthensHom0less.org
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THEATRE
1910-2010
The Morton Theatre Corporation and
Athens Banner-Herald
ONLINE* W£NS.corr>
Present
CALVIN SMITH
in
■ A Night of 100 Stars:
Celebrating 100 Years on the Hot Corner
Saturday, November 20,2010
Morton Theatre
Gala Dinner at 6pm, Show at 8:30 pm
With Special Guests
Rosa Thurmond and Boo Ray
Featuring the East Athens Dance Center
Choreography
by Lcis Thomas-Ewings and Calvin Smith
Musical Direction by Mark Maxwell
Conceived, Written, and Directed
by Calvin Smith
Tickets available at www.inortontheatre.com
or by catling 766*613*3771
Show %\5-%35. Show and Dessert Reception $25*$45
Gala Dinner, Show, and Dessert Reception $100
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and a managed by the Morton thea*» Corporation, a JOl (c) non-pmM oraantoaNon.
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NOVEMBER 10,2010 ■ FLAGPOLE.COM 35