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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
fve been dating a girl off and on since the
summer, and things ore going well as of tote
Before we began seeing each other she was in
a relationship with a friend of mine for o few
months. They didn't seem to be well-matched
and the relationship was soon ore* After a
month or two we started hanging out and hit
it off. In the beginning, I considered hawing a
conversation with her e* to ensure there were
no hard feelings, but any mention
to him elicited no response,
and a full blown expiano
non never happened l
assumed he did not cart
(He ended the relation
ship after ell.)
Within the last few
weeks he has stopped
speaking to me and
started expressing his
displeasure with me
to others in ou’ circle
of fnends in terms of
my current relationship
and overall character
I'm getting dose to SO, so
talking behind someone’s
bock seems a little childish at this point. %
question to you is: Should l confront him and
have this conversation now or continue on my
current path? I never considered this person to
be a close friend before this, so I'm not exactly
losing sleep, but some social situations a r e
stressed because he refuses to speak to me.
Too Old for This
I think you're going to have to be the
grownup here. TOH’. The guy may not be a
good friend of yours, but if you share the
same circle of friends, your situation could
potentially be annoying the hell out of every
body else. Don't get all confrontational with
him, and whatever you do don't try approach
ing this when you see him out somewhere
drinking. Just call him or approach
him when he's sober and say that you
understand he has a problem with you
seeing his ex and that you thought
he would be OK with it since
he didn't respond when you
tried to talk to him about
it beforehand. Maybe men
tion that you're sorry that
it's a drag for him but that
it's kind of too late now,
and maybe for the sake of
everybody's sanity he should
just grow the hell up and stop
being such a scrotum? Mo, wait that's kind
of confrontational. I guess, just acknowledge
that you are aware of his feelings, teU him
it's nothing personal and maybe apologize
for making him uncomfortable. Then ask him
if he intends to continue to talk shit about *
you or if you could buy him a beer and maybe
he could just get over it At least then you've
made the effort If he's going to continue to
act like this, it's likely that he'll be the one
losing friend* - over it *
I am in my rmd-20s and live in a city in
Germany famous for its university. My room
mate is a German man in his early 30s, and he
has a Russian girlfriend in her mid-20s.
£order this summer, his girlfriend decided
to go home for the summer without having
found an apartment for fail Before she left, we
both mentioned that the housing market here
is extremely tight and her budget and location
expectations were extremely unreobstK.
Unsurpmmgty she was unable to find a place
over the Internet while she was gone, so we
agreed to let her stay with as for a few weeks
while she found a place of her own.
Two months later; the gtrifnend « shfi living
with us because the housing market » espe
cially tight this semester (the Red Cross set up
rents for students who could not find housing)
and, wetL no one realty wants to live with
ner. Their relationship was relatively new
before sne went home, and os I have
gotten to know her better. I can
see why no one wonts to live
with her she does not clean
up after herself, has not
offered to contribute to any
household expensts, and a
extremely controlling with my
foommate. While I am not a
psychologist based on things
that I have seen her say or do to
him, / beheve that she ts emo
tionally abusing him.
There is an additional
twist to this: m the past few
weeks. I neve met two dif
ferent people who know the gvifnend and not
my roommate. Both of them have asked me if l
feei safe in my apartment because, apparently
m her classes, the girlfriend does not talk about
anything other than how horribly her “abusive*
boyfnend treats her. While I don’t know what
happens behind closed doors, the opposite
appears to be true.
I want this woman out of our apartment
However, in this housing market I do not want
to be the jerk who makes her homeless. In
addition, because of the housing market mov
ing out is not really an option for me. How am
I help get her out of here? (Its, I hove tried
helping her find a place to live.) Is there some
sort of cultural thing I am missing with the
girlfriend? In addition, should I teU my
roommate about what his girlfriend has
been saying about him I * * * * * 7
Thanks.
So, the boyfriend doesn't want
to live with her either? Then
why doesn't he say so? It
doesn't matter what the
housing market is. She
made the choice to leave
without finding a place and
now she has to live with
that choice. He should tell
her that her time is up. If he
is unwilling to do that then you both have
to sit her down and teU her that you expect
her to pay her fair share—one third of all
expenses—while she continues to look for a
place. Give her a deadline. This isn't your fault
and it shouldn't be your problem. You didn't
sign up for a freetoading extra roommate.
Another approach you could take is to teU
her that you've heard that she's been tiding
people he is abusive and that you want to
help her get away from hwr. Then start pack
ing up her stuff. Whether or not you teU him
what she has been saying depends on how
well you know Him and how much be trusts
you. If he believes you, it could be the cata
lyst for him to throw her out of there, but if
he thinks you're lying it might make a bad
situation worse, and you might find yourself
living in' a Red Cross tent Your call.
Jyl face
NOVEMBER 24,2010 FLAGPOLE COM 31