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DECEMBER 1,2010 • FIA6P0LE.C0M 31
BREAKFAST
LUNCH DINNER
Sometimes I'll have a special lady in my
life. And when me and the special lady "get
together," it's fun and great. But then I think
about how great it wos/is when I didn't see
special lady for awhile and we just
give each other a big hug...
like one that lasts two min
utes. And that hug feels
and means so much more
than doin' it. A hug like
that Peter Gabriel/ Kate
Bush video. That kind.
And I'm sure you know
the video I speak of.
I mean, I like get
ting crazy and freaky
and doin' it and all,
don't get me wrong.
But, sometimes those '
long, drawn-out hugs are
the things that really stick
with you. Not with every
person, mind you; I'm not a serial hugger. But
you know what I mean.
Am I Weird?
Sincerely,
AIW
You aren't weird, but you could sure use an
editor. And maybe put the bong down? Hugs,
not drugs, you hippie!
I have a big dilemma, and I am hoping you
can help. There is a guy that I was very good
friends with as a kid. We were best friends from
age four to about 13. We were thick as thieves,
spending family vacations together,
going to comp end all that other
stuff you do as a kid. When I was
in middle school, my family moved
to a neighboring suburb and we lost
touch. That year started my teen
age hell years. I was fat, dorky,
wore glasses, got bullied. It
was every terrible cliche of
a shitty pubescent experi
ence. I got called faggot;
I got beat up; I had NO
friends. And there was
one kid, one particularly
nasty bully, that suddenly
set his sights on me. So, this
bully cornered me one day, and
while he was describing all of the
pain he's about to bring down on
me, I mentioned that he could
do whatever he wanted, but that
I had a friend that was going to
come after him. This friend, I
assured him, would wipe the floor
with him. And I gave him the *
name of my old friend, who as
it turned out, actually did meet
said bully. I never found out what
happened, but the bully was
very nice to me afterward and
discouraged anybody else from
picking on me as well.
So, years later, I ran into
my old friend again. We were both home for
Christmas. He was a little pudgier, and his hair
was a little thinner, and he said he was mar
ried with a family. I, on the other hand, was
in top shape, footloose and fancy free, living
in the city and having the time of my life. We
reminisced and laughed and had a good time,
and we agreed to meet up next time we were
both in town. Then he visited me at my place
in the city. He said his wife and kids were at
her mother's for the weekend. We went out and
drank ourselves stupid and did a mountain of
cocaine. Then we woke up and smoked a whole
bunch of pot and started drinking again. During
the course of this thoroughly debauched week
end, he revealed to me that his 20s had
been quite different than mine. If I
understood him correctly, he basi
cally just drank, got into fights
and slept with more women
than he could possibly count.
The thing that struck me was
that he talked about all of
this without seeming to brag.
He said it as if he were happy
to have gotten out alive. But
then he started hitting on vari
ous women at the bar. He also
questioned me about a good
friend of mine, a woman who
I am very close to and have
known for years. He couldn't
understand why I was not sleeping with her,
or at least trying to. I explained that it would
ruin our friendship, and he drunkenly laughed
at me and said I could just blow her off after
and get another friend. At the time, I just sort
of laughed it off. It wasn't until later that I
remembered that he said he had always liked
my sister and had asked me several questions
about her. So, he's crass and he's conservative
(and a bit racist, I think) and he’s back.
Since then we have spoken a few times and
seen each other once. He said he wanted to *
see my parents at Christmas and that I should
come and see his family as well. And now it is
nearing that time and I really, truly cannot fig
ure out how to deal with it. The more I talk
to him, the more he strikes me as at very
least mildly psychotic. I wish I had never
gotten involved with him again, but I also
feel guilty because he saved my ass
all thdse years ago. I feel like I
owe him one, and at the same
time he scares me a little. I
need your advice here.
Not a Kid Anymore
I think the best route
would be td just cut him
off slowly. Start taking
every second call from him,
then every third. Also, be boring
and liberal and educated. Talk
about art and books. Ask him
if lie wants to go to a museum
instead of a bar. If that doesn't
work, tearfully tell him you're in •
rehab and you can't hang around
with him because he makes you
want to do all the bad things you
are trying desperately to avoid. You
don't owe this guy anything, NAKA.
your ass as a kid, sure,
you were best friends then—
or pt least you had recently been
best friends. If anything, you
allowed him to rack up a little
good karmc before he plunged
headlong into a life of complete assholery. If
anything, he owes you. Just get away from
him before you get in too deep. If you don't
stop it now, he'll end up divorced and sleeping
on your couch.
>■.. , ’t,
SP * .... Jyl tnov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
via the Reality Check button at www.flagpole.com.
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