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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I am in a strange position. I am working in
an office that 1 used to work in almost 10 years
ago. Many of the same people are there, and a
few neu ones. I basically stopped working while
I was in grad school, and then had another job
after and hated it, and I am in transition, try
ing to figure out what I want to do next. I do
not see myself staying in this job, but I know
the place and they knov me. and I'm good at
what I do here, so it is a mutually beneficial
arrangement that neither party
views as permanent. Which is
alt well and good, but I
hove a huge, HUGE crush
on somebody I work
with. And while he isn't
exactly my doss, he is
certainty my superior, and
the whole thing is just a
bit weird.
I broke up with my old boyfriend almost six
months ago. I am no: aating anybody right
now, though I have met a few people that I
like and I see some possibilities on the horizon.
He and I had a lot of good times and a lot in
common, and I think I really did love him, but
in the end I realized he was manipulative and
a liar and I couldn't keep going back to him. It
broke my heart because I really felt like I could
hove married him. I loved his family, and they
treated me like I belonged with them, which
was something I valued because my rela
tionships with my family have always
been strained.
When we broke up, his sister
and I stayed friends, but we
don't actually see each other
because we don't want him
to know. We still coll each
other on the phone and text
each other. She says I am
a j better off without him because
' \ ( he is '-cable and refuses to grow
up a ..a be responsible. My real
problem is that he sends me
texts every once in awhile. I
get a message about every
,:x ■ ■ or two. Sometimes it
ret every c,. u, .. ill say he misses me, o> he will say he's at a
nmd socially in place that \was meaningful to our relationship
on occasion and and “thinking about me." If I don't respond,
he two of us in he sends other messages that get mean. If I
?e else. I think do answer, he keeps sending me messages try-
advice on how to ing to get back together or asking if he can see
i't think he rvoi- me. I know that's not what I want, but I don’t
understand what he's doing. I wish he would
just get on with his life and go, so I can at
least be friends with his sister and get on with
my life. I don't know
how to make him go
away permanently.
Why is he doing this?
Ready to Move On
He's doing this
because he’s fucked
up and manipula
tive and he's trying
anything to get
control of the situa
tion back. When you
left him, you took
away his power over
you. This isn't about
him missing you or
your relationship. It's
about him not get
ting what he wants.
You made the right
decision and you took
the important step
of getting away. Now
the only way you are
going to make this
stop completely is to stop taking any calls or
messages and not to respond to any messages
no matter what. Is there a way you can block
his number? Call your cell phone company. If
you never see the messages, they can't hurt
you and you won't be tempted to respond.
Thankfully, his sister sees him for what he is,
and she seems to be a good friend. Keep your
contact with her secret, and whatever you do,
stay away from him. Eventually he will have
to realize that you're not coming back. He'll
find something (or someone) else 10 focus his
attention on and you will be free.
Jyl Inov
have been there for a long time before and I
am in no danger of
looking bad for trying
to steep my way up
the ladder because
everybody already
knows me. I'm 35,
and he's a few years
older than me. This is
killing me because I
never meet guys that
I find attractive and
interesting and funny.
I think this could be a
big deal, and I don't
know how to convince
him to give it a try.
Ho Intern
He's protecting
himself as much as
he is looking out for
you. How would it
look to his bosses if
he was stupid enough
to get into a relation
ship with somebody
that works (directly or indirectly) under him?
It would be irresponsible, it would look bad
to your bosses and co-workers, and it could
result in both of you losing your jobs. It's nice
that you've met somebody who is not only
smart and cute and funny but is also a remark
ably fair person and a stand-up guy to boot.
Yes, you need to keep this guy close, but you
can't try to close the deal now. Continue grow
ing the friendship and getting to know each
other, and in the meantime figure out what
you want to do with your life and get a differ
ent job. Once you're out of there, the risk will
be gone and the relationship will have a bet
ter chance anyway.
NEVER
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